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Old 09-10-2015, 05:03   #346
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Correct 100%. Many people buy the largest vessel that they can afford with no regard to the future maintenance.
As any liveaboard shall advise, the maintenance cost is proportional to the size of the boat. Obviously, a radar or VHF shall be mostly the same cost, but rigging, sails, winch size, anchoring arrangement, engine(s), antifouling, dock lift etc etc are all bigger, not to mention docking fee's, fuel consumption etc also affecting the costs. In third world countries the bigger the boat shall also suggest the wealthier the people on board.........




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Originally Posted by Seymore View Post
I know a cruising couple who quit, a year and a half ago. They quit because the annual maintenance cost on their 42 foot centre cockpit sailboat got too high.

I have read that 2/3 of the couples who quit in the middle of a circumnavigation do so because their boat is too big.
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Old 09-10-2015, 05:32   #347
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Interesting thought on costs, current Tax and utilities on my house and property is $1,000 a month, insurance for it and the automobiles add about another $400 a month .
I guess I can't afford not to cruise?
Our relationship really does worry me though, we haven't been without kids for 30 yrs, so when we go, it will be just us for the first time in 30 yrs and we will be together constantly.
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Old 09-10-2015, 05:48   #348
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

a64pilot it's a great time to really get to know one another without all the other pressures of child raising. Go forward knowing that the roles you have lived don't have to define your joys now. Put egos aside and just explore together. I guarantee you will enjoy one another more, like each other better and have more fun.
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Old 09-10-2015, 06:52   #349
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

I think we will be OK, just this is my dream, not hers and as she put it, I'm really looking forward to it, and she is nervous about it. I tell her if we start soon we could probably cruise ten years, she thinks that's a long time. So we are kind of coming at this for different points of view.
I think she will like if if I don't go overboard with it as I have a tendency to do that, so I'll just have to be content with motoring on the ICW a little to begin with and not setting out right away on a two week passage.

But to her credit, two years go I didn't nave this dream, didn't really know what to do in retirement, though you know buy a little house on a canal in FL. where I could keep our boat at, do a little diving, fishing, buy a Motorhome and travel. I had already done the RV thing though and it's less than appealing, all you can do is go from one RV park to another, not much else is allowed.
Then somehow or another I hit on cruising, having never thought of it before. Started thinking trawler as I have 0 sailing background, but couldn't see how with my finances how I could make that work for long distance travel like the South Pacific.

So with us anyhow I went from having a little retirement house some day in FL. to in two years we will be living on a sail boat and travelling, so it's a lot to ask of her really.
Of course I don't think it helps that all her friends I'm sure think I'm nuts and I assume are telling her she's crazy to give up her life and do this.
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Old 09-10-2015, 06:55   #350
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

What this has to do with why cruising couples quit is I think the person who's dream it is can very easily get wrapped up in the dream, I mean it's dreamy right?
But it may not be the other half of the couples dream, and the dreamer had better be very aware of that, or the dream may quickly become a nightmare
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Old 09-10-2015, 07:12   #351
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by dilligaf View Post
My wife never leaves my side nor do I HERS. We hold each other when things are difficult and work out the problems together. I guess that is what makes things work. In thick or thin we will lean on each other to make it work out.. Good luck on your sailing, but remember that if you can make it on land then you can make at sea, just trusting each other.
This is our approach too, no matter what. We have been together 37 years and we still can't wait to get home to each other at the end of the work day. Weekends and any day we are not at work we are pretty much together 24/7. It is very rare for either of us to do anything separately beyond just running a quick errand. About the only time that happens is when I don't feel well and I encourage him to go find something to do on his own (which he only rarely takes me up on). Otherwise we are side by side.

I think some people go into it thinking that somehow cruising is going to "fix things." That somehow all their problems will be over if they can just get away from it all. But if those problems are with the relationship I would definitely rethink that. If you aren't very close and don't invest time in your relationship before you go cruising there is no reason to expect that it's just going to magically change when you get on the boat. Whatever your relationship is before cruising should be a pretty good barometer of how it will be. If you need a lot of space, want a lot of separate or alone time, or get on each others nerves in the space of a house on shore, I would rethink moving on to a small boat and putting yourself in a place where getting away from each other is impossible and personal space is very limited.
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Old 09-10-2015, 07:27   #352
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Quote:
Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Interesting thought on costs, current Tax and tilities on my house and property is $1,000 a month, insurance for it and the automobiles add about another $400 a month .
I guess I can't afford not to cruise?
Our relationship really does worry me though, we haven't been without kids for 30 yrs, so when we go, it will be just us for the first time in 30 yrs and we will be together constantly.
Yikes. I must be living wrong!

Alberta
My utility bills last month were water/sewage/garbage pickup: 43.31
Electrical : 56.52
Natural Gas : 31.30
Property Tax : 63.16

Florida
Condo Fee (includes water/sewage/garbage) :252.00
Electrical : 31.46
Tax (I don't get the homestead exemption) : 61.02

Total both properties :538.77

But then, I'm pretty frugal and structured the places I bought to ensure they reflected that fact. Now the boat, well, it costs about the same as any other boat of similar size, although I don't know how Hudson Force got away with so little maintenance. Time to take boat frugality lessons from him, and trade my land based lessons to him.
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Old 09-10-2015, 07:38   #353
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
I think we will be OK, just this is my dream, not hers and as she put it, I'm really looking forward to it, and she is nervous about it. I tell her if we start soon we could probably cruise ten years, she thinks that's a long time. So we are kind of coming at this for different points of view.
I think she will like if if I don't go overboard with it as I have a tendency to do that, so I'll just have to be content with motoring on the ICW a little to begin with and not setting out right away on a two week passage.

But to her credit, two years go I didn't nave this dream, didn't really know what to do in retirement, though you know buy a little house on a canal in FL. where I could keep our boat at, do a little diving, fishing, buy a Motorhome and travel. I had already done the RV thing though and it's less than appealing, all you can do is go from one RV park to another, not much else is allowed.
Then somehow or another I hit on cruising, having never thought of it before. Started thinking trawler as I have 0 sailing background, but couldn't see how with my finances how I could make that work for long distance travel like the South Pacific.

So with us anyhow I went from having a little retirement house some day in FL. to in two years we will be living on a sail boat and travelling, so it's a lot to ask of her really.
Of course I don't think it helps that all her friends I'm sure think I'm nuts and I assume are telling her she's crazy to give up her life and do this.
If you and she haven't read Don Casey's book "Dragged Aboard," I would suggest it for both of you.
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Old 09-10-2015, 07:59   #354
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Well I have sold the house and land so it's a non issue, but taxes were about $6K a yr.
Utilities water garbage and electricity were average $500 a month, insurance for cars and house was I think about $400 a month.
House and land were paid for, but now I'm looking for a place to rent.

I haven't heard of "dragged aboard", but it doesn't sound like something I should get her to read? Is it a Kindle book? I go Kindle whenever I can as opposed to physical books.
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Old 09-10-2015, 08:31   #355
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

In my experience full time cruising and voyaging will exaggerate any issues you may have in your relationship. If your relationship is really healthy cruising 24/7 will make it stronger but if you have issues then it will exaggerate those as well and increase the chance of having a water soluble ending.
Every couple operates differently but its a good idea to decide who is responsible for what. Some couples share all duties and a very small number of them make it work but generally its a good idea to do the work that you are best at.
There are many different ways to cruise from sailing the world to day sailing between islands and they are very different.
People who hang around specific areas can get by with less gear and their maintenance costs will be much lower than those folks that are crossing oceans.
We tend to sail the same way we do everything else, risk takers will start crossing oceans and the folks who are more risk adverse will hang out in places like the Med/Mexico/Caribbean. Neither choice is right or wrong but you should have a good talk with each other and be honest with yourself before heading out because it can save you a ton of money and aggrivation later.
If you really get along on a boat traveling from here to there it is a perfectly wonderful way to live your life, it really doesn't get much better.
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Old 09-10-2015, 08:31   #356
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Well I have sold the house and land so it's a non issue, but taxes were about $6K a yr.
Utilities water garbage and electricity were average $500 a month, insurance for cars and house was I think about $400 a month.
House and land were paid for, but now I'm looking for a place to rent.

I haven't heard of "dragged aboard", but it doesn't sound like something I should get her to read? Is it a Kindle book? I go Kindle whenever I can as opposed to physical books.
Actually it's the exact opposite of what the title sounds like. It was written specifically for woman who are getting pulled into the cruising lifestyle to satisfy the dream of their partner. Don Casey and his wife (pretty much lifelong cruisers and writers) over many years have interviewed a large number of cruising couples and found that it was very commonplace that starting out the women were very nervous and hesitant about the cruising lifestyle but were going along with the plan to satisfy their husbands. They wanted to know what the women's fears and anxieties were starting out and whether or not those fears and anxieties came to fruition, and also how they felt about the cruising life after being at it for awhile. Also the book has a lot of useful information to try and address the anxieties that seemed to be the most common.

The gist of the book is that they try to present the reality of or the solutions for most of the things that women worry about starting out. They also present a lot of stories of women who say that they were scared to death beforehand but looking back they now wouldn't trade their cruising life for anything. And, probably most importantly, they give a lot of great suggestions to the men as to how they can go about making sure that the cruising is handled in such a way as to give the woman ample opportunities to adjust, feel comfortable, and not feel like her needs are being ignored as you ease into this new lifestyle.

Cruising has always been my dream as much as Lance's, but still there are things that you worry about and this book addresses a lot of them and brings some great perspective about what to expect. I found it a great read. As a matter of fact I have read it a couple of times when I was going through my own periods of anxiety about different things. It's not available Kindle but I saw used copies on Amazon for as low as .42 cents + shipping. At that price you can read it and pass it on to a friend.
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Old 09-10-2015, 09:07   #357
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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...
Cruising has always been my dream as much as Lance's, but still there are things that you worry about and this book addresses a lot of them and brings some great perspective about what to expect. I found it a great read. As a matter of fact I have read it a couple of times when I was going through my own periods of anxiety about different things. It's not available Kindle but I saw used copies on Amazon for as low as .42 cents + shipping. At that price you can read it and pass it on to a friend.
Thank you for the book recommendation.

I am lucky in that my wifey wants to go on the boat as much, if not more so, than I but it sounds like this would be a good book for both of us to read.

Thanks again,
Dan
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Old 09-10-2015, 10:16   #358
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Fascinating thread. I have a little formula I use when I talk to new liveaboards or cruisers as to whether they will be successful or not. I'm relatively new to it, too, and I used the same formula when arguing in favor of this before we made the move.

1.) Did you need a huge house with lots of land when you lived ashore?

2.) Were you very aware of the upgrades your neighbors around you where making and were you anxious to keep up with them?

3.) Did you have friends from widely ranging socio-economic strata?

AND (the most important one of all):

4.) When you were both home did you spend most of your time in the same room or doing things separately, whether it be reading/watching TV, or household improvements, or whatever?

These were the questions I asked myself and my husband before we decided to leave. My answers were: small house in modest neighborhood, friends from Park Avenue and park benches and (the most important one of all....) when we spent time at home we were always in the same room.

So far we both are glad we did it. We're doing more work and spending more money fitting out the boat than we planned, but will sail off next spring (fingers crossed) and will have had all this time to adjust to each other while at the dock.
There's no doubt we are closer and rely on each other in a different way, more respectfully, I guess is the word. I have greater faith in his and my abilities.

Best of all - I like him more.
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Old 09-10-2015, 12:41   #359
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seymore View Post
I know a cruising couple who quit, a year and a half ago. They quit because the annual maintenance cost on their 42 foot centre cockpit sailboat got too high.

I have read that 2/3 of the couples who quit in the middle of a circumnavigation do so because their boat is too big.
This is why I suggest, and try to follow, the recommendation to go with the smallest boat you can live with. It seems to me that most people come into cruising looking for the largest boat they can afford. This misses the real cost of boat ownership, which is long-term maintenance. And it's a cost measured in money, time and emotional energy.
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Old 09-10-2015, 13:36   #360
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by Seymore View Post
I know a cruising couple who quit, a year and a half ago. They quit because the annual maintenance cost on their 42 foot centre cockpit sailboat got too high.

I have read that 2/3 of the couples who quit in the middle of a circumnavigation do so because their boat is too big.
Interesting that in 10 years of cruising research this is the first time I've read of anyone quitting because "their boat is too big". What I have read is people stopping because they run out of money, but that is mostly because they didn't believe it when people said what it really costs and instead believe internet forum "Cruise of $500" threads.
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