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Old 22-07-2016, 08:33   #1
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Ugh, losing my patience

Okay, admittedly this is a little bit of a venting post with a small question at the end. Quick recap, r45, retired, finances in order to fund upcoming adventure, have done all the research on boats, completed all the ASA classes...committed to give this whole cruising thing a go. Plan was/is to sell home here since I don't want the hassle or expense once casting off.

Here are the problems. Home on the market now since late April, averaging over 2 showings a week...tons of interest, but only one lowball offer. Its a very nice somewhat unique home, and the feedback is not pricing, its just that the homes in the 7 figures just are not selling...none. So its a bit of a soft market in the high end, but going like gangbusters in the more moderately priced homes. On the bright side it has literally been the best summer we have ever had here in Michigan by a wide margin. I've been boating every day as my home is on the water, so from that standpoint its been good. Problem 2, girlfriend of 2 years who was/is supposed to join me on the journey. Turns out her finances are not at all what she had alluded to...instead of having a nice income, plenty of savings and stuff generally going great, as we get closer to this being a reality the deeper conversations happen to make sure we are on same page. Well truth comes out when her last job ended abruptly turns out she is $20k in debt and signed up for a 3 year car lease (wtf I know...we talked about this specifically). I am really struggling with this, she is a great person but hasn't been totally truthful it turns out and has made poor financial/life decisions. Having been extremely responsible in my life, just buying her way out of these issues is not a problem, but it doesn't feel right. When we go I'll have a companion I feel and not a partner. I was always footing the entire bill anyway, but hadn't expected that she'd just be leaving behind a bunch of debt and have to ask me for $20 every time she wanted to buy something. I just feel that at 37 this woman should have been upfront and have her act together.

So now here I am, the plan was to start the season in the Caribbean at the end of the year and see how it goes. I'm wondering if I should just go alone and get a boat super simple to single hand, should I wait and let her get her act together and give me more time to wrap things up here? Obviously I understand there is more to every story including this one, but I just need to vent a little bit because I'm bummed out. To further complicate things the company I sold 18 months ago to my partners who thought is was a cash cow is now struggling mightily and I get calls/texts/emails weekly from the key employees who remained asking me to start another company and they'll all jump ship. Ugh, I thought I had the plan to sell off into the sunset all worked out and now I feel the tentacles reaching to drag me back in...

ok rant over, going for a paddle, hope you all have a great weekend!
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Old 22-07-2016, 08:51   #2
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

The real estate market, like any market, is dictated by what people are willing to spend. If people aren't willing to buy the property, it is overpriced regardless of what you believe it to be valued at.

You're girlfriend doesn't really owe you anything in regards to divulging her personal finances. You feel betrayed because she misrepresented how she was handling HER money. That is her prerogative to both handle her finances poorly and choose whom she discuss this with.

One thing I would be very cautious about is giving her ANY control of your money. If you value your money, avoid community assets and debt.

You owe nothing to your ex employees. You can't stop living your life because you're worried about their prospects. I understand the loyalty, but this is like supporting adult children and your grandchildren. you have to live you life for you, not them.

You are retired in a million dollar home and a 37 YO girlfriend. IF this is your biggest problem, you're in good shape.
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Old 22-07-2016, 09:05   #3
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

Outsiders cant judge when she should have told you she had a leased car.. I mean really? WTF?
You told her you have an overpriced house that's unsellable right up front right?
Priced right, it'll sell. In Seattle they are selling over asking in a week or less for record $ and multiple offers,. Location, location, location
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Old 22-07-2016, 09:19   #4
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

Rent out your house

Leave town alone

Next patient nurse !
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Old 22-07-2016, 09:32   #5
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

Quote:
Originally Posted by ol1970 View Post
have done all the research on boats, completed all the ASA classes...committed to give this whole cruising thing a go.
There is no correlation between taking a few courses and knowing what the cruising, live aboard lifestyle entails. With all due respect, your other issues are background noise drama having nothing to do with the fundamental problem you seem to dismiss.
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Old 22-07-2016, 09:44   #6
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

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Originally Posted by savoir View Post
Rent out your house

Leave town alone

Next patient nurse !
+1. . .
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Old 22-07-2016, 09:46   #7
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

This may not be what you want to hear but the first offer in real estate often turns out to be the best you'll get. I've seen people turn down an offer only to accept another 3 years down the road after paying heating bills and taxes for those 3 years. If it's too low it's too low, just something to keep in mind.

Good luck
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Old 22-07-2016, 09:52   #8
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

but have you SAILED???????
you need to sail a bit before you motor sail out the harbor for points unknown.
if gf isnt on your team, why keep her.
same with guy, if shoe was other foot.
your decisions are YOURS to make, not ours. get real. grow up, grow a pair and do life.
btw, if you have a 7 figure house, you have no problems. except the fact you have stuff. lots of stuff. have you lived in the woods for more than 3 days ? have you hauled your own water to the boat? or to a cabin? have you lived on 12 volt electricity? you have had classes, so you know what a boat looks like-- rent one and sail it.
charter one in caribbean.
or med.
or wherever.
get experience.
while you do that solo, mebbe, iff your gf is interested in this lifestyle, mebbe she might think you mean business. many spew and never do, so how should she know without really seeing your progress.
so.... walk your talk and see what you get.
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Old 22-07-2016, 09:57   #9
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

Lol, this is why I love the internet! Admittedly I have first world problems...and really they are not problems it is just life happening. Well first off its paid for and it is not unsellable, I've turned down an offer that would allow me to pay cash for a new pimped out Outremer 5X, but if being patient and getting market value is silly than I'm 100% guilty. I 100% agree its about location, but the equivalent of my home on the water in Seattle would be about $15M...do those sell in less than a week over asking? I agree anything up to $1M even in this market sells in a week or two...stuff in the $300k-$700k is selling with multiple offers as well. The very high end of the market is soft everywhere...even Maui/SF/New York you name it. Luckily my home is now how I'm funding this excursion the that is a mutually exclusive issue, it is more about not having to worry about it, the money side is all set regardless. Sorry for the rant there but I'm a little fired up today because I broke my prop shaft surfing yesterday lol.

I totally agree that spending 5-6 weeks so far out cruising doesn't equate to knowing what the lifestyle is all about, that's why I'm going to try it full time though, not sure why that is a fundamental problem S/V illusion?


I guess I could get more practice first but I didn't get to this point in life by not taking action...I'll be hiring a professional captain for the first month as well to make passages and put me through the tests in as many conditions as we can find.

Also, I agree my GF doesn't owe me anything regarding understanding her finances. The reality is 90% of the population is not very responsible financially because they don't believe in delayed gratification or have never had somebody talk to them about how to manage their finances. Hell the average 60 year old has less than $100k saved for retirement.
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Old 22-07-2016, 10:01   #10
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

Are you recently divorced or single?
I ask as it seems a lot of adults dating are completely full of BS, your Girlfriend may not have taken you seriously at all, expected it was just all talk, like all the others do, pure BS designed to impress is all. SO yes, she leased a car for three yrs.'
As far as being 20K in debt, that's all? Again I think many, many are far deeper in debt maintaining a false standard of living.

But never, ever let someone get to where they can control your finances, sure your going to have to pay her way, did you really expect to find an attractive, younger Woman that was going to pay her way? You really didn't did you?

To be honest, I hesitated posting as your post seemed to be a little more bragging than a serious problem.

To you, your house may be worth 7 figures, but do the comps, you may be surprised, I just sold a 3,500 sq ft house and 100 acres of land, I got lucky and sold it for more than it was worth to a Commercial entity, but based on the comps, the land was worth what it sold for in the 1970's, and the house less than half of what it would cost to build, way less than half.
Now if that land was in Seattle, I understand that it would have been worth tens of Millions, but it's not in Seattle.

I have been Married 34 yrs, and truth is I have paid her way for all of those years, She has worked the last 13 or so, but it's "Her" money, now the money I make is "Our" money, that is just the way it is.
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Old 22-07-2016, 10:28   #11
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

This is more Sociology 101 than boating. Sorry to hear about your gf, but that can happen even to folks who don't have boats. Can you just imagine that?!? Your gf, your choice.

As to work, if you're financially comfortable, what's the issue for you? If good friends worked there, then, of course, it's harder. But, just like the gf, didn't you do your research and homework beforehand?

Good luck, sorry to seem so harsh, but what does this have to do with boating?

Quote:
but the equivalent of my home on the water in Seattle would be about $15M...
WTF? Who cares? The equivalent of my boat if it was 250 feet long... C'mon, that sentence is so totally unreal as to beggar belief.
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Old 22-07-2016, 10:29   #12
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

Normally I'd take a pass on a thread like this. I'm not much into anonymous Net therapy sessions. But I'm currently reading Pride & Prejudice, and I gotta say, the OP's "problems" would fit in perfectly with Jane & Lizzy's high marriage dramas.


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Old 22-07-2016, 10:36   #13
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

Hmmm....motherly stare here.

You say your gf finances bother you because she has not been honest. But you unabashedly state that you have a much higher than average income and brag about how responsible you are. Bully for you. But your GF isnt in the same position is she? Is her income higher than average? "Responsible" means a lot of things to people but it would be hard to be honest with someone if you feel you cant realistically measure up.
Then there is the issue of partnership, while you may not intend this, your complaint sounds as though you expect her to meet you nickle for nickle. Unless you have matching salaries, thats not realistic for most people.
I wonder, if I got that impression maybe she did too. She may feel off balance not being able to meet that expectation.
I get the feeling you two arent as close as you might be. Its very temping to blame it on the other person, but if someone isnt trusting you its worth while to see if you are presenting yourself as a trust worthy guy. All this talk about how she has disappointed you with her debt, car lease and not having "plenty of money" makes me think you havent given her any reason to feel good about discussing her finances with you.
Get real and discuss making your dreams work together or find a lady who has more wealth. There is no shame in not having money and no shame in not knowing how to get more. You were lucky in having financial accumen. Either be a teacher and share your knowledge or find money savy playmates.
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Old 22-07-2016, 10:40   #14
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

did i sign into fb?? i thought i was in cf.......

umm yeah well i counted the digits in that 7 digit house thing.
i cannot see you anchoring in our anchorages or hanging much at the marina pubs. that is for the cruisers to do with the captains.
your boat will occupy the corner slip for the season, as you jet back and forth or to and from whereverville.
ok you wont see the volcanoes, you will miss new years at foxys, the dinghy races for charity, and sailfest activities as your ship will be sailing to more appropriate and more approved ports in your absence.
sounds like fun.
hope your issues work out, but.. i think ye need some cheese with that whine. er wine... and mebbe some decent caviar with all the trimmings, and a stuffed marlin on the wall. if you donot yet have your own marlin, i know just the fishermen to run you out to catch one, if you find yourself slumming on the pacific coast in the next lil while...
reality, man, reality. its out there somewhere...
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Old 22-07-2016, 10:43   #15
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Re: Ugh, losing my patience

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did i sign into fb?? i thought i was in cf.......
This is new "feelier" CF.
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