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Old 17-07-2009, 01:00   #1
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Your Boat Is, Well, Nicer -

When do you draw the line on boat hospitality? My story begins...
There is a liveaboard nearby that, while very nice company some of the time, tends to invite himself over and linger. Not one to be antisocial, but there are times when solitude IS what we are seeking. He lives on a neat but old 26' schooner. It is very cramped below and poorly equipped. His latest ploy involves inviting me to dinner. After I accept the invitation, he then asks is it would be ok to cook and eat on my boat because, 'YOUR BOAT IS WELL, NICER. OK I will agree that my boat is larger, better equipped to entertain, and has a nicer galley, but this is now habit. He doesn't ask now, he just shows up with food. Granted, he is a pretty good cook, and that is not the problem. There are two sure things that are both deal breakers for me. I already mentioned the 'lingering' issue. He never wants to leave. Not until I announce that I am going to retire will he then concede to depart. The other peeve, and this could be the greatest broach of etiquette of all...he never brings libation and he drinks like the proverbial fish. I have been retiring much earlier lately. At least I get up before sunup without a hangover.

I guess that is just one side to having A WELL, NICER BOAT
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Old 17-07-2009, 01:18   #2
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Sounds like a lonely but nice enough guy on a budget, trying to get away with the “OP” mindset of having a few drinks as a guest on another more comfortable yacht.

I would consider 2 related solutions:

  1. Come out and tell him what’s bugging you and set some ground rules about times and booze
  2. Decline any future offers and he will get the message that he has stepped over some kind of line… If he asks if there is a problem? ….then refer him to solution 1

Bottom line, you are not obligated to entertain him as a fellow yachtsman if it bugs you.
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Old 17-07-2009, 01:29   #3
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He is a pretty good cook though :s
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Old 17-07-2009, 02:15   #4
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put your hand on his knee, look deeply into his eyes and ask him............ "next time can we make fairy cakes, together?".
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Old 17-07-2009, 02:21   #5
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... The other peeve, and this could be the greatest broach of etiquette of all...he never brings libation and he drinks like the proverbial fish.....
Around here that is enough to be ostracized and I am guessing that it is so in most parts of the drinking world.

How to deal with it???

Try bluntly - Buddy, it's your shout.

Or if you want to be kind, just DON'T offer him anything to drink, if he asks, just say you have already used your quota for the week and unless if he can contribute, it will be a dry night. He can't be that thick - surely.
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Old 17-07-2009, 03:18   #6
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Pelagic has it spot on!
But who has the guts to say that. It is the right thing to say, but how?
Perhaps Pelagic is so correct but you might need to read Dale Carnegie "How to win firends and influence people"

Me - up would just pull up the anchor and move.


Mark
PS Can I come over for just ONE MORE DINNER????????? PULEEEEEEEEZE!!!!!!!
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Old 17-07-2009, 03:47   #7
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Read my quote!

You want his "well cooked meals"? Then you deserve all the crap you are getting. Sorry mate, but you can't have it both ways.

May I suggest you embrace the 4 core values I live my life by:
  1. Always speak “the” truth
  2. Consistently demonstrate the courage of your convictions
  3. Live life on terms that prevent your being exploited or becoming a victim
  4. Take NO Prisoners!
William aka 'The PIRATE'
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Old 17-07-2009, 04:42   #8
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Always speak “the” truth
  1. Consistently demonstrate the courage of your convictions
  2. Live life on terms that prevent your being exploited or becoming a victim
  3. Take NO Prisoners!
William aka 'The PIRATE'

Always speak “the” truth Always speak diplomatically - you never know when you've made a mistake and sound like a dill
  1. courage of your convictions : It takes courage to listen to others points of view, especially if the cretin is obviously a cretin.
  2. Live life on terms : Never borrow money.
  3. Take NO Prisoners! Take good looking prisoners


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Old 17-07-2009, 05:25   #9
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Send a message via Yahoo to gonesail
ask the dockmaster if you can have another slip ..
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Old 17-07-2009, 06:54   #10
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Seems like you make adjustments for his cooking, and he seeks your booze. Tell him straight up, we're not roomies. Sugar coating allows people to analyze the statement to fit their own desires. The blunt truth leaves no room to be analyzed. Oh yeah.... learn how to cook those delicious meals for yourself.......i2f
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Old 17-07-2009, 07:02   #11
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I dunno -- he's providing the food, and COOKING it as well, and you're providing the venue and booze -- sounds fair to me. Does he wash the dishes afterwards?

I think it's stupid to be so calculating. If you like his company, you won't mind sharing your booze with him. If not, then even if he were inviting you to four star restaurant night after night, it's not worth it.

My liquor cabinet is always open, and I never count. Not everyone gets in the door, however.
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Old 17-07-2009, 07:38   #12
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I agree, if he's bringing the food and cooking, he probably sees it as an equitable trade (as I might).

"Can't tonight, I'm busy... sorry" should work well enough.
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Old 17-07-2009, 08:22   #13
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Dockhead has it right
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Old 17-07-2009, 08:31   #14
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Pelagic nailed it.

You are just going to have to tell him how you feel in a firm but polite manner since he has not been able to get a clue in any other manner.

Dockhead, its not just a matter of an equal exchange or not, Dune wants his privacy back as well. Dune's visitor is probably a nice guy and they might even be friends, but it is possible to have too much of a friend, especially when they effectively invite themselves over on a frequent basis.
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Old 17-07-2009, 08:36   #15
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put your hand on his knee, look deeply into his eyes and ask him............ "next time can we make fairy cakes, together?".
Never heard of 'fairy cakes' before. No problem talking the truth but, that's gonna be a toughy. He has one good eye and one that looks off toward Mecca. Hard to look into both eyes. Maybe I will get one of those red ropes that clubs use to keep out the unwelcome aka dweebs. But then I would have to get a bouncer and that is just going too far. When he asks to use the shower I will draw the line.
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