Becoming Invisible

[chris mac]

I haven't experienced invisibility because of age, but I have for injury. Like Mike, I had a bad fall in my mid 20's. The nature of the break in my leg meant a cast wouldn't do it.
I had an external fixater. Basically metal rods and braces drilled into various bones to create an external support.
Most people were intimidated or grossed out by it, having never seen one before.
Everyone except kids. One boy(about 6 years old) came and sat by me in the hospital waiting room and was staring at it. His mother wouldn't make eye contact with me and was quietly telling her son not to stare. He looked at me, then grabbed one of the bars and tried to pull. It was literally screwed into my tibia, it wasn't going anywhere, and it didn't hurt. But his mom went pure white and almost passed out.
I actually had a great conversation with them both after. The boy was really just curious.
I guess sometimes you just need an ice breaker to become visible again:-)

[Pauls]

Peter O, that is funny!

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by hatteras53

Hi Ann,

Since semi-retiring from over 50 years in business, there are more and more times I have become invisible to others. My Filipino wife and I live in a relatively upscale area where our family property is located. We are only here because the property has been in the family for 70 years. When I take my daily walks, many avoid eye contact with me. In business, as the owner, many paid attention to me. Now I find with little authority and much less money almost no one stays in touch with me. Our 44' Nauticat is almost finished and I often dream of a trip from Baltimore to Manila and then a circumnavigation but the insurance companies don't seem interested to help us. Here in the U.S.A. in my lifetime it has all become about the money/status/youth/beauty. These are the people that everyone pays attention to. The large companies helped to drive me out of business along with employees who did not want to work. Honestly, now being invisible has become a daily event for me. Don't get me wrong, there are some KIND Americans but they are the exception now. Having gone to Manila 13 times now, I greatly prefer the poor Filipinos. If you want me to share a becoming invisible story, no problem. I have many now to tell. Never thought this would happen. America will never be great again until we learn to treat others the way we want to be treated. When I had a 53' Hatteras everyone looked at me. Now I have a 1981 Nauticat 44' that looks no so good on the outside but has had a ton of work done on the inside where it matters. Beauty is only skin deep they say. Our Nauticat is beautiful on the inside with plenty of new wiring/machinery/steering. So I try very hard to look for the true beauty of people and things too. Take good care. Michael 410-913-2330

Well, although you called yourself Hatteras 53, I'm going to call you Nauticat! I'm going to do it because the Nauticat can take you out of the fancy neighborhood and its expectations, into the cruising world, where if you are friendly to others they will be happy to know you, and most of us treat people of different cultural histories as friends: race, color, creed, country of national origin may be of interest, but not a source of denigration. If you are unfriendly, then, even as a cruiser, people will be judgmental. I'm not suggesting that you might be, that's not what I'm getting at, more that cruisers are only human, too, and subject to human frailties.

You had a multiple whammy: you shed your business identity; you quit playing the show-off game; by golly, you may have even changed your dressing style! In a way, those are losses, and need to be grieved for. I remember it being difficult for me to no longer have the income that showed me that my labor was valuable. But the suddenness is just like the guy who showed up at work in the boiler suit, zoom, invisibility descended! It was fast like that for me, the first time, just sit in a wheelchair and shazaam!

I hope that you are able to continue with the Nauticat, perhaps finding a different insurance company (Dockhead has had a very good relationship with Pantaenius--you could try a CF Custom Google Search). Do your grieving, and start your healing.

Ann

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by Mike OReilly

Very true. People were responding out of concern and care. It kinda relates to your experience in that I think if I’d been 75+ years old, fewer people would have even noticed. I would have been “invisible.” The fact that I looked young (which I no longer do ), brought out the empathy of others.

Like you, I try to treat everyone the same. I’m happy to assist people, but I usually don’t assume they need or want my help, even if they appear less capable than I.

… but this is heading off in a different direction than what you are asking. I’ll stop now.

Mike, thread drift is natural. As long as this one stays keyed into sailing or cruising, it can continue. It was just that when I read what Boatie wrote, it clicked for me, and I thought it might be something folks would want to talk about.

Ann

[belizesailor]

Panama apparently has an invisibility field that mostly affects retail shops and resturants (anyone who has spent much time in Panama should get this...esp in the Shelter Bay Marina resturant).

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by belizesailor

Panama apparently has an invisibility field that mostly affects retail shops and resturants (anyone who has spent much time in Panama should get this...esp in the Shelter Bay Marina resturant).

I did not find that.. Tanqueray Phil was always welcomed..

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by boatman61

I did not find that.. Tanqueray Phil was always welcomed.. [emoji3]

Oh, not unwelcoming, but apathy is pretty common here in Panama...not seeing customers is a well practiced skill.

[motion30]

I find at 61 I am totally invisible to young girls. Imagine the crushing blow to my ego

[Snore]

I find a direct correlation between how I look and invisibility. Working on my boat and walking home through downtown St. Pete looking grungy? Invisible. Walking home after a day, looking okay- semi-invisible.

Cleaned up and looking sharp? Very much NOT invisible.

So yes, a sharp dressed man (cue ZZ Tops)— you will not be invisible.



Stick pin and diamond ring optional.

[RaymondR]

About 30 years ago during an election campaign one of our illustrious Prime Ministers was foolish enough to call a geriatric interjector a "silly old bastard", he was a pretty good Prime Minister but he never managed to live that down and it is one of the things he is most remembered for.

The old man is probably long in the grave but the geriatrics revenge lives on.

[darylat8750]

My wife went on the last trip with me when I retired from a Part 121 air carrier. The lead flight attendant (whose husband had retired just 6 months prior) gave my wife the book "From the Left seat to the Back seat" for me to read. It helped the transition from asking for an action and having it happen to being invisible and apparently mute even when the vocal cords still produce noise.

[Olddan1943]

Now if I can just convince the IRS I am invisible without actually being dead.

[mako]

Originally Posted by hatteras53

Our 44' Nauticat is almost finished and I often dream of a trip from Baltimore to Manila and then a circumnavigation but the insurance companies don't seem interested to help us.

Hi hatteras/nauticat, I don't mean to be mean, but wow what a lame excuse to not going out and just doing it.

Hopefully you own the cat in cash. Had a long wonderful life running a business, raising a family. You're what, in your 70's? How many more years of true mobility do you have left?

I hope you give Pantaenius a call. Or just get liability coverage only from Lloyd's so you can get into marinas. Or get zero insurance and live off the hook.

Can't wait to hear about chapter 2 of your story.

[rsn48]

Anne at the risk of being a sexist pig dog, I have found that invisibility is more experienced by women than men. I have had great looking women friends who said they became invisible around 60. Before they were pissed off at men always staring, now they were pissed off because they weren't always staring.

I live in a town called Qualicum Beach which is a Canadian retirement center for many from Alberta and Ontario. Qualicum isn't a retirement community, its just a town with lots of older people.

If you want to knock 10 years off your life, find an equivalent community in the States. If you moved into my area, you'd be the new kid on the block. Qualicum has the highest average age of any town or city in Canada. This isn't bad news as we are a political block to be contended with, here the Mayor has to humour us or no job. Parks and Recreations in the town has to cater us, meaning great dog walking areas and parks, 6 golf courses in a town not that big.

In my town, you aren't invisible, you're the new "hot" lady to arrive.... lol. Here when you see a bicycle peloton with all those slick jerseys and hot pants, the average age will probably be 72. When you are around a lot of old farts you tend to copy what they do and here they are an active bunch - volunteering, political, reading groups, all kinds of sports, electric bikes are popular here, good for folks who are partially gimped. Both my hips are replaced.

So below is a link to the places to live in the states with the highest average age:

Cities with the Highest Average Population Age in the United States | Zip Atlas

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by fox9988

Ann, I wonder if I’m guilty of that. I was raised not to stare at people. Especially those less fortunate.

I suspect this is a big part of it at least in the USA. It's considered rude to stare at someone with a physical ailment. As a kid, if you stared at someone with a deformity or obvious aliment, you would get cuffed up side the head.

So if I do not know you and have no other reason to communicate with you at an airport, I'm going to mind my own business. I usually give a wheelchair a wide berth so there is no need to make last second eye contact to choose how to pass your wheel chair. Even if I do come close, I'm likely to make eye contact with the guy pushing the wheel chair as he is the one determining if the chair turns in front of me.

That said a few related thoughts and quips:
- I have been helping out one of our middle east offices and when Tammy goes out it's hilarious. She is clearly not local being Irish descent (red hair, heavily freckled...clearly northern European descent) and wearing western clothes (which is fine and not uncommon in this country). They have a nice coastal walkway by the hotel and she leaves a wake of carnage behind her. Locals like to take their kids (8-12) to bike along the path. The kids as they are riding up will blatantly stare at Tammy (not sure why they don't even glance at me...also clearly being a foreigner)...The count is up to 6 different kids who have run into trees, walls and benches as they are so focused on staring at her. Most of the parents say nothing though a few have given Tammy dirty looks as if it's her fault that their kid was staring...NONE have corrected the kid for staring.
- Tammy had a minor knee issue a while back and we got wheel chair service for a few air trips due to long walks thru the airport...we loved it as you bypassed lines and it was their problem to make sure you made your connection...She certainly wasn't invisible...lots of dirty looks when she rolled up to the front of security lines hundreds deep and the assistant pushed his way to the luggage belt to put our stuff on immediately.
- We just sold our old F250. It was 4x4, long bed, 4 door and RED. It also had a small exhaust leak at the end, so it was loud....amazing how many times people merging on a freeway ramp would look over in shock to realize we were in the lane they want as they run off onto the shoulder...we joked that it had stealth mode.