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Old 21-02-2015, 22:30   #211
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Why to use the word quit?

For the sake of brevity and a catchy title
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Old 22-02-2015, 02:38   #212
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

We certainly are no where close to it, but other than the obvious like health and finances, then it's just as simple as get tired of it and ready for something else. That's what got them started. Maybe just time for the next phase of their lives. I know a couple that quit because they didn't feel they were contributing to society and felt they had a lot left to offer. They're teaching kids to read. They go on mission trips to take food and equipment to foreign areas and work with the locals, to build houses. They're involved with habitat houses. I think they have this incredible energy because of the time they took away to cruise.

Another couple with a small house and a beautiful garden. That's their pride and joy and what they love to do. They also visit nursing homes and sing several times a month, entertaining those there, bringing lots of joy.

Perhaps to some it's not quitting, it's moving into the next phase of life. It's new adventures. We don't think we'll ever change. We know an 84 year old with a 164' boat and he's about to head to Hawaii and then Japan. Thinking that when he returns to the US it will probably be from the opposite direction. He owned boat manufacturers all his life and sold the last one a few months ago so now he's going on the cruise to anywhere at anytime and only the first legs are planned.

I don't think we'll ever stop boating, but I could see one day being less aggressive in it and doing local boating while staying home, enjoying a home life, enjoying our friends who will also be older. Going to all the concerts, maybe even the Heat or Dolphins. Maybe a few road trips. Who knows. But we won't be quitting ever. We'll be moving on to the next way to live life to it's fullest.
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Old 22-02-2015, 08:21   #213
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

For those that take exception to the word "quit", and there have been at least a couple.....

Fact is, people DO "quit", and for a multitude of reasons. We've all heard the stories, so no need to regurgitate what has already been posted.

Does everybody eventually "quit"? No.....there are many who only PLAN to cruise full time for a few years, then move on OR reduce the time afloat. Seems this is the majority of cruisers according to the salts on this board. Conversely, SOME sailors are still cruising full time YEARS after the short time plan. Good for them!

Obviously others that didn't "quit" are sailors forced ashore due to age and health issues.

Then there are couples that "quit" each other so to speak. Honestly, when I started this thread, my intent was to focus on the realities of SAILING, not on why people get divorced or break up. However, it's easy to see why some couples can't handle the associated issues of forced intimacy in a confined space 24/7. It's probably not a stretch to say that the resultant issues of full time cruising led to the demise of more than few relationships.

So, WHY are some people, (couples) no longer cruising full time? This is what I got from this thread. Not in any particular order and I'm sure not anywhere near complete....

1) Because the majority NEVER planned to cruise full time forever.

2) Family and health issues.

3) Finances

4) The Admiral had enough

5) Failed relationship

6) Both have had enough...failed expectations due to some of the harsh realities of the "dream"


So, for those that took exception to the word '"quit", I offer my humble apologies. In retrospect, "Reasons Why Couples No Longer Cruise" may have been a better thread title.

However, I STILL wanna know why the Admiral bought a plane ticket home at the first cruising destination.
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Old 22-02-2015, 08:43   #214
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

"Cruising couples", associates for us "long term cruising". We did that. We set sail both in our mid thirthies at 1998 for a circumnavigation. We came back in 2002. My best adventure so far.
And yes we then quit the long term cruising live. And started boating again. For us our (young) age was the reason.
My partner said that besides crossing Oceans, discovering cultures and meet new people there's always comes a time to cut the lines and go. Why is that? For us is was the reminder that living on a boat has limitations and avantages.
We were Living our lives on a boat those days for quite some time. But slowy it changed, into living our lives with a boat ones more.
Anyway that is what happend to us.

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Old 22-02-2015, 14:46   #215
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Liveaboard cruising is a dream come true but it's not the only dream. Consider that some people been there, done that and go on to the next wonderment. I've met too many liveaboards whose lives have ground to a sour stop but they are too stubborn to admit ir or perhaps too lazy to do the hard work involved in leaving one lifestyle for another. Seek joy wherever it can be found.
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Old 22-02-2015, 16:35   #216
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by JanetGroene View Post
........................
............................ I've met too many liveaboards whose lives have ground to a sour stop but they are too stubborn to admit ir or perhaps too lazy to do the hard work involved in leaving one lifestyle for another.
.............................................
I've seen this too and more often among those who never take a break from life on the boat. Although our boat has been our only home since 1971 we usually spend Christmas to the new year at a snowy mountain retreat and some other time during each year we're off to some far away place for a few weeks of land touring.
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Old 25-02-2015, 20:18   #217
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

Interesting thread. My Wife is reading it with me bit by bit, I skipped ahead.

We are not yet cruising, but have a hard go of it already. Some REAL heavy weather just over the idea. Except is was not really so much about cruising but some other things that we haven't totally worked out yet. Hopefully we will be there, or close enough by December when I retire.

I have been mostly single handing and although I like it I also find it lacks meaning to go someplace wonderful and not have someone you love to share it with. We are very deeply committed to our relationship in addition to our individual drives. It is the individual drives that put us at cross purposes.

We have spent a great amount of time, money and effort eliciting professional advice (some very good, some terrible at best) in getting over our difficulties and finding how to be better partners. We are not there yet, but the light is getting brighter (yeah, I know, a train light in the tunnel )

We have done some sailing together, some better than others. Our last trip was three weeks on the small boat on the Chesapeake, and it worked very, very well. The big boat delivery from Halifax to the Delware, not so much.

Luckily my Wife really like small spaces and is well adapted to a boat as her cave. The sailing scares her, but I see her adapt. She has made tremendous strides in dealing with sea sickness, it is now a far smaller issue. She is handling more and more tasks.

At this point we are living on our big boat 6 days out of 14. And doing that over these past two winters is no mean feat. We spent all last season doing some real heavy work on our small boat, and she was there all the way. We are doing well living aboard, that is just not an issue.

Yet she does not have the same drive I do to travel. And we just don't want to be apart. So we still struggle, trying to find a way for her to either retain her drive or redirect it in a way that allows mobility. I'm confident that once we get past this issue of her work and drive the sailing will take care of itself. Slow start, and maybe it never gets much beyond that, but that is ok.

At 65 I just can not wait any longer. For one thing I need to get out of the #%^+ city, it just drives me into a depression. I'm in relatively good shape but have had a recent bad issue with my feet (of all stupid things) that is a painful reminder of my fragility. I need to go, and soon. December 2015.

For us the answer of why do couples quit lays in our future. With luck, our distant future.
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Old 26-02-2015, 04:24   #218
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by hpeer View Post
snip


At 65 I just can not wait any longer. For one thing I need to get out of the #%^+ city, it just drives me into a depression. I'm in relatively good shape but have had a recent bad issue with my feet (of all stupid things) that is a painful reminder of my fragility. I need to go, and soon. December 2015.

For us the answer of why do couples quit lays in our future. With luck, our distant future.
We of a certain age have what we refer to as QTR = quality time remaining.

We who cruise have the added question of physical ability.

Earlier is better, whether coming or going. Not too many QTR days left...
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Old 26-02-2015, 05:29   #219
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Interesting thread. My Wife is reading it with me bit by bit, I skipped ahead.

We are not yet cruising, but have a hard go of it already. Some REAL heavy weather just over the idea. Except is was not really so much about cruising but some other things that we haven't totally worked out yet. Hopefully we will be there, or close enough by December when I retire.

I have been mostly single handing and although I like it I also find it lacks meaning to go someplace wonderful and not have someone you love to share it with. We are very deeply committed to our relationship in addition to our individual drives. It is the individual drives that put us at cross purposes.

We have spent a great amount of time, money and effort eliciting professional advice (some very good, some terrible at best) in getting over our difficulties and finding how to be better partners. We are not there yet, but the light is getting brighter (yeah, I know, a train light in the tunnel )

We have done some sailing together, some better than others. Our last trip was three weeks on the small boat on the Chesapeake, and it worked very, very well. The big boat delivery from Halifax to the Delware, not so much.

Luckily my Wife really like small spaces and is well adapted to a boat as her cave. The sailing scares her, but I see her adapt. She has made tremendous strides in dealing with sea sickness, it is now a far smaller issue. She is handling more and more tasks.

At this point we are living on our big boat 6 days out of 14. And doing that over these past two winters is no mean feat. We spent all last season doing some real heavy work on our small boat, and she was there all the way. We are doing well living aboard, that is just not an issue.

Yet she does not have the same drive I do to travel. And we just don't want to be apart. So we still struggle, trying to find a way for her to either retain her drive or redirect it in a way that allows mobility. I'm confident that once we get past this issue of her work and drive the sailing will take care of itself. Slow start, and maybe it never gets much beyond that, but that is ok.

At 65 I just can not wait any longer. For one thing I need to get out of the #%^+ city, it just drives me into a depression. I'm in relatively good shape but have had a recent bad issue with my feet (of all stupid things) that is a painful reminder of my fragility. I need to go, and soon. December 2015.

For us the answer of why do couples quit lays in our future. With luck, our distant future.
I believe one of the problems is people trying to determine what plan works best for them too far in advance. We're powerboaters and much younger, but we had no idea how long we'd be happy away from home at a time. Before we got started cruising we developed a new group of family and friends in South Florida that we very much liked being with. So, we started out on trips.

Now here's where I come to one of my theories of pain. When you don't know, you just go until you feel the longing to be back home, one or both of you. Would it be two months away at a time or one month? We'd already figured out it couldn't be full time for us, even though if you'd asked us immediately when we moved from NC and before our new collective family we would have thought we could have. For us there was something about having a home to go to. On the other hand we didn't want to limit our cruises.

So off we went. We found six weeks away at a time worked for us. We enjoyed every day on that pace. Two months was just too long as we found ourselves thinking of home. Neither you nor your wife know what will be best for you at this point. If her time is less than yours I'd advise you to listen to hers so all the cruising time then does remain pleasant. Stop the day before one gets too homesick. So what do we do. We leave home and head far away. We figure out approximately where we'll go in six weeks. In Alaska we did a two month run and were fine with it, but it was a new unique area that we did want to absorb more. But I'll also tell you when we docked after two months we were then excited about flying home. We fly home on this Sunday from Grand Cayman. We started this leg in San Diego. The boat hasn't actually ever made it to our home yet and we've been cruising it for close to a year.

Our first long east coast trip as we figured this out went like this. Six weeks ending in Annapolis, then home for three weeks. Six weeks ending in Greenport, NY, then home for three. Six weeks that ended back at Virginia Beach after a week in Washington. Three weeks home. Six weeks ending back at home. So 33 weeks on the one trip. It could have been longer but we wanted to be south for cold weather. A trip along the gulf coast could be much different. You really can't know until you do it. Honestly you don't even know which of you're miss home first. You assume her, but don't bet on it. When we do the loop, we intend for the boat to spend at least 2 and maybe 3 years away as we want to get all summer on the great lakes and then get it to Tennessee for fall and winter. From there keep it on the Tennessee river for a year of exploring the inland rivers.

Now I know the two negatives that pop up with a plan like ours. First is the cost of flying home. Tickets booked for the most part well in advance, very flexible schedules, will surprise you in that regard. Let's say you end up two months away and one at home. That means one round trip ticket every 90 days. That may only add $1200 to your annual budget and the boat will always be docked at monthly rates while gone, not transient. Even at 3 weeks, we've not yet run into a marina that didn't give us a monthly break. Now the second concern is schedule. We know the worst thing is getting tied to a schedule. We change our plans constantly. Now occasionally that could mean changes of tickets so we avoid generally non-refundable unless pretty sure. But lets say we fall in love with one place and then have to skip one going north. We get it returning south. We were supposed to cross from Panama to Grand Cayman last week and have about a week on Grand Cayman before our flights home. Well we loved Bocas del Toro too much so we'll only have two days in Grand Cayman. But when we return we'll spend longer. Now we move faster than most of you will, but the idea is the same.

A little technique on the tickets. They are all round trip from the distant location to your home and back. Pretty simple. Maybe your cruise time is 3 months than one home. For some it's time of years and it is for us. We have Holiday traditions and they're very important to us. So we'll always be home for the Christmas Holidays. One of the few times of the year we actually travel by car. We have spent 13 Christmas Eves and Christmas mornings in a row at an orphanage in NC. Then lunch on Christmas day at my aunt's. That's as long as I can take. Then to our adopted parents and sister (yes as adults we adopted them, far better than the ones we were born to) in Myrtle Beach. Then to our Florida home for the holidays with family and friends there. There is no love of cruising that would ever allow us to let the kids in the orphanage down although in reality we get more pleasure out of that time than imaginable.

Many can completely forego a land home or a home town. We couldn't. I generally recommend holding something as a tie to home at least until you see. You may one day physically be forced back to it.

I guess the key is don't try to force a round peg into a square hole. Let things fall naturally. Then you'll be amazed how it works out. Let's just say you could enjoy cruising six months at a time and two one week trips home a year, but your wife likes 3 months out and then 1 month home. So instead of 11 months cruising on your plan, you get 9 months on a plan that keeps her happy and keeps the two of you cruising together. Seems to me like a no brainer and a compromise that leaves you with the best of both worlds. And just because this is where you start doesn't mean you end up here years later. At some point you may find instead of holidays at home, your kids and grandkids love the adventure of holidays with you in some exotic warm area, somewhere new each year. I know families for whom this has happened. Family from Minnesota. Couple cruises coastal and generally spends the winter in Florida, the Bahamas, the Caribbean, and on the Gulf Coast. The kids and grand kids love their holiday vacation and they find a villa where the boat is or all crowd on the boat but they go back home boasting of their great holiday.

You will both find you feel differently than you think you will. So let it happen naturally and find what works best for the two of you.
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Old 26-02-2015, 05:44   #220
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Originally Posted by BandB View Post

snip


Now here's where I come to one of my theories of pain. When you don't know, you just go until you feel the longing to be back home, one or both of you. Would it be two months away at a time or one month? We'd already figured out it couldn't be full time for us, even though if you'd asked us immediately when we moved from NC and before our new collective family we would have thought we could have. For us there was something about having a home to go to. On the other hand we didn't want to limit our cruises.

So off we went. We found six weeks away at a time worked for us. We enjoyed every day on that pace. Two months was just too long as we found ourselves thinking of home. Neither you nor your wife know what will be best for you at this point. If her time is less than yours I'd advise you to listen to hers so all the cruising time then does remain pleasant. Stop the day before one gets too homesick. So what do we do. We leave home and head far away. We figure out approximately where we'll go in six weeks. In Alaska we did a two month run and were fine with it, but it was a new unique area that we did want to absorb more. But I'll also tell you when we docked after two months we were then excited about flying home. We fly home on this Sunday from Grand Cayman. We started this leg in San Diego. The boat hasn't actually ever made it to our home yet and we've been cruising it for close to a year.

snip
This brings another thought, perhaps germane to the thread, but of a very different nature.

We know LOTS of folks who cruise for a period and then go 'home' - but we also know (a great deal fewer) folks who sold their home(s) and went cruising. That to me is committed. The rest is dalliance.

Yet, the time is upon me where the admiral refuses to not be ashore so she can play grandma. The times we're not a guest in one of our children's homes we're aboard OUR home, unfortunately for the wallet, due to practicalities, on a $400 ball in Vero Beach, where her mother is in a retirement community.

I don't like it much, and the budget is VERY slim. There is no "home" to go to and, if we WERE to swallow the hook, we'd likely have to get jobs of some sort to afford living ashore.

Is starting a thread on those who went full bore and then either regretted, or were forced to abandon, that choice, worthwhile?

FWIW, I happen to know such a couple, Brit by birth and back in Auld Blighty; they curse the day they sold their waterborne home because they thought they'd run out of money; now they haven't the means to do it over again...

L8R

Skip, getting the last bits done to go cruising, again, after nearly 4 years (see other threads in CF for why) of either yard work or shake-and-break-down
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Old 26-02-2015, 05:56   #221
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

I don't really understand the need of a ground home just to go "home" once in a while to visit family. Just the expense of paying the property taxes would be a long stay in a extended stay motel.
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Old 26-02-2015, 06:14   #222
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Talking Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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We know LOTS of folks who cruise for a period and then go 'home' - but we also know (a great deal fewer) folks who sold their home(s) and went cruising. That to me is committed. The rest is dalliance.
Wifey B: Sorry but I have to scream loudly B.S. Dalliance? How dare you? Because it doesn't meet your definition? We're as committed as anyone, just committed at the pattern that makes sense for us. Just because something isn't full time doesn't mean it's a dalliance. Were our jobs dalliances because we took weekends and vacations off? Really I'm not angry. Just tired of people throwing labels on other's ways of doing things that somehow label them not serious.

Waterfront home can be a lot of things. In-law suite in daughter's house. Extended stay hotel. Downsized to condo from large house. I know a couple in South Florida that rents their home as a vacation home and holds back the weeks they need it. They still have positive cash flow on it in spite of them using it about 10 weeks a year.

As to dalliance, I'd wager any amount that we dallied more miles on the water last year than anyone else here. Of course we don't dally at 6 knots. Just a few places we cruised in 2014. Alaska, PNW, BC, Columbia River, San Francisco Bay, Los Angeles, Catalina, San Diego, Bahamas, Key West, Okeechobee, West Florida including Naples, Venice, Fort Myers, Bradenton, Clearwater, Tampa Bay, Panama City, Apalachicola, Pensacola, Destin, Mobile, New Orleans, Galveston, Corpus Christi, and east coast of FL including Miami, Palm Beach, Fort Lauderdale, Daytona, Fort Pierce, Stuart, St. Augustine, Canaveral, Fernandina plus toss in Savannah. Didn't get further north on the East Coast in 2014.

So dalliance to you but sounds pretty serious to me. Oh and at the moment we're dallying from Panama to Grand Cayman after just cruising this year so far down the west coast to Ensenada, Cabo San Lucas, La Paz, Vallarte, Mazatlan, Acapulco, La Cruz, Mexico. Then El Salvador, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama City, through the Canal, Colon, Bocas del Toro. That's our dalliance so far this year.

Careful tossing labels around, they might be on boomerangs.
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Old 26-02-2015, 06:33   #223
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Wifey B: Sorry but I have to scream loudly B.S. Dalliance? How dare you? Because it doesn't meet your definition? We're as committed as anyone, just committed at the pattern that makes sense for us. Just because something isn't full time doesn't mean it's a dalliance. Were our jobs dalliances because we took weekends and vacations off? Really I'm not angry. Just tired of people throwing labels on other's ways of doing things that somehow label them not serious.

......................
'well screamed! It's always tough to be stuck with a label and tossed into a pigeonhole.
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Old 26-02-2015, 06:45   #224
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Wifey B: Sorry but I have to scream loudly B.S. Dalliance? How dare you? Because it doesn't meet your definition? We're as committed as anyone, just committed at the pattern that makes sense for us. Just because something isn't full time doesn't mean it's a dalliance. Were our jobs dalliances because we took weekends and vacations off? Really I'm not angry. Just tired of people throwing labels on other's ways of doing things that somehow label them not serious.

Waterfront home can be a lot of things. In-law suite in daughter's house. Extended stay hotel. Downsized to condo from large house. I know a couple in South Florida that rents their home as a vacation home and holds back the weeks they need it. They still have positive cash flow on it in spite of them using it about 10 weeks a year.

As to dalliance, I'd wager any amount that we dallied more miles on the water last year than anyone else here. Of course we don't dally at 6 knots. Just a few places we cruised in 2014. Alaska, PNW, BC, Columbia River, San Francisco Bay, Los Angeles, Catalina, San Diego, Bahamas, Key West, Okeechobee, West Florida including Naples, Venice, Fort Myers, Bradenton, Clearwater, Tampa Bay, Panama City, Apalachicola, Pensacola, Destin, Mobile, New Orleans, Galveston, Corpus Christi, and east coast of FL including Miami, Palm Beach, Fort Lauderdale, Daytona, Fort Pierce, Stuart, St. Augustine, Canaveral, Fernandina plus toss in Savannah. Didn't get further north on the East Coast in 2014.

So dalliance to you but sounds pretty serious to me. Oh and at the moment we're dallying from Panama to Grand Cayman after just cruising this year so far down the west coast to Ensenada, Cabo San Lucas, La Paz, Vallarte, Mazatlan, Acapulco, La Cruz, Mexico. Then El Salvador, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama City, through the Canal, Colon, Bocas del Toro. That's our dalliance so far this year.

Careful tossing labels around, they might be on boomerangs.


The bacon is committed, but the egg is dalliance.

When you give up your home to go cruising, it's a bit different than just deciding to get off one day, for whatever reasons.

No offense intended, but the question was about those who chucked it all and had to go back.
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Old 26-02-2015, 06:47   #225
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Re: Why Do Cruising Couples Quit

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Wifey B:
BTW, I called my second wife "Wifey" once.

She corrected me to say she was only Wife B.

Now our signoffs in emails are XWB and XHA ☺
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