Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[double u]

"...with a partner is secondary..." - just so you don't forget!

[Olddan1943]

Crooked politicians, bribery, statutory rape, work related "attempts", groping etc, have been around for maybe ever but, we now have 24hr news, media organizations willing to swear to and publish rumors as facts.
Accusers from 40 years ago? Gimme a break. I too am guilty of trying to 'copping feel' in my youth. I suspect those 'partners' don't even remember my name, I sure don't remember their names. I just know, I was never successful but still, there was that "attempt."
I am not saying, what is currently being reported, is or was correct but, 40 years ago?
I will also admit, I was never in a position of power, I could not promise promotions or a part in a movie etc in exchange for sexual favors.
I do remember a couple of young women who were hoping I would get them pregnant to 'force' a marriage. That was over 50 (or was it 60) years ago. At what point do we just say, 'It was because of youthful enthusiasm'?
I have said I all I am going to say on this subject. I'm done.

[Pelagic]

Realy great post WifeyB and very well analyzed [emoji106]

It is those borderline cases that bother me, especially if there is some serious drink involved, or strong sexual attractions emanating from both parties.

Groping is something I can never imagine doing with someone I'm not already intimate with.
Starting with a close dance and then a soft kiss in public would probably be as far I would go.

However, if attracted, in private from the kiss, I would be heating up till she puts the brakes on.

But here's the rub!
(pun intended)

If you are the power person of the two, there are many subtle ways to encourage consent for moving on to 2nd and 3rd base...
We assume that person is making thier own decision to become intimate, but we are in the (heat of the night) encouraging them to consent.

Years later, it can be remembered very differently by the women.
More of a mentally forced decision, rather than a bad decision

In truth, you did take advantage of her weaknesses in ways she had little control over.

Is that what some women would consider a sexual offence?

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Realy great post WifeyB and very well analyzed [emoji106]

It is those borderline cases that bother me, especially if there is some serious drink involved, or strong sexual attractions emanating from both parties.

Groping is something I can never imagine doing with someone I'm not already intimate with.
Starting with a close dance and then a soft kiss in public would probably be as far I would go.

However, if attracted, in private from the kiss, I would be heating up till she puts the brakes on.

But here's the rub!
(pun intended)

If you are the power person of the two, there are many subtle ways to encourage consent for moving on to 2nd and 3rd base...
We assume that person is making thier own decision to become intimate, but we are in the (heat of the night) encouraging them to consent.

Years later, it can be remembered very differently by the women.
More of a mentally forced decision, rather than a bad decision

In truth, you did take advantage of her weaknesses in ways she had little control over.

Is that what some women would consider a sexual offence?

Wifey B: It may not sound romantic but then neither are unwanted babies or feelings afterward that one party coerced the other, so there has been encouragement recently to have both parties sign that the sex was of mutual consent and in no way coerced. I know managers encouraging athletes to get that done.

Then there is alcohol or drugs. By rule of law one under the influence of either cannot consent. It has long been a dating practice to loosen one's resistance by getting them drunk. That's something that needs reinforcing as just being both legally and morally wrong. I also think that if as a man you must get a girl drunk for her to "put out" then what a poor excuse of a man you are.

On the other side, just as men tend to use power and control to get sex, women, including young girls, must stop using sex to get what they want. One of the cases I read last night was 16 year old got an invitation by manager to the room of the star. She went and although he was much older, she had no problem and still has no issue with having sex with the star, saying that's what she wanted. However, she objects now to the fact the manager returned to the room and they had a three way, even though she went along with it at the time. Well, the crime in that case was that she was 16 in a state with a legal age of 18. The reports are that 16 year old's aren't mature enough to make those decisions. I don't know, but my advice to any guys contemplating young girls would be that the law has always said you're responsible even if she lies. You better check her id and you better make sure it's legit and if smart you'll take a picture of it using your phone.

Guys need to learn three things. One, not to take advantage. Two, to exercise caution. Three, that no in any way at any time means no. There's a somewhat common situation in business environments. It starts with a consensual sexual relationship between co-workers. Then one decides to end it. That's a strong no and any attempt after that or any retaliation then is harassment and cause for both termination and legal action.

Girls need to learn to not make poor decisions that put themselves at risk and even then to say no, to have the courage to do so, and to say it in such a way that there can be no misunderstanding. A well placed knee can be very effective if the word isn't. Obviously if it's physically forced rather than coerced, then that wouldn't be the tactic, but with most situations it would be. If anything happens then you report it to anyone and everyone.

One thing I anticipate happening is much like you have personal injury lawyers actively building practices, you're going to see a cottage industry of sexual harassment lawyers and I think that's good. The person in power needs to know that the victim will not take it and will respond and that they feel empowered to do so as society stops blaming the victim.

We also need to distinguish between womanizers and serial abusers. A man has sex with lots of women including the numbers reported by Wilt Chamberlain and Ric Flair, that's disgusting but not criminal. A man uses physical or job power to have sex with one woman, that's criminal.

[Olddan1943]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: It may not sound romantic but then neither are unwanted babies or feelings afterward that one party coerced the other, so there has been encouragement recently to have both parties sign that the sex was of mutual consent and in no way coerced. I know managers encouraging athletes to get that done.

Then there is alcohol or drugs. By rule of law one under the influence of either cannot consent. It has long been a dating practice to loosen one's resistance by getting them drunk. That's something that needs reinforcing as just being both legally and morally wrong. I also think that if as a man you must get a girl drunk for her to "put out" then what a poor excuse of a man you are.

On the other side, just as men tend to use power and control to get sex, women, including young girls, must stop using sex to get what they want. One of the cases I read last night was 16 year old got an invitation by manager to the room of the star. She went and although he was much older, she had no problem and still has no issue with having sex with the star, saying that's what she wanted. However, she objects now to the fact the manager returned to the room and they had a three way, even though she went along with it at the time. Well, the crime in that case was that she was 16 in a state with a legal age of 18. The reports are that 16 year old's aren't mature enough to make those decisions. I don't know, but my advice to any guys contemplating young girls would be that the law has always said you're responsible even if she lies. You better check her id and you better make sure it's legit and if smart you'll take a picture of it using your phone.

Guys need to learn three things. One, not to take advantage. Two, to exercise caution. Three, that no in any way at any time means no. There's a somewhat common situation in business environments. It starts with a consensual sexual relationship between co-workers. Then one decides to end it. That's a strong no and any attempt after that or any retaliation then is harassment and cause for both termination and legal action.

Girls need to learn to not make poor decisions that put themselves at risk and even then to say no, to have the courage to do so, and to say it in such a way that there can be no misunderstanding. A well placed knee can be very effective if the word isn't. Obviously if it's physically forced rather than coerced, then that wouldn't be the tactic, but with most situations it would be. If anything happens then you report it to anyone and everyone.

One thing I anticipate happening is much like you have personal injury lawyers actively building practices, you're going to see a cottage industry of sexual harassment lawyers and I think that's good. The person in power needs to know that the victim will not take it and will respond and that they feel empowered to do so as society stops blaming the victim.

We also need to distinguish between womanizers and serial abusers. A man has sex with lots of women including the numbers reported by Wilt Chamberlain and Ric Flair, that's disgusting but not criminal. A man uses physical or job power to have sex with one woman, that's criminal.

To be very honest, I was with a lady who kept saying NO so I stopped, she said, "Why did you stop?"
And folks wonder why men are so confused.

Per a release? An un-witnessed release means very little if anything.
A witnessed release maybe a bit more favorable in court.
BUT, SHE can maintain, "I changed my mind."

Solution? Daymned if I know.

[Pelagic]

I'm glad WifeyB that you acknowledge that sometimes the predator can be the woman

As a pre-teen I grew up influenced by Free Love and Hippiedom, not aware of STDs or the horror of Aids.
Then in my early teens in the farmlands of Alberta we innocently explored each others bodies and she would wear your school sweater.

In High school and College it got even more hot and heavy where it was not drink, but giving access to the popular crowd and safe adventures that attracted all kinds of girls to you.

Some were nice and you loved them and took them home to mom..... Others were a bit twisted in various ways and we experimented with each other the wilder side of relationships, until self preservation got you out.

Then you went to other countries working in the tourist trade, where single women on holiday really wanted to screw the dive or sailing instructor as part of their fantasy.....and sometimes you obliged.

Or the old girlfriend from college whom you once took home to mom who initiates a raunchy weekend camping with you only for you to discover that she is getting married in a few weeks.

My point is that it can be really difficult for outsiders to make moral judgements on relationships

Things get even more confusing when you become involved in traditional cultures where many women subjugate their own careers in favor of
the man..

I certainly glad to be past all of that

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Olddan1943

To be very honest, I was with a lady who kept saying NO and when I stopped, she said, "Why did you stop?"
And folks wonder why me are so confused.

Wifey B: Better to be confused than found guilty.

Mixed signals and the smart thing is always to back away.

It's all confusing, but nothing confusing at all about those making the headlines right now. They are serial abusers, psychotic, and generally narcissistic. They are so consumed with their own power they feel entitled to do anything they want. What amazes me about so many is how delusional they are. One look in the mirror and they'd clearly know it wasn't their appearance attracting anyone and one listen to themselves and they'd know it's most definitely not their personality. There are only two words to describe accurately when a man uses power and money to get sex from another person. It's either rape or prostitution.

[Olddan1943]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: Better to be confused than found guilty.

Mixed signals and the smart thing is always to back away.

It's all confusing, but nothing confusing at all about those making the headlines right now. They are serial abusers, psychotic, and generally narcissistic. They are so consumed with their own power they feel entitled to do anything they want. What amazes me about so many is how delusional they are. One look in the mirror and they'd clearly know it wasn't their appearance attracting anyone and one listen to themselves and they'd know it's most definitely not their personality. There are only two words to describe accurately when a man uses power and money to get sex from another person. It's either rape or prostitution.

Then there is that very famous book, which is reported to explain everything..... I think it is called, "Men are from Mars, women wish they had a penis."

I have not read the book nor do I feel the need to read the book.
I like many other men are just very happy we grew up in the 50s and 60s. Now, we sit quietly and remember the good old days. LOL Suuuuure.

Just help me start the tractor and we shall plow the field.

That's it, I am all done, I shall say no more.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Olddan1943

Then there is that very famous book, which is reported to explain everything..... I think it is called, "Men are from Mars, women wish they had a penis."

I have not read the book nor do I feel the need to read the book.
I like many other men are just very happy we grew up in the 50s and 60s. Now, we sit quietly and remember the good old days. LOL Suuuuure.

Just help me start the tractor and we shall plow the field.

That's it, I am all done, I shall say no more.

Wifey B: And I'm thankful to have grown up in modern times, not ancient times like you.

Amazing how a fading memory protects us as we only remembeer the best of the good old days.

As to women who wish they had a penis, they just go to the toy store and buy one, strap it on, and they're in business.

[zeehag]

i have noticed on observation that the male sail cruisers seek land bound companionship and avoid female sailors.
funny how that works, as the female sailors mind their own business and take care of their boats, and the males seek sex on a recreational basis.
locals seem the best solution for most of the testosterone addled doods who hire crews to repair boat while they relieve themselves in town.
those males who remain on board seem to be happy as they are, and dine with the other curmudgeons avoiding any intermingling.
this is a most entertaining scenario.
those male sailors who decide to settle somewhere take on a misogynist affect and repel all boarders. seems as they aged their trophy women took off with all ~~ the house and contents and sporty car.
oopsy.
these bitter old men tend to coagulate in expat cantinas and beer and breakkie/lunch joints on the street making derogatory comments about the females as they walk by the conveniently located hangout.
and they are wondering why they cannot get a date.. hahahahahahahaa

and these continue to desire a female companion, as they bad mouth and snide at all women in sight.
bitterness is as uglifying as is hatred. both are related.

dang you all are so fun to watch.

[Olddan1943]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: And I'm thankful to have grown up in modern times, not ancient times like you.

Amazing how a fading memory protects us as we only remembeer the best of the good old days.

As to women who wish they had a penis, they just go to the toy store and buy one, strap it on, and they're in business.

WifieB I can still remember getting beaten at least once a month by my loving parents, hearing my mother screaming "kill him." And my father doing his best to please her. Each time, it was worse .....
I ran away to the Navy and was treated with greater respect in boot camp than I was at home.
I did not go home for 7+ years and even then, I left as soon as possible.

[john61ct]

Originally Posted by zeehag

i have noticed on observation that the male sail cruisers seek land bound companionship and avoid female sailors.
funny how that works, as the female sailors mind their own business and take care of their boats, and the males seek sex on a recreational basis.

The female sailors are also fulfilling their needs when randy, whether with the locals or cherry-picked expats.

Most are just more discreet about it.

And nothing wrong with any of this IMO, have you got something against recreational sex?

We all make our beds and then have to lie in them, no need to be so judgmental, as you say observing others' foibles can be entertaining, just avoid those that bother you.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by john61ct

And nothing wrong with any of this IMO, have you got something against recreational sex?

.

Wifey B: I put it in the same category as Russian Roulette.

[john61ct]

Personal evaluations of risk vs reward are being made many times per day.

Driving a vehicle, staying in a given location, eating sweets. . .

Those are private decisions, rarely to be debated with others and certainly not for others to get judgmental about.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by john61ct

Personal evaluations of risk vs reward are being made many times per day.

Driving a vehicle, staying in a given location, eating sweets. . .

Those are private decisions, rarely to be debated with others and certainly not for others to get judgmental about.

Wifey B: You're the one who asked the question and there's nothing at all judgmental in advising of the inherent risks. That's fact. Now, judgmental would be offering opinions on those who engage in the practice. Any judgment I might make on someone like Ric Flair is the same he makes on his own lifestyle during those years as he did on 30/30.