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Old 04-02-2010, 21:32   #1
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Smile Mysterious Rules of the Universe

I've been thinking about the rules lately. You know the ones, they seem to guide the minutiea of day to day life. The rules don't seem to be the same for everyone or at all times. For example, a recent discussion on whether it is unlucky to have a woman on board ship was supported by a some people for whom it was simply understood. However at the current time being without a woman feels like bad luck. I do admit that when I drilled the hole in the bathroom and got sawdust all over the towels and toothbrush it did seem like good luck that their wasn't a woman on board but on the whole it feels like bad luck.
Here are some of the rules I've discovered in life. The screwdriver you are looking for will be the last one you find in the bag. It's a rule and I accept it. I wasn't always aware of this rule. After many instances where I didn't have the correct screwdriver on hand I decided the rule was you can't have too many screwdrivers but I stand corrected.
I used to believe that the length of wire I bought would always be one foot short. Thinking that was an easy rule to circumvent I started buying one foot more wire then what I needed. Now the rule is, the amount of wire you buy will be twice as much as you need for the job. Another rule: you never have the right type of wire for the next job.
When I was married the dish I broke would always be my wifes favorite but now that I'm single I don't break dishes.
You will spend the longest time searching for the tool that is right under your nose.
Once you have everything perfectly aligned you will realise the tool you need is out of arms reach.
Rules can sometimes be misinterpreted and this can lead to problems. As soon as you throw out the part you've been saving for years you will need it. This has led some people to believe the correct behavior is therefore to hoard things. This doesn't work because it conflicts with another rule, namely, as long as you save that old part you will not need it. I know it's confusing.
Well, I have to go now, I need a screwdriver and it's going to take me a while to find one.
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Old 04-02-2010, 21:59   #2
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What amazes me is realiseing that Phillips and flat screw drivers know where to find each other. It is like they harbor some kind of prejudice toward the other type. When you need one or the other , for some reason the box you look in has a variety of the type that you don't need. How is it that they home in on the box that their cousins live in? And how is it that the tool box that is close at hand only has the type that you don't need.
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Old 04-02-2010, 22:01   #3
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And the last screw or bolt is always the hardest regardless of location.As far as being w/o a woman think of all the things you have done wrong that you were unaware of,or at least they were not brought to your attention.marc
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Old 04-02-2010, 22:18   #4
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He he, too funny and I can totally relate. These rules change from boat to boat and from water to land. Ya just gotta role with it.

I was sitting in my cockpit talking with a friend that had stopped by. He noticed an old autopilot mount that was no longer being used. It was a small collar bracket. He asked me why I didn't just "simply" remove it, after all he reasoned, all I would need to do is unscrew one fitting, slide the binnacle up and slip the bracket off..easy. I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face. He obviously didn't understand the rules Ocean Girl imposed, NOTHING was accomplished by simply unscrewing a screw. If fact, just by him saying out loud that the job of removing the bracket would be a "simple job" he has forever put a hex on it - Ocean Girl heard him and she doesn't like simple jobs aboard. I almost admired his naivete, but as acting captain (until I find my sailor man) I cannot afford that luxury.

Rule #1 on OG - There is no such thing as a simple job.

Cheers,
Erika

P.S. As a Nurse working in the OR rule #1 - Never never never say it is a quiet night, it will make you very unpopular when the trauma code inevitably goes off.
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Old 04-02-2010, 23:04   #5
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It's funny how those words, "It'll only take me five minutes", seem to echo an awfully long time.
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Old 05-02-2010, 00:11   #6
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I still haven't learned that any job...no matter how small, will take every tool on the boat before its done.
Extension cords are drawn to the water...that place between the boat and the dock definitely has some negative pressure, nothing will keep it from slipping down......but try and drag that same cord through the boat and the smallest most insignificant thing will hang it up, that is until you climb out from inside the cabinet and go find it...then it just unhooks on its own right before you reach it.
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Old 05-02-2010, 04:51   #7
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Not to mention the significance of the tool in the truck id directional proportional to the distance of the truck from the boat.marc PS OG I to have never found that simple boat job,either fictional or extremely elusive.
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Old 05-02-2010, 05:53   #8
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What ever the project, double the cost estimate and triple the time.

Mike
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Old 05-02-2010, 06:34   #9
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Enjoyable musings thanks
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Old 05-02-2010, 08:03   #10
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- If a boat job requires a trip to the hardware store, a repeat trip to same store will always be required before the job is done.

- Sockets, nuts, washers and screws will instantly dissolve in bilge water; paper and plastic will always survive for years.

- The last 5 miles of any passage take longer than the first 100
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Old 05-02-2010, 08:28   #11
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1. batteries in the multimeter never expire in port, only at sea.
2. if there is one socket missing from the socket set, it's the one you need for the current job
3. you never need the same size keyhole saw twice. Despite the fact that you already own a dozen sizes, the job at hand requires a run to the hardware store for the right size.
4. you never have the proper size pop rivets. Never.
5. if you start a cut with two hacksaw blades on hand, you will need three
6. you can never remember to whom you loaned that extra-large screwdriver
7. the more expensive the wrench, the more likely it is to slide overboard
8. if you're up the mast in a bosun's chair and you need your wife to find a special tool, she will be unable to do so until the moment your foot hits the deck
9. if you need six specific screws to finish a job, there will be five that size in the screw tray
10. if you need ten feet of ten-gauge wire to finish a job, the biggest piece you'll be able to find in the wire basket is nine feet long.
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Old 05-02-2010, 08:34   #12
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The cell phone you just used will be placed in your shirt pocket...you will lean over to deal with a line... the phone will drop in the ocean (did that x2 recently)...
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Old 05-02-2010, 08:40   #13
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I read about maritime accidents, mostly commercial ones.

There is almost always a sequence of negative events that lead up to a maritime disaster. Its almost never just one thing that happens. It is almost always the case that if someone had taken care of the first or second event, that the third or fourth event that lead to the disaster would never have occurred. Its as if when something goes wrong that this is your warning and quite possibly the last warning you are going to get.

I think the lesson learned here is that if something is not right, then take care of it, or don't continue what you are doing. Because whatever is not right, is most likely going to cause a major problem.

Its almost always a sequence of problems, and quite often minor problems, that causes a major maritime disaster. Its critical to address the first one or two problems before things get much worse.
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Old 05-02-2010, 11:07   #14
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Transmarginal Mystery--

Fun thread--

As former builder of Experimental Aircraft--Now Happy Cap'n--
Add my Ay-AYE, to the first commandment of a boat job---

1. GET OUT EVERY TOOL ON THE BOAT--

2. Before the start--Think/make a list of everything that can go wrong......n' think some more....

3. Sleep/ give the matter more time.........then pick up the tool--

Ask the spirit of John Denver---Low and slow, in a new (for him),
experimential --Just bent over to do somepin on the floor--and lost it into the death spirial--

the FUN and the devil are in the Details--
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Old 05-02-2010, 11:21   #15
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Is that what happened...he bent down to do something?
So sad!
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