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Old 09-10-2015, 18:43   #361
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by sailorboy1 View Post
Interesting that in 10 years of cruising research this is the first time I've read of anyone quitting because "their boat is too big".
Honestly I thought he was kidding. Regardless of his intent, I lol'ed





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Old 09-10-2015, 19:50   #362
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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I do not doubt that this is true, but so much of the maintenance costs depends upon the manner of care.

My maintenace costs for my 41' center cockpit boat remain less than the property taxes OR the utility bills that my friends spend for their houses.

Discounting bottom work on the hard, I've only had a professional come aboard my boat for work on seven occasions that I can recall for the 43 years that we have been living aboard and cruising.
They dropped in to a boatyard on the SE coast of the US and also had work done in a yard on the Chesapeake just about every year. They liked to keep their boat up to date. They did a lot of small stuff themselves.
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Old 09-10-2015, 19:54   #363
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Honestly I thought he was kidding. Regardless of his intent, I lol'ed
It's a serious comment. As I said, I read that--in the Westsail forum. I don't know where the poster there got it.

My post was reflected a bit off all the posts about couples quitting cruising because they don't get along. There are other reasons.
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Old 09-10-2015, 21:07   #364
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Maybe when someone says the boat was "too big" perhaps it was partly costs, but also as they got older the boat became too difficult to handle, especially if it was an older boat without a lot of the electric and mechanical aids that are so common on more modern boats. And if you add to that a budget that is insufficient to update the boat with those things, then the actual problem could trace back to the fact that the boat was in fact "too big."

I would doubt that anyone would be referring to the inconvenience of all that extra space. Who wouldn't love that? And who wouldn't love the motion comfort of a bigger boat, or the ability to have more guests in the cockpit for a daysail, or take family cruising with you in comfort from time to time. Who wouldn't love a place to store 4 seasons of clothes and a complete workshop of tools. But there is a lot of other stuff that goes with it.

Since Lance and have been doing a complete refit with new sails, rigging, roller furling, and engine rebuild, and we do all our own maintenance, topsides, deck and bottom painting and all, we have remarked a couple of times while working on our CD-33 that, from a cost and a physical work standpoint, at this stage of our life we would not want anything bigger. I think we would be struggling financially to get this boat done the way we want it if it were bigger, and I don't know if I would have the energy to finish it. And we sure as heck couldn't afford to pull into a boat yard and have everything done to it if we weren't able to handle it ourselves.

So, no, the idea of being "over-boated" doesn't sound laughable to me at all.
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Old 10-10-2015, 18:30   #365
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Fascinating thread. I have a little formula I use when I talk to new liveaboards or cruisers as to whether they will be successful or not. I'm relatively new to it, too, and I used the same formula when arguing in favor of this before we made the move.

1.) Did you need a huge house with lots of land when you lived ashore?

2.) Were you very aware of the upgrades your neighbors around you where making and were you anxious to keep up with them?

3.) Did you have friends from widely ranging socio-economic strata?

AND (the most important one of all):

4.) When you were both home did you spend most of your time in the same room or doing things separately, whether it be reading/watching TV, or household improvements, or whatever?

These were the questions I asked myself and my husband before we decided to leave. My answers were: small house in modest neighborhood, friends from Park Avenue and park benches and (the most important one of all....) when we spent time at home we were always in the same room.

So far we both are glad we did it. We're doing more work and spending more money fitting out the boat than we planned, but will sail off next spring (fingers crossed) and will have had all this time to adjust to each other while at the dock.
There's no doubt we are closer and rely on each other in a different way, more respectfully, I guess is the word. I have greater faith in his and my abilities.

Best of all - I like him more.
We are transitioning, we have been living aboard part time for a couple of years to go full time this winter.

We too are attached at the hip type of couple. We both had previous marriages where that was not the case, so this is unique to this relationship.

As to the 4 questions...
1. Small two bed room apt, and half of that is my wife's treatment office.
2. We don't even know our neighbors, after 20+ years (but we know everyone on the dock!) let alone try to keep up with them.
3. As you, a very wide range.
4. We are always together, even just reading. We get tired of socializing quickly, but never seem to tire of one another. We can spend a few days on the boat in foul weather just being quietly together.

It is comforting to see how well we fit your criteria even if it is just a rough guideline.

Recently at the SSCA Gam someone talked about strategies to allow each other space when needed. They joked of being together 22/7 and others tales of having PTO, personal days, pre negotiated, when neither was obligated to recognize the other, just to create space.

I don't think we need that stuff, but it is nice to know there are flexible strategies in the event the need arises.
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Old 18-10-2015, 07:36   #366
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Fun thread, I'd like to weigh in.

My wife and I have been cruising together for 20 years, we raised our two daughters onboard and crossed the Pacific with them in 05. Prior to that we shared a Hughes Northstar 40 with a friend and plowed all over the Caribbean for a decade. Prior to that was a yacht broker. Prior to that I cruised and raced with family from childhood. (all that being said as I grew up knowing the privations of the sailing life, and pleasures)

The saddest thing I recall as a broker was the man sitting on the dock in West Palm Beach (could be anywhere on Florida's east coast) having just finished their "dream trip" down the ICW. The wife has packed up and gone home to be near the grandkids and he has to sell his dream. This is not one incident, seen it often. Just last week I was passing through Cape May and met a similar story. His ocean going boat (description omitted on purpose) had every bell and whistle on it PLUS 8 five gallon diesel jerry cans. (This to me was an indication this fellow was not much for the sailing side of things, not judging, just observing). He was stopped with engine failure and had to quit as his budget was exhausted. I walked away first thinking "how could I help" but upon reflection realized that this is how it was meant to be. Sometimes the dream and the reality to crash and there is a lot more reality than dream but that's cool if one realizes :-)

One recommendation for the husband who wants his partner to "get into it". DO NOT TAKE HER CRUISING SOMEPLACE BEAUTIFUL TO INTRODUCE HER!!!!!!!!!! The logic is we'll charter in the BVIs and she will "get it". NO, take her on some miserable upwind passage and if she likes that she loves you and when you get to the cream you'll have a winner. We met a couple in the Tuamotus who had been following our blog way back when. His wife was MISERABLE and we had a funny conversation around this "misery first" philosophy. He had read where Becky and I were crossing from the Virgins to St. Maarten and it was rough, I looked at her in her foulies as she was listening to "Prairie home companion" on her walkmen just smiling, I knew she was the one :-) He was funny in that he remembered that but did the opposite and introduced his wife via the BVI approach, once she hit the Pacific for the "big trip" she hated it.

One last thought, mix it up. We shared that 40' with a friend so one couple would sail 2-3 months while the other stayed home and watched over the others business as well as his own. This kept the variety up and excitement as the boat was always someplace new when we passed the torch. Full time cruising can lead to mild alcoholism so beware, involvement with mission work, helping in local communities, etc add that purpose that really lights things up.

That was fun. Wishing all who have the dream to explore distant shores success and safe travels. Paul on Ohana II working my way down the east coast.

(picture is her at the top of the mast, yikes)
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Old 18-10-2015, 08:00   #367
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

mild alcoholism eh! That is really funny, kinda like partly pregnant.
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Old 18-10-2015, 08:07   #368
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Because we've been doing it for 25 years and my wife who has loved it is finally tired of it. Age is a factor too as we're not as spry as we used to be. For the past few years we've been saying one more season. This might be the last season. Anyone want to buy a great cruising boat? We will continue sailing in Toronto but I think the Bahamas cruising thing will be ending next May.
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Old 18-10-2015, 11:44   #369
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Ok let's start from the idea that most go from a nice house plenty of room and the ability to not worry how to get to the store. Etc.

Speaking strictly from our view. YMMV but the biggest mistake is not being able to occupy yourself for hrs on end. Take the boat you want to live on. Sit at the dock for six months to get to the routine. Now put same boat in a DIY yard and live on it for 3 months. Minimal facilities no air true roughing it. If you haven't killed one another after that chances are your in a safe match. And yes we are still on the boat prepping to leave for points south next year after a 5 plus yr refit/ fix/ are u nuts repair job. Is she still on board ? Yup.
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Old 18-10-2015, 23:06   #370
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Some good stories in the thread. Our first phase was mostly pre-kids. At first my wife was more into boating than I was. Over time her passion for boating cooled and I think, were she still alive, that this point she would have wanted to be close to the kids in preference to cruising. In part it comes down to what are you going to do all day? What are your interests and hobbies?

So enter second phase of boating. Solo mostly, and older but wanting comforts. Large sailboats can be very comfortable but a handful on your own. Power boats are a doddle to manage so that is the way I went after a lot of research. Which is why some don't quit, they just change boating styles when the workload is worrying or too tough to manage. Far better than quitting!

Now I find myself spending more time close to the kids than I imagined I would, we are close and I guess that is one consequence of involuntary single parenting when they were just 12. They are now almost 23, working part-time and on second degrees. They can manage on their own and I've downsized the house to something suitable for them with space for me when I want. Its been extended a bit and renovated so nothing more to do there. From the kids perspective the only issue they have is their life is too busy to fit much boating in right now. That's not likely to change anytime soon, that's just the way it is!

Meantime I've enjoyed an extended R&M period on the boat a great deal, and now have it in really good shape - nothing more needs to be done there either, although of course there is regular maintenance stuff. So everything is is order to 'live the dream' and take extended cruises. Next year is going to be the real test - will it mostly be cruising or not? I figure there is some combination of cruising, hopping along the coast, nice little marinas that will deliver a lifestyle I find really enjoyable. Longer cruises around the South Pacific Islands are penciled in, but without any dates. I might find other things more enjoyable and do less boating, who knows. I wont regard it as quitting, just another chapter or phase in my life.
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Old 19-10-2015, 13:07   #371
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

I've really enjoyed reading all the stories and I'm glad others have too as evidenced by such comments as....."Fun thread"..."Interesting stories" Interesting thread" etc.

Thanks again to all who have chimed in and shared.
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Old 19-10-2015, 13:20   #372
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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I do not doubt that this is true, but so much of the maintenance costs depends upon the manner of care. If owners are doing much of the work themselves and "sending out" repairs the costs can be manageable. By 'sending out" I mean removing an item and taking to a workshop instead of having a repair person on board your boat. Taking an air conditioning unit, shrouds with swedge fittings or a starter motor to a shop for repair costs a fraction of having a technician, rigger or mechanic come to your boat.

My maintenace costs for my 41' center cockpit boat remain less than the property taxes OR the utility bills that my friends spend for their houses.

Discounting bottom work on the hard, I've only had a professional come aboard my boat for work on seven occasions that I can recall for the 43 years that we have been living aboard and cruising.
If you have do it yourself yards great. That seems to be a thing of the past.
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Old 19-10-2015, 13:40   #373
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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If you have do it yourself yards great. That seems to be a thing of the past.
They're still available here in South Florida.
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Old 19-10-2015, 14:03   #374
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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If you have do it yourself yards great. That seems to be a thing of the past.
We're in an awesome DIY yard in Maryland. We keep it clean and they leave us alone. Great people.
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Old 19-10-2015, 14:11   #375
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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If you have do it yourself yards great. That seems to be a thing of the past.
Still plenty available in the Canadian Great Lakes, and Atlantic provinces.
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