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Old 11-10-2012, 19:08   #1681
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Re: The Joke Thread

Two guys were sitting in their boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer. One turns to the other and says, 'I'm thinking of divorcing my wife'. The other says... 'why in the world would you want to do that'? The first fisherman replied... 'she hasn't talked to me in 2 months'. The second fisherman thinks for a moment, then says...'I'd think about that if i were you'.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:02   #1682
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Re: The Joke Thread

author unknown unfortunately


Me missus bought a paperback
Down town on Saturday,
I had a peep into her bag;

'Twas “Fifty Shades of Grey."

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.

Her left hand held a length of rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down onto the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!



She struggled up upon her feet
A cuppla minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Doris,
You would see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.

She stood there nude, just naked like,
Bent forward just a bit ….
I took a pace to brace meself
And stood on her left tit!

Old Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I won't tell no more
What happened on that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair
Turned “fifty shades of grey”.
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Old 12-10-2012, 09:32   #1683
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by T1 Terry View Post
author unknown unfortunately


Me missus bought a paperback
Down town on Saturday,
I had a peep into her bag;

'Twas “Fifty Shades of Grey."
Now that's a good one!

So was the toilet humour btw
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Old 18-10-2012, 10:37   #1684
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30 years stranded on a desert island

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Old 18-10-2012, 10:42   #1685
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Gotta love the sayings from kids!

Children Writing About the Ocean. The next time you go sailing, you will be totally prepared.

* When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

* Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

* On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

* The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

* My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
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Old 18-10-2012, 10:49   #1686
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Old 04-11-2012, 16:47   #1687
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
Put your mouse on it a wiggle it around.

Whowwieranteklg..............
A girl said that to me once.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:08   #1688
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Re: The Joke Thread

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A girl said that to me once.

Good one.
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:09   #1689
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Re: The Joke Thread

..........
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Old 05-11-2012, 08:27   #1690
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
..........
now THAT'S a lady
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Old 05-11-2012, 09:05   #1691
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
..........


Now I know how bad hurricane Sandy really was!
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Old 05-11-2012, 11:12   #1692
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Re: The Joke Thread

That was Heinz, not Sandy. Look at the direction the flag is pointed.....
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Old 05-11-2012, 20:43   #1693
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Re: The Joke Thread

Dear crossings in the wrong place.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=CI8UPHMzZm8
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:41   #1694
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
Dear crossings in the wrong place.

Please Move The Deer Crossing - YouTube

Wow! That lady really has NO clue.
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Old 06-11-2012, 07:04   #1695
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Re: The Joke Thread



This little banghead does simply not express strangle enough how "intellectually challenged" she is............

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