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Old 23-11-2011, 01:30   #1
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The Difference Between French and English Sailors !

I just have to talk about the biggest difference between the French and English. No it is not the language or that we are on different land masses. It is far bigger than both of these put together and is something I have alluded to before on our website. It is, drumroll please, the French toilets.

Now, someone like me, with too much time on their hands worked out that the average person spends some 394 days or 56 weeks on the toilet in their lifetime, or at least they do in England. It is one place you can be on your own and contemplate life or 7 down beginning with “W”


Not so with the French. I know they have toilets on their boats, I checked, but they have never been used apart from somewhere to store 400 fishing rods and 600 bottles of wine. If the men need to go then out it flops over the side. Anything bigger goes in a bucket and is thrown over the side for mullet food with a smile at the thought of the British trying to eat one.


Their peculiar toilet habits don’t stop there. We were in a marina laundry room when in Jacques strides in his Breton top and used an open urinal next to us without a thought. There are numerous urinals around which have half saloon doors or no doors and are completely open to public view. As people walk past It can stop everything in mid-stream and leave you with a bladder the size of a dromedary camel. It gets better. In most places the toilets don’t have those plastic seats all men leave down to annoy women. There is nothing, just cold hard porcelain or a hole to hover over. I was thinking of buying one of those blow up neck holders you use when traveling but they are too small and fall inside. I have spoken before about the hole in the floor job where you need to adopt the rodeo position in order to squat at the same time as holdingyour trousers but I tend to give them a miss, literally. Now I don’t know about you but I have no problem giving a contented “Aaahhhh” occasionally but try to go when the toilets are mixed and Mademoiselles Emmanuelle or Lolita is in the next trap. It just does not work for me. It also dispels a few dreams when Mademoiselle breaks wind like Moby Dick and you hear a loud splosh and a “Aahhhh” from her. It is the same with the mixed showers. Having a bikini line floating around in your cubicle, hooking onto your big toe and all because Josephine has blocked her plug hole by giving herself a Brazilian with a cuttle fish. It is just not British. The only good point is that there are not many French female “ginners”. To make matters worse you have to pay in most showers for the privilege of watching female armpit hair float past like a Moses basket. The water is timed and cuts off at the most inopportune moments. You find yourself still with soap in your hair and eyes, a bird’s nest around your toes as you do a can-can to flick it off on Jacques who is walking around with his member out chatting about the one that got away………
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Old 23-11-2011, 02:14   #2
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

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Old 23-11-2011, 02:46   #3
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

haha. have a look at the public urinal opposite the caravan park in avenue crepeau,,that doesnt even have walls.
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Old 23-11-2011, 03:53   #4
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

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haha. have a look at the public urinal opposite the caravan park in avenue crepeau,,that doesnt even have walls.
It's called a Pissoir.

As GWB once said, the French don't have a word for pissing up against a wall
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Old 23-11-2011, 04:06   #5
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

haha, btw..too funny Nos...too much pmsl to even quote the numorous funny bits
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Old 23-11-2011, 04:35   #6
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

Nostrodamus: Nicely worded post although I wish my loo was stocked with 600 bottles of Pinot Noir or a drop from the Rothschilds estate...

Wait until you go to China (not Shanghai or Beijing), or Indonesia, or India, or the Middle East etc etc. The French look prim & proper there mate
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Old 23-11-2011, 04:38   #7
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

the stuff they don't put in the guide or crusing books
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Old 23-11-2011, 06:06   #8
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Now that's funny. Reminds me of Christmas a couple years ago. French relative got pajamas as a present -- and casually stripped down to nothing to try them on right in front of everybody. Imagine that sight in the middle of a Norman Rockwell Christmas tableau. Definitely a completely different sensibility.
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Old 23-11-2011, 06:17   #9
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

Here in Canada the biggest difference between English and French as far as I can tell is the choice between natural or synthetic fibers. French Canadians love spandex. They probably wear it to Sunday brunch. Seems like they want everyone to get a good look at their gibblies.
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Old 23-11-2011, 06:30   #10
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

For me the biggest difference is the food, compare a delicious Boeuf Bourguignonne with faggots and dry mashed potatoes and you get the idea. Second on the list would be the sexiness of French women; Oh I still remember Michelle Pillet at the Shaftsbury Hotel in London, opening the hotel room door, wearing a tourquise neglige that looked as if it had been sprayed on, and drawling "Oh Paul, I ave been waiting for you". I'll put up with the toilet habits any time...
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Old 23-11-2011, 06:48   #11
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For me the biggest difference is the food, compare a delicious Boeuf Bourguignonne with faggots and dry mashed potatoes and you get the idea. Second on the list would be the sexiness of French women; Oh I still remember Michelle Pillet at the Shaftsbury Hotel in London, opening the hotel room door, wearing a tourquise neglige that looked as if it had been sprayed on, and drawling "Oh Paul, I ave been waiting for you". I'll put up with the toilet habits any time...
Thus spake a devout Francophile....
Someone 'Unbiased' would have compared french beef stew to something like a steak and guinness pie with jacket potato and seasonal veg....
As for the toilets... no worries... I was raised in India... they still use the system the french introduced....
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Old 23-11-2011, 06:53   #12
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

Unfair Boatman... I'm in China right now and I'd kill for a steak and guinness pie and a pint of Newcastle Brown ale...
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Old 23-11-2011, 07:05   #13
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Unfair Boatman... I'm in China right now and I'd kill for a steak and guinness pie and a pint of Newcastle Brown ale...
So.... no takeaways from 'The Dim Sum Palace' when your home on leave huh.....
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Old 23-11-2011, 07:17   #14
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

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Originally Posted by kthoennes View Post
Now that's funny. Reminds me of Christmas a couple years ago. French relative got pajamas as a present -- and casually stripped down to nothing to try them on right in front of everybody. Imagine that sight in the middle of a Norman Rockwell Christmas tableau. Definitely a completely different sensibility.

Had a good laugh with that one
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Old 23-11-2011, 07:35   #15
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Re: The difference between French and English sailors!

My father, recently returning from a trip to India relayed an interesting experience.

Early one morning, he and my mother were looking out their hotel window and observed a group of over a hundred men gather in an open field, where they lined up side by side and assumed what appeared to be a prayerful posture. My parents assumed it was a Muslim gathering. The men were quite some distance away and so it wasn't clear what the gathering was about. Later he went to the field and watched as a much smaller group of men came along with shovels and buckets to scoop up the deposits left by the first group. The deposits were destined to be used in the local vegetable gardens and such. My father noted that he saw no toilet paper. Hmmm...
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