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Old 18-09-2015, 09:47   #16
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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Originally Posted by captain58sailin View Post
I don't get the Admiral thing either, like Mike, I refer to people on the boat by name and they do the same with me.
Some of these posts are tongue in cheek. Just sayin.
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Old 18-09-2015, 09:52   #17
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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Originally Posted by crazyoldboatguy View Post
Some of these posts are tongue in cheek. Just sayin.
I hope all of them are, aren't they?
I call my Wife Gina, or maybe Baby, but never Admiral, does anyone really?
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Old 18-09-2015, 09:57   #18
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
I hope all of them are, aren't they?
I call my Wife Gina, or maybe Baby, but never Admiral, does anyone really?
Im sure if I called your wife 'Baby' Id get the same look as 'She who must be obeyed'..........

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Old 18-09-2015, 09:58   #19
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
I hope all of them are, aren't they?
I call my Wife Gina, or maybe Baby, but never Admiral, does anyone really?

Correct. I have never called my wife Admiral. I might refer to her as such when posting here, again - tongue in cheek. So, I'm not sure how we got there. I call her by her name - Leslie. What she calls me sometimes is not printable.
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Old 18-09-2015, 10:00   #20
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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... I call my Wife Gina, or maybe Baby, but never Admiral, does anyone really?
Yes they do ... just not to her face.
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Old 18-09-2015, 10:17   #21
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

Okay - didn't see any women responding....so here goes.

To me (and other persons of the female persuasion that I've talked to about this)
calling me any grand title has a whiff of condescension about it. I'm no flag waver, but giving me a title I haven't qualified for doesn't make me feel qualified. We all know it's a sham.

I'll work hard and respect being called crew or navigator or radio operator or even cook, cause that's what I'm good at.

One time I was really gritting my teeth at this guy who kept saying "admiral" about his wife, and she seemed embarrassed, so I went below and put on my favorite crew tee that says:

" PRIME MATE"
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Old 18-09-2015, 10:27   #22
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

Whether on boats or ashore best not to let others choose what you and partner call each other.

The captain and admiral thing seems to be a mostly US cultural matter (albeit creeped into the UK a bit, like McDonald's and wing ding politics).....entirely optional.

Sent from my NEXUS 5 whilst sitting in my armchair tied to the dock.
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Old 18-09-2015, 10:49   #23
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

I think most couples look at the "admiral" tag as just good fun; I don't know of any that see it as sexist or condescending. Those the do use it in a condescending manner I suspect do not have that great of a relationship in the first place.

As far as the term "captain" is concerned, I agree... I didn't earn those stripes, am not a ships captain, nor a plane pilot, nor in the armed forces. I get somewhat taken aback when dockmasters, bridge keepers or lock keepers refer to me as "captain", but that is the usage they use. I AM the master or skipper, and prefer the later. "Captain" is an honorific that is earned, and I'm not sure if even an OUPV certificate qualifies as earning that term. One does see many on here who feel differently.
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Old 18-09-2015, 11:08   #24
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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Im sure if I called your wife 'Baby' Id get the same look as 'She who must be obeyed'..........

Down south here it's common to be called Hon, or Sugar maybe, with nothing meant, even though that does sound a little too personal doesn't it.
I've even heard Baby, but if you called my Wife that, the look would be coming from me.
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Old 18-09-2015, 11:16   #25
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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Im sure if I called your wife 'Baby' Id get the same look as 'She who must be obeyed'..........

My X's title was "She who must be obeyed." But I only called her that in front of the dogs, late at night, in the basement, when it was safe.
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Old 18-09-2015, 11:20   #26
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Down south here it's common to be called Hon, or Sugar maybe, with nothing meant, even though that does sound a little too personal doesn't it.
I've even heard Baby, but if you called my Wife that, the look would be coming from me.
I did live in Florida for a number of years, so well aware of the different terms, especially from waitresses looking after the customers for good tips.........

You reminded me of Ed. He called the ladies Babe or Baby...... Turned out that he did more than call them that, and a couple of husbands remonstrated with him to desist. He did not look the same for a long time after the chat..
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Old 18-09-2015, 11:32   #27
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

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Originally Posted by crazyoldboatguy View Post
My wife is a big fan of "Rumpole of the Bailey", a British TV show popular years ago. Horace Rumpole would refer to his better half as "she who must be obeyed". Leslie enjoyed the show very much. I referred to her in that way........once. I couldn't figure out why she didn't like that either.

But, then, Horace didn't actually say that to her face, so.......
Perhaps your wife's dislike of the term might have something to do with the fact that "She who must be obeyed" was an evil, demonic sorceress, the queen of a tribe of cannibals?

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Old 18-09-2015, 11:53   #28
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

Keep in mind that in the Navy the Captain is generally responsible for the day to day running of the ship, maintenance, crew issues, safety, speed, course, ect... Even when an Admiral is on board these things remain the purvue of the Captain, and no Admiral should intrude on the way a Captain runs his ship.

The Admirals job is to determine policy... Where the ship goes, what it does, and overarching policy. Leaving the Captain to determine how to achieve the Admirals orders.


I first ran into the term 'Admiral' from a cruising couple, where the master of the vessel was in fact a retired Navy Captain. His view was that since he was most certainly the Captain, and was responsible for the day to day running of the ship, and his wife most certainly was the one who decided where the ship went, what their cruising grounds would look like, and when guests were coming and scheduled for she was acting in the capacity of an Admiral.

Same with my wife and I. I may set the sails, do most of the maintenance, determine the crewing responsibilities, ext but my wife decides when we go, where we go, and how long we are there for.

All that being said I find the term Admiral to be a bit condescending as well and do not use it.

When working as a Captain on board a vessel I preferred to be called Captain. It set a level of formality between me and the passengers that I think needs to be maintained in the event of a dangerous situation, particularly with people I didn't know and who didn't know me. Asking to be called the same while out pleasure cruising with friends and family I think is a bit over the top however.
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Old 18-09-2015, 12:03   #29
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

As Stumble demonstrates, the term Admiral is generally used when the wife isn't (or isn't perceived to be) very involved in sailing the vessel. It also generally suggests that the husband feels brow beaten (ie, she decides where to go).

However, what the OP said was that "if the wife is not the skipper, one should never call her 'First Mate'." Well, you sure as heck shouldn't call her first mate if she is the skipper!
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Old 18-09-2015, 13:12   #30
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Re: First Mate or Admiral

I prefer CEO/CFO
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