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Old 17-07-2009, 10:37   #16
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Originally Posted by Dune View Post
Never heard of 'fairy cakes' before.
Arrrrrr.......in that case it ain't so innocently suggestive Just checked with WIKI - you may know 'em as Cup Cakes.


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Old 17-07-2009, 11:08   #17
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Good Fences Make Good Neighbors (from Robert Frost's "The Mending Wall")

Your problem is that you've pet the dog, and now he's followed you home.

If he's just showing up uninvited now, and you don't want to look him in the eye and tell him to get the hell away from you, you'll have to be more diplomatic. Let him know that you're looking forward to a "nice quiet evening at home" or that you "have other plans": both vague enough to deny him any handholds. If he's clueless and asks what your specific plans are, respond with "I just feel like being alone tonight." Who can argue with your subjective preference?

A couple or four of those, and he's start to get the picture. But you will have to stand firm for as long as it takes. If you break once now, you're back to square one.

You sound as if you really don't want to hurt his feelings, and that's admirable. But you're doing him a disservice by not setting the limits that he doesn't, for whatever reason, recognize. Being able to enforce healthy boundaries is, well, healthy.

Maybe this will help.

DoJ's solution has panache (and even without the word "fairy" would be enough) but that could affect your dock reputation, and what if he calls your bluff? Yikes! :kissy:
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Old 17-07-2009, 12:39   #18
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Aloha Dune,
This is not an uncommon situation ashore or afloat. If he's come for the drinks then empty your liquor cabinet for a few days. If he's come to do the cooking then tell him you'd rather not, you're on a diet.
I'll bet you are a nice person and a good listener and what he's really come for is the company (or the booze). Just tell him you need to have some alone time for a bit and if, later, you want to have him return, extend the invitation.
Good luck on this one. I've had folks drop in on me several times and I've just had to say, "I can't get things done while you are here and I need some time to post on cruisersforum."
Kind regards,
JohnL
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Old 17-07-2009, 13:41   #19
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I have the situation in reverse! My boats setee is my canvas shop with a worktable and sewing machine taking up the bulk of the space. Lately I've been invited to other boats more and more often for dinner and drinks...and more drinks. I'm kind of a lightweight drinker and seems like everyone around here starts cocktail hour around lunchtime and doesn't end till late. I take it with a grain of salt and know this is just one stop. Ill dry out when we depart. When in Rome......
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Old 17-07-2009, 13:51   #20
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How about next time he suggests dinner just saying "Sounds great! bring a six pack of (your favorite beer) would you?"
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Old 19-07-2009, 12:56   #21
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How about next time he suggests dinner just saying "Sounds great! bring a six pack of (your favorite beer) would you?"
Make it a case. That way you will get some too.....i2f
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Old 19-07-2009, 13:05   #22
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Good luck on this one. I've had folks drop in on me several times and I've just had to say, "I can't get things done while you are here and I need some time to post on cruisersforum."
Clearly SkiprJohn has his priorities well-ordered.

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Old 19-07-2009, 13:12   #23
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Clearly SkiprJohn has his priorities well-ordered.

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Old 20-07-2009, 16:27   #24
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Dear Dune,

I find the best way to deal with your type of situation (when one does not want to completely break relationships but reduce the level of contact) it to become more proactive. I will actively seek out the person and state that " I am going to be a little tied up this trip and wanted to say hi and see how you are doing" suffices.

Notwithstanding that I am pretty gregarious and if someone brings the food,cooks and does it well, then with the exception of my really good... hard to get whisky... can have as many beers as they want.

However, when seeking my own solitude or other people's company then I find the proactive approach works extremely well. It has the benefit of schooling the ongoing relationship, whereby they then begin to enquire as to my availability in subsequent contacts which allowed me to be friendly but in control. Try it.... I have always find it works.

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Old 21-07-2009, 11:46   #25
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Hey, No thanks...., not tonight,....'other plans. What's the social skill that is not available? ....It's an easy and cordial solution,- you can graciously decline anytime. 'take care and joy, Aythya crew
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Old 21-07-2009, 12:46   #26
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Your problem is that you've pet the dog, and now he's followed you home.
... Isn't it
Where there are cows?
But here there are no cows.
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Old 21-07-2009, 13:55   #27
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Next time he asks say, "How about we eat on your boat........it's so much more,... COZY". : )
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Old 21-07-2009, 15:58   #28
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I've had folks drop in on me several times and I've just had to say, "I can't get things done while you are here and I need some time to post on cruisersforum."
Yeah, you could follow SkiprJohn's advice. Make sure you tell him your screenname. If he doesn't get the message then you'll know he is truly thick.
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Old 21-07-2009, 17:57   #29
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I agree with most people's reply. It's obvious that you are a kind and nice person that doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But, it is also obvious that this person doesn't get it. You really have to set the rules in a very nice and possibly comedic tone. Intersplice it with being funny or a joke. There is always some truth in all jokes.

Hopefully, he'll get it then.. Good luck though.. And keep us informed on the situation.
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Old 25-07-2009, 10:55   #30
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if you leave for a few months for extended sailing, he will go away....doesnt matter if on your boat or on someone elses...lol...truly works.....my parasites all went away when i started running away form home ..lol.....besides, the sailing is fun and meeting new folks is a gas....and the adventure factor is incredible~~~~~_/)~~~~~~~~~
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