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Old 24-01-2019, 15:05   #61
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Re: Becoming Invisible

oh dear, again, about you being that invisible... perhaps it will be different here on CF


as far as my own attempts to become more invisible goes, yes, yes, boatie. i got through all those steps and succeeded in updating another image (of a port) on top of my old avatar image. i logged out and logged in again and posted but the new image (of the port) did not appear as my avatar when i posted.

since then, i've managed to turn off seeing everyone's avatar, including my own...

it's late over here... i think i'll call it a day.

thanks everyone, for your help.


and ATOLL, i do believe you have the formula to good visibility!
keep up the good stuff!
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Old 24-01-2019, 15:20   #62
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Your definitely doing something wrong.. just worked a treat for me n my old bike..
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Old 24-01-2019, 16:39   #63
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Re: Becoming Invisible

As others have mentioned, some people want to be invisible. My partner is like that; she likes to remain anonymous. I, on the other hand, have a bit of split personality when it comes to attention. I’m an introvert, and rather shy by nature. But I’ve also got a bit of an ego. Sometimes I like to be heard (“No," you say … "we never noticed.” )

The whole eye avoidance thing is something I equate to large urban life. As someone who has lived much of his life in smaller communities, I’m used to greeting strangers with a smile and a “hello” as we pass by. Do that in a big city and you mostly get ignored. Sometimes it produces rather confused or scary looks.

Riding the subway is always interesting. People are amazing at avoiding human contact in this moving sardine can. Interestingly, and quite by accident, I discovered that if I wear my hat (the one in my avatar) this seems to break through the barriers for some. Some people notice it, and then smile (probably b/c it looks odd, or goofy), and this breaks the ice.

Suddenly humanity re-emerges, and the invisible becomes visible.
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Old 24-01-2019, 17:41   #64
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Re: Becoming Invisible

Since I am retired I changed my lifestyle dramatically, I became invisible. I decided that, no more behavior that others dictate but life the live how I want. For me this works.
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Old 24-01-2019, 17:48   #65
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Re: Becoming Invisible

I was feeling pretty invisible then I had dinner with my father in law. We dined in the main dining room at his progressive care retirement facility that is fairly ritzy. Ladies who were 20+ years older kept coming up to chat. I guess everything is relative and a matter of perspective.
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Old 24-01-2019, 19:01   #66
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Re: Becoming Invisible

After reading all of the above I'm even more convinced that "invisibility" is not just about how others see us but how we see ourselves. After my Dad retired (he had worked since he was 14 yrs old!) he said repeatedly "Never retire." I'm sure it was because he had lost his arena...his field of socialization. He was "invisible" to those around him because he had no relationship with them. As a result, he became invisible to himself. I'm retired, nearly 77 and, like many of you, active. In spring, summer and fall I skipper a sailboat which we both cruise (my bride and me) and race (crew of 6). I fish regularly in the winter usually along with several friends. And, when they are not available or, when I just feel like it, by myself. I volunteer, read, stay engaged and reach out to others both for their support and to support them. That's how I stay visible.
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Old 24-01-2019, 19:56   #67
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Re: Becoming Invisible

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Originally Posted by silversailor View Post
After reading all of the above I'm even more convinced that "invisibility" is not just about how others see us but how we see ourselves. After my Dad retired (he had worked since he was 14 yrs old!) he said repeatedly "Never retire." I'm sure it was because he had lost his arena...his field of socialization. He was "invisible" to those around him because he had no relationship with them. As a result, he became invisible to himself. I'm retired, nearly 77 and, like many of you, active. In spring, summer and fall I skipper a sailboat which we both cruise (my bride and me) and race (crew of 6). I fish regularly in the winter usually along with several friends. And, when they are not available or, when I just feel like it, by myself. I volunteer, read, stay engaged and reach out to others both for their support and to support them. That's how I stay visible.
That's a great formula for creating a nice kind of visibility, silver sailor. People who do as you do, will become visible. Just like Mike saw if he could trigger someone's attention in a non-threatening, potentially humorous manner, he drew a positive kind of visibility.

I think becoming invisible, even suddenly, is only a problem if you want to be part of the group and are excluded by your lack of visibility. The desire not to be ostracized is strong in all of us, and is part of the reasons sexism, and racism, as well as ageism may be painful.

Ann
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Old 24-01-2019, 20:45   #68
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Re: Becoming Invisible

My partner is very shy with strangers and is never the one to break the ice just to say hello to a new person that we see regularly.
I ask her 'why not just say hello?'... her response is because that person has not said hello first.

My best friend who is very humorous and looks/talks like Dick Cavett makes a point of engaging everyone he meets with a friendly often a self demeaning joke.
I love watching the reaction and how quickly people open up to him. It is a real talent
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Old 24-01-2019, 23:12   #69
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Re: Becoming Invisible

About 5 years ago, I started racing my "new" boat on San Francisco Bay, both as a singlehander and as a doublehander with a girlfriend. We'd stop in at the parties/award ceremonies after many of them and totally be ignored. With people who'd been sailing the bay for years, we seemed to be non-entities, and it was rare when someone would introduce themselves. It seemed a little cliquey, too. It took a few years, but we're getting to know more of the folks and not just their boats. Winning some races helped, too I've always disliked the feeling of being ignored so, just like Ann connecting with people in wheelchairs, I make an effort to say hello to anyone who's looking a bit out of place.
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Old 24-01-2019, 23:39   #70
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Re: Becoming Invisible

Maybe its just a personality type?

Ive been lucky all my life, always had people around me, I actually look for the spaces. Im leaving a port of three mths tommorow and have alot good byes to say. In fact I cause myself grieve by being to open and to eager to say hello, I value my space alot yet tend to invite many into it and then feel energy drained.

My dad at 80 has much social contact and I just cant see him being ignored YET my mum would be alone and ignored if dad wasnt in her life, different personality traits, dad just never hesitates to say hello, quite confident to just walk up and chat to a complete stranger and I doubt he ever feels rejected, mum is to self concious to do that.

I have noticed younger women certainly dont notice me these days..lol, im not sure when that started happening, sadly I still notice them
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Old 24-01-2019, 23:47   #71
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Re: Becoming Invisible

Hey being a woman has made me invisible most of my life - especially when dressed in the grottier boat fixing attire, however it r-e-a-l-l-y grates when i'm in a hardware store or chandlery buying bits to fix the ageing cat... then once I have managed to find someone to serve me they don't listen to what it is I'm after or try to redirect me to a fix that would be unseaworthy. I've also found it amusing when men engage with my crew to ask about the Hitchiker rig or other peculiarities of my non-production home ☺
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Old 25-01-2019, 07:01   #72
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Re: Becoming Invisible

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Hey being a woman has made me invisible most of my life - especially when dressed in the grottier boat fixing attire, however it r-e-a-l-l-y grates when i'm in a hardware store or chandlery buying bits to fix the ageing cat... then once I have managed to find someone to serve me they don't listen to what it is I'm after or try to redirect me to a fix that would be unseaworthy. I've also found it amusing when men engage with my crew to ask about the Hitchiker rig or other peculiarities of my non-production home ☺
And then there's this. If I wear makeup, put on something cute, maybe even heels and show some leg, then that seems to awaken the male amygdala in a way that boat fixing attire just doesn't seem to trigger. It's a bit curious especially when there are posts from men wondering how to find a mate who loves to sail too.
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Old 25-01-2019, 07:42   #73
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And then there's this. If I wear makeup, put on something cute, maybe even heels and show some leg, then that seems to awaken the male amygdala in a way that boat fixing attire just doesn't seem to trigger. It's a bit curious especially when there are posts from men wondering how to find a mate who loves to sail too.
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Old 25-01-2019, 07:51   #74
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Re: Becoming Invisible

invisibility was difficult when i was young and gorgeous. could not cross astreet without stopping traffic. made clothing fashions change.... now i can walk into a party and not need to say halooo as no one sees a 70 yr old woman. weight has a definite factor as well... when i am thinnest i am not invisible, when i carry a coupla extra pounds i am totally invisible.
life is an interesting experience and much fun, especially when ye can stand back and watch while enjoying it.
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Old 25-01-2019, 08:10   #75
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Re: Becoming Invisible

Both genders have a unique set of problems, you have a choice, you could focus on the set of benefits that also come with your gender.

I really don't think you ladies are doing it that tuff, I'm not seeing real life victims in the circles I knock around in, I do see first world problems, not real problems but hey, I'm apparently white and privileged therefore what do I know.
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