Solitude vs. Lonliness

[snort]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

What's a Kardashian? A character from Star Trek?

Cardassian. And they have smaller asses. Although, to be honest, I've never really looked.

[Capt Phil]

That is the marvelous thing about cruising... you can be alone as you want or plugged into the Wild side of popular anchorages. What ever pulls your string at a particular moment.
Best not to overthink it... go with your tummy at the particular moment you are in...
I recall on a single cruise stopping in a quiet, secluded anchorage and strllingup to a natural hot springs in the PHW and running into 4 of the most engaging, intelligent and genuinely nice young ladies touring from Europe. Invited them aboard for cocktails and dinner and spent a wonderful week together with all of them... single at the time but ended up in a long term relationship with one who took me back to Europe to meet her family which at the time was not quite the kiss of death it is today but could have been.. ended my solo cruising/ live aboard life style quickly and effectively
Knot one bit unhappy... I was not looking but marine magic caught me and somehow it all worked out! Cheers, Phil
,

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by snort

Cardassian. And they have smaller asses. Although, to be honest, I've never really looked.

Who would've guessed they'd become so popular?

[tronic72]

Since I bought my boat virtually everyone I meet at the marina wants to have a chat about their boat or mine.

It's an interest we both share and "boaties" are often not your typical nine-to-fivers so a little quirky by nature.

Sometimes I'll talk for hours about how owners deal with poo on their boat and other times it will just be a G'day and a wave. What you get out of the relationships is what you put in.

[Papasail]

Originally Posted by redhead

I am not a joiner - I'd rather be around one or two people than in a crowd. I'd rather have a conversation than listen to bouts of hysterical laughter, but that's just me. I llveaboard alone (at the dock) for 3 months at a time. We're at a commercial dock, so there are about 3 liveaboards besides myself and a lot of commercial fishermen.



I guess I get lonely when the weather keeps me below for weeks at a time in the winter - that and the dark, short days. But I have a list of projects written on a blackboard and I work 4 hours a day on one of them. I just love chewing that list down, only to be expanded again when something else rears it's head. It's very good now to see that I'm working on "fluffy" projects (sewing, painting the head) rather than "boat sinking" type projects.



When I go out 4 times a day, rain or shine, to walk my dog I say hello to every person I meet. Sometimes we stop and talk. The commercial guys were leery at first but now it's a given. The native fishermen were leery at first, but now they bring me salmon or crab. Now the weather's improving the scenery is heart stoppingly beautiful.



I was out with friends last night - we went to a place where there were about 300 people all laughing and having a great time. I laughed and had a great time too, but when I got back to the boat, I cuddled with the dog, got out my book and smiled.



If you smile and say hello to every person you meet on the dock I can almost guarantee you will never be lonely, only alone when you want to be. I think it's probably the same worldwide, we boaties are a strange but pretty friendly breed. Don't you think? Good luck.

Redhead,
Such a wonderfully human response. Thanks for letting me peek into your life. It makes sense... opportunity is everywhere, but being seen and valued can be an existential nightmare. I work at the mental gymnastics required, and It's rare for me to miss the humanity in others. I like the adventure I think sailing represents... see you out there!
Bill

[Papasail]

Nice response!
Groups of people do change the dynamics. Keeping up with the Jonses in the end, lacks imagination. "Be like us," can have severe drawbacks, when folks feel self-entitled... there are a few people in history who have taken that to some pretty bad places. I think groups of people help people feel safe, but more nervous at the same time/ neurotic. The brave venture out alone.
Meet you on the great frontier
Bill

[Pilou]

Originally Posted by markpierce

Most of the people attending my boat's christening were neighboring liveaboards. Bless them.

This is a nice photo !
Is it Giggitoni's GB 42' behind your boat ?

[scgilligan]

I tend to be an introvert myself..shy? a little..but, like other have said- when you enjoy the same activities as another person there seems to always be someone to talk to..assuming you want to. No matter what hobby I have been into there has always been people around that you can converse with..it's up to you if you let it go further than that. I used to do some whitewater kayaking and met people by the river and on the river that I paddled with for years..almost instant connections. I also ride motorcycles and have met countless people doing that..whether at events, bars, bike night, along the road, etc. etc. Some remain friends and some fall by the wayside because that was all we had in common.
I would think (I have no experience) that a new boat in the marina or anchorage would draw out some people that have not had a soul to talk to in a while. So, cruising would certainly net a friend or 2. Liveaboard situations may be a little harder, but I would think there'd be social events at the marina, etc. assuming there are numerous liveaboards at the marina. Assuming you are a friendly and inviting person I would think loneliness would be solvable. But, there are probably plenty of people you'd have no interest in getting to know..just gotta make sure you are not that person to others. Lol.

[Cheechako]

Easy to make friends fast cruising. But hard to stay together as destinations change. ... or go with the flow. I've had times where I seek solitude but what I find loneliness. Hard to appreciate things if you don't have others to share it with!

[Suijin]

Originally Posted by Papasail

Thank you for this post, it was what I was looking for: I imagined the brilliance of offshore sailing alone (presuming no scenarios of dire emergency), and suspected that having mother nature as a backyard would be mostly stunning. Socially, I think our world is changing dramatically... I'm hoping to find ~because of their love of adventure, nature, and forced realism, a kinder bunch of people, that lean more toward humanism.

*I think I just found one.
(Thank you)
Bill

I think this is generally true of live aboards. You're already outside the mainstream, and the mainstream often looks at you funny. But as a live aboard, you're immediately a member of a fraternity that immediately knows its own and is fiercely independent but welcoming and supportive. Live aboards tend to be more open-minded, inquisitive, and easy going, but they span the economic, cultural, and political spectrum pretty evenly.

[zboss]

Originally Posted by Papasail

You guys are funny and generous with your answers (thank you). Life NOT aboard I think has changed dramatically in America. I'm older, and that seems to be a factor: younger groups segregate with younger, and older groups have established friends and don't expand too much. For Little Rock Arkansas, there tends to be a forced distance here that didn't used to be here. I think paranoia is a useful definition, and I would add narcissism and (for Little Rock) elitism as well (Arkansas has historically been a poor State, and if anyone has a dollar in their pocket, they tend to think they are amazing people). The other barrier (and I'm being kind to Christians here) is the brand practised here is highly judgemental... if you don't profess that religion, you are an immediate "red hefer"/ outcast. It makes dating at my age a nightmare (aside from the tension that is building in America regarding sexuality/ battle of the sexes). I'm pretty live-and-let-live, and never met a stranger, but adult relationships here tend to be met with suspicion (back to paranoia).
I'm hopeful that sailor's dispositions are healthier, because (curiously enough) they have to deal with reality every day: wind, waves, regulating sails, and caring for crew. I'm hoping they don't get lost in their own heads as much, and word on the street is that they are an odd lot anyway (which I like).

Haha... we know bunches of Arkansas people cruising.

You will do fine... just put yourself out there when you are lonely. Don't be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone on a regular basis. When things get a little overwhelming, just pull up anchor and find a small cove to tuck yourself into for a few days. When you are energized again, seek out people that need help with something you are particularly skilled at... it can be anything... and make a new friend.

Rinse and repeat.

Whatever you do, don't assume the bar is a way to make friends fast. Although this may be true to an extent, I have my wife to help me temper my drinking. Unfortunately, a lot of sailors don't benefit from those special relationships.

It takes a lot of courage for an introvert to put themselves out there... I know because I am one. However, you need to do it.

[Pelagic]

Papasail, we are all different but active cruisers/travellers generally have developed the advantage of being dynamic,

We adjust to our surroundings continually as the tide turns and the weather changes.

We are free to 'stay or go' as our inner needs guide us

We learn to make the most of that freedom and versatility to make friends, make passages, stock up on supplies, or simply to get away from irritating neighbours.

For those of us accustomed to this vagabond lifestyle, we don't buy in to a community and get vested in all their social issues.....
we simply enjoy and move on with hopefully positive memories.

[Wander4Wonder]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

What's a Kardashian? A character from Star Trek?

I make this promise to you all, if I ever rescue a kardashian while at sea I will do the noble and honorable thing and point my boat to the deepest off-shelf trench and turn off my AIS and scuttle the ship. This I will do for you and sake the world.

Though there is enough plastic in the ocean.