Single Sailors Seeking Soul Mate Group

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by anjou

Having been a subscriber to several net dating sites over the past 4 years, ive become not only jaded and synical of them but now realise they are the problem not the answer.The vast majority of men see net dating as a way to lure women for nothing more than no strings sex. These guys wouldnt stand a chance in the normal areas of life where men and women might normally meet. They lie about everything and would be exposed right away whereas on the net they can live in a fantasy world behind fake photos and profiles.But, what is the alternative way to find a partner? 60% ish find love through their work, be it in the office or even a customer/client. If your self employed and work alone, or your clients are families or people beyond your age or social group, your going to be out of luck.If your local pub is full of happy marrieds, bead beats, kids etc, then you dont find him there.Some people said join a club or group, go to evening classes or the gym. Been there, tried that. I think as we age, many of us who have been hurt or lost before, dont wish to get hurt again and only want friendship. Many men fall in this catagory, although they wont turn down a chance for a no strings shag, so that rules them out.Some guys arnt house trained. They never were, but a young wife will put up with it. An older mature woman expects a guy to be clean tidy and not looking for a mother figure these days. Boil it all down and it spells 'chemistry'. If there isnt any, its not going to work. So, you need a lot of suitable people to play the numbers game. 98% wont make the grade, and if the pool which you chose from is local and small, you have little chance, and this is where the net plays its part.Im here in a small corner of England chatting to a potential 24,500 of you world wide.I certainly wouldnt meet any of you in my local area, especially as im inland and looking for a soulmate who loves the sea.

Hi Anjou, at the risk of making this personal (which |I don’t want to) some general comments about your post.

…The vast majority of men see (net) dating as a way to lure women for nothing more than no strings sex.

Unless you are into bondage, why must sex have strings attached to it?

Seriously if 2 people are mutually attracted to each other, why not just enjoy the physical side unconditionally and see what develops, “Chemically” without letting Pheromones dictate the mix.

…I think as we age, many of us who have been hurt or lost before, dont wish to get hurt again and only want friendship.

This seems to conflict with…Its better to regret something you have done, than to regret not having done it…

…Some guys arnt house trained. They never were, but a young wife will put up with it. An older mature woman expects a guy to be clean tidy and not looking for a mother figure these days.

I think Freud would love this! “House trained” is synonymous with being a mother figure… Also I have found that age has very little to do with maturity and self respect so I believe you are doing young women a disservice by portraying them as weak or possessing less sensitive olfactory systems.

In general I see “bitterness” as an unattractive trait whether it is a man grumbling about his ex-wife or a woman saying that only 2% of men have any potential.

What I love about going to Sea with my partner is that I know we will be tested in many ways, probably fail each other at times, but are committed to our journey because our history together has developed mutual respect, trust and what I can only call, “true love”.

Living on a small boat allows no room for pretense, it is a great way to identify each others strengths and weaknesses but you need to have the mindset to meet someone half way without measuring them to some imaginary “ideal”.

The alternative is sailing thru life alone and to me that is a waste of sharing many beautiful horizons with a trusted partner.

[anjou]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Hi Anjou, at the risk of making this personal (which |I don’t want to) some general comments about your post.

…The vast majority of men see (net) dating as a way to lure women for nothing more than no strings sex.

Unless you are into bondage, why must sex have strings attached to it?

Seriously if 2 people are mutually attracted to each other, why not just enjoy the physical side unconditionally and see what develops, “Chemically” without letting Pheromones dictate the mix.

…I think as we age, many of us who have been hurt or lost before, dont wish to get hurt again and only want friendship.

This seems to conflict with…Its better to regret something you have done, than to regret not having done it…

…Some guys arnt house trained. They never were, but a young wife will put up with it. An older mature woman expects a guy to be clean tidy and not looking for a mother figure these days.

I think Freud would love this! “House trained” is synonymous with being a mother figure… Also I have found that age has very little to do with maturity and self respect so I believe you are doing young women a disservice by portraying them as weak or possessing less sensitive olfactory systems.

In general I see “bitterness” as an unattractive trait whether it is a man grumbling about his ex-wife or a woman saying that only 2% of men have any potential.

What I love about going to Sea with my partner is that I know we will be tested in many ways, probably fail each other at times, but are committed to our journey because our history together has developed mutual respect, trust and what I can only call, “true love”.

Living on a small boat allows no room for pretense, it is a great way to identify each others strengths and weaknesses but you need to have the mindset to meet someone half way without measuring them to some imaginary “ideal”.

The alternative is sailing thru life alone and to me that is a waste of sharing many beautiful horizons with a trusted partner.

I speak as i find and my experiences have been consistent, so I know what im talking bout.I once shared a 4bed house and several men came and went during the time I was there. The mess and squallor left in the kitchen and bathroom was disgusting. I wont elaborate as Its impolite but I was appaled that other humans, who happened to be male could live like that.I know what I want from life and from a partner, and Ive found that maybe only 2% of men show any potential to be that partner.I was talking broadly about men and women who have been hurt in the past being reluctant to become too involved emotionally in a new relationship. That doesnt include me, OBVIOUSLY, otherwise I wouldnt be here. Im not a timewaster, although many are. They go through the motions of dating but when asked for their true intentions, many say they dont realy know what they want. Would you leave home in the car and aimlessly drive round the neighbourhood just cos you wernt sure where you wanted to go, or even IF you wanted to go?As for the casual sex thing, ......hey, ive had more than my share and thats why Im looking for a relationship thats got more to offer than a physical only situation. Its kinda hard to make love with no emotions cos all your left with is a [mod edit - meaningless sexual contact]. Sorry to be so blunt about it but maybe that highlights the difference between the two. I find it hard to have the trust you speak of without also having a deeper more meaningful bond. Where do you get that history and mutual respect together if you only interact in a physical way?Sex has no strings, making love does. Two very distinct and different acts, each fullfill different needs and are worthy of their own posibilities. At this particular time in my life im looking for the latter. Many of the men ive encountered are looking for the former, thereby making us incompatable. Simple as that. As a man who is in a relationship, im sure you understand the sentiment behind my observations.

[Charlie]

Nice post Anijou. When I was single the best advice I ever got was, "Be yourself. Take care of yourself." I didn't understand it at the time but finally figured out that when someoneis comfortable with themselves they are so much more attractive to a person of the opposite sex that has their same likes and dislikes. There is that numbers game problem that you mention. Being an, "Inland Sailor" I understand what you mean about a numbers game though.

Just as a funny aside -- My family and I moved on to an 8 acre parcel located about 160 miles from the ocean. We were lucky b/c the one neighbor that we have turned out to be extremely pleasant. Probably about the second time that we talked we found out that we were both planning on taking our families cruising. For about three years we would talk -- What do you think of this boat, that boat, buying out of state, How do you fund your cruising? I bought Ohana before he bought a boat. Ben (neighbor) helped me move Ohana from Canada to Washington and back to Canada. We got to be better freinds on that trip.

Ben went back to work for a few years when he found out what a difference it would make to his retirement. I hadn't talked to him for a few months. I called him up and asked him, "Want to help me sail my boat up from San Diego to Neport Beach?"
He said, "I have some news for you."
"What's that?" I asked.
" I bought a new boat. I just got the survey back and everything looks good. I'm going to paint the bottom and splash it on the 19th."
"Where at?"
"Newport Beach."
I was quiet for a few seconds and then said, "Wow we'll be there that same weekend."
Turned out that neighbors who live about 30 meters apart, share a love for the ocean (yet live 160 miles from it), hadn't talked in three months, were both going to be in Newport Beach (~around 500 miles away) on the same weekend.

To top it off when we got to Neport the harbor master assigned us to moorings that were about 30 meters away from each other.

Diesel and mechanical skills, love of the ocean -- now you only need to find someone with complimentary skills -- navigation, cooking and cleaning. LOL

[Rhosyn Mor]

words of encouragement,
whether you be male or female, I just wanted to let you all know that your soulamte/ sailing companion IS out there.
I had just about given up and was happily content on my own when this wonderful woman showed up on a cruising site..... that was just on two months ago...
we emailed, talked ( lots of detailed and intimate conversations about what we each wanted ).... met,... went sailing for a day......
She is now living aboard, we are happily content and in 12 days we are leaving the East Coast US headed for Mexico and points south ....
SO, it does and Can happen, dont give up..... be happy in yourself... your soulmate is already part of your life, its just that he/she is not there yet.......
Rhosyn Mor

[anjou]

Originally Posted by Rhosyn Mor

words of encouragement,
whether you be male or female, I just wanted to let you all know that your soulamte/ sailing companion IS out there.
I had just about given up and was happily content on my own when this wonderful woman showed up on a cruising site..... that was just on two months ago...
we emailed, talked ( lots of detailed and intimate conversations about what we each wanted ).... met,... went sailing for a day......
She is now living aboard, we are happily content and in 12 days we are leaving the East Coast US headed for Mexico and points south ....
SO, it does and Can happen, dont give up..... be happy in yourself... your soulmate is already part of your life, its just that he/she is not there yet.......
Rhosyn Mor

Im realy pleased for you hunni x

[Ocean Girl]

Well said Rhosyn.. Cheers!
Erika

[captain465]

Well Rhosyn, are you going to keep us in the dark???????? Will you tell us whom your are now sharing the boat with??

[teejayevans]

So you meet your cruise mate, you both have boats, now what?
Tom

[osirissail]

teejayevans - there is a very easy answer. Some sturdy planks, bolts, and lots of T5200 and you now have a large catamaran. Just keep a large wrench handy in case you need emergency separation back to monohulls.

[sgb71]

I can tell that in this social group I'm going to be like the nerdy cousin that everyone avoids at the family reunion because I'm a "wannabe" instead of full-fledged sailor!!! Just you wait guys....give me a couple of years and this farm girl will be sailing the deep blue too!

BTW...Good job Rhosyn!

[zeehag]

i know who she is lol....but if there are 2 boats--just alternate the cruising --depending on where the 2 boats are...lol...me and my friend have a total of 3 boats lol...we are sailing in his.....for now.......

[Ocean Girl]

sgb71, you can come sailing with me anytime! we were all newbies once and still are in so many ways.
I got my first offshore gig by tagging along with another crew member (the captain got a two for one deal ) as it turned out the other crew bailed before heading offshore and I stayed, two months later I was made first mate on the boat. So when opportunity presents itself...seize the day
Erika

[osirissail]

I wouldn't knock internet dating or other such services. It quite true that the vast majority of posters either do not actually exist or are fakes (men and women) looking for something other than a real relationship. But I found my wife on one after going through 550 other possible women. Not bad odds. The lottery gives odds are 25 million to one - and people do win the lottery. Persistance pays off. And that old saying about kissing a lot of frogs before finding you prince did not come from nowhere.

[biscuit]

I'm confused. Am I a member of this group? I can't see profiles, sometimes I get thread responses sent to my email, but then go online and do not see them. Am I missing something? Would like to get to know sgb71, sounds like that farm girl and I are on the same dream path.

[defjef]

I am not looking for a partner, but I have in the past and met people through the internet with the hope that some might develope. In most cases the meeting was a dismal failure and really put me off on meeting a stranger who one corresponded with over the net. I attributed the problems to several factors:

People are not capable of portraying themselves accurately. Even photos can be deceptive or misleading. They often dismiss aspects of their lives and their characters which to them seem minor, but might mean a lot to someone else - cleanliness and personal hygiene and style are perfect examples.

The medium is very flat and such things as speech pattern, voice, and all the ways we communicate vocally are often not there or lost (over the telephone).

We tend to project the most positive onto the hoped for person and paint them as someone they may not be because they have "denied" or shown what we want to see or believe.

We are less than honest with our own requirements about a partner to ourselves. We may think that something does not matter but in fact it does - for example education or experience, or religion.

And then there is the idea of chemistry which cannot be discovered without actual being physically present with the other person. For example, I can recognize that I might be physycally attracted to some celeb, familiar with the characters she portrays in the media and feel I could hit it off with her, but actually BEING with that person would be very very different.

Internet dating certainly is a means to finding someone, but it requires different skills. In essence what we do is create a profile or a series of requirements, which are prioritized in a rather nebulous manner. We tend to list the wants and not the do not want.

What we are more skilled at is navigating into a relationship in the traditional means of meeting someone and looking for cues, revealing bits about ourselves and see how that plays, while the other person is doing the same. It's often a slow dance and when we see something which we don't like it's like coming to a this road closed sign, or danger ahead, or do not enter, or proceed with caution and we will back away and look for someone elese.

We can't change people except in the smallest ways - especially adults who have created and are comfortable with their own lives, values and so forth.

And to put too much emphasis on one aspect - such as sailing, can be a big mistake because it could mask all sorts of other problem areas. Does the person drink or smoke, or have a large family which they are very close with, or children or a demanding career, or a social network which they are entangled in? Do they like to be alone or party hearty?

My wife who I met long after I knew how much I loved sailing is a total landlubber who is afraid of the water and had little interest in boats. But she now joins me occasionally on the boat and enjoys it. She does not want to become a sailor nor learn anything about boats and she knows that is even irresponsible. The boat is mine deal, but she loves me and has learned to enjoy sailing with me. She helps by doing the typical housekeeping chores, yanking the odd line or help with flaking the mainsail. I don't think she would be interested in sailing if we parted ways. She is not a sailing soulmate, but she is a soulmate and that works for me.