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Old 03-02-2015, 13:44   #1
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Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Many cruisers are couples who have invested HUGE amounts of time and money to make their "dream" a reality. Then for one reason or another, some have eventually given up on the "dream" and gone back to life on shore.

I know everybody's life circumstances are different and that people have different goals. Some planned on cruising forever while others desired to cruise part time or for only some finite amount of time. Of course there are unforeseen issues that arise in life, such as health and family issues. Financial issues may also be a factor in ones decision to give up the lifestyle. So I know there is no ONE answer to my question.

Aside from the previously mentioned issues, I'm curious as to WHY many cruising couples eventually quit. What part of reality gets in the way of the "dream" I would be very interested to hear what the experienced cruisers on this board have to say.

Thanks...
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Old 03-02-2015, 14:05   #2
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

I am constantly amazed by people that consider a cruising lifestyle without having spent time offshore. Sea sickness doesn't go away for everyone. Being thrown around in a small vessel for hours and days is tough.

Sheer terror at the fact that you are the mercy of an unfriendly sea just doesn't occur to many that fall in love with the idea of adventure.


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Old 03-02-2015, 14:13   #3
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

I never wondered about the offshore bit - that is a relatively acute and somewhat rare event.

I wonder more about those that have not fully considered the other aspects - being without many conveniences, being in places where one doesn't speak the language, being forced to deal with bad weather regardless, hauling heavy crap in the hot sun, being away from family and friends, having to fix or maintain things constantly, being captured 24/7 with another person, etc.

Those are the harder parts of cruising.

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Old 03-02-2015, 14:24   #4
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by colemj View Post

I wonder more about those that have not fully considered the other aspects - being without many conveniences, being in places where one doesn't speak the language, being forced to deal with bad weather regardless, hauling heavy crap in the hot sun, being away from family and friends, having to fix or maintain things constantly, being captured 24/7 with another person, etc.
Very valid points.

Would it not seem odd that folks planning this would not consider those issue BEFORE THEY LEFT?

Indeed, the OP's question actually has most of the answers already in the question: health, family, maybe they only planned to go for X amount of time, peoples' interest do change over time.

Then there's the "catchall" --- unforeseen circumstances.
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Old 03-02-2015, 14:49   #5
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Unless you die at sea, there will likely come a time in your life when you or your spouse either cannot put up with the physical demands of cruising or need to be on land and close to medical facilities.

Cruising, like playing basketball or football, is not something we can reasonably expect to do up to our last day on earth.

Sorry to be blunt but that's the way it is.

This also means that if there's something you want to do before you die, you have to squeeze it in between the time you can afford to do it and the time you cannot physically do it.
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Old 03-02-2015, 15:02   #6
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

we are one of these couples. at the start of the road but with condo already.

I am aware that non-genuine interest from 1 party will ruin the plan down the track.

So, we capture bit of extra sailing demand bit by bit. And see when hitting wall first time. And based on limits, then draw our plans.

If we only can handle cruising grounds and no passages, that still okay.

From what i can see, people that have boats, seem to be healthier and more positive, so adding couple of extra HEALTHY years to one's life is great investment.

Lots of money does not help for healthy life, based on my observations.
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Old 03-02-2015, 15:08   #7
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

I think in life we get into "ruts", my ex used to say the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth!
If given enough ice cream you will eventually get tired of it. I think many cruisers just get tired of doing same old, same old. Then of course there is the drinking which for many is in the world class division!
I think the key to a happy and long cruising life is to set new goals, see different places and from my experience the further off the trail you travel the more interesting and fun it is.
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Old 03-02-2015, 15:20   #8
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by robert sailor View Post
I think in life we get into "ruts", my ex used to say the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth!
If given enough ice cream you will eventually get tired of it. I think many cruisers just get tired of doing same old, same old. Then of course there is the drinking which for many is in the world class division!
I think the key to a happy and long cruising life is to set new goals, see different places and from my experience the further off the trail you travel the more interesting and fun it is.
Taken into account.

thanks
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Old 03-02-2015, 15:31   #9
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

I bet it mostly is that the couple isn't on the same page. It may be that they have never really been on the same page in general, or only far as "that damn boat" goes. Then they retire and are stuck in the little boat and find they really don't want to spend that much time together.

And that is that!

Heck if you read the things people post here about their spouses it really shouldn't surprise that they aren't cruising together long term.
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Old 03-02-2015, 15:43   #10
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

We aren't out there yet, so this is just supposition and us watching others that have failed.
Largely I believe they have worked so hard, for so long and have so much emotion invested, it has to be a let down, nothing can be as good as they had been dreaming about. I believe many marriages fall victim to the same thing. Call it buyers remorse.
"just another ****ing day in paradise", damn boat never stops moving, when will this rain stop? I miss just sitting at home on the couch and watching TV.
I plan on easing into it, starting maybe living in a Marina for a while, then taking gradual longer trips, eventually some ICW work, then off to the Bahamas, but going slow, hopefully she will be the one to say lets go somewhere else, hopefully she will pick destinations. True off shore is in the future, and I'm even leaning towards doing crossings either single hand or with some crew and flying the wife to the destination, unless of course she says no, I'm coming with you, but I don't think she will like a rough crossing and I do not plan on making her.
To her credit her very first experience was the dleivery, we had 10 days only and had to go from Daytona around all the way to Panama City, our first trip was across the gulf to Sarasota / Tampa / Tarpon springs area and back, and she did fine.


Most I think fail as the "Dream" is just too un-realistic. I think many never leave because they have figured this out and don't want to lose the dream, if they go, then they can no longer plan and talk about the dream, and then what do you have to plan, work and look forward to?
Sometimes the anticipation is better than the event


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Old 03-02-2015, 16:06   #11
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

For me, I dont ever want to be a full time cruiser.

Now I would live on a boat in a marina, no worries. I would take it out when the mood struck or a place to go or just for the fun of sailing. Heck, I would go out every day just for fishing.

I have no hankering to travel the world on a boat, perhaps because Ive been most places in my career and I know what I like. I love Asia but prefer to see it after arriving on a jet. I dont want to sail around it in a boat.

Im wanting to explore South Portugal, Spain, France and Corsica in a boat, Heck I'd even take in Italy as its all in the Med 'Bay' so to speak. Thats about it for this boy. Happy to be in a marina, or on the hook travelling the coast and staying for a while and then moving on or moving back to home port.

It takes a strong relationship to go with the fairly unnatural lifestyle of living on a small boat. I know that my ex would not have lasted 3 days unless it was 200 foot and had 3 restaurants and a night club. Some manage it very well but ultimately, its not the norm.

At some stage the magic of the sailing disappears for one or the other, and then its time to go home or lose the relationship.

Advancing years, responsibilities and just other things to do crowd in.

There is a time and a season for everything.
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Old 03-02-2015, 16:16   #12
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

[QUOTE=a64pilot;1740586]We aren't out there yet, so this is just supposition and us watching others that have failed.
Largely I believe they have worked so hard, for so long and have so much emotion invested, it has to be a let down, nothing can be as good as they had been dreaming about. I believe many marriages fall victim to the same thing. Call it buyers remorse.
"just another ****ing day in paradise", damn boat never stops moving, when will this rain stop? I miss just sitting at home on the couch and watching TV.
I plan on easing into it, starting maybe living in a Marina for a while, then taking gradual longer trips, eventually some ICW work, then off to the Bahamas, but going slow, hopefully she will be the one to say lets go somewhere else, hopefully she will pick destinations. True off shore is in the future, and I'm even leaning towards doing crossings either single hand or with some crew and flying the wife to the destination, unless of course she says no, I'm coming with you, but I don't think she will like a rough crossing and I do not plan on making her.
To her credit her very first experience was the dleivery, we had 10 days only and had to go from Daytona around all the way to Panama City, our first trip was across the gulf to Sarasota / Tampa / Tarpon springs area and back, and she did fine.


Most I think fail as the "Dream" is just too un-realistic. I think many never leave because they have figured this out and don't want to lose the dream, if they go, then they can no longer plan and talk about the dream, and then what do you have to plan, work and look forward to?
Sometimes the anticipation is better than the event


Sent from my iPad using Cruisers Sailing Forum[/QUOTE

One way is to tippy toe into cruising and I suppose that works for some folks. Everyone has a different way of doing things and not all plans work for all people, the main goal is to get out there while you can and start living the dream. Most younger people just by their nature are much quicker to take calculated risks in life so often you see them with smaller budget boats making big crossings. As we age we tend to take less risk and favor sitting in one area rather than exploring, which is fine but it sure takes the excitement out of cruising.
When we were in Turkey we met a middle aged couple that purchased and older production boat and during a visit they said they wanted to sail to South America and then over to South Africa. I asked them what experience they had and they replied,just local sailing. Well that was 2 years ago and damned if we didn't run into them in Gibraltar all mentally geared up to make that rather long double crossing. A couple of days ago we got an email from them that they had made it, just the 2 of them. They had lots of problems on the passages and at times far to much excitement but they loved enough of it to want to keep going. It really gets down to your attitude in life and just how badly you want to do something. We tend to act out our thoughts!!
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Old 03-02-2015, 16:58   #13
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by Saleen411 View Post
Many cruisers are couples who have invested HUGE amounts of time and money to make their "dream" a reality. Then for one reason or another, some have eventually given up on the "dream" and gone back to life on shore.

I know everybody's life circumstances are different and that people have different goals. Some planned on cruising forever while others desired to cruise part time or for only some finite amount of time. Of course there are unforeseen issues that arise in life, such as health and family issues. Financial issues may also be a factor in ones decision to give up the lifestyle. So I know there is no ONE answer to my question.

Aside from the previously mentioned issues, I'm curious as to WHY many cruising couples eventually quit. What part of reality gets in the way of the "dream" I would be very interested to hear what the experienced cruisers on this board have to say.

Thanks...
it is a hell of a lot of unending work.
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Old 03-02-2015, 17:05   #14
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

*Not realizing what long distance cruising really entails,
*Boredom,
*offshore conditions, (sore hips and elbows along with trying to sleep in 4 hour chunks etc),
*"once you seen 100 deserted beaches they all look the same",
*missing kids etc,
*real estate/home/other financial issues.
*the glamour of being a boat mechanic in paradise wears off!
*Some people enjoy the process of preparing more than doing. Spend years rebuilding, reengineering the boat etc, then the fun list goes away to a large extent when cruising and real maintenance part starts.
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Old 03-02-2015, 17:31   #15
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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If given enough ice cream you will eventually get tired of it. I think many cruisers just get tired of doing same old, same old.
That's one of my biggest concerns to be honest. I've only done a fair amount of chartering over the years, but after 10 days of care free play, it's back to the real world and other interests.

Quote:
I think the key to a happy and long cruising life is to set new goals, see different places and from my experience the further off the trail you travel the more interesting and fun it is.
That sounds like the ticket right there.
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