Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I think this is a fun can of worms Dale
maybe we should re-spell it
"naturalistic phallusy".

For the record, there are many examples of male on male in the animal kingdom, so all rainbows are part of the monogamy discussion

I for one think that ethics has nothing to do with Monogamy.

It is all about expectations.

If two people agree to Monogamy and one lies or cheats, the ethics part is in the lying.

However if they for whatever reason, freely agree to have sex with others, then that is their business.

Hey slow down with all the big words, I'm not that bright... Lol.

So there's no rules other than the ones we are happy to impose on ourselves and can live with? Dam, there's that "actions and consequences" thing again.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by daletournier

.

So there's no rules other than the ones we are happy to impose on ourselves and can live with? Dam, there's that "actions and consequences" thing again.

In a good relationship.... it is less about rules but more to do with maintaiing that trust and honesty about what you can and cannot accept

In this case, the litmus test for me is....
...could I handle my long time girlfriend having casual sex with others?

Simple answer is:
No Way!

To me, that means I do not have any right to cheat on her.

Not ethical but the brutal consequences of my loving desire for exclusivity.

In truth, not brutal as I have no desire to have sex with someone I don't love.

[sandrunner]

Originally Posted by daletournier

The more I think, regarding "naturalistic fallacy" the deeper down the rabbit hole I go. Monogamy should be practiced based on morality and ethics although its not natural in most of the animal kingdom yet homosexuality is ok because it's quite natural? Not sure I worded that right?

No judgement here, just opening a can of worms, and probably way to far outside the perimeters of this discussion.

Quite true in terms of the slippery slope/can of worms so-to-speak, largely because of the faulty logic.

Most animals have "breed" vs have sexual encounters, although there are some notable exceptions like bonobos which use it for many social interactions besides breeding (note matriarchal society too). but we as humans are shaped just as much by societal norms, conditioning since birth (affects much of our lifestyle choices), and customs as we are biology. When one doesn't confirm, typically outcasts or they are labeled a criminal and jailed.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by sandrunner

Quite true in terms of the slippery slope/can of worms so-to-speak, largely because of the faulty logic.

Most animals have "breed" vs have sexual encounters, although there are some notable exceptions like bonobos which use it for many social interactions besides breeding (note matriarchal society too). but we as humans are shaped just as much by societal norms, conditioning since birth (affects much of our lifestyle choices), and customs as we are biology. When one doesn't confirm, typically outcasts or they are labeled a criminal and jailed.

So the lion says to himself "ah time to breed, better have sex!" or he just follows his urges that result in breeding? urges, desires, and don't we have these? Logic? The problem with logic regarding all this, is logic can argue a number of points of view, logically we are complicated creatures that complicate things.
Ps. 3 jack Daniels and a lovely lunch tells me (logically) this is not the time for me to be entering into this conversation....lol.

[daletournier]

I remember a Psycologist friend of mine once saying " everyone wants monogamy....... for their partner!"

[sandrunner]

Originally Posted by daletournier

So the lion says to himself "ah time to breed, better have sex!" or he just follows his urges that result in breeding? urges, desires, and don't we have these? Logic? The problem with logic regarding all this, is logic can argue a number of points of view, logically we are complicated creatures that complicate things.
Ps. 3 jack Daniels and a lovely lunch tells me (logically) this is not the time for me to be entering into this conversation....lol.

Difference being "most" species mate at vey specific times, i.e. when the female is able to conceive, which sets of a chain reaction of pheromones that create the male's perception of desire.

All that aside, my only point (i.e. intended) is just what you stated, human behavior is far too complex and varied for simple analogies.

Bon appetite and enjoy!

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by sandrunner

Difference being "most" species mate at vey specific times, i.e. when the female is able to conceive, which sets of a chain reaction of pheromones that create the male's perception of desire.

All that aside, my only point (i.e. intended) is just what you stated, human behavior is far too complex and varied for simple analogies.

Bon appetite and enjoy!

See, I knew it was the females fault [emoji23]

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

However if they for whatever reason, freely agree to have sex with others, then that is their business.

Wifey B: Just keep one thing in mind, free sex can be life threatening.

There are more than just moral issues but practical real life issues where lives of both the participants and others are impacted tremendously.

The fact monogamy seems difficult for most to achieve, doesn't make free love a good answer either. Yes, I know. Have only protected sex. And people stick to that always?

Now, as to crewing a boat and romance and sex and all the above. Even if for free, I think best to look at it like a workplace and use workplace rules. No sex. If after their cruising is all over one or the other wants to pursue more, to ask the other out, then fine, but wait until then.

Put the rules down on paper in an agreement before starting. You want to revise them then do it in writing. Sounds unromantic, but what it does is perhaps eliminates the impulsive and often regretted behavior.

Then the part of all this not mentioned or I don'r recall seeing it mentioned-Booze and drugs. They lower inhibitions and they lead to actions that are regretted later but can't be undone. Then they're used as an excuse, well I was drunk. Duh. No excuse. i read a stupid headline today, "Regular Marijuana Users Have More Sex." WTF. Are we supposed to be shocked by that. Lower inhibitions and it happens.

Let's do a scientific experiment. Put two guinea pigs, I mean people, in a 20 x 15 room for six months. Pass food under the door. No other human contact. And what do you think will happen? Personally I never would have, never would, never would recommend to someone that they go on a long sailing trip with someone they don't even or barely even know. The odds of two strangers having a great time and no one killing the other or harassing the other and all just perfect are somewhere on the opposite side of none from slim.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: Just keep one thing in mind, free sex can be life threatening.

There are more than just moral issues but practical real life issues where lives of both the participants and others are impacted tremendously.

The fact monogamy seems difficult for most to achieve, doesn't make free love a good answer either. Yes, I know. Have only protected sex. And people stick to that always?

Now, as to crewing a boat and romance and sex and all the above. Even if for free, I think best to look at it like a workplace and use workplace rules. No sex. If after their cruising is all over one or the other wants to pursue more, to ask the other out, then fine, but wait until then.

Put the rules down on paper in an agreement before starting. You want to revise them then do it in writing. Sounds unromantic, but what it does is perhaps eliminates the impulsive and often regretted behavior.

Then the part of all this not mentioned or I don'r recall seeing it mentioned-Booze and drugs. They lower inhibitions and they lead to actions that are regretted later but can't be undone. Then they're used as an excuse, well I was drunk. Duh. No excuse. i read a stupid headline today, "Regular Marijuana Users Have More Sex." WTF. Are we supposed to be shocked by that. Lower inhibitions and it happens.

Let's do a scientific experiment. Put two guinea pigs, I mean people, in a 20 x 15 room for six months. Pass food under the door. No other human contact. And what do you think will happen? Personally I never would have, never would, never would recommend to someone that they go on a long sailing trip with someone they don't even or barely even know. The odds of two strangers having a great time and no one killing the other or harassing the other and all just perfect are somewhere on the opposite side of none from slim.

Your just no fun... Lol.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Your just no fun... Lol.

Wifey B: Oh, I have lot's of fun....if you only knew...but not indiscriminate sex with strangers.

If you're going to have sex with new partners, I'd recommend you both being tested for STD's prior to it and sharing those tests. They are at the highest levels ever and many don't know they have them. Can protect you from getting them. Can also protect you from being accused of giving them to the other person. Bet Usher wishes right now he'd done differently.

[uncle stinkybob]

Originally Posted by Olddan1943

there are a number dating services that offer that, "Just send me money and I will fly to you and love you long time." Good luck and let me know how the Russian bride thing works for you. SMIRK

Reminds me of a good friend of mine. His father found internet love, flew to Russia to marry her. He was dead shortly after the marrage, his body was returned to the U.S. 6 months later.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by uncle stinkybob

Reminds me of a good friend of mine. His father found internet love, flew to Russia to marry her. He was dead shortly after the marrage, his body was returned to the U.S. 6 months later.

Wifey B: Bet he signed a will while in Russia too.

[uncle stinkybob]

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B: Bet he signed a will while in Russia too.

He sure did. Any guess's how that turned out? Of course the body was to far decomposed to do a proper autopsy to determine cause of death.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by uncle stinkybob

He sure did. Any guess's how that turned out? Of course the body was to far decomposed to do a proper autopsy to determine cause of death.

Poison mushrooms again?

[JPA Cate]

Another fact is that some STD's are transmitted to foetuses, some that come to mind: syphilis, gonorrhea, and AIDs. I don't know about you guys, but that is something I would not want to have happen.

Alcohol and cocaine, for two, cross the amniotic barrier, and birth defects result.

Ann

Ann