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Old 29-09-2010, 22:32   #1471
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Feral - Unexploited? Do you mean not used as ammunition in the next fight, or shared with buds over beers?!

Erika - the bomb? Lucky you! Glad you're going for it.

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Old 29-09-2010, 22:40   #1472
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Feral - Unexploited? Do you mean not used as ammunition in the next fight, or shared with buds over beers?!
Deferred exploitation is still exploitation. When you take the chance to tell me things or let me know things about you that I COULD use to hurt you, and I don't, you will be encouraged to do it more and more. If I tell my pals over beer, I'm not keeping faith with you.

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Old 29-09-2010, 23:15   #1473
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geee, erika-- ye found da bomb and all i find is a bomb,,lol.. goood thing i love lemonade!!! nice to make somethin' out of what is thrown to me... lemonade works--
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Old 30-09-2010, 04:56   #1474
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.................
Why do you think you have not found your soul mate?

Do you think that since you are single there must be something "wrong" with ya?

I have pondered this many times, mainly when someone says to me the classic line "I can't believe some sailor man hasn't snatch you up" (I get it once a week!). It is a tough question because I have no ready answer except for the fact that I can get snatched up by "a" sailor man but I am waiting for "the" sailor man. But that answer feels so one dimensional and deep down there is a nagging voice that says there must be something wrong with me. BUT just when I start listening to those negative thoughts and nearly convince myself that I must be so flawed that my mate cannot find me I go out with my girlfriends. My girlfriends are a group of single women that are amazing, smart, beautiful, fun, and yet they too are single. When I am with them I shake my head and say to myself "why the heck are they single?". Seeing them in the same situation as me is a bit healing and seems to give me patience. They remind me that being single doesnt necessarily mean there is something wrong with me, just that sometimes finding a soul mate can take a little time.

Having said all that I must admit I am one odd egg!! but my Soul Mate will have to be one odd egg too.
..............

Cheers,
Erika
Over 1470 posts and I have said nothing At last there is something I can add

OG, take heart from this tale:

My (de facto) daughter-in-law was single for many years - everyone saying stuff like "why"; she is good looking, very intelligent; caring; strong; great career etc. She was saying that she had very very high expectations of the man she would share her life with and no one had yet measured up.

Her girlfriends started suggesting she should lower her expectations, at least a little otherwise she would stay single. She simply refused this advice although occasionally she wondered if they might be right and she might be being a bit foolish with her standards.

However out of the blue, Mr Right turned up and on her wedding night her greatest joy was knowing that she had done the right thing by persisting and not lowering her standards; the years of waiting were worth it to find THE ONE.

OK, I might have exaggerated a bit about it being her greatest joy that night but it was right up there with a top runners.

Have faith, never give up the search and don't lower your standards.
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Old 30-09-2010, 06:56   #1475
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Have faith, never give up the search and don't lower your standards.

Great first post Wotname You should speak up more often.
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Old 30-09-2010, 07:18   #1476
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WOW, see what happens when you are out of circulation on here for a few days. I had my 83 year old mother have a problem, so the medical profession did their share in attempting to make her a bed ridden invalid. The drugs are now working their way out of her system...but I digress.

Point is, good stuff over the last few pages that I have read, until now missed, ya'll do good. Now, even though this is sexist as hell but how about a co-mod that is male? Just a thought, even though feral and salty seem to keep many feet to the fire.

guess I better shut up b4 I finish painting all the square edges of my corner that I am in..

Later, gotta get to work on all the problems other than here, good to see this string is still rocking and rolling.
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Old 30-09-2010, 07:53   #1477
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If ya want a soul mate, you should be prepared to bare your soul, even though it hurt pretty bad the last time you did it.

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Apologies to the original poster - I was too lazy to go back through 99 pages but...

"Love like you've never been hurt before."
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Old 30-09-2010, 08:17   #1478
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Have faith, never give up the search and don't lower your standards.

Great first post Wotname You should speak up more often.
I promise you - you would be sorry .
For the moment I will wait until the right words come.
Thanks for the compliment
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Old 30-09-2010, 08:30   #1479
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Deferred exploitation is still exploitation. When you take the chance to tell me things or let me know things about you that I COULD use to hurt you, and I don't, you will be encouraged to do it more and more. If I tell my pals over beer, I'm not keeping faith with you.

John
All true. Trust is earned. It's earned by taking personal risks in increments.

Trust people to be who they have shown themselves to be.

Don't trust people to be someone you imagine or only hope they are.


Judy
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Old 30-09-2010, 08:45   #1480
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Now, even though this is sexist as hell but how about a co-mod that is male? Just a thought,
How is that being sexist? And, are you volunteering for the job?
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Old 30-09-2010, 09:20   #1481
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I am sorry to be inserting a male perspective.. but the idea of trust is based on the notion that we assume certain outcomes or behaviors. So the question becomes what are the assumptions we place on others in various situations and will these turn out to come to pass.

Much of this in interpersonal relationships is about reading cues about the people will deal with and this can be confusing.

Suppose we try to read something about a person by their clothes or their grooming or their posture, or mannerisms and so forth. Are these really reliable universal? What about differences in cultural backgrounds? What about someone who sends conflicting messages with or without their awareness? What about someone who believes they are sending one set of messages but these messages are read as something else? How explicit do we have to be with our intentions? Isn't part of the magic of relationships getting the nonverbal communication which working?

This us such a complex subject and when you try to build a complete relationship on top of one very specific thing - such as sailing or skiing or high heels or Shakespeare you are making the search for the needle in the haystack much harder by magnitudes... and trust is just a tiny part of the matter.
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Old 30-09-2010, 11:17   #1482
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some folks arent able to read innuendo of non spoken communication. i am one of those. is probably why i am solo most of my life.
i, too, have been asked why havent been snatched up by someone.... is because i do not understand the nonspoken stuff and i am always misunderstanding the messages. i have removed myself from the "dating scene" as a result--and, as i refuse to sell myself short, i will probably remain solo for a while yet. but i keep looking, just in case.....
and=---always love like is the first time you ever loved.
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Old 30-09-2010, 12:55   #1483
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My opinion is that trust should not be based on assumptions or your own grand illusions. Trust, to me is based on actions rather than words. Does his/her actions match what they say? You don't have to be a mind reader or talk a subject into the ground. You can either depend on the person or you can't. Trust certainly isn't all there is to any relationship, but it is a corner stone. And you usually can't tell right away if a person is trustworthy or not, it takes time to get to know the person.

Basing a search on sailing does seem to be ludicrous to some. But if you have decided that a sailing lifestyle is a need, not just a want, then it's really not so crazy at all.
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Old 30-09-2010, 15:34   #1484
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Trust and love

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... you usually can't tell right away if a person is trustworthy or not, it takes time to get to know the person.
I agree. This was the point I was trying to make before. The thing is to be open to sharing, to be involved fully in the building of trust.

I guess I believe that lust (attraction) can be immediate, and is necessary to the bonding that leads to trust. But true love grows over time.

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Old 01-10-2010, 22:07   #1485
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when a sailing lifestyle is what you HAVE is most difficult to find anyone in sympathy/empathy/coordination--everyone just wants to see the boat or go for a daysail or such. gimme a break. is worse than one night stands-- show me pic of boat..LOL
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