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Old 28-05-2010, 14:22   #376
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I like your confessional Margo. Its good to be honest about what you want. It either scares away those who dont match up or it encourages the voyers into making an approach.

In our lifetimes, society has changed, ......all over the civilised world it seems. Marriage is ok when young, for having kids and living out the dream of being married. Once youve been through the long term relationship and divorce, and your older, more acomplished and worldly wise, marriage can just seem like a worthless piece of paper. It wont mend a broken relationship.

What is important is spending quality time with the right person.

My 67 yr old mum has been single for a few years, and has now met a guy and is in a relationship with him. Shes having a second life, out from the oppression of her relationship to my step dad. Its never too late and im happy for her. She would never get married again and its irrelevent to her life and many of us too.

We wont be shocked, shunned or stoned in the streets for having a good time. We are all adults, so why not just put cards on the table and find the happiness we are looking for.
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Old 28-05-2010, 14:31   #377
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Old 28-05-2010, 14:39   #378
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Talking

Thanks, Anjou.
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Old 03-06-2010, 22:19   #379
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I think our past experiences color what we are looking for and how we go about finding it. I’ve been in a loveless relationship and nothing would induce me to go through that again, I’d rather be alone. When I get lonely I tend to revisit the companion idea, but I keep coming back to the fact that it wouldn’t be love. How can you be intimate without love? And without intimacy it is all empty (IMHO). So I figure the companion idea is a dead end road for me. But as anjou pointed out it is a viable option for some.

Though personally I am looking for marriage, I titled this group Single Sailors Seeking Soul Mate because I know not everyone would have the same goals/views as me. To some marriage is a negative, to others it is something positive, whatever floats your boat. BUT, this group has always been geared towards seeking a serious relationship.

I also would like to emphasize that this internet dating stuff has many limitations. In other words, don’t join the singles group and wait for your mate to come knocking, get out there and mingle. Go to BBQs, take a break from the boat work and go play, he/she maybe right around the corner. If there is someone you are interested in talk to them and ask them out on a date. If they are too far for a person to person date maybe arrange an "internet date".

We all seem to be approaching this adventure differently, but hopefully we will come to the same destination, that is a partner by our side that loves us and cares for us, is loyal and trusting, and keeps a good watch.

**I would like to get everyone’s opinion on changing the singles group to an un moderated group. I cannot seem to keep up with the posts and such, and I really don’t think it is necessary anymore. This would allow people to post real time and interact a bit more spontaneously. I think this would be a good thing.

**Since this internet dating is a bit confining, anyone have a creative way to interact with a singles member?

Hope this all made sense, sorry if it was longwinded and TMI
Cheers,
Erika
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Old 04-06-2010, 04:28   #380
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Finding a person who you can have a deep abiding relationship is rather complex to say the least. The beginning of a relationship is full of hope and deception on a certain level, even though it's not intentional. In the beginning we are more attentive, on our best behavior, actually trying to impress, with our looks, style, character, experience etc. It's a period of marketing your strong points and hiding your weak ones.

If you think about something as important (to most people) as sex, you can see how this usually comes into play after some time when other matters seems to have meshed and it's time to cross that bridge. Of course this is not always the case, many hop into bed at the get go and build the other issues around a good sexual / physical connection. But most might find they have a good foundation for a lasting relationship and then find out whether there is sexual compatibility. That's supposed to be the clincher and the proof, I suppose. What happens when that doesn't click? Sex, is pretty variable (these days) in terms of style, frequency and so forth... and people tend not to be very flexible on what floats their sexual boat... and that could be a deal breaker because many find if this is not right, why bother?

I think in the end companionship is what probably at the core of soulmates... two people who really are on the same wavelength on most things... and that includes an awful lot, from food, to fashion, to literature, music, boats (of course), friends, culture, energy level and so forth.

Give it a try, multiple tries because like winning the lottery, it's hard to win.
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Old 04-06-2010, 06:24   #381
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ocean Girl View Post
Though personally I am looking for marriage, I titled this group Single Sailors Seeking Soul Mate because I know not everyone would have the same goals/views as me. To some marriage is a negative, to others it is something positive, whatever floats your boat.
Funny that despite our (very ) different religous views we nonetheless view the marriage thing in a similar way. Being married is good (but I reserve the right to change that view in the light of later experiances - as others have ).


Quote:
**I would like to get everyone’s opinion on changing the singles group to an un moderated group. I cannot seem to keep up with the posts and such, and I really don’t think it is necessary anymore. This would allow people to post real time and interact a bit more spontaneously. I think this would be a good thing.
Not being a member of the Soulmates Group (yet) means..........I still give my opinion ........having run a couple of social groups on this software I would simply go unmoderated (your patience is obviously far greater than mine!)..........no matter what the members say! (For those who don't know- "moderated" in Social Groups means Ocean Girl approving every post - she will still have the tools to kick folks out of the Social Group and to delete (but not edit) any posts she sees (or gets reported to her).........on top of that of course are the CF Mods who can be invoked to spread their Wrath amongst the troublesome . As usual

Quote:
**Since this internet dating is a bit confining, anyone have a creative way to interact with a singles member?
Webcams?
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Old 04-06-2010, 06:25   #382
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IMHO - seeking a soulmate is like seeking the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. What you can find here and on websites like http://www.findacrew.com/secure-server/home.asp are people with the same interests of sailing/cruising and exploring the world.
- - With some diligent search refinement you can further winnow the potentials down to like minded individuals in areas other than just sailing/cruising. What I think is most successful is trying to find somebody who also has serious interest in sailing/cruising and also shares at least one other significant interest in their life that matches yours.
- - Confusing Love with Lust is a major mistake. Lust_Love is that chemical interaction that gets the "juices" flowing and leads to some wonderful cardio-vascular exercise. But that gets old unless you are quite young (under 50) and your brains have not migrated north of your belly button yet. Real_Love is an evoluntionary product of a deep friendship over a long period of time mixed with a little dash of the spice of Lust_Love.
- - Chasing rainbows is fun but finding long lasting relationship have more to do with common interests and time. Life is not a TV show where 30 minutes later everybody lives happy ever after. It is a long slow process of searching world-wide for authentic people with matching interests. When you find one then you have found your soul-mate.
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Old 04-06-2010, 08:04   #383
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Viewing a fantastic sunset from a boat on your own = 1

Viewing a fantastic sunset with a friend/companion = 100

Viewing a good sunset whilst cudddling a friend/lover = 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000
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Old 04-06-2010, 11:22   #384
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You've got it Talbot!
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Old 05-06-2010, 22:57   #385
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Wow, all I can say is you all are fantastic, very insightful and thoughtful input, thanks.

Since DOJ thought it was a good idea (our member and love counselor by default ) and no one pm'd me with any misgivings, the group is now officially un moderated (let the trumpets sound!). Please let me now if you have trouble with posting and such.

If you haven't posted a thread about yourself please feel free to do so. Don't worry if you post a thread then decide you don't want it up anymore, it can be taken off (I have added and subtracted mine like three times now ).

We have a bunch of new members, 107 now, and they are not all guys.

Cheers,
Erika
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Old 14-06-2010, 11:07   #386
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Changing status

After about 4 years I met someone. At the time I was preparing to leave a fairly high paying job to wander in search of a lifestyle that better suited me - playing music and persuing interests that were about satisfying, I don't know, who I am maybe? It's difficult to express except to say all my life I've travelled and tried different things, playing music always but also enjoying the things that interest me. I am not very ambitious in the typical sense. I fell into a "career" in computers and found people wanted to pay me a lot of money but can't say I enjoyed it. She had all her life wanted to explore and be creative but had raised a family and fallen into a different pattern so when she met me she saw the chance to try again.

Anyway, we reached a place where it became apparent that, after 4 years of me putting aside starting down the next road, she couldn't make that change and that I wasn't prepared to live out my life doing things that held no interest for me and living a lifestyle that I took no pleasure in. So we seperated, I bought Honeysuckle and moved to the coast. It wasn't long before she decided that she had been wrong and didn't want to live without my particular brand of insanity in her life and she began working on changing the things that were preventing her making the change she wanted. At first I didn't want any part of it, having felt that 4 years of effort was enough to test it out but she convinced me that things had changed and I went up there and then she came down here and to make a short story no longer, we have decided to give it another go.

Fortunately she loved the boat. I have no intention of changing the rather directionless direction I'm headed, I haven't felt this good in too long, but she is OK with it. She will live in Edmonton until next spring and then move to Gabriola Island and if things go well, we'll split our time between the island and the boat as per our own needs (I've already moved my studio up there). Hopefully we'll find it works for us and our cruising horizon will continue to expand.

One thing I learned from the previous 4 years is that ,while I am willing to adapt much in my life to suit a partner, there does come a point where following my own muse is essential.
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Old 14-06-2010, 12:35   #387
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Congratulations on your Changing status. I don't think many men could have said it more romanticly.




Quote:
Originally Posted by hummingway View Post
I haven't felt this good in too long,
Oh, for petes sake.... Erika and the other girls here will go all goo-goo.



Quote:
One thing I learned from the previous 4 years is that ,while I am willing to adapt much in my life to suit a partner, there does come a point where following my own muse is essential.

Perfectly balanced!


Good luck with it


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Old 14-06-2010, 12:46   #388
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Good luck with it


Thanks Mark ... my fingers are crossed X
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Old 14-06-2010, 12:57   #389
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nice post hummingway!
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Old 14-06-2010, 13:00   #390
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I think the biggest problem for someone at my older age is:

What happens when you have many soulmates, but can't be with any of them? (And no, not in the way your imagination may be taking it)
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