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Old 18-08-2009, 07:40   #106
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Biscuit,
You should see a list of members then a list of bios on our singles group site. The site is not a chat room, you go directly to the members profile for that, or chat here. Please let me or one of the mods know if you are still having trouble viewing profiles and such ( the mod would be better cause I know nothin about this stuff ).

Anjou,
you need to come over to my neck of the woods, there a lot of really great guys here (just not my soul mate so far). There are some that are uh.. rough around the edges, but that is definitely the exception, not the norm. Be patient, stick to your ideas of what you want, but also be flexible - he is out there!
Cheers
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PS
"If you look in a trash can you will find trash", maybe the places where you are looking for a mate are not exactly the places to find a good quality person, that is why I settled here at this forum, good quality people here (you included!!)
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Old 18-08-2009, 08:47   #107
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Thanks Erica.Countless women have pondered the problems associated with finding their perfect soul mate these days, and in all walks of life. Wasnt this the basis of Sex in the City? Four girls, all diverse people with differing needs, all on the pull and reporting back with their findings. In the UK, women have theories about whats gone wrong with dating as it seems times have changed, people arnt what they used to be. Im sure men will say women have changed but I can only talk from my perspective and I know im not alone in this as many women say the same, - women I know and also in magazines, so its across the board.Some blame feminism. Men have become emasculated by female power. They are bewildered and dont know how to behave or even dont know who they are anymore. If I meet a guy I fancy, I wait for him to make the first move as thats the traditional way, but very often, I have to do it for him and maybe then that sets him on the back foot and he loses confidence. Others say men dont have to work at it or try hard anymore as women are more comfortable doing the asking. The years of equality may have taken their toll and men lack the initiative or fear rejection. Society has become less formal too. Many men dont understand that its polite to open a door or to stand when introduced. They fail to guage the level of etiquette in certain situations and turn up on a first date wearing dirty sneakers and a paint splattered sweat top. Some cant be bothered to have a shave or spend the evening sending text messages to friends whilst pretending to be interested in you. Thats rude. Others drink too much to overcome nerves and make a fool of themselves. They talk about the ex and what a cow she is. The list goes on, but what it tells me is we are not compatable. Most of us will feel more comfortable with someone of our own social background, education, aspirations and objectives. We are willing to compromise too. Tick as many boxes as possible by all means but also understand if you hold out for 10/10, you could be looking for ever, so maybe 7/10 is ok. Then of course, which 7? A smoker is deff off my list as is short and over weight. Educated and intelligent is a must. Happy, cheerful and humerous is prefered, dependant and immature is a deal breaker. I have lots of empathy and compassion, so am able to understand and cope with someones emotions, but I wont be a crutch for the weak.Lastly and most importantly its about attraction and chemistry. That has to be a two way street, and its been the case that ive fancied them and they didnt fancy me or vice versa. maybe 2 in a hundred click, and they are out there, you just got to find them.
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Old 18-08-2009, 09:00   #108
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This goes for both sexes. Most of the time diamonds are not just laying on top of the ground. You have to do some digging to find them. Sometimes you need to give them a wee bit of polishing too.

I can appreciate a lady who will openly give you an indication. I can also appreciate a lady whose a bit shy. We all get through life differently, and life truly is like a box of chocolates. BEST WISHES to those seeking a partner. It isn't easy at times that's for sure. Hopefully you will each find someone who can appreciate who you are, and why you are, who you are!.......i2f
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Old 18-08-2009, 09:28   #109
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A few random thoughts on this topic
there have always been, and will always be a tranche of males that are not comfortable around strong independant women. I dont know that the advent of feminism has anything to do with it. Any male who is truly in a loving relationship must be by nature somewhat of a feminist, for they care about what matters to their beloved, not because they must or because they should but because if it matters to ones partner it matters to them as well.
as to manners and etiquette, they have not disappeared, and were always in short supply. I do think there are many males who are not open to their feminine side and consequently repress it for fear of being " gay"
There is no need to settle for less than you truly want, there is no need to compromise in who you seek as a soulmate
THere is very little confusion as to what women are looking for, or men are looking for, because when you find your one true love all those questions are answered, and you accept the other person into your life with no judgments or reservations.
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Old 18-08-2009, 09:35   #110
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Originally Posted by Rhosyn Mor View Post
A few random thoughts on this topic
there have always been, and will always be a tranche of males that are not comfortable around strong independant women. I dont know that the advent of feminism has anything to do with it. Any male who is truly in a loving relationship must be by nature somewhat of a feminist, for they care about what matters to their beloved, not because they must or because they should but because if it matters to ones partner it matters to them as well.
as to manners and etiquette, they have not disappeared, and were always in short supply. I do think there are many males who are not open to their feminine side and consequently repress it for fear of being " gay"
There is no need to settle for less than you truly want, there is no need to compromise in who you seek as a soulmate
THere is very little confusion as to what women are looking for, or men are looking for, because when you find your one true love all those questions are answered, and you accept the other person into your life with no judgments or reservations.
Words of wisdom from a happy contented man.
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Old 18-08-2009, 10:00   #111
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I just joined CF and the first post I read is about searching for a soulmate. This is great! I'll get busy on a bio and see if I can get a decent pic.

Thanks
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Old 18-08-2009, 10:02   #112
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I just joined CF and the first post I read is about searching for a soulmate. This is great! I'll get busy on a bio and see if I can get a decent pic.

Thanks

Welcome to the party, come on in.
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Old 18-08-2009, 10:11   #113
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i find "housebroke" men are boring....first of all--i donot live in a house--i live on my big pig of a formosa and sail with sailors on other boats when i feel like....and where i feel like-until after big pig is repaired--then she is a solitary bird, as named--LOL sails like a brick and i love her---roomy and comfy--solid and stout---i am yooooneeeek...LOL.......everryone is different and everyone has a unique way about them---some get along well , others donot---i have found do not and do----so far, so good--i donot know if i have found soulmate---i have found a sailor to sail with----i donot smoke--i am very allergic to it---yet i am sailing with a smoker for the time i am sailing with him--i stay upwind and he tries to stay downwind when he has to pollute my air ..LOL....i also take allergy pills and survive--if he is good company, what is a little killer smoke?? LOL...as long as the company and sailing are good---is alll goood----teamwork is utmost ---there is no I in team.......lol---many think otherwise--is not gonna work----and i am sooooo goood in relationships, they donot last one year--so we see what happens LOL........no one is perfect -but there is tolerable and not tolerable----i used to think of smoking as not tolerable--but i donot know--solo sailing thru life is less tolerable than smoking---just have to prioritize LOL......
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Old 18-08-2009, 10:20   #114
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I'm not sure that a man has to look to his 'feminine side' in order to have respect for and the ability to have an equitable relationship with a woman. I have always been attracted to 'strong' women; not in a physical sense (although my first real soulmate ran marathons and did half ironman competitions before she succumbed to breast cancer); rather, a woman who had goals and the wherewithal to be able to achieve them without the assistance of their 'man', or anyone else.

I get far more satisfaction from a relationship with a woman who is as active and goal oriented as I am, but who nonetheless chooses to spend precious time with me because there is no place else she'd rather be (and no one else she'd rather be with) at that particular time. She can (and I hope will) take comfort from knowing the same about me.

Need we be 'sailing' soulmates? Not in the sense that our passions for sailing, the destinations we seek, even the conditions that we can tolerate are identical. On the other hand, I have been blessed with relationships with woman who took up not only an interest, but love for sailing and the 'sailing lifestyle', on their terms. My current lady is new to sailing, and while she is not merely a 'fairweather' sailor, she has no desire to make the passage with me from the US east coast to Bermuda in November, 2010. And that is more than merely 'fine' with me.

Every moment you spend with someone you not only love, but see as a soulmate is precious. And while I had intuitively realized this in the past, the loss of my soulmate five years ago crystalized this notion. This precious (and indeterminate) time is not to be squandered by petty differences or forced compliances. Rather, it is better to accept, even to celebrate your differences. I find great enjoyment in seeing some aspects of sailing through my love's eyes - in this way, some things old have become new again.

Am I better able to handle day to day discomfort of a long passage? Yes, but then again, she was able to handle the discomfort and pain of pregnancy and childbirth - something which I would have been unwilling to experience, even if I had been able. Is she able to do the same maintenance chores on a boat that I am? No, but then only she is able to bring me down from the agitation/frustration that I often feel in attempting to repair things on a boat.

I guess what I am attempting to say (however poorly), is that I do not need to resort to my 'feminine' side in order to appreciate and be appreciated by her. Quite to the contrary, there is also a 'magnetic' polar attraction between the sexes that can and should extend beyond the merely physical. And in those moments when you and your soulmate and the stars are in alignment, you will be a far greater force than either of you could have ever been on your own.

Brad
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Old 18-08-2009, 10:26   #115
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I think that as soon as you start seeing something through your partners side, you are in touch with your feminne side, thats what I was reffering to, I might be phrasing it badly, but Southern star you are right. THe sexual energy that occurs between soulmates is vital/ required. Indded there are some philosophies, Tantra for instance that say that thias sexual energy is a life force.
But, having said that, we all have both a male and a female " side" to ourselves.
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Old 18-08-2009, 10:44   #116
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P.S. While in the past I was loathe to use the inverter on my boat for anything except charging my laptop or drill etc., my new partner has opened my eyes to the joys of using the microwave for some little luxuires such as heating a snifter of Grand Marnier after a particularly fine dinner.

I had always enjoyed (or thought I enjoyed) a good bash to windward. Now, because she did not share that 'enthusiasm', I have found that I actually prefer the more peaceful motion of a reach; certainly my body and nerves prefer it. The result is that I now tend, for both of us, to plan and schedule passages in order to accomodate that preference. And I am much healthier and happier because of it.

It may be true that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but even an old dog can explore and enjoy new playgrounds. Let her take you there and keep your eyes (and mind) open to the experience.

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Old 18-08-2009, 10:53   #117
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P.S. While in the past I was loathe to use the inverter on my boat for anything except charging my laptop or drill etc., my new partner has opened my eyes to the joys of using the microwave for some little luxuires such as heating a snifter of Grand Marnier after a particularly fine dinner.

I had always enjoyed (or thought I enjoyed) a good bash to windward. Now, because she did not share that 'enthusiasm', I have found that I actually prefer the more peaceful motion of a reach; certainly my body and nerves prefer it. The result is that I now tend, for both of us, to plan and schedule passages in order to accomodate that preference. And I am much healthier and happier because of it.

It may be true that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but even an old dog can explore and enjoy new playgrounds. Let her take you there and keep your eyes (and mind) open to the experience.

Brad
And that proves if you keep an open mind, firstly there is a lot to learn and pleasure in that learning and secondly, it opens many new and wonderful avenues and opportunities in life
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Old 20-08-2009, 09:37   #118
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Just a Quick update on the Singles Group. We are up to 27 members, not all guys!

Remember when reading the bio's posted on our group site, if you are interested in learning more about that single sailor - go to their profile. Do not click report. Clicking report causes problems for the mods and the single sailor will not know you are interested in them!

Here is the link Single Sailors Seeking Soul Mates

Cheers,
Erika
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Old 20-09-2009, 20:14   #119
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Quick update:
We are at 34 members!! A big welcome to our new members Loo65, Captbob, Beachgirl1952, Crazyhorse, and Lianne Morten

I have removed my bio because there is..well I am "interested" in someone (crush is more like it) so thought it would be fitting to remove my bio until I know whether he is the ONE or not.

I hope this update finds everyone well.
Cheers,
Erika
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Old 21-09-2009, 07:10   #120
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When feminism got really wound up and going their famous slogan (and even book title) was "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." After that just about everyman coming of age knows that saying. Remove the procreational and practice aspects of a man-woman relationship and what do you have? A good friendship, maybe but with a "modern" woman not much else for the first 60 years of life.
- - Side note: for that period of time my best female friends were all lesbians. We could talk, joke and chase women together in the bars without competing. No sexual tension whatsoever between us.
- - Having been an "Alpha" male my whole life finding a soul-mate was not a successful endeavor. So after three failed attempts I invoked the "baseball rules" 3-strikes and you are out. So I retired from that "game" - and work - and went sailing. It did not take long to start to realize that there are a "whole different kind of people" out here on cruising boats. You do not meet them on land. Couple who have been together for all their adult lives and others who have formed new bonds based on the mutual need of survival at sea and desires to explore the world. Shook this man to the bone - where did these women come from?
- - Well, you don't meet them on land in the "modern" world. Any man who goes to work everyday and has to work with and subordinate to a woman is not really in the frame of mind to "stand" or "hold a chair/door", etc. after work. In his mind it is so patently phony. A woman is absolutely equal to any man as much as any man is equal to another man - always has been and always will be. After gaining hard fought for "equal rights" women are being hypocritical to their cause if they expect differential treatment "after work." Equality is not a "9 to 5" situation, it is 24/7/365.
- - And maybe that is the secret to the success and harmony cruising couple enjoy. Each partner is equally responsible for the life of the other day or night, at sea or at anchor. It is teamwork forced on us by Mother Nature. Practical division of efforts based on skills occurs and the "Team" prospers (i.e., stays alive).
- - So I would suggest looking for a prospective mate with complementary talents, skills and appreciation for your talents and abilities - not somebody who holds out chairs and doors. And then take them cruising for a month or two and see if they can function as a partner in all the aspects of the cruising lifestyle. The cruising lifestyle of water deprivation, no fast food or shopping malls, minimal clothing and stepping over each other 24/7/30 or 60 (trial period) will separate the "men" from the "boys." For me it certainly separated the "woman" from the "girl".
- - The probabilities of finding such a suitable "soul-mate" when you are under 60y.o. is up there with winning the "world lottery." I would hazard that out of 7 billion people on earth; 3.5 billion potential "significant others"; you will find maybe a few hundred who are suitable for the cruising lifestyle. Not good odds. I am only considering potential "full time" cruisers, not part-time.
- - But don't give up they are out there, I found mine after 66 years of looking all over the whole world (it took that long to get my male brains above my belt buckle). It is just the odds are not in your favor. But heck, lightning does strike; calm seas and beam winds do happen; and folks do win the lottery.
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