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Old 22-08-2011, 17:11   #46

Join Date: Aug 2011
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Re: Bummed Out Sailor

Originally Posted by seashine View Post
I had the same problem with my bloke and some excellent advice from a cruising friend "Never frighten your wife" (in our case, husband!)!
You need to ask her what it is she doesn't like about sailing: is it getting wet/uncomfortable/being frightened when the yacht heels or water comes over the foredeck/sandflies/salt/opinionated yachties..... Presumably you do have something in common or you wouldn't be together - see how those things you have in common could be translated into sailing. Give her tasks and pay for her to have classes and take responsibility e.g: let her pick a place to go and learn what she needs to know in order to skipper your boat there. Yes, it may take time but you'll end up with an involved and informed crewmate and you won't just become another lonely old Captain Bligh sailing solo :-)
I know someone who just can't figure out why the women in his life don't like to sail with him, but I could tell him why: he's extremely critical. A beginner isn't going to trim the sails as perfectly as a more experienced one, and when every single thing you do turns into a "teachable moment," you'd rather just read a book or something.

I firmly believe that when one partner knows a lot more about sailing than the other, that lesser-skilled one should go take some lessons WITHOUT said partner. Then the more experienced sailor has to just dummy up and let that person PRACTICE without risk of constant correction.

So the day's sail is an hour longer -- SO WHAT? The "expert" didn't get there by magic. He or she sailed for years to tune those skills. If you really care about your partner, curb the criticism and make it possible for him or her to not feel like a total screw-up all the time.

I guarantee you that my friend would not see himself in this post.

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Old 22-08-2011, 18:33   #47
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Re: Bummed-Out Sailor

Made big mistakes with all this myself. Took a little yes and turned it into a big yes. Too much too fast and put her off it because it looked like she was going to have to turn her back on so much about her life that she liked for too long. Dancing, dressing up, going out, televison. I like dressing up dancing etc as well but made a big deal about how those things would have to take a back seat to preparing to cruise because of the expense and the stowage issues and once we got the boat squared away and got to actually cruising we would be able to get back to that. How stupid. Catalina has all kinds of social events throughout the year and any local port we could weekend to has plenty of nightlife. I blew it not trying to fold in little local overnighters whose object it would be to hit a club, dress up, do some dancing. She got bored with the whole thing... too much time fixing up the boat, not enough sailing. Another thing I didn't ake advantage of was going out on day sails with other cruisers/local sailing couples when we had the chance
Lots of good mate saving suggestions here but man or woman seasickness is another kettle of fish, especially as in the case of those who have to live with it every time they get on a boat. That would be a tough one for the long term.

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Old 24-08-2011, 18:20   #48
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Re: Bummed-Out Sailor

Too much too fast and put her off it because it looked like she was going to have to turn her back on so much about her life that she liked for too long.
This is the dilemma I live with. I went for almost 30years of life before being introduced to sailing. I had SO MANY interest that have been pushed aside by the sailor I chose to live my life with. Well that and having kids make it rather difficult. BALANCE between both people's interest is what needs to happen in order for any 'marriage' to thrive and survive.
I have beaten my head against walls trying to get him to see this.

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