Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 07-10-2015, 06:46   #61
Moderator
 
carstenb's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Copenhagen
Boat: Jeanneau Sun Fast 40.3
Posts: 4,939
Images: 1
Re: First Mate or Admiral

4 star to boot!!!
Attached Images
 
__________________

__________________
I spent most of my money on Booze, Broads and Boats. The rest I wasted - Elmore Leonard
carstenb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2015, 06:56   #62
Registered User
 
oldragbaggers's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wherever the boat is
Boat: Cape Dory 33
Posts: 1,019
Re: First Mate or Admiral

Quote:
Originally Posted by carstenb View Post

We also carry a notarized document that says in the event of my disability or death, she becomes the master and has the right to sail, sell or have the vessel transported anywhere she pleases.
Excellent idea. Thank you for mentioning this!!
__________________

__________________
Southbound on the ICW

https://share.delorme.com/SVAnteris
oldragbaggers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2015, 07:09   #63
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43
Posts: 6,712
Re: First Mate or Admiral

Quote:
Originally Posted by oldragbaggers View Post
But truly, unless it is a term of endearment, I can't think of any reason to call a woman admiral.
How about "The Admirable"?

(Not in comparison to the butler, but to the real Crichton https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Crichton)
__________________
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2015, 11:36   #64
Registered User
 
Mike OReilly's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Good question
Boat: Rafiki 37
Posts: 4,033
Re: First Mate or Admiral

Quote:
Originally Posted by oldragbaggers View Post
If the female partner truly assumes the role of skipper, either all the time or on some rotating basis, then perhaps they are co-skippers or co-captains, or you would refer to each differently depending on what role they are in at a given point in time. I have heard some couples say that whoever has the helm is acting in the capacity of skipper/captain. That seems like a great system for some....But truly, unless it is a term of endearment, I can't think of any reason to call a woman admiral.
This is how we do it, and it has always worked fine for us (so far ). We live our lives as equal partners, so I can't even comprehend how we would switch just b/c we step on our cruising boat.

There are times, mostly for bureaocratic arbitrariness, we name either myself or my spouse as "Captain" or "Master." This is meaningless from our perspective, and from the operations of our vessel.

I'm not saying our way is the only way ... far from it. But it is our way, and it works well for us.

Oh, and I've said this before, but the only time I hear the term "Admiral" is by older men, or people on sailing forums.
__________________
Why go fast, when you can go slow.
BLOG: www.helplink.com/CLAFC
Mike OReilly is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 14-10-2015, 19:26   #65
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Puerto Rico
Boat: 30 Ft Allied Seawind Ketch
Posts: 12
Re: First Mate or Admiral

Ahoy!

You guys have me cracking up! lol my boyfriend and I moved into our first boat about 1 1/2 months ago and are getting ready to cruise from Maine to the Caribbean. I am 10 years younger than him and it took a couple of years for him to realize that because he was my senior it did not mean my superior. At home in land, I was the home keeper and mostly the leader on all matters of the house "She Who Must Be Obeyed" was by him a couple of times when we lived on land. I prefer Partner actually, but felt it necessary to use my "I Am the Queen of This Castle" card every now and then. Now that we live on a boat and he is the Captain he pulls the "I Am the Captain Card! drama queen thing whenever I am doing the "I Am Your Girlfriend, Not Your Boat Bitch" drama queen thing on him. Did I mention we are both very passionate (aka stubborn) individuals? lol

Home is on a boat now. Sometimes at sea. Hopefully soon most times at sea. He is a licensed captain. I was an electrician in the Navy and have a burning desire to learn "the ropes" ASAP and become a licensed skipper too but the truth is, he is responsible for both our lives, the safety of our two puppies and anyone else onboard and (also very importantly) the state of our loved vessell. He, not me.

The truth is, I don't know squat and no matter how quick I learn he will always be the more experienced Captain onboard. Thus, I am learning that while underway or on matters regarding the boat I should shut up, listen, follow orders to the best of my ability, provide feedback if unable to handle the task given, shut up again, do my best, learn as much as I can from the mistakes we both make and wait for the right time to handle relationship issues. Is not easy to shift gears, but my military experience is helping to keep things in perspective.

I am increasingly okay with him screaming orders at me during nav ops but I also know him enough to know when he is complicating maneuvers because he is just throwing a temper tantrum and then The Admiral has to step in and I order him to stop, tell him to tell me how to do thinhs right, listen, tell him to shut up again, follow the command, verify I did it correctly and then walk away from the issue.

It took some time for him to realize the wisdom of letting me tell him what he is doing wrong too. He used to scream at me "I am the Captain!" and go on and on about what I was doing wrong in the middle of a maneuver. Now when needed the Admiral orders him to shut up (fist clenched in the air works too).
He does. Screams what I need to do in short, direct sentences. We get the job done. Then as soon as the boat is safely anchored (or whatever the situation was), he tells me "Great Job Shipmate" and tries to give me a kiss. Sometimes I let him and hold no sad feelings about the event. Other times I just have to walk (or paddle) with fire coming out of the top of my head to the cooler for a beer (or to the bar for a strong Martini at whatever marina we so ungraciously landed at). If at a marina or at a mooring alongside other boats I make a point to wave with a big smile at the other scared boaters that just watched the whole freak show so no one calls the Harbor Master on us for "violent vessel maneuvering lol

Yes, it is a challenge and sometimes I want to pack my bags and go rent a house somewhere. But Most days I am very grateful for the opportunity to live such an amazing and exciting life at sea with my soul mate.

When the boat is in operation or at anchor/mooring he is the Captain and I am the First Mate (not to say I don't man the helm as often as he serves as Galley "Whore" When we are in safe berthing, things shift back to equal leadership roles in (hopefully) ways that gets things done efficiently in a kind matter. We are both learning to shift gears at a seconds notice and put the boat first regardless of location. I am replying "aye, aye" to his orders/ requests much quicker now and he is learning to listen to my feedback in the middle of maneuvers and realizing that the intelligence, wisdom and common sense which makes me a good partner in land can also serve as an invaluable resource at sea.

So I guess at the end of the day, I am The Admiral and the First Mate but he is still the Captain. I oversee the overall mission. He oversees how we get there safety, but as I not-so-kindly reminded him recently, "if you don't listen to your crew's feedback, it might cost you your crew's life and you are "dead on the water" with no one to shout orders to anyways!".

My advice: empower your women to become equal partners and share the skipper seat. Be kind Mentors and encourage her efforts to learn by treating her with respect and kindness. There is a lot to learn involved, many physical challenges too and you guys are usually many decades ahead of us in skills!

Just think: If you suffer a heart attack or brake a limb and she can'tbring you back to safety you will wish you were more humble with your claims for superiority and more generous in your role as leader, mentor and partner. She will also enjoy the journey more if she is an esteemed partner in the process and might even keep you both on the water after you are unable to do it due to illness or old age. My Captain is 55 now. I am 38 and fully intend for him to safely live on a boat under my careful and kind command once he unable to be the skipper and for as long as he wishes - hopefully until the day his spirit wishes to sail cruise to heaven. So in short, this is my mantra now: my time will come. My time to lead and my time to pay it forward.

I hope this finds you all well and enjoying fair winds and following seas!

Daiyen
__________________
Daiyen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-10-2015, 19:32   #66
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Puerto Rico
Boat: 30 Ft Allied Seawind Ketch
Posts: 12
Re: First Mate or Admiral

I love it! ^_^ might have to borrow the phrase if you don't mind! lol
__________________
Daiyen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-10-2015, 19:36   #67
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Puerto Rico
Boat: 30 Ft Allied Seawind Ketch
Posts: 12
Re: First Mate or Admiral

Quote:
Originally Posted by redhead View Post
Okay - didn't see any women responding....so here goes.

To me (and other persons of the female persuasion that I've talked to about this)
calling me any grand title has a whiff of condescension about it. I'm no flag waver, but giving me a title I haven't qualified for doesn't make me feel qualified. We all know it's a sham.

I'll work hard and respect being called crew or navigator or radio operator or even cook, cause that's what I'm good at.

One time I was really gritting my teeth at this guy who kept saying "admiral" about his wife, and she seemed embarrassed, so I went below and put on my favorite crew tee that says:

" PRIME MATE"
and here you have it folks! lol
__________________
Daiyen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-10-2015, 19:39   #68
Registered User
 
MYTraveler's Avatar

Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 166
Re: First Mate or Admiral

In referring to my wife, I say either 1) my wife, 2) <her name> if the person knows her on a first name basis, or 3) <Mrs. My Last Name> when appropriate. Every once in a while, someone else refers to her, in her presence, as the "owner's wife". She will typically correct that, stating that she is the owner (and implying offense at their sexist assumption). I have encouraged her, if pressed on that point, to imply that she has the money and keeps me, explaining by subtle implication that my only redeeming quality is my 14" personality.
Somehow one of her brothers got the idea that it is her boat to let him use at his pleasure. I had to correct that unfortunate misunderstanding.
__________________
MYTraveler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-10-2015, 21:01   #69
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 6,890
Re: First Mate or Admiral

Daiyen... Hope you become a regular poster as it brings whole new meaning to the Delicate sound of Thunder

Big welcome to CF
__________________
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-10-2015, 21:10   #70
Senior Cruiser

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Long Beach, CA
Boat: Tayana Vancouver 42
Posts: 1,854
Re: First Mate or Admiral

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaiyennCaptnDan View Post
Ahoy!



You guys have me cracking up! lol my boyfriend and I moved into our first boat about 1 1/2 months ago and are getting ready to cruise from Maine to the Caribbean. I am 10 years younger than him and it took a couple of years for him to realize that because he was my senior it did not mean my superior. At home in land, I was the home keeper and mostly the leader on all matters of the house "She Who Must Be Obeyed" was by him a couple of times when we lived on land. I prefer Partner actually, but felt it necessary to use my "I Am the Queen of This Castle" card every now and then. Now that we live on a boat and he is the Captain he pulls the "I Am the Captain Card! drama queen thing whenever I am doing the "I Am Your Girlfriend, Not Your Boat Bitch" drama queen thing on him. Did I mention we are both very passionate (aka stubborn) individuals? lol



Home is on a boat now. Sometimes at sea. Hopefully soon most times at sea. He is a licensed captain. I was an electrician in the Navy and have a burning desire to learn "the ropes" ASAP and become a licensed skipper too but the truth is, he is responsible for both our lives, the safety of our two puppies and anyone else onboard and (also very importantly) the state of our loved vessell. He, not me.



The truth is, I don't know squat and no matter how quick I learn he will always be the more experienced Captain onboard. Thus, I am learning that while underway or on matters regarding the boat I should shut up, listen, follow orders to the best of my ability, provide feedback if unable to handle the task given, shut up again, do my best, learn as much as I can from the mistakes we both make and wait for the right time to handle relationship issues. Is not easy to shift gears, but my military experience is helping to keep things in perspective.



I am increasingly okay with him screaming orders at me during nav ops but I also know him enough to know when he is complicating maneuvers because he is just throwing a temper tantrum and then The Admiral has to step in and I order him to stop, tell him to tell me how to do thinhs right, listen, tell him to shut up again, follow the command, verify I did it correctly and then walk away from the issue.



It took some time for him to realize the wisdom of letting me tell him what he is doing wrong too. He used to scream at me "I am the Captain!" and go on and on about what I was doing wrong in the middle of a maneuver. Now when needed the Admiral orders him to shut up (fist clenched in the air works too).

He does. Screams what I need to do in short, direct sentences. We get the job done. Then as soon as the boat is safely anchored (or whatever the situation was), he tells me "Great Job Shipmate" and tries to give me a kiss. Sometimes I let him and hold no sad feelings about the event. Other times I just have to walk (or paddle) with fire coming out of the top of my head to the cooler for a beer (or to the bar for a strong Martini at whatever marina we so ungraciously landed at). If at a marina or at a mooring alongside other boats I make a point to wave with a big smile at the other scared boaters that just watched the whole freak show so no one calls the Harbor Master on us for "violent vessel maneuvering lol



Yes, it is a challenge and sometimes I want to pack my bags and go rent a house somewhere. But Most days I am very grateful for the opportunity to live such an amazing and exciting life at sea with my soul mate.



When the boat is in operation or at anchor/mooring he is the Captain and I am the First Mate (not to say I don't man the helm as often as he serves as Galley "Whore" When we are in safe berthing, things shift back to equal leadership roles in (hopefully) ways that gets things done efficiently in a kind matter. We are both learning to shift gears at a seconds notice and put the boat first regardless of location. I am replying "aye, aye" to his orders/ requests much quicker now and he is learning to listen to my feedback in the middle of maneuvers and realizing that the intelligence, wisdom and common sense which makes me a good partner in land can also serve as an invaluable resource at sea.



So I guess at the end of the day, I am The Admiral and the First Mate but he is still the Captain. I oversee the overall mission. He oversees how we get there safety, but as I not-so-kindly reminded him recently, "if you don't listen to your crew's feedback, it might cost you your crew's life and you are "dead on the water" with no one to shout orders to anyways!".



My advice: empower your women to become equal partners and share the skipper seat. Be kind Mentors and encourage her efforts to learn by treating her with respect and kindness. There is a lot to learn involved, many physical challenges too and you guys are usually many decades ahead of us in skills!



Just think: If you suffer a heart attack or brake a limb and she can'tbring you back to safety you will wish you were more humble with your claims for superiority and more generous in your role as leader, mentor and partner. She will also enjoy the journey more if she is an esteemed partner in the process and might even keep you both on the water after you are unable to do it due to illness or old age. My Captain is 55 now. I am 38 and fully intend for him to safely live on a boat under my careful and kind command once he unable to be the skipper and for as long as he wishes - hopefully until the day his spirit wishes to sail cruise to heaven. So in short, this is my mantra now: my time will come. My time to lead and my time to pay it forward.



I hope this finds you all well and enjoying fair winds and following seas!



Daiyen

Beautifully stated. Great attitude.


S/V B'Shert
__________________
Tayana42 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 22-10-2015, 12:34   #71
ASD
Registered User
 
ASD's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: PNW/Alaska
Boat: Camargue Yacht Fisher 48ft
Posts: 74
Re: First Mate or Admiral

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pelagic View Post
Daiyen... Hope you become a regular poster as it brings whole new meaning to the Delicate sound of Thunder

Big welcome to CF
Agree 100%!!!

Welcome.....I was an aircraft electrician in the Air Force, so have fun most of all!!
__________________

__________________
1988 M/Y Camargue YachtFisher,
Alaskan Sea-Duction
MMSI: 338131469
ASD is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Christmas from the Admiral: Our first boat! Foozinator Multihull Sailboats 4 30-12-2014 09:55
First boat, first post, first adventure. northoceanbeach Pacific & South China Sea 5 28-05-2013 19:05
My First mate/Admiral is a Thai Chef! NorthPacific Off Topic Forum 14 19-10-2012 00:22
Hi first time from First Mate First Mate Meets & Greets 10 12-06-2008 17:36



Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:38.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.