Funny Things I Did in the Navy - Page 2

SkiprJohn · 10-07-2009, 21:38

Well, did you go to find relative bearing grease? A left handed monkey wrench? Did you find the golden rivet? Sea bats? Striping brush in the paint locker? Oh yeh, that one was ok.
Its all part of growing up. If you didn't participate, you didn't have much fun.

I've hung seaman who screwed with my coffee. They'll never find the bodies. If you got away with it Cosmos, you were lucky to live to tell the tale. : )

Kind regards,

JohnL (retired CMC)

Sailbad · 11-07-2009, 04:29

At the risk of showing my age, as a seaman boy (aged 16) we still had oil lamps for emergwency navigation lights.
Yes new sailors were sent to get red oil for the port light and green for the starboard.
It was quite an exercise lighting and trimming to get the damn thingsd to burn without smoking the glass!

Lodesman · 11-07-2009, 05:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkiprJohn

I've hung seaman who screwed with my coffee. They'll never find the bodies. If you got away with it Cosmos, you were lucky to live to tell the tale. : )

Amen - you don't mess with a sailor's coffee. It's a safety issue. Can't imagine standing the mids without that jolt of caffeine. We nearly keel-hauled one fellow who suggested brewing de-caf

Mule · 11-07-2009, 05:58

Decaf? To this day I do not understand decaf, or OdDools for that matter.

**TaoJones** · 11-07-2009, 09:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mule

Decaf? To this day I do not understand decaf, or OdDools for that matter.

OdDools??? Not sure, but did you mean http://www.frontiersaloon.com/BeerTa...lsBrew12oz.jpg , perhaps?

TaoJones

cosmosmariner · 11-07-2009, 18:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkiprJohn

I've hung seaman who screwed with my coffee. They'll never find the bodies. If you got away with it Cosmos, you were lucky to live to tell the tale. : )

Kind regards,

JohnL (retired CMC)

Compared to when I was 19 years old I am now 'one laid back MF'.

However I NEVER went looking for trouble. But if someone, anyone, wanted to show me how big an @_s hole he was I always obliged by showing him that I could be an even bigger @_s hole.

Even the Navy learned the meaning of the phrase, 'Screw me once, shame on me, screw me twice shame on you'! But in my case once was all it took. My dad told me when I was a teenager, 'Never let me hear that you started a fight. But if someone else starts a fight with you, YOU better finish it'. The fight can be physical or legal or moral it doesn't matter. I am a Romantic at heart

but every once in a while someone makes me go to that place.

I've learned in my 'old age' to just walk away from some. But this thread is for the FUNNY stuff!

Mule · 11-07-2009, 19:05

ok, Funny...

Standing on the focsle, the bridge looking down, pulling up to the pier, one sailor says to another, (not me this time); either guy but a witness, one 'sez, Betcha $10 (1968) you can't hit the ships car with that monkey fist.

Yep, right through the windshield. Hellofaheave. The focsle crew shook hands and patted him on the back, all this as the officers on the bridge looked on. There was not any charges, the heaver was getting out at the end of the week.

The skipper went home via Capt. Gig to Coronado, ships ugly Chevy Station Wagon went to the shop.

**David M** · 11-07-2009, 09:46

"Go get me 300 feet of waterline. I think the snipes have some."

SkiprJohn · 11-07-2009, 12:46

Alcohol free beer! Decaf coffee! I know they didn't have such things in Europe or in Asia back in the 70s and 80s. Is it only in America?

What's the point?

How about let's sell some inflammable gasoline?

JohnL

john540 · 12-07-2009, 03:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkiprJohn

Alcohol free beer! Decaf coffee! I know they didn't have such things in Europe or in Asia back in the 70s and 80s. Is it only in America?

What's the point?

How about let's sell some inflammable gasoline?

JohnL

All gasoline is inflammable!

flammable/inflammable

In Iraq, most of the non-alcoholic beer comes from Europe.
I hate alcohol free beer and decaf coffee, might as well drink alcohol free vodka! Now free alcohol on the other hand...

Mule · 12-07-2009, 07:02

Well now that Loadsman is finished cleaning my clock, he may have a point, I should have handed the Ensign the hammer and said something like, here Sir, you do it because obviously you are in charge and know more than the rest of us put together.

Property damage is one thing, unsafe, immoral or illegal is another. My actions entailed none of the above. "My Lai, Nazi War Crimes"

Oh please!

, A bit dramatic? The only one that had any chance of getting Killed or hurt was me, my crew was well trained, they got the hell out of the way as did I after the deed.

This Ensign had a air of self importance that had grated the nerves of more than just me. He had been an ass since he reported aboard. he needed humbling, so mission accomplished, though a bit more drasticly than I thought at the spur of the moment. I was 21, and was throughly pissed in the heat of the moment he was 26 and had Academy education and training. Bad judgement on both sides, you bet, small ship and a long deployment ahead, you bet. Cost of the lesson learned by the young officer, a lot. Cost of establishing paramaters for the crew of the whole ship vs this Ensign and other situtations that will surely arrise involving danger in the coming days where lives depended on procedure being followed to the letter for the duration of the deployment....Priceless.

Now to more fun stuff, I was not the Coxin but the deck hand, (Coxin in training) on the Cpt Gig. We had dropped the gig while underweigh after coming into San Diego. The Coxin, after the ship had regained speed after our launch, was surfing the ships wake.

The crew on the fantail was appaluding and hooting and hollering as we (he) did his showoff. It was really coo...until he lost it got sideways and bucketed the wake damn near sinking the gig. We made it in under our own power with the interior of the gig soaked.

So much for weekend liberty, the Skipper went home in the ships ugly car and we (crew of the gig) cleaned the thing from stem to stern, wax and the whole bit. Then went back out for REFTRA Monday. Won the gig race with the gigs of the other Skippers gigs back to our respective ships from Coronado. Lots of ribbing the Boatswain took over that. Cause and effect, actions and consiquences. We were a crew, and we suffered as a crew, completely fair, all forgiven but not forgotten.

Lodesman · 12-07-2009, 07:33

Mule - apparently the mods and self-appointed mods don't want me to express my opinion, so I'll simply acknowledge your transmission - out.

ViribusUnitis · 29-10-2009, 15:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkiprJohn

Alcohol free beer! Decaf coffee! I know they didn't have such things in Europe or in Asia back in the 70s and 80s. Is it only in America?

What's the point?

How about let's sell some inflammable gasoline?

JohnL

Just a quick note. Regular old gasoline is inflammable.

Nonflammable gasoline is the special stuff that doesn't burn.

mmckee1952 · 11-07-2009, 12:48

One of our guys in CIC who was a kind of wise ass, who was getting out was on the ships quarterdeck team to build a ships picture board of it's officers, to be posted on the quarterdeck while in port. He told them that there was an old jewish saying for good luck the was spelled "BOHICA" well all the officers thought it was a wonderfull idea, so they made up this big 4ft board and posted it on the quaterdeck with the word BOHICA in brass right at the top of the board.
Long story short, as the commanding officer (co) was showing this board off to the squadron commander, the guy fm CIC was leaving the ship because this was his last day in the navy and as he was saluting the flag he leaned over to the CO standing beside the squandron commander and said, parden me Capt. but you should know that the word on the top of the board really means "BEND OVER HERE IT COMES AGAIN". Everybody on the quarterdeck thought the CO was going to have a big vapor lock, he got so mad he kicked the board over and screamed at the exective officer that heads would roll and someone was going to pay.
I can't remember ever seeing so many people running around like a chicken with it's head off faster.

Mike
OSCS retired

Mule · 11-07-2009, 14:49

You know, it is real funny how getting a commission ruins one's sense of humor.

Once we were doing an UNREP (Under way replenishment) and I was in charge of the crew, the stran and hose that for fuel trolleyed over on. I had an Ensign that was the "Safety Officer" fresh from the Academy with an attitude. His job was 2 fold, 1. To watch, keep his mouth shut and learn something and 2. IF he saw something unsafe he was to come to me and point it out. This unrep was one of many I had done, far more than I could or can remember.

The Captain called for an emergency breakway after the tanks were full, which was SOP more often than not. This Ensign goes into panic mode and says, let go the pelican hook. I said But... and before I could explain that we needed to disconnect the hose first, allow the sending ship to pull the hose partially back, he screamed, "That is an order sailor". I looked at the crew, and said, "You get that guys". I saw smiles and a lot of nods. I hit the keeper on the hook, thereby releasing the stran which really screwed up the only fueling port we had, tore up the hose and just generally fubared everything.

The Captain came boiling off the Bridge, ignored his ensign and said, "What the hell happened here Boats" I told him. Next thing the Captain said was, Ensign...Ward Room, and he whirrled and left right smartly with a then meek ensign following along. I never heard anything more about it. Funny, all the enlisted thought the whole thing was hilarious, but the Officers?? Not so much.

Another Destroyer came out, replaced us and we headed for Subic for repairs. I did not buy a beer on that in port liberty. There was no carrier in Subic, and the price of everything, and I do mean everything was much cheaper.

11-07-2009, 04:29	#2
Sailbad Registered User Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 10	At the risk of showing my age, as a seaman boy (aged 16) we still had oil lamps for emergwency navigation lights. Yes new sailors were sent to get red oil for the port light and green for the starboard. It was quite an exercise lighting and trimming to get the damn thingsd to burn without smoking the glass! __________________ Sailbadoften

11-07-2009, 09:46	#8
David M Moderator Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: San Francisco Bay Boat: research vessel Posts: 4,660	"Go get me 300 feet of waterline. I think the snipes have some." __________________ David Where land ends life begins.

12-07-2009, 07:02	#11
Mule Registered User Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Fort Worth Boat: 22 ft Bennington Tritoon, 14.5 Kayak, 34 Mainship Posts: 218	Well now that Loadsman is finished cleaning my clock, he may have a point, I should have handed the Ensign the hammer and said something like, here Sir, you do it because obviously you are in charge and know more than the rest of us put together. Property damage is one thing, unsafe, immoral or illegal is another. My actions entailed none of the above. "My Lai, Nazi War Crimes" Oh please!, A bit dramatic? The only one that had any chance of getting Killed or hurt was me, my crew was well trained, they got the hell out of the way as did I after the deed. This Ensign had a air of self importance that had grated the nerves of more than just me. He had been an ass since he reported aboard. he needed humbling, so mission accomplished, though a bit more drasticly than I thought at the spur of the moment. I was 21, and was throughly pissed in the heat of the moment he was 26 and had Academy education and training. Bad judgement on both sides, you bet, small ship and a long deployment ahead, you bet. Cost of the lesson learned by the young officer, a lot. Cost of establishing paramaters for the crew of the whole ship vs this Ensign and other situtations that will surely arrise involving danger in the coming days where lives depended on procedure being followed to the letter for the duration of the deployment....Priceless. Now to more fun stuff, I was not the Coxin but the deck hand, (Coxin in training) on the Cpt Gig. We had dropped the gig while underweigh after coming into San Diego. The Coxin, after the ship had regained speed after our launch, was surfing the ships wake. The crew on the fantail was appaluding and hooting and hollering as we (he) did his showoff. It was really coo...until he lost it got sideways and bucketed the wake damn near sinking the gig. We made it in under our own power with the interior of the gig soaked. So much for weekend liberty, the Skipper went home in the ships ugly car and we (crew of the gig) cleaned the thing from stem to stern, wax and the whole bit. Then went back out for REFTRA Monday. Won the gig race with the gigs of the other Skippers gigs back to our respective ships from Coronado. Lots of ribbing the Boatswain took over that. Cause and effect, actions and consiquences. We were a crew, and we suffered as a crew, completely fair, all forgiven but not forgotten.

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10-07-2009, 21:38	#1
SkiprJohn Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Location: Kea'au, Big Island, Hawaii Boat: Cascade, Cutter, 42 - "Casual" Posts: 5,202	Well, did you go to find relative bearing grease? A left handed monkey wrench? Did you find the golden rivet? Sea bats? Striping brush in the paint locker? Oh yeh, that one was ok. Its all part of growing up. If you didn't participate, you didn't have much fun. I've hung seaman who screwed with my coffee. They'll never find the bodies. If you got away with it Cosmos, you were lucky to live to tell the tale. : ) Kind regards, JohnL (retired CMC)

11-07-2009, 05:58	#4
Mule Registered User Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Fort Worth Boat: 22 ft Bennington Tritoon, 14.5 Kayak, 34 Mainship Posts: 218	Decaf? To this day I do not understand decaf, or OdDools for that matter.

11-07-2009, 19:05	#7
Mule Registered User Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Fort Worth Boat: 22 ft Bennington Tritoon, 14.5 Kayak, 34 Mainship Posts: 218	ok, Funny... Standing on the focsle, the bridge looking down, pulling up to the pier, one sailor says to another, (not me this time); either guy but a witness, one 'sez, Betcha $10 (1968) you can't hit the ships car with that monkey fist. Yep, right through the windshield. Hellofaheave. The focsle crew shook hands and patted him on the back, all this as the officers on the bridge looked on. There was not any charges, the heaver was getting out at the end of the week. The skipper went home via Capt. Gig to Coronado, ships ugly Chevy Station Wagon went to the shop.

11-07-2009, 12:46	#9
SkiprJohn Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Location: Kea'au, Big Island, Hawaii Boat: Cascade, Cutter, 42 - "Casual" Posts: 5,202	Alcohol free beer! Decaf coffee! I know they didn't have such things in Europe or in Asia back in the 70s and 80s. Is it only in America? What's the point? How about let's sell some inflammable gasoline? JohnL

12-07-2009, 07:33	#12
Lodesman Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Ottawa ON Canada Boat: 26' trailer sailer (starter) Posts: 1,074	Mule - apparently the mods and self-appointed mods don't want me to express my opinion, so I'll simply acknowledge your transmission - out.

11-07-2009, 12:48	#14
mmckee1952 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Cobbs Creek, VA Boat: 1976,Irwin 37 CC, Blue Bayou Posts: 270	One of our guys in CIC who was a kind of wise ass, who was getting out was on the ships quarterdeck team to build a ships picture board of it's officers, to be posted on the quarterdeck while in port. He told them that there was an old jewish saying for good luck the was spelled "BOHICA" well all the officers thought it was a wonderfull idea, so they made up this big 4ft board and posted it on the quaterdeck with the word BOHICA in brass right at the top of the board. Long story short, as the commanding officer (co) was showing this board off to the squadron commander, the guy fm CIC was leaving the ship because this was his last day in the navy and as he was saluting the flag he leaned over to the CO standing beside the squandron commander and said, parden me Capt. but you should know that the word on the top of the board really means "BEND OVER HERE IT COMES AGAIN". Everybody on the quarterdeck thought the CO was going to have a big vapor lock, he got so mad he kicked the board over and screamed at the exective officer that heads would roll and someone was going to pay. I can't remember ever seeing so many people running around like a chicken with it's head off faster. Mike OSCS retired

11-07-2009, 14:49	#15
Mule Registered User Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Fort Worth Boat: 22 ft Bennington Tritoon, 14.5 Kayak, 34 Mainship Posts: 218	You know, it is real funny how getting a commission ruins one's sense of humor. Once we were doing an UNREP (Under way replenishment) and I was in charge of the crew, the stran and hose that for fuel trolleyed over on. I had an Ensign that was the "Safety Officer" fresh from the Academy with an attitude. His job was 2 fold, 1. To watch, keep his mouth shut and learn something and 2. IF he saw something unsafe he was to come to me and point it out. This unrep was one of many I had done, far more than I could or can remember. The Captain called for an emergency breakway after the tanks were full, which was SOP more often than not. This Ensign goes into panic mode and says, let go the pelican hook. I said But... and before I could explain that we needed to disconnect the hose first, allow the sending ship to pull the hose partially back, he screamed, "That is an order sailor". I looked at the crew, and said, "You get that guys". I saw smiles and a lot of nods. I hit the keeper on the hook, thereby releasing the stran which really screwed up the only fueling port we had, tore up the hose and just generally fubared everything. The Captain came boiling off the Bridge, ignored his ensign and said, "What the hell happened here Boats" I told him. Next thing the Captain said was, Ensign...Ward Room, and he whirrled and left right smartly with a then meek ensign following along. I never heard anything more about it. Funny, all the enlisted thought the whole thing was hilarious, but the Officers?? Not so much. Another Destroyer came out, replaced us and we headed for Subic for repairs. I did not buy a beer on that in port liberty. There was no carrier in Subic, and the price of everything, and I do mean everything was much cheaper.