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Old 18-02-2010, 13:27   #1
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What Is the Dating Scene Like on the Water ?

I reported my intentions on my last post. Currently I am getting real close to moving aboard. My house is for sale and getting phone calls daily. I have sold a lot of junk and my garage is full of more junk and it is displayed and ready for a garage sell..My craigslist ad are many and getting calls and selling something at least once a week. I have a boat picked out and I am in love with it, the previous owner lived aboard and traveled extensively on her. She is set-up for cruising and I have a check mark on everything I wanted in a boat, yes I am smitten with her.. Sometime between me sharing my intentions with my girlfriend and 2 months ago we split up, she left.. I say good ridence to her she has moved out and I am glad she is gone. However, this does bring up some problems for me , one, I will now be singlehanding this 40 ft. Morgan , something I didn't plan on. Two, I am concerned of being on the water by myself. Tell me how you deal with the lonely aspects of sailing. I am not a big fan of being by myself. I have already started dating some of the local ladies around town, I dare not tell them of my desire to live on the water. Most people think its crazy, either because they are jealous are just so stuck in a rut they don't understand my desire for peace and freedom. I would like to meet someone else to spend my time with. I guess my question boils down to this , what are the chances of meeting a lady and having a relationship while sailing the carribbean for a few years? If it ain't good, then tough I'll do with out..
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Old 18-02-2010, 13:44   #2
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Oh, I wouldnt know anything about that hunni, this is a sailing site. It seems like people here arnt much interested in dating. Far too risky, you never know who you might get tangled up with, .......but, if your hell bent on taking a chance, you could try Ocean Girls sailing soulmates.

Good luck
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Old 18-02-2010, 13:44   #3
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I can't really answer you're question, but I'd say probably better than your chances are in the NYC area.
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Old 18-02-2010, 13:46   #4
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I was only joking. Loads of us here understand exactly what your talking about.

Apparantly, girlies dont like sailing, and when their man gets the notion he wants them to sail, she gets mad and starts making trouble. It all ends in tears, she stomps off and he sells the boat to keep her happy.

Anyway, thats regular, trouble making girlies, but there is a tougher breed who love a bit of fun and adventure and see life from the other perspective. Some of them are single too, and they have the same dillema you have.
The trick is to find one you like and make a pitch.

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Old 18-02-2010, 13:54   #5
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The right type of woman for you exists and there are many of them out there. The real problem is that you have to find that right kind of woman. They are rare because there are all kinds of women for all kinds of men. You have to increase the odds of finding her by getting in the the right types of environments where meeting meeting her is much higher. I have no idea about what types of environments are in your area, so you will have to be the creative one who finds these places.

There is also the whole internet dating scene. Don't write it off! Its enormous now. A simple Google search will bring up these websites.

You are the one who will have to make the effort, they are not going to come to you. That's the fatal flaw that many single people have, thinking that Mr. Right or Miss Right is going to walk in to their lives without having to make any effort at all.....and that it is going to happen "naturally"... wrong! Sometimes that does indeed happen, but the odds are not as good as when you make the effort.

I first met my wonderful wife at a non-denominational, non religious, singles group sponsored by a church. It's my opinion that bars and night clubs are the absolute worse place to look, unless you are just looking to get laid. Its obvious though that you are serious.

Get out there and look. Stay optimistic. It will eventually happen.
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:18   #6
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Not to Worry, you might be sucpriced at how many woman want to come sailing with you once they get to know you a wee bit- Facebook has been working like magic for me, friends of friends seems the way to meet nice people, try it you might like it!
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:24   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RELEASEME View Post
I reported my intentions on my last post. Currently I am getting real close to moving aboard. My house is for sale and getting phone calls daily. I have sold a lot of junk and my garage is full of more junk and it is displayed and ready for a garage sell..My craigslist ad are many and getting calls and selling something at least once a week. I have a boat picked out and I am in love with it, the previous owner lived aboard and traveled extensively on her. She is set-up for cruising and I have a check mark on everything I wanted in a boat, yes I am smitten with her.. Sometime between me sharing my intentions with my girlfriend and 2 months ago we split up, she left.. I say good ridence to her she has moved out and I am glad she is gone. However, this does bring up some problems for me , one, I will now be singlehanding this 40 ft. Morgan , something I didn't plan on. Two, I am concerned of being on the water by myself. Tell me how you deal with the lonely aspects of sailing. I am not a big fan of being by myself. I have already started dating some of the local ladies around town, I dare not tell them of my desire to live on the water. Most people think its crazy, either because they are jealous are just so stuck in a rut they don't understand my desire for peace and freedom. I would like to meet someone else to spend my time with. I guess my question boils down to this , what are the chances of meeting a lady and having a relationship while sailing the carribbean for a few years? If it ain't good, then tough I'll do with out..
Start sailing before you start looking.. you'll easily find crew to head down to the Islands I'll bet... furthermore you'll meet plenty of women into sailing in the Islands.. thats why a lot of them are there from all over the world... working on boats or in bars till the 'next boat'
No Guarantee you'll find 'LOVE' but then again nothing to say you wont.... but better to head off emotionally solo than find a hurried romance... just for the company... that goes bad and you end up stuck and wondering why you took Banana's to the Caribbean... or as we say in the UK.. Coal to Newcastle....
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:31   #8
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I am probably more bitter than anything else right now. The more I consider my many past relationships with women, the more I am beginning to realize they were more trouble than they were worth.. Maybe a lonely open ocean, coupled with a "I don't give a damn attitude" will be my new way of life.Well , maybe for a little while
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:40   #9
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This may sound strange but STOP looking for a relationship, you are about to enter into one with your boat. After you are living on the boat and do some traveling you will meet people so many and people from around the world.

Over time you will meet ladies that would love to travel and sail, some will have ties to land that will be hard to over come, others will have the dream but when it comes time to untie from a dock decide it is not the life style they really want.

I do not know if you ever lived on a boat before or not but if you have not it will take some time to get use to, and in my option you should do this alone.

As for singlehanding a boat do not let that stop you, crew can be found all the time. I do not know the type of boat you plan or its setup but a 40' is still well in reason to be singlehanded. This brings me to what I beleive all sailors should keep in mind. When you have a boat and plan to travel with a mate/crew you still better be able to handle the boat yourself, I have been sailing around 3 years now and have log some hours with alot of them on other peoples boats, the thing I learn most of all is that you can not always trust others to be able to handle problems when they come up and trust me they will.

Right now I have myself in a spot that I have not figured out how to handle it yet.
I got my boat over 3 years ago and met a lady after that and we are married now, fro the start she knew my dreams/plans to travel and spend the next 8 years away from the USA but around 3 weeks ago out of the blue she came to me and told me she did not think she could be away from her family like that. I know alot of this is due to the fact it is becoming very close to departing time to head south.

I have been planning this for many years and for the past 3 years training myself to sail and getting the boat ready.

My advice is to just start your life on the boat and if you are lucky you will meet your soulmate along the way.

I have read at one time, you will find love when you are not looking for it and I do believe it.


Best of luck,

Dutch
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:41   #10
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My 2 cents worth,
Be honest and up front with the woman you are dating now. Sailing is a part of who you are. It is better to find out now, how she will respond, rather than later when there are more emotions and feelings attached. You never know, one of the girls you run into might be a secrete sailor also.

Just for the record I disagree with David (if that is allowed ) about searching for a wife. I don't want to High jack this tread, so if you want to know why, then PM me.

Good Luck in your endevors,
Scott
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:46   #11
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But Scott there are other single sailors in here, who might want to know why.
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:50   #12
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Give the single life a shot for a while. After my divorce, I bought my first boat and learned everything I could about it and sailing basically by myself. It was a 27 footer and a bit easier to single hand then your Morgan, but being "alone" was exactly what I needed. I made fantastic friends at the marina, sailed all the time and enjoyed one of the best years of my life. Eventually, I did find the right girl and now enjoy sailing and hopefully sooner than later, cruising with her. Like Boatman61 said, no reason to rush something like that and wind up miserable again. And as far as getting to the Caribbean, post a Crew Wanted ad...you will have more help than you can use.
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:52   #13
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Dutch has some very good points.

I've been doing the internet thing for a few months. I had friend who actually yelled at me for being on any of those sites. She said, similar to what Dutch said, that I need to just concentrate on making my escape a reality. Once I do, I'll start meeting more like minded people. Although, that is easier said than done, when you still sitting in NJ, freeing you butt off all winter.

Also makes it less likely that you'll have a bomb dropped on you like Dutch's wife did. Because when you do meet her, you'll already be out there doing it.
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Old 18-02-2010, 14:54   #14
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If your feeling bitter at the moment, then its better to get over that first. Rebound relationships arnt healthy.
Single time alone gives you time to reflect and then focus.
Dont go too far the other way and become a crusty old hermit either.
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Old 18-02-2010, 15:13   #15
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As Scott and Dutch both say, it is probably imperative that you are honest with whoever you meet along the way about your dreams and desires. Also good for you to be clear with yourself about those needs. If a person isn't getting what he/she needs in lfe it is hard for them to be happy and be able to be their best for their partner. That said from realization. Been there-done that...or should I say am there - doing that....House is for sale, stuff down to a minimum for storage, boat in mind, boys in college, new girlfriend with younger girls just left for the same fears about the uncertainties with me. I can't lie about my thoughts and desires, who I am. I understand her and her reasons so hold no bitterness at all. Sure there's increadible loss and pain because we fit so well in all other ways. But no bitterness. It's what she had to do, sort of a "you can't fire me, I quit" reaction of protection. She's back now with a full understanding of what's involved. Will it work? Who knows. But we both know that for me not to do what I must would be fruitless. Being honest yourself will be the only way for it to work for you and her.
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