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Old 10-02-2019, 00:42   #1
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The craziest character you met while cruising?

Anyone who travels runs into crazy characters from time to time.... not bad guys, just expats who have gone so loco over decades that they are something else. I love finding people like this, over the years of backpacking and motorbiking in backwoods countries, I've met more than a few. Yesterday, I met a real hummmmdinger of a guy and wondered what some of y'all's crazies were like? So... who was the craziest character you've met while cruising? I'll start:

We're in a little town in Mallorca, mostly closed down for winter, and I needed a chain link connector. Talked to a british guy in a little plastic fantastic next door, who had the following advice: Go up the street, knock on the shuttered glass door that says "KEEP OUT" and ask for Hans* (real name redacted in case he kills me). Tell him I sent you, but be warned, he's a bit....out there. He might be able to help you out.

Immediately intrigued, I tell the girls I'll be back in 10 and run out and find the door, bang on it. Two tiny dogs start barking furiously on the balcony over my head, and then someone starts hurling German down the stairs. I speak enough to know he was yelling to come up, so I do, and meet the guy at the door of his flat. Without a word, without knowing me, he pulls me inside. About 60 years old, looking like he was chiseled out of wood with an axe, buzz-cut and wearing a black leather vest in a dark apartment. He gestures to a single office chair facing a couch and armchair, in which a silent Romanian guy is sitting, and takes a seat on the couch. A white cat crawls into his lap and sits on his shoulder. Another 3 cats come to sit in a circle around my chair. The dogs gaze balefully.

"You are in the boat Vvvake. I see in zee morning, 7 am, every day. Vat do you vant? Vat do you NEEED?"

His voice was loud, sharp like a gaff...it just hooks you. Uhhhhh... I take a look around the room, and for the first time notice it is lined, and I mean LINED WALL TO WALL, with enough artillery to outfit a small rebel faction. Carbines, pistols, the works, forty or more just in sight. Next to my chair is a stand holding what looks like a goddamn AK. He lifts the lid on a large metal tin on the coffee table and begins rolling a joint the size of a mackerel.

Regretting deeply that I didn't just Amazon the damn thing, I say "Um, you see, I just need a little chain link connector, but you know, I'm sure I can just..." Like I was at Ace hardware talking to one of the clueless teenagers who run the place. He studies his fingernails, silently consults his friend, his phone, sniffs at the not-at-all-unpleasant scent of gun oil in the air.... "I vill have it for you in a few days."

Oh good! Thanks so much, I'll uh come back soon....I move to get up. He motioned for me to stay where I was. Then he smiled, and started to talk. And talk. And talk.

He told me about the corruption of Spain, about building motorcycles by hand, about classic cars, about history, about sailing, about traveling, about his cats, about his business ventures, about his many years living in Honduras and about mercenaries (of course there would be talk of this, what with so much firepower). But he didn't just rattle on, he asked me all sorts of questions, and I was happy I could somewhat keep up, having had a few adventures of my own that seemed to impress him. He claimed the greatest insult was to be accused of being normal, and on this, we bonded. An hour later I was still there, a cat in my lap, talking and listening and learning and grinning ear to ear and just having the goddamn best conversation I'd had in a long time. By this time, his friend had come alive as well, and he was almost as fun and interesting as Hans. They were moving to Romania together soon, taking the whole operation over there (whatever that meant). Maybe getting a canal-boat, maybe a little farm... "I have never set foot inside Ghromania, and zee first time shall be with everyssing I own. How iz zat for an adventure!" What a strange couple of guys!

I really wanted to text the girls to come up and meet them, but didn't want to seem like a dipshit, so without hesitation, I invited them to the boat for drinks the next day. The next morning (just now in real time) Hans just stopped by (at 7am sharp) to say hi with his little dogs, and said he'll be back later on today.

The British guy in the boat next to me, who told me to find him? When I returned, I thanked him profusely for the introduction, and told him Hans is coming for a drink later. His reaction?

"Oh bloody hell."

I soo can't wait for that drink
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Old 10-02-2019, 01:33   #2
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

Sat on the edge of my seat waiting for part 2
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Old 10-02-2019, 02:46   #3
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

what ever you do, DON'T mention the war!
I've met some pretty dyed in the wool neo nazi's around the world on my travels ,they are right out there,and tick all the crazy boxes.......
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Old 10-02-2019, 03:00   #4
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sojourner View Post
I soo can't wait for that drink
Us either. When is that happening?
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Old 10-02-2019, 07:25   #5
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

best not let us down... we want part 2....
sounds like a character.
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Old 10-02-2019, 07:29   #6
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

Yes yes I'll report back but c'mon, y'all gotta have some doozies too!? I was expecting especially salty tales from you, Zee!
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Old 10-02-2019, 08:01   #7
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

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Yes yes I'll report back but c'mon, y'all gotta have some doozies too!? I was expecting especially salty tales from you, Zee!


This forum needs a super like button. :-)
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Old 10-02-2019, 10:00   #8
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

The reason for the lack of similar stories is that most of us are as crazy as Hans. Other than the weapons and weed, we all long to make the most of our journey through this world. We make it interesting for everyone else..
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Old 10-02-2019, 10:11   #9
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pirate Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

As you guys from the Colonies say..
I'll plead the Fifth..
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Old 10-02-2019, 10:18   #10
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

You gotta admire guys like that in a certain way. They get a lot out of life, and have adventures where others see nothing to do.

I've met a few - one was "Shotgun Grady," living on a DILAPIDATED old 25 ft sailboat tied to a rundown commercial shrimp boat wharf in Port St. Joe Florida. He was about 65, physically disabled, and still planning to sail down to the South America, where he ran a shrimpboat once. He used to talk about netting "trench monsters" in shrimp nets, and being seduced and robbed by native women on islands off the coast, etc. You really had to be there... compared to the average working stiff, he was like a throwback in time. Don't know what happened to him, but he was a character.
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Old 10-02-2019, 10:45   #11
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

When I bought my twin screws Stamas, I hired a guy to teach me how to drive, dock rescue procedures, etc. I had a I/o for many years. But had never drive twins. Anyways, he was an experienced yachtsman who had done several (9) Hawaii crossing to SoCal. He always hired an extra crew member for safety reasons. I asked him about the craziest person he ever hired. He hired a guy who was a nudest! He told me story after story about this guy. Had me in stitches. He told him as long as you put a towel down wherever you sit we’re good! Also don’t expect me to help you if you get your “junk” caught on something during our sail. Never laughed so hard with his sea stories!
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Old 10-02-2019, 11:05   #12
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

smugglers.....
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Old 10-02-2019, 11:09   #13
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sojourner View Post
Anyone who travels runs into crazy characters from time to time.... not bad guys, just expats who have gone so loco over decades that they are something else. I love finding people like this, over the years of backpacking and motorbiking in backwoods countries, I've met more than a few. Yesterday, I met a real hummmmdinger of a guy and wondered what some of y'all's crazies were like? So... who was the craziest character you've met while cruising? I'll start:

We're in a little town in Mallorca, mostly closed down for winter, and I needed a chain link connector. Talked to a british guy in a little plastic fantastic next door, who had the following advice: Go up the street, knock on the shuttered glass door that says "KEEP OUT" and ask for Hans* (real name redacted in case he kills me). Tell him I sent you, but be warned, he's a bit....out there. He might be able to help you out.

Immediately intrigued, I tell the girls I'll be back in 10 and run out and find the door, bang on it. Two tiny dogs start barking furiously on the balcony over my head, and then someone starts hurling German down the stairs. I speak enough to know he was yelling to come up, so I do, and meet the guy at the door of his flat. Without a word, without knowing me, he pulls me inside. About 60 years old, looking like he was chiseled out of wood with an axe, buzz-cut and wearing a black leather vest in a dark apartment. He gestures to a single office chair facing a couch and armchair, in which a silent Romanian guy is sitting, and takes a seat on the couch. A white cat crawls into his lap and sits on his shoulder. Another 3 cats come to sit in a circle around my chair. The dogs gaze balefully.

"You are in the boat Vvvake. I see in zee morning, 7 am, every day. Vat do you vant? Vat do you NEEED?"

His voice was loud, sharp like a gaff...it just hooks you. Uhhhhh... I take a look around the room, and for the first time notice it is lined, and I mean LINED WALL TO WALL, with enough artillery to outfit a small rebel faction. Carbines, pistols, the works, forty or more just in sight. Next to my chair is a stand holding what looks like a goddamn AK. He lifts the lid on a large metal tin on the coffee table and begins rolling a joint the size of a mackerel.

Regretting deeply that I didn't just Amazon the damn thing, I say "Um, you see, I just need a little chain link connector, but you know, I'm sure I can just..." Like I was at Ace hardware talking to one of the clueless teenagers who run the place. He studies his fingernails, silently consults his friend, his phone, sniffs at the not-at-all-unpleasant scent of gun oil in the air.... "I vill have it for you in a few days."

Oh good! Thanks so much, I'll uh come back soon....I move to get up. He motioned for me to stay where I was. Then he smiled, and started to talk. And talk. And talk.

He told me about the corruption of Spain, about building motorcycles by hand, about classic cars, about history, about sailing, about traveling, about his cats, about his business ventures, about his many years living in Honduras and about mercenaries (of course there would be talk of this, what with so much firepower). But he didn't just rattle on, he asked me all sorts of questions, and I was happy I could somewhat keep up, having had a few adventures of my own that seemed to impress him. He claimed the greatest insult was to be accused of being normal, and on this, we bonded. An hour later I was still there, a cat in my lap, talking and listening and learning and grinning ear to ear and just having the goddamn best conversation I'd had in a long time. By this time, his friend had come alive as well, and he was almost as fun and interesting as Hans. They were moving to Romania together soon, taking the whole operation over there (whatever that meant). Maybe getting a canal-boat, maybe a little farm... "I have never set foot inside Ghromania, and zee first time shall be with everyssing I own. How iz zat for an adventure!" What a strange couple of guys!

I really wanted to text the girls to come up and meet them, but didn't want to seem like a dipshit, so without hesitation, I invited them to the boat for drinks the next day. The next morning (just now in real time) Hans just stopped by (at 7am sharp) to say hi with his little dogs, and said he'll be back later on today.

The British guy in the boat next to me, who told me to find him? When I returned, I thanked him profusely for the introduction, and told him Hans is coming for a drink later. His reaction?

"Oh bloody hell."

I soo can't wait for that drink
Brilliant story ,and well told had me on my edge waiting , I NEED PART 2

If you dont make it make sure that yu leave a note to your neighbour and a small will
Good luck
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Old 10-02-2019, 11:21   #14
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

City Marina Marathon Fl is where they’re at stateside till they get kicked out and become Boot Key Harbor anchorage crowd.

Anchorage in Key West Fl has even better ones..
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Old 10-02-2019, 11:22   #15
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Re: The craziest character you met while cruising?

ye all forget i met the characters in sporty car racing, at allll levels including formula 1, and i met actors in family in my home and theirs, and as i worked in cedars sinai, i saved the lives of many characters and execs..hahaha
was true cool to meet clint while staring with starcrossed eyes at brian redmans lola. starry eyes for car not clint or his kid. that car was a work of art. funne ryet when i was included int he gaggle of big names who went to charlie Os after sessions for the bestest dinners... funny how i never had to pay for mine( corner crew was special, it seems).....
LOVED colin chapman and his all black team of cars, planes and transporters. race work was car heaven... got to see em all and all the characters involved. gord lightfoot in pit lane during can am event--he owned a team. promised me an upbeat album...so many.. where does one begin. sailing has been tranquil and without too many characters after all that living i have done.
i grew up with performers, politicians, military and business executives very close if not in family. and i attended mebbe 16 different institutions of higher learning for my own edification. we had joey heatherton, suzy lucci, the bonano families and many others attending our school system during my time there
met pinky lee on my cousin georgie price's parlor sofa while eating pistacchio ice cream watching first color tv, which was black and white with a pistaccio green ring around all
when owner of ***** films complained of no tv stations(was bath time, cardiology unit) i flippantly stated that until someone donates a million bux for cable tv, that there will be no change. guess what happened within one year.... hahahahahaha
so. who is a character-- all are fairly sane after my lovely and fun family has gone.
the bar has been set quite high.
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