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Old 19-02-2010, 20:22   #61
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this is your dream.....don't waste your time trying to find someone to share it with.....learn to live with yourself....alone on the seas is much better than being with someone who doesn't really want to be there....it's kind of weird, but, once you gain the confidence of being o.k. just being alone all kinds of "possibilities " pop up....
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Old 25-02-2010, 11:31   #62
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OK, so here's my $.02 worth. Divorce will be final next month. Bought a sailboat 6 months ago and spent 5 months on the hard refitting her. Glad that's over with, although I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Relaunched her 1 month ago and have been living aboard since. Very relaxing. Except for the other night with 20knt winds gusting to 40knts, which made my rather lightly displaced boat bounce around like a ducky in a bathtub...making me mildly nauseous for the 12-14 hours that the storm lasted. Oh well, no dinner for that night....for me or my trusty dog.

Met a woman online who made the mistake of saying..."it's only a boat, you can always find another boat". Wrong answer....!ding!

Still just me and the dog

The point is, not many woman seem to understand boats. They believe it to be just a conveyance.....like a car or a truck is. It seems to be easier to find a good boat than it is to find a good woman.

And no need to bring the bible into the subject to figure that much out. After all, if prayer actually worked we'd all be sailing with Playboy Bunnies beside us.....naked of course.
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Old 25-02-2010, 11:42   #63
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Facebook has been working like magic for me, friends of friends seems the way to meet nice people, try it you might like it!


[B] I'll second the Facebook plug. After more than 30 years, I Facebooked the first girl that I ever kissed and now we are a "couple" just beginning our cruising life. Gotta be proactive.
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Old 25-02-2010, 11:56   #64
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Hey, the boat isn't anything other than a part of what you need now in your life. That just is. Period. It may change. It may not. But if she can't understand that, then... Just as you must understand the things she needs in her life now. And perhaps someone who needs a bot isn't it. Then so be it. Best for all.

I speak from being there (or here). My divorce (married for 23 yrs) has been final for two years. My new partner and I 'fit' so well in so many ways. Yet, not long ago she ran from what we have to avoid a potential hurt that she didn't want to face because I am in 'the boat' phase. In so many ways I could have faught and kicked and screamed but I also realized that if it is what she needs, what she sees as best for her, then it is best for me also. Didn't make it hurt less or take away the loss. It just was. But, realizing that she had just done to herself what she was afraid of happening and realizing that she trully wants me to have what I need in life, what makes me who I am and realizing that she wants 'together' as much as I do and we can be 'together' no matter what we have to do, she's back. Will it work? How will we make it work? Don't know. But we do want to keep at it. Sure, I'm still working on two sepperate boat deals right now. She's in Toronto, a whole different country. I have no idea what someone like me could even do with my day in a city. My (country) place is on the market and my sights are to get back on the water. And warn water at that! Perhaps it will just have to take me a little longer to 'shake down' the boat. She can't get away for long stretches for a few years as her kids are still in grade school. I guess my point is that you have to be truthful with yourself as well as any prospective partner if you want it to work. You need to be you and get what you need inable to be you to give what you want to give. So if the boat is you now, then thems the facts! Carry on. It may happen strangely at times, but it all is for a reason!
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Old 25-02-2010, 12:06   #65
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I guess some people, but its always women from the CF mens point of view, just see boats as a recreation tool, like a bag of golf clubs or motor bike.
To others its a lifestyle, the end goal in the work/life ballance.

Seems most women see boating as a threat to family life stability, a drain on capital or a division in their lives.
Its their loss. Guys, find someone who shares your dream and goal. Keep the faith.
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Old 25-02-2010, 12:15   #66
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I guess some people, but its always women from the CF mens point of view, just see boats as a recreation tool, like a bag of golf clubs or motor bike.
To others its a lifestyle, the end goal in the work/life ballance.

Seems most women see boating as a threat to family life stability, a drain on capital or a division in their lives.
Its their loss. Guys, find someone who shares your dream and goal. Keep the faith.
Same thing with scuba. You'll find a lot of very similar threads on scuba board asking where all the single divers are.

Actually it's probably the same with any hobby that goes WAY beyond hobby, into as you said more of a lifestyle thing. In addition to family, stability, etc., I think people who don't share the interest weather it be sailing, scuba, cruising, etc. also look at as an unhealthy obsession. And very often they think you're going to give it up or do it less often for them.
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Old 25-02-2010, 12:17   #67
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It seems to me that if you and your partner (wife, husband or otherwise) aren't giving each other what you need then perhaps you really would be better off getting caught by that lawyer..?
You only have one life to live. This is it. Make it what you want. If you can't work it out in your current siruation, change your situation so it works out. Harder done than said but if we don't take responsibility for our state of conciousness and do what is needed to make it better, what else is there?
Guess I'm old school, but I violently disagree with this sentiment when there are kids involved. The needs of the kids comes first, personal needs come second. And if that means you stick together for their benefit, so be it.

But then I've always marched to the beat of a different drummer.
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Old 25-02-2010, 12:22   #68
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Same thing with scuba. You'll find a lot of very similar threads on scuba board asking where all the single divers are.

Actually it's probably the same with any hobby that goes WAY beyond hobby, into as you said more of a lifestyle thing. In addition to family, stability, etc., I think people who don't share the interest weather it be sailing, scuba, cruising, etc. also look at as an unhealthy obsession. And very often they think you're going to give it up or do it less often for them.

I think you will find the majority of people doing these things are happy couples or single men
Single women seem to be the Holy Grail, just as rare and just as sought after.
Just to add salt to the wound, your unlikely to find them in your local sailing club or marina but here on the net, hapfway round the other side of the world, which makes making contact so hard.
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Old 25-02-2010, 12:27   #69
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Sign up to face book and invite those you know as friends, then just post interesting things that you’re doing on your wall with pictures/videos of what’s happening in your life , and over time
Been doing all that.

I gotta take yoga. Been learning partner dancing (West Coast Swing) but after that it's gotta be yoga. Really like the dance, however. Meet some interesting women, but no sailors, of course--at least not yet.

For sure, I remain true to myself these days.
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Old 25-02-2010, 13:10   #70
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Been doing all that.

I gotta take yoga. Been learning partner dancing (West Coast Swing) but after that it's gotta be yoga. Really like the dance, however. Meet some interesting women, but no sailors, of course--at least not yet.

For sure, I remain true to myself these days.
To find sailors you need classes for this.... the sailors hornpipe

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Old 25-02-2010, 13:10   #71
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Funny thing about Facebook is that for work I use a secretarial pool in India. (The world is flat.) Many of my 'friends' on Facebook are from India. I think I've become a porthole for folks in India looking to take a read on real American life. LOL. I get requests to be friends from people in India on a regular basis. Very funny, really. Other than my one contact lady, I don't know any of them, and her only through email.
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Old 25-02-2010, 13:12   #72
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Guess I'm old school, but I violently disagree with this sentiment when there are kids involved. The needs of the kids comes first, personal needs come second. And if that means you stick together for their benefit, so be it.

But then I've always marched to the beat of a different drummer.
I believe studies have been done that proved that kids were worse off staying in a dysfunctional family life (i.e. unhappy marriage), then if they'd just gone ahead and gotten a divorce already. An unhappy marriage only sends the message to children that marriage is supposed to be unhappy and miserable.
The old cop out of "doing it for the children's sake"....whatever 'it' may be, is usually a load of crap.

The poster who noted boats as a "threat to stability" probably hit the nail on the head here.
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Old 25-02-2010, 13:16   #73
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I believe studies have been done that proved that kids were worse off staying in a dysfunctional family life (i.e. unhappy marriage), then if they'd just gone ahead and gotten a divorce already. An unhappy marriage only sends the message to children that marriage is supposed to be unhappy and miserable.
The old cop out of "doing it for the children's sake"....whatever 'it' may be, is usually a load of crap.

The poster who noted boats as a "threat to stability" probably hit the nail on the head here.
Boats as a threat = marriage heading for the rocks anyway....
boat = good excuse
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Old 25-02-2010, 13:20   #74
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Hiracer, I am not sure what sentiment you speak of. My girlfriend has minor children who I love dearly. She is sticking to it and doing what she believes is right for them and I support her in it. They have a father who is involved in their lives also. That I am 'in the boat phase" of my life can take many turns. I am aware of that. That I am looking at trying to figure out how to take longer to "shake down" should be evidence to that end. That I have never found comfort living in the city or supporting what it stands for is a reality (about myself) that I am trying to deal with. Perhaps (as Toronto is on lake Ontario) the boat will even help things in this respect. On the other hand an argument could be easily made that heding out on the boat with the kids now might be the best thing for them. I am not making this argument but some of the most together and successful kids I have met have been raised in this fassion. My point is only that if you are trying to be something that you are not then it probably won't be good for you, your partner or your kids. To be able to give all that you can to them you have to be honest about who you are to yourself.
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Old 25-02-2010, 13:23   #75
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I believe studies have been done that proved that kids were worse off staying in a dysfunctional family life (i.e. unhappy marriage), then if they'd just gone ahead and gotten a divorce already. An unhappy marriage only sends the message to children that marriage is supposed to be unhappy and miserable.
The old cop out of "doing it for the children's sake"....whatever 'it' may be, is usually a load of crap.

The poster who noted boats as a "threat to stability" probably hit the nail on the head here.
Kind of depends on how you defined dysfunctional family life.

If you ask my kids, the marrriage was not dysfunctional at all, and the youngest (13) is profoundly sad that he's now the product of a fractured family. So my kids would disagree with you.

I'm sure there are marriages that are harmful for the kids, but I don't think one can generalize that easily that most kids would be better off with a facture family. There are studies on that too.

Divorce teaches children how transcient commitments can be.

I admit I'm old school.
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