Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

[Saleen411]

There is also no one definition of "cruising".

Does "cruising mean selling the house and cars and sailing into the sunset on a boat, never to return?

Evidently that is what some are doing.......amazing to me. I have nothing but respect and admiration for these folks as VERY few people in the world are willing or able to do this.

[Saleen411]

BTW, thank you all for the responses. Sharing your insights, opinions and experiences is much appreciated.

Jerry

[Cheechako]

Originally Posted by SV THIRD DAY

I always here about this mythical cruise dream that is out there just past the horizon...

Then reality sets in and the cruise dream is that RV that is in storage for $125/mo.
The cruise dream is the ATV used once a year.
The cruise dream becomes the standard 50% divorce rate.
The cruise dream becomes the work out bike in the corner or the unused gym membership.

The cruise dream becomes....well it becomes like a lot of other dreams these days for a lot of people, which is something to dream about because their life sucks and dreaming about something new and exciting takes away the pain emptyness they feel.

The problem turns out that when they finally reach the "dream" they find out that THEY are still in it and ka-pow...the dream didn't fix what they were looking for, so another dream is put on the table and the preparations begin.

In short....the cruise dream ends for many people because it was just that...a dream! A reality that never existed, because as anyone that has cruised full time for a few years can tell you, the dream and reality of cruising are as different as water in your engine or transmission oil!

Good One!

[Cheechako]

Originally Posted by Tetra

Over the next couple of years, the wife and I are going to begin our cruising life through seasonal cruising. Starting out, we'll limit our cruises to 3 months. Maybe even 2 months. We're going to ease into the lifestyle in little bites. This will leave the rest of the year for family events, (non-boat) travel, grandkids and community activities. We can increase our cruising time if/when we want.

I suspect that many cruising couples do just the opposite. They go all in and many marriages just can't handle that.

Yep... this is smart. Why must it be all or nothing? I'm amazed at people on this forum and elsewhere who aren't even sailors much, that want to sell everything and sail off in the wild blue yonder. Really?
Get a boat, spend some time on it. Find out if it's really for you. Nothing wrong with being a sailing "snowbird" either. 6 months on and 6 months off or whatever works!
It doesn't have to be a way of life, it can just be an adventure!

I met a family in Georgetown Bahamas. They had bought a boat, the boat was poorly cared for when they bought it, they were trying to figure everything out. They anchored in the wrong spots exposed to weather, lost their chain and anchor (we snorkeled and found it for them) the wiring etc in the boat looked like a birds nest; they were blowing fuses. It went on and on. The trouble is, they didn't even realize what they were doing wrong. Rusty 1/4 shackles on 3/8 chain etc.
Classic case of going full bore into something you don't know anything about.

[robert sailor]

Originally Posted by Annie in WA

On seasickness, I think everybody has to find the solution that works for them. For me and my husband the magic pill is called Stugeron (cinnarizine) in the 15 mg dose. I buy them online and they are made in the UK. For us, this med works even if I am already seasick and it can be chewed instead of swallowed. We have no side effects and we can control the dose. If you choose to research this drug, you will find that it is used as an antipsychotic at higher doses, so beware. I am not a doctor and am not recommending this for anyone, just telling what worked for us as we don't get seasick anymore.

There are lots of other remedies to try. The Mahina Tiare website has an excellent discussion about fighting seasickness. Good luck.

Stugeron is a wonder drug for those that get sick, remember to start taking it the day before you leave!

[roygee]

Works great on my wife, who can get seasick in a 10 mph ripple:Cinarizina. Buy in Mexico. You get 60 tablets for the equiv. of 2.50 cents. The dose is 1/3 tablet every 4 hours. Now she does not mind the motion of the ocean, unbelievable, but true.

[dannc]

Originally Posted by Saleen411

Many cruisers are couples who have invested HUGE amounts of time and money to make their "dream" a reality. Then for one reason or another, some have eventually given up on the "dream" and gone back to life on shore.
...
Thanks...

Kinda funny that you just posted this topic.

Yesterday I started reading, http://www.amazon.com/The-Voyagers-H...RPZ4D8TXEWSRH9 which also references, Changing Course : A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life: Debra Cantrell: 0639785802815: Amazon.com: Books.

I have only gotten about 5% into the Voyagers Handbook but my next boat book will be Changing Course. Voyagers has quite a bit of information about what makes successful crews/couples and not. She references research done in the Changing Course book which is interesting since it throws out some numbers.

From my reading, talking to people, and thinking about it, I think marriages/relationships are going to be tested on a boat. You have no where to go if you need to get away. You will be tested by boat problems, weather, immigration, being self sufficient, being away from family, and maybe being bored. One person we know with quite a bit of boat time says that most of the couples he has met have broken up. My wife met a women who sold a house, bought a boat with a boy friend and went to the Caribbean. It was great but the relationship broke up and she does not want to get back on a boat. I really would like to know why. Being bored? Seeing enough palm trees? She know travels around the states an in Europe house sitting.

The guy is the one who wants to go cruising in the majority of couples. The wife is kinda dragged along which does not bode well for the relationship. In Voyagers they mention that 80% of the men are the main drivers of the dream and only 20% of the women are on board, pun intended. Of those 20%, most seemed to have been Tom Boys as kids. I am lucky in that my wife has The Dream as bad as I do, and if anything, I have to holder her back a bit. She was also a Tom Boy!

One of my concerns, and it was mentioned has happening to the couple in Voyagers, is that eventually you get bored with the environment, in their case the man got tired of palm trees and beaches. I can really see that happening with me and the wife and I have been discussing this for a year or so.

My biggest concern is that we simply cannot go until the kids are on their own which puts us in our late 50's. We worry about having to take care of parents as well. We are both aware that the clock is ticking and that we have limited time left but there is little we can do about it. It seems like many people fall into the demographic of getting the kids out of the house and then being able to head out on The Dream. But at some point family and/or health issues bring you back to shore. I think we have 10 years of places to see, easily, but will we have 10 years? You just do not know. There are many reasons why The Dream gets sunk, health, family issues, and relationship problems, especially if the wife really did not share The Dream in the first place.

The Voyager book has some great words of wisdom on this subject, some of which people have posted. I suspect the Changing Course book will be very good as well.

Later,
Dan

[goboatingnow]

Originally Posted by robert sailor

Stugeron is a wonder drug for those that get sick, remember to start taking it the day before you leave!

Indeed Stugeron ( cinnarizine) is good , available outside the US almost everywhere, avoid Stugeron Forte which is too strong, the only issue with Stugeron is it can make some people very drowsy.

[robert sailor]

[QUOTE=dannc;1741482]Kinda funny that you just posted this topic.

Yesterday I started reading, http://www.amazon.com/The-Voyagers-H...RPZ4D8TXEWSRH9 which also references, Changing Course : A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life: Debra Cantrell: 0639785802815: Amazon.com: Books.

I have only gotten about 5% into the Voyagers Handbook but my next boat book will be Changing Course. Voyagers has quite a bit of information about what makes successful crews/couples and not. She references research done in the Changing Course book which is interesting since it throws out some numbers.

From my reading, talking to people, and thinking about it, I think marriages/relationships are going to be tested on a boat. You have no where to go if you need to get away. You will be tested by boat problems, weather, immigration, being self sufficient, being away from family, and maybe being bored. One person we know with quite a bit of boat time says that most of the couples he has met have broken up. My wife met a women who sold a house, bought a boat with a boy friend and went to the Caribbean. It was great but the relationship broke up and she does not want to get back on a boat. I really would like to know why. Being bored? Seeing enough palm trees? She know travels around the states an in Europe house sitting.

The guy is the one who wants to go cruising in the majority of couples. The wife is kinda dragged along which does not bode well for the relationship. In Voyagers they mention that 80% of the men are the main drivers of the dream and only 20% of the women are on board, pun intended. Of those 20%, most seemed to have been Tom Boys as kids. I am lucky in that my wife has The Dream as bad as I do, and if anything, I have to holder her back a bit. She was also a Tom Boy!

One of my concerns, and it was mentioned has happening to the couple in Voyagers, is that eventually you get bored with the environment, in their case the man got tired of palm trees and beaches. I can really see that happening with me and the wife and I have been discussing this for a year or so.

My biggest concern is that we simply cannot go until the kids are on their own which puts us in our late 50's. We worry about having to take care of parents as well. We are both aware that the clock is ticking and that we have limited time left but there is little we can do about it. It seems like many people fall into the demographic of getting the kids out of the house and then being able to head out on The Dream. But at some point family and/or health issues bring you back to shore. I think we have 10 years of places to see, easily, but will we have 10 years? You just do not know. There are many reasons why The Dream gets sunk, health, family issues, and relationship problems, especially if the wife really did not share The Dream in the first place.

The Voyager book has some great words of wisdom on this subject, some of which people have posted. I suspect the Changing Course book will be very good as well.

Later,
Dan[/QUO

Many people get bored with palm trees although not my wife, her view is we can go anywhere as long as palm trees can grow. She does not like the cold however some of the really cool (pun) places to see are in the higher latitudes and personally I would find traveling there to be very enjoyable. I'd like to just day sail the South American coast and take in some of the cultures I have read about but if I do get to visit this area it will not be by boat. If you are really a voyager try looking at getting right off the beaten path.

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by Saleen411

Many cruisers are couples who have invested HUGE amounts of time and money to make their "dream" a reality. Then for one reason or another, some have eventually given up on the "dream" and gone back to life on shore.

I know everybody's life circumstances are different and that people have different goals. Some planned on cruising forever while others desired to cruise part time or for only some finite amount of time. Of course there are unforeseen issues that arise in life, such as health and family issues. Financial issues may also be a factor in ones decision to give up the lifestyle. So I know there is no ONE answer to my question.

Aside from the previously mentioned issues, I'm curious as to WHY many cruising couples eventually quit. What part of reality gets in the way of the "dream" I would be very interested to hear what the experienced cruisers on this board have to say.

Thanks...

Being caged up together they come to hate each other of see it is coming and decide the relationship is more important.

Dr. Phil

[dannc]

Originally Posted by robert sailor

Many people get bored with palm trees although not my wife, her view is we can go anywhere as long as palm trees can grow. She does not like the cold however some of the really cool (pun) places to see are in the higher latitudes and personally I would find traveling there to be very enjoyable. I'd like to just day sail the South American coast and take in some of the cultures I have read about but if I do get to visit this area it will not be by boat. If you are really a voyager try looking at getting right off the beaten path.

The running joke about my wife is that she is only warm for the two weeks a year that fall towards the end of August. Having said that, she not only wants to see lots of islands with palm trees but the PNW, Alaska, Scotland, Ireland, UK, etc. What is warm up that way is not really warm for her but she badly wants to go. We live off the beaten track, well as far off as you can be in my area, and we want to really be able go even farther off track. She has always wanted to travel, me not so much, UNLESS by boat. 10 EU Capitals in 14 days sounds like a trip from hades. I can understand why some people do that sort of trip but it is not for me. I want to go to a place and sit there for weeks, months, or whatever suits us before moving on. No schedule.

We went to China last year, and while it was a quick trip, way to quick, it was a good test. Completely different country where we did not fit in, did not know the language and did not know our way around. We had a blast. I figured if she could handle that trip, especially with the food and more importantly, squat toilets, then The Dream was possible.

Later,
Dan

[Saleen411]

dannc;1741482]Kinda funny that you just posted this topic.

Yesterday I started reading, http://www.amazon.com/The-Voyagers-H...RPZ4D8TXEWSRH9 which also references, Changing Course : A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life: Debra Cantrell: 0639785802815: Amazon.com: Books.

Thanks Dan.....Added to my list.

[jkindredpdx]

Personally I love ice cream, but it makes me fat.

For me no decision is final, even owning a boat. Every day I make hundreds of decisions and I can change direction at any time I choose. I am not a slave of my job, my (ex)spouse, my children, my mortgage, my cruising plan, or my boat. I choose. So quitting one thing isn't failure, it's just choosing to do something different.

[Bulawayo]

As Mark says, spending 24/7 is a new experience for most. When did you last spend 24 hours per day for days /weeks on end with no interaction with other people? Unless you are an astronaut or a sailor the answer is most likely never. It seems it will either strengthen your relationship or destroy it.

[oldragbaggers]

Originally Posted by dannc

Kinda funny that you just posted this topic.

Yesterday I started reading, http://www.amazon.com/The-Voyagers-H...RPZ4D8TXEWSRH9 which also references, Changing Course : A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life: Debra Cantrell: 0639785802815: Amazon.com: Books.

I have only gotten about 5% into the Voyagers Handbook but my next boat book will be Changing Course. Voyagers has quite a bit of information about what makes successful crews/couples and not. She references research done in the Changing Course book which is interesting since it throws out some numbers.

Another book I would recommend, especially for the guys who have hesitant spouses, is "Dragged Aboard" by Don Casey. It addresses specifically the concerns that most women have, even if they don't talk about them, when considering the idea of going cruising. And even more importantly, is gives a lot of great suggestions for ways to mitigate their concerns and also compromises that can and should be made, especially in the beginning of the cruise, to ease them into the lifestyle.

The guy is the one who wants to go cruising in the majority of couples. The wife is kinda dragged along which does not bode well for the relationship. In Voyagers they mention that 80% of the men are the main drivers of the dream and only 20% of the women are on board, pun intended. Of those 20%, most seemed to have been Tom Boys as kids.

In our case, I came up with the idea first, but to say that Lance took it and ran with it is an understatement. I didn't have to mention it twice. As far as the Tomboy thing....guilty as charged and proud of it.

One of my concerns, and it was mentioned has happening to the couple in Voyagers, is that eventually you get bored with the environment, in their case the man got tired of palm trees and beaches. I can really see that happening with me and the wife and I have been discussing this for a year or so.

I think I might be able to see this happening, but I think it is going to be awhile and could be quickly remedied. We do plan to keep our teardrop camper in storage though so that we can take land trips from time to time when we feel the need to get into the woods.

I think the solution to this is to stay active and engaged where ever you are. One cruising family we knew made it a point to find a church to attend and a dance teacher for their daughter in every place they visited. They tried to plug themselves into the community, make friends, find ways to serve. If all you do is sit on the boat and do boat maintenance, who the heck wouldn't get sick of that. If that's all you're going to do may as well put some posters of tropical places on your living room walls and stay home on the couch.

But at some point family and/or health issues bring you back to shore. I think we have 10 years of places to see, easily, but will we have 10 years? You just do not know.

A healthy diet, good exercise, using adequate sun protection for your skin, and instituting safety practices to reduce or prevent injury hopefully will go a long way to increasing those years. Beyond that I think you just get the most out of every day that you have and try not to worry too much about it. Tomorrow is not promised, either ashore or afloat.

Great thread. Lots of good insight.