Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

[Dulcesuenos]

Many people tone down their cruising but continue living aboard. We have several in our marina, they may still do an occasional cruise with crew. They enjoy the lifestyle living aboard gives, it is a much better more community like than in a urban development

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[Sandero]

Obvious there is no one answer to this question. There are individual and multiple factors:

deteriorating strength and "senses" / decrease in mobility
access to heath care
other cultural interests
separation from family
insufficient funds
increasing cost / difficulty of maintenance

and so on.

Cruising may be a wonderful retirement activity but factors come along / creep up which make it untenable.

[boatman61]

Most couples I've met have been EU and they've tended to have set aside 2 or 3 years to do the Med/Atlantic circuit then back home and buckle down to life.. 1 or 2 bounce straight back out again but the bulk have been there.. done that.
Then there's the weirdo who took 10 days at sea to get from Faro to Gib.. light winds and calms plus a skipper who would not start the engine.. 'Its a sailboat..'
The wife walked to the airport as soon as the boat docked in Gib.
24/365 is a lot of time to spend with one person.. takes a lot of tolerance and capacity to not tote a grudge sack that sooner or later gets to heavy to bear.. very occasionally there's a match.. but its far from the norm..

[denverd0n]

Originally Posted by Stu Jackson

Would it not seem odd that folks planning this would not consider those issue BEFORE THEY LEFT?

Certainly they should, but do they? I think that a lot of the time they do not. Just look at a lot of the postings on here. There are a whole bunch of people who seem to think that it is all just rum punches and beautiful sunsets. Try to tell them otherwise and they--as well as others--will call you a "naysayer" and accuse you of trying to destroy their dreams.

I suspect that is the number one reason that people--couples as well as individuals--give up on the dream. Because it was never anything more than a dream. They never spent any time really considering what the reality of the lifestyle might be like. They never considered any of the challenges they might face. They just had this vision of idyllic anchorages and exotic locales in their mind, and they never let it go beyond that.

And then they got smacked in the face with the reality of all of those challenges listed above, and they were unprepared.

At least, that's my guess. We'll never really know. Not too many are likely to come back here and explain why they completely misread the situation and how utterly they failed at achieving their dreams.

[rwidman]

Originally Posted by Sandero

Obvious there is no one answer to this question. There are individual and multiple factors:

deteriorating strength and "senses" / decrease in mobility
access to heath care
other cultural interests
separation from family
insufficient funds
increasing cost / difficulty of maintenance

and so on.

Cruising may be a wonderful retirement activity but factors come along / creep up which make it untenable.

There is also no one definition of "cruising".

Does "cruising mean selling the house and cars and sailing into the sunset on a boat, never to return? Or does it mean leaving New England in the fall, spending the winter in the Bahamas or Caribbean and returning home in the spring? Perhaps it means taking two or three month cruises to different places each year while maintaining a home and vehicles and regular friends , doctors, dentists, etc. ?

How about the boat? Sailboat or can one go cruising on a powerboat (trawler, etc.)? Spending enough time in marinas to have a decent shower every few days or anchored every night with just rain water or limited water from a watermaker? Living comfortably or "camping" on a boat?

[valhalla360]

I'm not buying seasickness or even health as a primary reason (year for some but not many and not in the context of this question).

The typical land based couple spend an hour together in the morning and a 3-4hrs in the evening with a few more hours on the weekend (not counting sleep)...change that to 16-18hrs a day every day while confined to an area smaller than most master bedrooms. Typically this happens after 20-30yrs where people have plenty of time to get set in thier ways. This is a huge adjustment for a relationship. Its very much whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you survive, your relationship is likely much better but many relationships don't survive.

On a related note, is the difference in the partners desire to cruise. The guy typically wants to do it more than anything. He is willing to do what ever it takes and the woman typically gives in...until it gets old or scary or just unpleasant (pick the straw that breaks the camels back). If the guy isn't willing to modify his cruising goals to meet her needs and desires, it's not going to end well.

Advice: Sunset walks on the beach and exciting ports of call are a great way to get her interested but before pulling the trigger, you need to step back and really explore what your daily life will really be like and is that something you both want. If neccessary modify your plans (instead of rounding cape horn lashed to the wheel screaming orders at the crew...it may be cruising the ICW traveling when the weather allows. instead of anchoring for weeks on end in a deserted wilderness area...it may be doing that a few days a month with the rest of the time in a marina where she can interact with other people) You have to both be open and honest. Any large scale sacrafice by one partner will almost certainly not turn out well.

[Panamajames]

My wife wants to quit because of sea sickness. If anyone can recommend something truly great I am back in. Or we are back in.

We got some pills from New Zealand with a 2 pill combo from a friend and it worked great but the friend is no longer with us. We do not have the name of the pills...they worked.

Any ideas would be appreciated. Thanks

[Cap Erict3]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

Well, here's the other side of the coin:

Ann and I met in our 40's. I'd been sailing for ~15 years then, she only for a shorter while on OPB. We started racing on my boat, then some coastal cruising down to SoCal. We had a good time together and both enjoyed the cruising parts. I had been wanting to do the South Pacific for years by then... the typical wanabee dream. The early death of an office mate and friend.
............

This long and perhaps boring history is simply to show that it is possible to sail on for a long time as a couple, still like each other and still want to live the life. We know it isn't for everyone, and we've seen enough water soluble romances/relationships to be well aware of the many pitfalls. But we have known quite a few other "lifers", couples who have cruised for many years and still can enjoy the life and each other. They are mostly really good company!

Cheers,

Jim

Thanks for sharing that, Jim.


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Looking for another pretty place to work on the boat.

[chuckr]

Originally Posted by Panamajames

My wife wants to quit because of sea sickness. If anyone can recommend something truly great I am back in. Or we are back in.

We got some pills from New Zealand with a 2 pill combo from a friend and it worked great but the friend is no longer with us. We do not have the name of the pills...they worked.

Any ideas would be appreciated. Thanks

have you tried ginger cookies - start eating before you set out and eat them all day. we don't get seasick but on occassion have an upset tummy and they work.

we try to keep 2-3 bags on board on long trips and when we can find them.

[VOYAGER II]

We retired and started cruising Jan. 2000, I was 62 years old and in great physical shape. We also took a 3 yr. trip in our motor home. I am thinking seriously of going to a trawler because sailing is tough on an old body. My wife still enjoys sailing so we won't give it up completely. Age is a big factor in why couples give it up, emergencies come up unexpectedly and we have to be physically and mentally prepared for them.

[Saleen411]

One reason could be a lot of people have multiple interests.

For us we are now on the boat away from or home port cruising for about 7 months of the year with the rest of the time occupied with land travel ,boat jobs and family out of our house near Brisbane neither of us wants to be without a land base and or on the boat full time.

Like Weavis I and sometimes we have travelled and lived in many parts of the world with my job

.

I'm of similar mindset and circumstance as both you and Weavis. Still travel extensively as part of my job (3 times a month to Hong Kong), don't want to be without a land base, and don't think I want to be a full time cruiser. Part time is still on my bucket list.

Thank you for your response Chris.

Jerry

[Crosis]

Originally Posted by rwidman

Unless you die at sea, there will likely come a time in your life when you or your spouse either cannot put up with the physical demands of cruising or need to be on land and close to medical facilities.

Cruising, like playing basketball or football, is not something we can reasonably expect to do up to our last day on earth.

Sorry to be blunt but that's the way it is.

This also means that if there's something you want to do before you die, you have to squeeze it in between the time you can afford to do it and the time you cannot physically do it.

He's got it exactly right. That's why I am retiring at 52. My father was able to cruise until age 75. I hope to get 20 to 25 years on the water before I have to return to land for good because of age and ability.

[Saleen411]

Well, here's the other side of the coin:

Wow....thank you for taking the time to share all that, Jim.

[Annie in WA]

On seasickness, I think everybody has to find the solution that works for them. For me and my husband the magic pill is called Stugeron (cinnarizine) in the 15 mg dose. I buy them online and they are made in the UK. For us, this med works even if I am already seasick and it can be chewed instead of swallowed. We have no side effects and we can control the dose. If you choose to research this drug, you will find that it is used as an antipsychotic at higher doses, so beware. I am not a doctor and am not recommending this for anyone, just telling what worked for us as we don't get seasick anymore.

There are lots of other remedies to try. The Mahina Tiare website has an excellent discussion about fighting seasickness. Good luck.

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by Cheechako

*Some people enjoy the process of preparing more than doing. Spend years rebuilding, reengineering the boat etc, then the fun list goes away to a large extent when cruising and real maintenance part starts.

I would equate this to building an elaborate train set as or with your child. Building the train set and all the towns and detail that goes into it is fun and gets your imagination going. Once the train set is done....well now you're just watching it go around in circles.

I am no where near being able to cruise yet but I fear that if I do get there this may be my problem. I love to fix, prepare, install, tinker etc. I love sailing but I also have a need to be productive and creative from time to time. Hopefully I can find a balance.