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Old 01-09-2016, 18:56   #496
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Ron
You are so right!. Now if we could put all the people that think the same way in the same place, we may have a chance, lol.


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Old 02-09-2016, 01:04   #497
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Lorrie,

I don't know about you, but my man wish list had over 20 specs. I let one slide. Truth.

...and it has generated difficulties for me at times, but he is a good man.

Ann
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Old 02-09-2016, 03:10   #498
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate View Post
Lorrie,

I don't know about you, but my man wish list had over 20 specs. I let one slide. Truth.

...and it has generated difficulties for me at times, but he is a good man.

Ann
Twenty? Most men are grateful if the date turns up.....
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Old 02-09-2016, 18:40   #499
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate View Post
Lorrie,

I don't know about you, but my man wish list had over 20 specs. I let one slide. Truth.

...and it has generated difficulties for me at times, but he is a good man.

Ann

Ann
It really isn't hard.
If everyone could just be who they are and give full disclosure, maybe we can find the right match.
Or maybe the men will decide we are too much trouble.

Its realy simple BBQ, Sail and play nice.



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Old 02-09-2016, 20:02   #500
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by lorrie View Post
Ann
It really isn't hard.
If everyone could just be who they are and give full disclosure, maybe we can find the right match.
Or maybe the men will decide we are too much trouble.

Its realy simple BBQ, Sail and play nice.



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Yes! Too many people waste time futzing with trying to convince each other they are different than they really are. I think I "snagged" my guy when I said "love is cheap, it's every where. Liking you is much more important. AND I really lIke you"

Sorry for the "snagged" line. Im tired and really couldn't think of anything else!
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Old 03-09-2016, 08:39   #501
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Yes! Too many people waste time futzing with trying to convince each other they are different than they really are. I think I "snagged" my guy when I said "love is cheap, it's every where. Liking you is much more important. AND I really lIke you"

Sorry for the "snagged" line. Im tired and really couldn't think of anything else!
If it only were that simple.

You may be aware of the plain fact that when we are convincing each other that we are different than what we really are, we actually believe we are telling the whole and only truth? We are not pulling any leg.

We are advertising the version of ourselves ... that is true to ourselves.

So, we cannot just 'stop and tell others what we really are' - because we are already doing exactly this.

Only 1% of liars are skilled purposeful liars. The rest of us are telling the truth. So what if our truth is not 100% in synch with how others perceive us?

Now go on any forum say truth is subjective, you get stoned by the same people who claim we should stop convincing each other that we are different than we really are.

Can't you see this is no do? We are not wired to live the truth, nor are we allowed to face the fact that there is no one objective truth, just a multitude of subjective opinions.

Deadlocked, mate. Deadlocked in social convenances.

Love,
Cheers,
b.
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Old 03-09-2016, 09:55   #502
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Pretending to be someone you are not if never a workable strategy. I'm a firm believer that most successful relationships are really accidental and occasional, even if you use Tinder or any other active searches (like posting on CF). It certainly helps to be in the environment you live to find a soulmate that would like that environment.

I have met, or have known about, many good couples who met in sailing environments. It is much harder to do on land in a land-locked city to find that soulmate who will cruise down to Mexico and still stay with you. That's not to say that is impossible though. I was married for many years, on land, before I found out that my mate really, really liked sailing and we went to New Zealand on our boat and just bought another one to do the same (we hope). We still like each other.
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Old 03-09-2016, 13:34   #503
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Originally Posted by Sea Dreaming View Post
Yes! Too many people waste time futzing with trying to convince each other they are different than they really are. I think I "snagged" my guy when I said "love is cheap, it's every where. Liking you is much more important. AND I really lIke you"



Sorry for the "snagged" line. Im tired and really couldn't think of anything else!

Good job!
That just means he wasn't a throw back, lol.


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Old 03-09-2016, 13:38   #504
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

I was married for 30 years. My exwife and I raised two children to become productive and self sufficient adults. I had a career I loved. And when all that was done, the rest of it just wore out and stopped. So I hit the internet. The happy hunting ground.

I was living on my boat. In a marina with a Tiki bar. A retired firefighter. With free wifi. I didn't have a bird, but I always had a pocket full of cash. Company wasn't hard to come by.

I think too many people are out there looking for too much, too soon. Every time I would read, "...seeking the last love of my life," "marriage minded," or, "looking for my soul mate;" my finger hit the "next," button. Ditto for women who posted a whole list of requirements, prerequisites, minimum standards, etc. Regardless of whether I met the "specifications," or not. No wonder they were single, I thought. I was just looking for someone to have some fun with.

I was merely looking for good company that smelled good and wasn't too hard on the eyes!
How about trying to find someone that looks nice, that you can enjoy a meal and a bottle of wine with? Have a conversation with? And if all that goes well, perhaps some sensual pleasure will ensue... And if that goes well, then how about tomorrow? I didn't want to hear about their life's goals or plans. Nor share my own. Or talk about my past. Or hers.
What have you been doing lately?
Who are you now? Today?
What are you doing next week?

One step at a time. If the first hour goes well, there may be a second. If the first week is fun, maybe there will be a second week. You're trying to make a new friend. Not interview for a career position. You say our deadline for true and everlasting love is next Friday because you're leaving forever and you have three more prospects to review and spread sheet? Then it ain't me, Babe. It ain't me you're lookin' for.

This saves a lot of time: I will never again be a party in a romantic relationship defined by a financially binding legal contract. Does that disqualify me? Do you need papers? Do you need to be vested in my assets? What are you bringing to the table? If we're negotiating a contract, I want to know what's in it for me. Besides your charming smile.

One thing I learned: NO amount of electronic anything means anything at all. I wasted hours, days, weeks even, emailing, texting, exchanging pics, and talking on the phone only to find out in five minutes (or 10 seconds!) that we had NO chemistry whatever and didn't actually like each other at all.
So my first question became, when and where would you like to meet? Not willing to meet? next.

One of those ladies turned out to be my soulmate. And the last love of my life. And my best friend. But I certainly wasn't looking for that. Nor was she. Like me, she was just looking for a good time and willing to let nature take it's course. We have been together 7 years, now. And wouldn't you know, she loves sailboats, too.

When you find the right person, all the details find a way to work themselves out.
So don't put the details first.
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Old 03-09-2016, 13:44   #505
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Now we are getting real.
I met a guy that was really white, had not seen the sun since who knows when. He doesn't mind cold, likes to ski. Sailing, he never has and he is thinking we can spend time together. What is wrong with this picture?

Yes, On a road trip. This is the problem, lol.


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Old 03-09-2016, 19:48   #506
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Really great post dgz3 and agree that things should come easy (naturally).....

Reminded me of this Al Stewart song, which was my guiding light way back when

http://youtu.be/Q9kd_1uVF8Q
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Old 03-09-2016, 21:03   #507
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

For some reason I can't get my tablet to paste the quote....

"Expecting too much too soon"

Yes yes and yes! I've been with my guy for 5 years now and I feel as though we are still getting to know one another. I take nothing for granted except his morning cup of coffee. I am happy to say that he does the same with me.

Barnikel, you are right, one only ever gives the truth of them selves because thats all we are. Perhaps it's fairer to sat we infer what we want to hear / believe from others, but when many of us are young, we imply that we are moldable and hope that between inference and implication we can create the ideal.
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Old 04-09-2016, 09:36   #508
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

I agree with expecting too much too soon however, when you are asking him or her to cut off support during prime earning years. One cannot expect a young gal or guy to leave the prime earning years for as long as it is fun.

Depending on the age bracket, this is a real issue for the 53 year old sailor.
Survival is real on water and land. Sometimes you must be real and be all in. If your not able to be this available emotionally, physically and financially, then it really wasn't all that important.
All of us have have different limitations, some emotional, physical and financial. It is much easier to have the lets see how it goes day by day when the dock lines are still connected to the dock.


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Old 04-09-2016, 14:01   #509
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Its not like if you go cruising at 50, you burn some kind of bridge. Companies rarely offer any form of decent retirement unless you work for the gubberment. 401K's are a joke and designed to con you into thinking if you just hang in there, you some how get the grand price behind door #1.
I was/am a Toolmaker/Machinist. I've been laid off at least a dozen times. Some how i was ok.
Please try and picture yourself at 67, then outfitting a boat, then cruising. For most, those are the 2 choices. wait and try to be a golden aged cruiser, or 2, go while you still have some youth left and decide later if you want to go back to the grind.
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Old 04-09-2016, 16:54   #510
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Yessir.

The go ... now! Group has a possible and reasonable way out, and would have a second chance at the "real world." A telling point imo.
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