Bummed-Out Sailor

[Boracay]

I suggest becoming an expert in the local weather, as the big objection non sailors have has got to be bad weather - wind over 15kts, temperature below 22 degrees, any amount of rain...

Once she sees how nice it can be in good weather mother nature will step up with further instructions.

Particularly initially, having a really good experience sets the tone. And please don't rush it.

[bodhi02]

All I can do is reference the name I have picked out for the Wharram Tiki 38 Cat that I will start building next year. The title of a classic Bob Marley tune...

No Woman No Cry


Good luck

[David_Old_Jersey]

Obviously a Sailor getting Bummed has a different meaning to around here

Lots of good advice, mostly probably won't work - but no harm in trying......

.....folks either get the boat / sailing thing or they don't. and if not nothing duller and / or more unsettling. Kinda like sitting pillion on a motorbike.

The compromise may be to get an RV and park it near the water. or a Cat.

[S/VSkylark]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Obviously a Sailor getting Bummed has a different meaning to around here

Lots of good advice, mostly probably won't work - but no harm in trying......

.....folks either get the boat / sailing thing or they don't. and if not nothing duller and / or more unsettling. Kinda like sitting pillion on a motorbike.

The compromise may be to get an RV and park it near the water. or a Cat.

As usual David, you have hit the nail on the head. I too have the same issue with my SO. She is a "mountain girl" and loves the camping, hiking, tree and stream thing. She hates long periods of direct sun light, sand and "small" boats. And when I say small, anything under 150 feet is small to her. No book, no matter how how wonderful it is, no class, or seminar is going to change that so I have stopped trying.
I too was a bummed out sailor always trying to figure out a way to change her mind about the sailing lifestyle. I tried to explain how incredible being out to sea with the stars and the gentle breezes at 2:00 am is, but that only brought thoughts of terror in her about sinking at night by herself. Like David said, you either have it or you don't.
My suggestion is to change the way YOU think about it. Realize that this dream is yours and that you might have to change the way you will carry it out. As said above, unless you are willing to divorce the wife and leave the family, you will have to make it work another way...and when you do, you will enjoy it more.
Do the short "family" hops where you have tons planned and will keep everyone occupied and happy. But for the most part, realize you will probably be doing a lot of this yourself. I am sure you have friends that would crew for a few beers or some other family members that would jump at the chance for a week sail to where ever.
Once you set your head that this dream is yours and forget trying to convince everyone else that it's theirs too, you will have a much better time all around.
Fair winds

[capn_billl]

I just had a small breakthrough with mine.

A several day drive, (in a compact car), to a beach that is a popular cruising ground, followed by a late night search for an overpriced hotel.

The whole family had a great time on the beach playing with several, (hundred), boaters that were anchored a little way offshore. After seeing the advantages of being able to pop the dinghy back to the boat to shower and eat, (and get refills on the beer), anytime they wanted, and have regular beds to sleep in. She started asking why didn't we take our boat?

I was as diplomatic as I could reminding her that I was going to, before She insisted we sell it, and stated an extensive boat trip was, "over her dead body".

I compared the cost of a week on the boat, and gas to cruise it there, to the cost of eating at resteraunts, and the hotels. After seeing the others laying out on their sundecks and BBQ'ing off the stern rail in ice cream conditions for a week, she started getting a little envious.

She stated lets bring the boat next time. If I get seasick put me to shore a few hours until I feel better.

I still have a ways to go before she is ready for a circumnavigation on a sailboat, but babysteps. Once she gets the bug, there will always be someone in a bigger boat, that has a gone a little further, or on a more adventurous trip, ...

[brutb]

Capn Bill,

What a wife you have,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;; doesn't get much better than that.

[capn_billl]

Originally Posted by brutb

Capn Bill,

What a wife you have,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;; doesn't get much better than that.

A few months ago I was convinced I was going to be on the boat by myself, (like the last 10 years). But now I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

[jtallen2489]

Originally Posted by sailstoo

My ex-wife hated sailing also.

EX being the key word :-)

[zeehag]

dang--only thing bums out this sailorette is bad weather while stuck in port.......i have no advice for those with non sailing , non waterfolk spouses, and a watersoul as self....i only know that kids dont sell well after a certain age--if no longer under age 7, forget it-- they wont get much on the dollar....gooood luck and fair winds......

[jjohnsonmarine]

Well I'm not going to live with regrets so there's not going to be a divorce and we are going to go to the Bahamas on a stinking boat....if she doesn't like it Ill practice man-overboard drills with her in the middle of the gulf stream! That will probably get her in the boat!

[seashine]

I had the same problem with my bloke and some excellent advice from a cruising friend "Never frighten your wife" (in our case, husband!)!
You need to ask her what it is she doesn't like about sailing: is it getting wet/uncomfortable/being frightened when the yacht heels or water comes over the foredeck/sandflies/salt/opinionated yachties..... Presumably you do have something in common or you wouldn't be together - see how those things you have in common could be translated into sailing. Give her tasks and pay for her to have classes and take responsibility e.g: let her pick a place to go and learn what she needs to know in order to skipper your boat there. Yes, it may take time but you'll end up with an involved and informed crewmate and you won't just become another lonely old Captain Bligh sailing solo :-)

[WarmBreeze]

From a wife's perspective.
I use to adore going sailing when it was just my mate and I. While I still enjoy being on the water, at times, I do find it not near as relaxing and enjoyable for myself as I once did. Now that there are kids and everyone of them, the kids and the man, NEED to have technology on board for entertainment I do not enjoy it so much. Everyone's head is stuck in a screen. We do not SAIL together as we once did, just enjoying the company of one another and the experience of sailing itself.
I also find I get a bit tensed up about having to diffuse sibling rivalries that, on a boat, leave to tight a limitations as to what can be done with said siblings. Well other than throwing them overboard.
I know for me, it is not the kind of experience I am so thrilled to have now as it once was. I use to get excited about taking off and going sailing with my mate. To just be out, feeling the freedom of sailing and the inhibitions that go along with it all. While there are great family moments we have all enjoyed together sailing, it is too few and far between.
If I could tell all of them to leave their tech gadgets at home and we were all actually engaged as a family unit in sailing and just being together, rendered to our own devices and leisure, then it would probably be just as enjoyable for me once again.

[Bash]

When I started purchasing boats that Wonderblond liked, rather than boats that I liked, she became significantly more interested in spending time in them.

[dandrews]

Originally Posted by Sun Goddezz

From a wife's perspective.
I use to adore going sailing when it was just my mate and I. While I still enjoy being on the water, at times, I do find it not near as relaxing and enjoyable for myself as I once did. Now that there are kids and everyone of them, the kids and the man, NEED to have technology on board for entertainment I do not enjoy it so much. Everyone's head is stuck in a screen. We do not SAIL together as we once did, just enjoying the company of one another and the experience of sailing itself.
I also find I get a bit tensed up about having to diffuse sibling rivalries that, on a boat, leave to tight a limitations as to what can be done with said siblings. Well other than throwing them overboard.
I know for me, it is not the kind of experience I am so thrilled to have now as it once was. I use to get excited about taking off and going sailing with my mate. To just be out, feeling the freedom of sailing and the inhibitions that go along with it all. While there are great family moments we have all enjoyed together sailing, it is too few and far between.
If I could tell all of them to leave their tech gadgets at home and we were all actually engaged as a family unit in sailing and just being together, rendered to our own devices and leisure, then it would probably be just as enjoyable for me once again.

Wow, great response. Gives me much to think about.

[Krieger]

2
LOL ... I'd drink a beer with all of you, your all are great!

I agree sleeping pills with a LAX might be bad. lol