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Old 19-05-2012, 17:26   #1516
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Old 21-05-2012, 13:52   #1517
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Re: The Joke Thread

PERFECT!!




SENIORS & COMPUTERS...........

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,


'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'


Eric grinned ... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No,' I replied.


'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:

ID10T

I used to like Eric, the little **** head.

If you're not a Senior yet then send this to someone who is.





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Old 21-05-2012, 17:34   #1518
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Troublemaker
PERFECT!!

SENIORS & COMPUTERS...........

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,

'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned ... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:

ID10T

I used to like Eric, the little **** head.

If you're not a Senior yet then send this to someone who is.



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Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2425/4997 - Release Date: 05/13/12
That could also have been a keyboard/operator interface error. Quite common and usually results in random gibberish being posted on the internet.
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Old 21-05-2012, 17:46   #1519
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Troublemaker View Post
So I wrote down:

ID10T
Use that a lot in the military. We refer to it as a special form they have to fill out that they have to go find first. Then they go on the wild goose chase to different offices.
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Old 21-05-2012, 19:25   #1520
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Re: The Joke Thread

I don't know if this is on here already but I wasn't about to read to read 102 pages to find out so here goes.

A Reporter in New Zealand got wind of a story about a farmer who had some talking animals and decided to investigate.
He goes to meet the farmer and asks if it's true abut the talking animals and the farmer assures him it's true.
The farmer calls his dog over and tells the reporter to ask him anything he likes.
The reporter asks the dog how his owner treats him and the dog tells him that he gets food and water every day and that he loves the farmer.
Seeing a cat the reporter ask the cat the same questions and gets the same answer, at this point the farmer gestures for him to come closer and leaning forward whispers into the reporters ear " the sheep's a liar".
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Old 24-05-2012, 08:56   #1521
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Woman...


A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him
after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to
live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to
his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most
handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident,
sexy, seductive and invincible...




No wait...Sorry.



I'm thinking of vodka. It's vodka that does all that stuff.



Never mind.


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Old 24-05-2012, 09:00   #1522
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Funeral expenses

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000.
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home.
The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"

The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead.

I Just can’t take that chance!"
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Old 24-05-2012, 09:20   #1523
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pirate Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Calif View Post
That could also have been a keyboard/operator interface error. Quite common and usually results in random gibberish being posted on the internet.
IT guy here, we call that a PBKAC error ("Problem Between Keyboard And Chair"...)
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Old 24-05-2012, 11:19   #1524
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by PieRatPeat View Post
IT guy here, we call that a PBKAC error ("Problem Between Keyboard And Chair"...)
Another similar acronym:

EOKCD

Equipment OK, Customer Defective
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Old 24-05-2012, 11:32   #1525
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Re: The Joke Thread

I thought the computer problem was a...
Chair, keyboard interface error.

The interface being the problem of course
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Old 24-05-2012, 14:26   #1526
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sailingmonica
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000.
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home.
The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"

The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead.

I Just can’t take that chance!"
Good one.
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Old 24-05-2012, 22:21   #1527
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Re: The Joke Thread

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' Jack said.. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend...
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." Said Bob..
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out,'I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... you know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)
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Old 25-05-2012, 07:58   #1528
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Thanks! you have a smile for the rest of the day too!
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Old 30-05-2012, 07:18   #1529
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Re: The Joke Thread

A man who loses his bike outside his synagogue and goes to his rabbi for advice. "Next week come to services, sit in the front row," the rabbi tells the man, "and when we recite the Ten Commandments, turn around and look at the people behind you. When we get to 'Thou shalt not steal,' see who can't look you in the eyes. That's your guy." After the next service, the rabbi is curious to learn whether his advice panned out. "So, did it work?" he asks the man. "Like a charm," the man answers. "The moment we got to 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' I remembered where I left my bike."
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Old 04-06-2012, 13:29   #1530
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Re: The Joke Thread

Did you hear the one about the bare boat charter captain calling on the VHF back to the charter office, “hello, yes we’re wondering what we’re supposed to do tonight to anchor?” The office asks where they are and explains to them that that is a good safe anchorage, you should have no problem. The captain says, “but we haven’t an anchor on board!” The office comes back and says, “Sir there are three anchors on-board every charter boat before it leaves the dock.” And the captain says, ” I know, but this is our fourth night.”
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