Single Sailors Seeking Soul Mate Group

[osirissail]

Originally Posted by Panamajames

Just what the heck is a Soul Mate anyway... Like a FIRST MATE huh?

- - Soul mate is a romantic term meaning a person of understanding and compatibility that matches yours as perfectly as possible. Somebody who makes you feel that you are happy and completed by their presence in your life. You share forward looking goals and have inherent personality traits that complement each other.
- - In the real world and historically, finding such a person is akin to winning a free trip to the International Space Station. All to often we find a potential "soul mate" who completes our lustful side or our intellectual side or our adventurous side. But finding someone who - as "Meatloaf" sings meets 2 of 3 - is incredibly good luck. And a long and lasting relationship can follow if they are smart enough to work with or make allowances for the missing third piece. Most people find a "significant other" who meets one of the three - that is not too difficult. But lasting relationship rarely blossoms from such pairings. Finding someone who meets all three is the "Holy Grail" of romance and lasting relationships.
- - In the full-time cruising lifestyle you will encounter the highest percentage of 3 out of 3 couples. The rigors and demands of standing shoulder to shoulder against whatever Mother Nature is throwing at you surely eliminates the lesser matchings.
- - As an adult of moderate or more age, it is extremely difficult to evaluate and realize your real desires in life from the habits and expectations of life on land which are normally influenced by mass media. One of the realities of the full-time cruising life is that you are separated from the mass media (historically, before WiFi) and confined to a limited number of cubic feet (meters) of living space. You either get along or your go for each others jugular vein.
- - But if you fail to put in the effort to search for your soul mate you will probably not even find a good "2 out of 3'er" who can make the rest of your life mean something. Just be warned, not many people win a free trip to the ISS, so be prepared to grab onto the next best thing - a "2 out of 3'er".

[Ocean Girl]

Howdy all.
I created this group to fill a void I saw in our sailing community. Many dating sites out there but none (that I know of) geared toward a single sailor looking for long term relationship.
My mom met my dad by placing a personal ad in Cruising World. It sounds a bit crazy now, imagine 18 years ago. They still have a beautiful marriage.

When I graduated from nursing school in 2007 and got situated a bit, I decided to start dating again. What I found was that I lost interest or even would not date a man because he wasn't a sailor. What I wanted was a man to sail and explore the world with. Furthermore, I am a one man woman, not into "shacking up" with a guy now and then. I am not judging, its just isn't the way I'm wired. A few of the sailor single groups that I found were more into casual dating and less into seeking a real mate. That may be fine for some, but its just not my bag. Anyways, I decided to find my sailor man like my mom did all those years ago but Cruising World no longer offers personal ads. I started seeking on line sailor sites and soon found the Cruisers forum. Since they have no singles group I decided to start one.

Hope that all made sense. Felt this would clarify why the group is called Single Sailors Seeking Soul Mates. In fact, I made that god awful long group name to help explain what the group is about. I was afraid I'd be the only member but after only a few months we have over 50 (yippee ).

Cheers,
Erika

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Ocean Girl

... I started seeking on line sailor sites and soon found the Cruisers forum. Since they have no singles group I decided to start one...
... Hope that all made sense...

I haven’t followed the thread, nor joined the group; but that explanation made eloquent sense, to me.
Good luck all, from a happily married man (40 + years).

[Ocean Girl]

Thanks GordMay 40 years!
Erika

[Ocean Girl]

Got an interesting message from another singles member and it got me wondering something. I assume that most women are like me and wait for the man to ask them out on a date. I know this is considered old fashioned, backwards, uncool, etc. but I ams what I ams. I don't know of any of my girlfriends that have veered from this "man asks" preference either.
So, do the women of CF forum ask for a date? or do they wait for the man to make the first move? How many of the CF men have been approached by a CF woman?

Erika
Singlehander for now

[TaoJones]

Originally Posted by Ocean Girl

So, do the women of CF forum ask for a date? or do they wait for the man to make the first move? How many of the CF men have been approached by a CF woman?

Well, I can give you a couple of examples, OG, but they obviously represent too small of a sample to prove anything. Take them for their anecdotal (and entertainment) value, only.

The first was a woman who had partnered up with a guy in a Fountaine Pajot catamaran. They had made it to a well-known hurricane hole where they were going to undertake certain needed repairs, then continue their voyage once the boat was ready and the hurricane season had passed. As it turned out, their relationship passed first.

She was left with a nice cat, stuck in a foreign country, and very anxious to find someone to help her finish fixing the boat and to help her sail it. It might have been tempting in other circumstances, but the timing (among other things) was completely wrong for me.

I was flattered that she would extend the offer, but I suspect that many others received the same buttering-up.

The second was a new member who was determined to get back into sailing, and hoped to live aboard in South Florida as she continued her medical career. Her marriage was going on the rocks, and we had exchanged a few PMs.

That led to an exchange of email addresses and a slow trickle of mundane (I thought) personal information. Her desire for more and more personal stuff, though, became relentless. I had thought I was being friendly, while keeping things at a nice arm's-length distance, but after divulging one piece of fairly nondescript info concerning the younger brother of my ex-wife, my CF acquaintance proved how resourceful and determined she could be.

In the space of just a few hours, she had managed to get a wealth of information on my ex's family - her brother, her sisters, her parents, her grandparents, where they all lived, who was no longer living, etc. - and with that information, she was able to find out my name and where I lived.

I half-kiddingly stated that she was beginning to scare me. She replied that I wasn't "the only smart person in this relationship." That was the last straw, and I let her know I didn't appreciate her compulsion to know everything about me. I never responded to any more of her PMs or emails, and after three or four weeks, it finally stopped. She also stopped posting here, entirely.

It gave me a keen appreciation for how helpless it can feel to be stalked. It's also why I always chuckle when I remember my favorite quote from a fellow CFer: "If you can't trust a complete stranger on the internet, who can you trust?" David Old Jersey

So, yeah, Erika, I guess women on CF can be somewhat aggressive if they have an agenda. At least, that's my experience in the two instances where I was directly involved.

But, as I indicated, it's a very small sample and proves nothing.

TaoJones

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by TaoJones

we had exchanged a few PMs............She also stopped posting here, entirely.

I see you are still freinds with Miss_Bikini ......and that she's not been around for a while...........

From passed experiances internet dialogue/ relationships can move along a lot quicker than in real life, albeit in an incomplete / dysfunctional manner - but that I think is normal for the medium - just have to allow for that if things then go real life. The internet is really a (good) way to get a foot in the door, and maybe up to the 3rd date........albeit in my culture at 3rd date little "interesting" would be going on, nor any wedding arrangements being booked. Other cultures may vary on either of these matters

FWIW I do exchange a fair few PM's with folks on CF.com - those who claim to be female I try to be careful in not getting my intentions misconstrued........although I recall during one series of exchanges I did ask for clarification as to whether I was meant to be the Stalker. or her. (albeit phrased nicely ).

Although I have not yet signed up to Ocean Girl's Flotilla of Love social group , for future reference; an internet based female nutjob would have a certain attraction, mainly by saving a lot of legwork - mad as a bucket of frogs has to date rather been my speciality ...........indeed, a few sandwiches short of a picnic will probably be pretty much compulsory for anything boat based - given will have to cross a couple of early relationship hurdles: "that's a nice boat name - what's it mean?" - "it's me dead wife's name......that's her picture on the bulkhead - above your berth"

[speakeasy]

Originally Posted by Ocean Girl

Got an interesting message from another singles member and it got me wondering something. I assume that most women are like me and wait for the man to ask them out on a date. I know this is considered old fashioned, backwards, uncool, etc. but I ams what I ams. Erika
Singlehander for now

Well, stalking aside, I can never remember if art imitates life or if life imitates art.

Patricia Neal, senior nurse in Hawaii after Pearl Harbor, in the film In Harm's Way, while starting a relationship with Sr. Capt John Wayne, is explaining to an incredulous young nurse, why she called him. She explains, "Sweetie, when a man reaches a certain age, he's unlikely to make any sudden moves towards a woman." (Young men would be astounded to know how well they are sliced and diced by their new honey and her friends! )

I would guess that the challenge, as always, is in communicating clearly and cleanly about one's motives, values and oneself and enough wit and experience to hear with both ears, including what is between the lines. But the elusiveness and difficulty of achieving that even with good intentions, is what makes love stories perpetual fodder for comedies and dramas. What does it matter, do it, don't do it, just don't roll the universe in a ball and live or die by that one thing.

[hoppy]

Originally Posted by Ocean Girl

Erika
Singlehander for now

That sounds more like a signature for a single male, whether or not they sail

[bob_77903]

Well I haven't yet Erika, but am open to the idea

[Ocean Girl]

Ye gads Tao, what a story! Lord it makes me appreciate the absolutely incredible men I have met here. All gentlemen, you included
I will be careful though.
E

[Christian Van H]

Oh Tao, will you marry me?

[TaoJones]

Originally Posted by Christian Van H

Oh Tao, will you marry me?

I'm sorry, Chris, it would never work - my dogs would be afraid of your cat!

TaoJones

[Ocean Girl]

DOJ, Come on in, the water is fine many of us are only rowing with one oar..but to be pc we call it sculling BTW-My dad will be buried with his first wife on one side and my mom on the other. My mom says he needs two wives to keep him in line in the after life. You strike me as a handful too.
Cheers

[Talbot]

Originally Posted by Ocean Girl

-My dad will be buried with his first wife on one side and my mom on the other. My mom says he needs two wives to keep him in line in the after life.

What a beautifull way to express this - something that some second wifes have difficulty with.