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Old 11-10-2013, 15:30   #16
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

Man-up, take care of your "wife" and child. Sell your boat. and get a place that makes her happy. You'll have other opportunities on the water, but your child is number one now.
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Old 11-10-2013, 15:42   #17
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Man-up, take care of your "wife" and child. Sell your boat. and get a place that makes her happy. You'll have other opportunities on the water, but your child is number one now.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider giving in to threats and demands to be "manning-up". Having said that, I don't think we know the whole story here, not even the whole of one side of it.
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Old 11-10-2013, 15:45   #18
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

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Originally Posted by john540 View Post
Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider giving in to threats and demands to be "manning-up". Having said that, I don't think we know the whole story here, not even the whole of one side of it.

Actually I would have great respect for a man who could get past how this started and work things out.

Mom was probably feeling pretty panicky. No man will ever know the way pregnancy screws with your hormones, and how it all explodes in your face when the baby is born. And people aren't perfect in a crisis.

His first words were "SOS." He can always go back to the boat if it doesn't work out. Right now I will keep my fingers crossed that he goes to join the baby and her mother.
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Old 11-10-2013, 15:48   #19
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

My neighbor was in a similar situation.a lot of turmoil as soon as the baby was born. Mom moved off, dad followed,a year later they show up with 1year old boy, and start working on the boat. Another year later they left for Belize, the original plan before girlfriend got the surprise pregnancy.
Before they left for Belize, while getting to boat baby proofed and ready to cruise, it was so fun watching the little guy crawl, and later shuffle, around the deck. Every evening they would sit out together, toys all about, and watch the sun set. They looked so happy.

I hope it all works out for you three. Have faith, everything happens for a reason.
Hugs,
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Old 11-10-2013, 15:55   #20
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

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Originally Posted by sailorboy1 View Post
This isn't really a boating problem.

It is a communication, relationship, and life goal problem. And it started WAY before the girlfriend ran off with the baby.
I couldn't agree more. Seems like there was a lot of time to discuss this ahead of time - at least 9 months
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Old 11-10-2013, 16:00   #21
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

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Originally Posted by Katiusha View Post
Our daughter is 14 months and I still shift back and forth on whether I can handle living with her on the boat.

Your girlfriend most likely needs a support group/person who she can talk with, who can help when needed (do you help her when you come back from work?), who can help with getting on and off the boat with a tiny baby, and (if the baby is so young, then your fiancÚ is not yet used to tending to baby's needs 24/7) time off to relax. Depending on how her labour went, she may be still hurting too. Try to understand her.

Your baby won't realise where she is for at least another few months. Spend this time with your girlfriend to figure out how to make this work with the baby. Before it was two of you living on the boat. Now it's three. You need to adjust.
Yeah, the kid will have a great time wherever she is for the next 10-12 years anyway. This is about the mother... or possibly an inlaw suggesting it's "not proper". Thinking back... the great times I remember are pretty much all outdoors related... hard to think back and say "wow wasnt that a great time sitting in the house and...." I was much happer out in the grass, trees and mud! But then... I'm a guy....
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Old 11-10-2013, 16:51   #22
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

Post Partum Depression is a very serious problem, and from a recent medical study, effects 20 to 25 percent of new mothers. Most people have not even heard of it, and most first time fathers are clueless when it sets in. It can turn a happy pregnant women into a raging new mother with no obvious reason. As most of the ladies here have pointed out, support groups or supportive family is very important, and you wont find much of that in the average marina full of white haired old men doing their varnish. Look up PPD on the net, and I suspect that you will find that your relationship will fit right in. Do your best to be understanding (not like I was) and get professional help. It is worth it for the relationship and most importantly for the child. My non medical 2 cents worth. _____Grant.
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Old 11-10-2013, 16:53   #23
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Originally Posted by Rakuflames View Post

Actually I would have great respect for a man who could get past how this started and work things out.

Mom was probably feeling pretty panicky. No man will ever know the way pregnancy screws with your hormones, and how it all explodes in your face when the baby is born. And people aren't perfect in a crisis.

His first words were "SOS." He can always go back to the boat if it doesn't work out. Right now I will keep my fingers crossed that he goes to join the baby and her mother.
I don't claim to know the right course of action in this situation, I'm only addressing the, "man up and knuckle under" type of comment. If either party gives an ultimatum such as, "Do "x" or I'm leaving you", then the other party will find that either the definition of "x" will forever be expanding, or they will become an x themselves. This is clearly a communication issue, like most couples have, and looking for validation from a public forum probably won't help matters much.
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Old 11-10-2013, 17:38   #24
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

But mate what did you do all this time? You were NOT listening, were you?

It might be you were turning a blind eye to the little telltales. Not good, for a sailor ...

Why don't you follow her for a change and live some on dry land? This should not hurt you. It may be good for you, your kid and your relationship.

Think about it. Where there is will, there is a way. Do not wait till others will adjust to your likes. It is your life, YOU must take action.

All the best,
b.
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Old 12-10-2013, 05:38   #25
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

From your comments, I can guarantee you didn't take the 9 months as an opportunity to discuss your future life together and how you would raise your child. I'm betting she doesn't have a clear picture of how you will protect her and her child with no commitment and no house.

Go to her and ask to sit down and discuss what her concerns are and how you can help address them.

This has almost nothing to do with boating but as others have said, it's about communication.
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:23   #26
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

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Originally Posted by valhalla360 View Post
From your comments, I can guarantee you didn't take the 9 months as an opportunity to discuss your future life together and how you would raise your child. I'm betting she doesn't have a clear picture of how you will protect her and her child with no commitment and no house.

Go to her and ask to sit down and discuss what her concerns are and how you can help address them.

This has almost nothing to do with boating but as others have said, it's about communication.
Valhalla:

Well said! Has the OP been back?
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Old 12-10-2013, 13:38   #27
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

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Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider giving in to threats and demands to be "manning-up". Having said that, I don't think we know the whole story here, not even the whole of one side of it.
Where I come from, a man takes care of his family first. Not wanting to raise a baby on a boat is not unreasonable. The OP said his GF "HATES BEING ON THE BOAT". What else do you need. I know guys that changed jobs and moved to other states because their wife wanted to be closer to home, in or out of the city, etc. I've turned down good career opportunities to keep my family settled in one place while my kids grew up. I'm sure there's more to the story, but the girlfriend will have her way with, or without him. I love being on my boat, but love my family more. I, like many others, managed to build my home and keep a small boat. Later, that became a larger boat and when I retire, maybe something more. So, I stand by my man-up statement and say start acting like one. You don't have to give up your love for the sea, but you should get your priorities in order.
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Old 12-10-2013, 15:12   #28
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

I agree with the council here to focus on family at this point. Those early years are precious and fly by. Trade the liveaboard for something you can day sail in. That feels like a good compromise to me. Express a lot of support for Mom and child at this point could payoff big time in future. Think long range in the stuff. And while I am sticking my nose in your business let me suggest a ring and marriage. Nothing comforts a woman more than commitment which after all is said and done may be a central issue in your situation.
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Old 12-10-2013, 15:37   #29
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

Sorry it took so long to pop up in my memory. The name of the internationally bases group for nursing mothers is called "La Leche League". Encouraging this young woman to breast feed her child, if she decides to do it, will help normalize her hormone fluctuations, as well as conferring multiple immunities on the child. I hope she checks it out.

Long time now since Mr. SOS. posted. Possibly this was a troll? Maybe he'll get back to us. He's had a lot of input, quite straightforward, too.

Ann
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Old 12-10-2013, 15:57   #30
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Re: sos wife takes new baby off boat

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Originally Posted by morgan331970 View Post
I AM LOOKING FOR HELP,MY NEW BABY GIRL IS GOING TO LAND.GIRLFRIEND & I HAVE A NEW 1 MONTH OLD NOW SHE DOES NOT LIKE THE 33 MORGAN OUT ISLAND WE HAVE LIVED ON FOR TWO YEARS.SHE SAID (HATES) BEING ON BOAT AND WANTS TO RUN BACK TO TENNESSEE.I GO TO WORK COME HOME DONT DRINK NO DRUGS NO OTHER GIRLS.I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND HOW TO SAVE A OVERBOARD CHILD FROM BEING TAKEN OFF A LOVE OF THE SEA.
Not everyone has your enthusiasm for the water. My personal feeling is that a new born is pretty fragile and should be on land unless it is a very large vessel with proper climate controlled conditions.
That said, I doubt you are level headed enough to have a sane discussion with her and resolve issues. I would suggest counseling. Maybe at least 6 months. Hopefully your love of your daughter and significant other is as much or more than a boat.
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Man-up, take care of your "wife" and child. Sell your boat. and get a place that makes her happy. You'll have other opportunities on the water, but your child is number one now.
There ya go inflicting your ideals on someone else...again.
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