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Old 19-02-2010, 09:02   #31
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Ahh, but you have to be willing to risk love lost if you want love..
Sharing your life with someone can be very rewarding and, yes, it comes with risk. But because of those risks there is much to be gained!
"Twenty years from now you will be more disapointed by the things you didn't do than the things you did do. So through off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, DICOVER." Mark Twain
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Old 19-02-2010, 09:11   #32
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Hey fellas, there is some rather profound sentiment happening here. Are you all moon struck or has the boom knocked some sense into you?
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Old 19-02-2010, 09:14   #33
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Life seems to go on no matter how many times we get hit by the boom! Sometimes we even learn a thing or two...like it can hurt...
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Old 19-02-2010, 09:19   #34
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Sharing your life with someone can be very rewarding and yes it comes with risk
kinda like the stock market .. there ain't no guarantees but it can be much better than fixed interest or living alone which i view as a waste of time. cheers and hang in there.
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Old 19-02-2010, 09:28   #35
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Volunteering is another way to meet a quality companion. At a bar, the lowest common denominator is the desire to drink. Not always a good thing. Volunteering the lowest common denominator is the desire to help others. Almost always a good thing. It's harder in a way, though, because most volunteer organizations aren't open all night long.
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Old 19-02-2010, 09:28   #36
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The facebook thing makes a lot of sense. Unfortunately I'm tied to a dock and freezing my butt off on the Hudson right now...nothing all that interesting to post. Damn I need to get out of here!

I'd add, just simply having someone to share the adventure with to that list.
I wouldn't doubt that's a very common thing for men in our situation...and a BIG fear of mine. I'd rather stay single, than settle down with the wrong one, just to have it fall apart down the road.
Whats with this desperation for a "Partner" that seems to be at the base of this thread.... get the feeling that there's a lot of insecure folk about who seem to need someone to pat em on the head and say"Good boy.. Well done"... surrogate mothers and housekeepers..??
Remember nothing lasts forever... true love for someone is enjoying and appreciating them while they're with you... and caring enough to let them go if they feel the need to move on and discover new avenues in life... If you stop feeling sorry for yourselves and focus on the good times you had together you may be surprised to find you may have lost a partner.. but gained a good and loyal friend.
Sadly today money and property have a higher value than people and their feelings so bitter infighting destroys any trust and affection that developed over time....
All these magazines that blather on about two halves making a complete circle only serve to further destabilize already insecure souls running round like headless chickens looking to Fulfill Themselves....
Come On you guys, ladies... you do not need someone else to be a whole person... you were that already the day you were born... you just got programed out of it as you developed... your not raised to live your life, your raised to fulfill your parents and the States expectations... If your trapped in a job, mortgage,marriage, kids..
your under control... if you stray outside these parameters your a threat to Society...
Control your own life.. be a 'threat'... Enjoy your life... in doing so you may surprise yourself and find you suddenly start bringing joy to others....
One lady's running a Post about a life time dream of sailing the World but suffering Guilt Trips about leaving parents etc behind.. in the next breath she states her folks head of to Mexico every winter and she misses them at Christmas... How come Mom and Dad don't suffer a guilt trip... we've all seen it..."Oh you can't leave, we'll miss you, Life wont be the same...".... so you stay.. next thing they've moved to another part of the country... stuff you and your feelings..
There's enough Martyers in the World already...
Get Off Your Crosses.. Get a Life..
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Old 19-02-2010, 10:05   #37
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Wise words Boatman, obviously from one whos learned a lesson or two in life.

All this wishing above all else to be in a relationship can only lead me to caution you by saying 'Be careful what you wish for'

It can be more lonely in a bad relationship than when your alone on your own.

Start out as friends, that way, if they like you they respect you. Dont go looking but if opportunity knocks, invite it inside.
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Old 19-02-2010, 11:37   #38
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So... ummm... what is the dating scene like for married sailors whose wives don't want to go on long cruises? All bets are off within 50 nm of return to hailing port, of course.
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Old 19-02-2010, 11:58   #39
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boatman6,

Desperation? Hell no!! Desire, yeah I guess a little. It's kind of a normal thing for someone who's isn't exactly where they want to be (NJ, winter, freezing my butt off, etc.) to have a stronger desire to be in a relationship. Companionship can make dealing with a situation you're not exactly happy with much more bearable. Is it healthy? No, but it is pretty normal. Once you/I get out there it will be MUCH different. When you really start the adventure, and you're living your life exactly as you want to, and you're exactly where you want to be, then being in a relationship or not doesn't really matter.

You do have a very good point, though. Better to have love and lost than to have never loved. And yes gaining new friends is a very good thing too.

I don't have any of those 4 things you listed...well except for a small mortgage on the boat, but if I did some creative financing, I could have that paid off tomorrow. So I guess I'm already a threat. And I plan on doing exactly what you say! Come May, I'm cutting the dock lines. Come October I'm sailing South.

BTW - some of you guys REALLY need to learn how to use paragraphs.
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Old 19-02-2010, 12:04   #40
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So... ummm... what is the dating scene like for married sailors whose wives don't want to go on long cruises? All bets are off within 50 nm of return to hailing port, of course.
Sure, maybe, unless he promised to be faithful (directly or by implication) Then you're a liar.
If it's part of the decision of her deciding not to go along, that you will seek solace elsewhere, then go for it.
The world, and especially relations between men and women, needs a LOT more honesty.
The truth will set you free!

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Old 19-02-2010, 12:20   #41
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Solace, eh? Is that what it's called? LOL

The 50 nm exclusion rule is about not getting caught. Nobody likes to be met on the dock by his wife's divorce lawyer.
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Old 19-02-2010, 12:32   #42
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Solace, eh? Is that what it's called? LOL

The 50 nm exclusion rule is about not getting caught. Nobody likes to be met on the dock by his wife's divorce lawyer.
Yeah, no one like to get caught in a lie!

Solace does cover that; sex is REALLY important. But as well, the other things discussed above: companionship, conversation, help with everyday trials, etc.

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Old 19-02-2010, 12:37   #43
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Yeah, true. And if she'd haul on a jib sheet once in awhile, that'd be a bonus.
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Old 19-02-2010, 13:52   #44
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It seems to me that if you and your partner (wife, husband or otherwise) aren't giving each other what you need then perhaps you really would be better off getting caught by that lawyer..?
You only have one life to live. This is it. Make it what you want. If you can't work it out in your current siruation, change your situation so it works out. Harder done than said but if we don't take responsibility for our state of conciousness and do what is needed to make it better, what else is there?
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Old 19-02-2010, 14:01   #45
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It seems to me that if you and your partner (wife, husband or otherwise) aren't giving each other what you need then perhaps you really would be better off getting caught by that lawyer..?
You only have one life to live. This is it. Make it what you want. If you can't work it out in your current siruation, change your situation so it works out. Harder done than said but if we don't take responsibility for our state of conciousness and do what is needed to make it better, what else is there?
ConradG,

I fully agree - except for the "getting caught" part. I think if you are not getting what you need, then you need to be honest about that, try to negotiate for what you want, and if it can't be, then say sorry it cannot be, smile, hug and be off.
It's a coward's way out to do something you know you shouldn't, then wait to get caught.

Just my $.02

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