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Old 29-08-2016, 08:53   #481
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

that fear goes both ways i have seen.men with issues and women with issues....
i have sailed with guys who cannot leave their close to home sailing route as outside safety net is scary.
ok.
gotcha.how do ye learn if ye donot push the limit ever.
ha ha ha ha sadly this is way too true.
since 1990 i have found there are many males with boats. but not many who will do the necessary work, will do the planning, will do the prep and will do the dock line lifting.
they can all give instructions but rarely have i found anyone able to follow instructions also.
both members of a team must be able to take on all roles of this lifestyle.
when the one partner has health issues who is gonna sail boat if you are dependent on the other for that work--goes both ways.

where the hell are the adventurous guys???

are there any men with balls anymore????

and yet ye dare complain after choosing the wrong potential misadventure partner.
are you advising them before dating that ypu are a miscreant?? why do your choices seem to fail so much the whining can be heard to where tf i am.... if all that is wrong with the relationship is (s)he doesnt wanna leave, or (s)he is too afraid to sail away from coastline-- but everything else is fine-- yet you separate due to this petty reasoning??
you are truly ill.
there are compromises your hardheaded selves must learn to accept.

it is really really easy to find folks who want a free ride when yer out here in this awesome lifestyle-- way too many want a cruise ship life while you do all the work.
oops.
others donot appreciate the need to maintain yershite....
oops
cannot follow simple instructions.
oops
thank gods i am old enough to say out loud that if my cat not likee ye gtf outta my way. fangkyooo.
life rocks sola.
until ye trip over "the right one" but they donot grow on trees and are rarer than a rarest diamond.
best of luck in searching.
stop the divorce, re evaluate your direst needs and then go forward in whatever direction you find yourself moving.
and remember--nothing in a relationship exists without friendship.that is number one.
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Old 29-08-2016, 09:24   #482
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[QUOTE=Aimlessness;2200110]
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Originally Posted by lorrie View Post
I've found that it isn't really about resources as much as it about their fear of leaving it all behind and their lack of desire to live a minimal lifestyle.

Ron

See, I would tell you that not wanting to live a minimalist lifestyle ties in very closely to resources.

See, I'm not a real life cruiser yet, and although I am certain that you can cruise and live a minimalist lifestyle, I don't believe cruising, even world cruising requires it.
But then of course you have to define minimalist don't you?

I'm happily married, but it has been my observation that women and men want to stay in whatever class they associate themselves as being, often they desire to raise their Social class by Marriage. That does not always mean money, You don't often find the PHD College Professor hanging out with garage mechanics for example.

But it's rare to find an older man or woman that will drop down to a "lower class", more common in younger people.
Now I'm not trying to offend with the class comment, trust me. I'm one of those types that just can't bring myself to saying I have a "Yacht" for instance, I have a boat. Yacht is just too pretentious for me.
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Old 29-08-2016, 21:46   #483
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lorrie View Post
I find this age group to be a difficult one. I am 53 and find that most people my age are still on the wheel working.
More details should be posted.
How long cruising and where.
Im sure there are many that would love to go cruising but how many can afford to leave.
Matchmaker here.....

Kind of a happy story here with a probable unhappy ending.

notice-the names have been changed to protect the parties involved. I'm happily married to my wife (45 years).

We have a "happy hour" here at our marina on mon, wed, and fri. I met this amazingly interesting woman (age 52) that owns her own boat, and has been here since Dec. last year. She is single.

One day, a boat pulls in to the slip next to me. He seems a bit shy, but I meet him on the dock a couple of days later and introduce myself. He is French-Canadian from Quebeck.
I kind of like this guy, and invite him to the "happy hour". Well, I didn't have to introduce Jack to Jane. They seemed to gravitate! It's been a really fun time seeing them together. She adores him, and he say's that she is really fun to be with. They truly get along.

So.....Jack (age 62) plans to leave in November for the Islands. Jane has a boat of her own, but has never left the slip since December, when she bought it. Also, she is afraid to leave her father who is dying. She also has a big dog, that Jack says...." I don't want the dog on my boat".

I honestly enjoy these two people together. They are so happy. Asked in private, Jack says Jane is so much fun to be with. He is serious, not BSing. Jane is obviously taken with Jack...no question.

They both seem to me to be very special people. I'll be sad when Jack, myself, and many others will leave Jane in November. Hopefully, she can live with her limitations (not sure what else to call it - waiting for dad to die, and giving up the dog as a child).

Any other matchmakers out there with advice?

Ralph
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Old 29-08-2016, 22:59   #484
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Haven't read all of this thread but I once heard a story on This American Life on NPR about some MIT professor who was single. (see below) Her students asked why? She said she wanted to find someone smarter then her. The Engineering students then off course started to crunch the numbers for Boston area like any engineer would. 50% male, single, age group etc etc. They came up with a ridiculously low number of possible partners.

At the time I was single and living Northern Michigan and thinking crap what are my odds to find what I was looking for. Again very low probability. At the time I had increased my odds with Match.com, Okcupid. I was very to the point of who I am, what I was looking for and was not casting a wide net with my profile but casting my profile widely. I went on quite a few dates. All dates but one were actually quite wonderful mostly because by the time it came to the date I knew I would at a minimum enjoy spending time with all of them. I am now happily married for a little over four years and we dated for a couple of years prior to marriage. I just turned 40 if that helps with the context.

I looked through a lot of profiles, did not mince words or mislead with my profile, and when contacting women I fully read their profile and asked specific questions about something I found interesting in their profile. I always had a reply. Apparently most guys write some obnoxious stuff from what I was told.

So I guess what I am trying to say is lay out exactly who you are and what you are looking for. Post it on the dating sites and increase your odds. At worst you will probably meet some cool folks. Ladies your odds of meeting the cool ones is a little harder because you have to wade through a bunch of yahoos but usually it is pretty obvious.

P.S. 374: Somewhere Out There | This American Life
My memory fuzzed up a few details. Oddly I emailed my current (only) wife the next day after this aired. On Valentines day. I off course did not mention that when I emailed her it was Valentines. I am not that cheesy. Now knowing my wife as I do if I had mentioned Valentines Day in that first email she would not have responded. I am just now realizing that I heard this show the day before I emailed my current wife. That is rather crazy. What are the odds of that Harvard Physicist?
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Old 30-08-2016, 00:36   #485
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Actually, as you suggest, they are excellent, [I]as long as the physicist knows him/herself well enough to clearly state what he/she is looking for.[I]

In other words, he or she has to take what they know about what makes relationships work, and apply that seriously to self. So that he/she can state, exactly, in about 6th grade terms is wanted. Then, with his list of 22 or "x" criteria, the weeding can begin. Include an "attractiveness" measure, as well. Not all our needs are emotional. Reason only takes someone so far, then intuition and creativity are necessary, as well.
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Old 30-08-2016, 05:02   #486
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Waterrat10 View Post
.........................
.................
I looked through a lot of profiles, did not mince words or mislead with my profile, and when contacting women I fully read their profile and asked specific questions about something I found interesting in their profile. I always had a reply. Apparently most guys write some obnoxious stuff from what I was told.
.................................................. .........
I found it interesting to read Waterrat's description of process and strategy in finding success in a long term relationship. So often you hear the description of falling in love as if you were struck by a random event. This implies that a person is subject to chance and not in control.

I am amazed how so many men would spend years evaluating the merits of their choice of a boat, but "fall" into marriage.

My wife and I have been together for 47 years and on our current boat for 32 years. There is no loss of romance by careful planning!
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Old 30-08-2016, 12:53   #487
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Zee… said it all.

Now for the op.

I know jerks that get paid for hammering boxes. That allows them to pay for the boat and the hammer when repair is needed.
Do not blame the boat.
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Old 30-08-2016, 18:23   #488
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Zee… said it all.
Zee said a lot

Could not help but wonder if she happened to meet the perfect guy in every way who felt the same way about her.....
..except he was allergic to cats.....


Just teasing Zee.....
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Old 30-08-2016, 18:31   #489
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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Zee said a lot

Could not help but wonder if she happened to meet the perfect guy in every way who felt the same way about her.....
..except he was allergic to cats.....

you sling bs like a democrat drone and repub clown ha ha ha

there ARE folks who choose to be by themselves for reasons not understandable by you.or others.

so, why be snide?
i have boat. and physical illness. why should i burden anyone with that.
go ahead play games, but you aint gonna know ha ha
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Old 30-08-2016, 19:03   #490
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

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the perfect guy
Once you get the perfect guy you do not need a cat. The he keep the rats away and the she keep the birds away. That called sharing, a unique experience.
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Old 31-08-2016, 12:05   #491
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

OK, all you single sailors, where have you been all my life?? Kinda' kidding but not really...

I'm getting ready to retire and sail, I'll be ready to go next spring. I'm single, very independent and have a mind of my own.

I want to sail the Sea of Cortez for a few years and then, who knows? I've reconciled myself to doing it alone, but it would be nice to share it with someone that I can get along with. So you are giving me hope that I may meet a compatible male.

Kim
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Old 31-08-2016, 12:22   #492
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[QUOTE=Aimlessness;2200110]
Quote:
Originally Posted by lorrie View Post
I find this age group to be a difficult one. I am 53 and find that most people my age are still on the wheel working.
More details should be posted.
How long cruising and where.
Im sure there are many that would love to go cruising but how many can afford to leave.



Again, I agree that there are few who are able to get off the treadmill.

I bought the Morgan specifically because it is, IMO, a very comfortable boat for a couple with the thought of having a cruising partner. My current plan is to spend a year or two throughout the Caribbean then if things are going well to cross to the Pacific. As the Zen Master said, "We'll see."

The thing is although I have a budget it is not very tight meaning that if I met someone even with limited resources who wanted to walk away from it all it would work for us. After dating a few women I've found that it isn't really about resources as much as it about their fear of leaving it all behind and their lack of desire to live a minimal lifestyle.

Ron

Ron
The question I have is, where are you meeting them?
I think most men that sail are not interested in the gals that require stuff unless they are not serious about a long term relationship,

I find it true for men as well. In my experience they want the freedom but cannot get past the things they need, ego based. Even when limiting dating to only men that appear to qualify, I am fooled. When it comes right down to it, they cannot handle living life without stuff. Mostly they are afraid they don't have enough.




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Old 31-08-2016, 12:52   #493
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Ladies, I am one of the perfect men you're looking for. I mention this only to keep your hopes up. Cheers!
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Old 31-08-2016, 14:40   #494
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

Males. Full bars of them.

b.
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Old 01-09-2016, 08:09   #495
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Re: Single Men Living Aboard and Cruising... an honest look.

[QUOTE=lorrie;2202117]
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Originally Posted by Aimlessness View Post


Ron
The question I have is, where are you meeting them?
I think most men that sail are not interested in the gals that require stuff unless they are not serious about a long term relationship,

I find it true for men as well. In my experience they want the freedom but cannot get past the things they need, ego based. Even when limiting dating to only men that appear to qualify, I am fooled. When it comes right down to it, they cannot handle living life without stuff. Mostly they are afraid they don't have enough.

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Is it ever enough? I marvel at men and women who buy things they don't need, have more than they can possibly use and put things in a self-storage place only to forget about it. I agree that most people can not truly accept a minimalist lifestyle whether on a sailboat cruising, RVing, or even deciding to live closer to Nature on a homestead. I am definitely not suggesting that this is a female issue.



When I decided a few years ago to adopt a new attitude about life my process was simple: if I didn't use something for 6 months I got rid of it either on Craigslist or donation. Then went through the things I kept again to truly decide if I needed it that got rid of a bunch more "stuff". When I decided to buy the boat I budgeted $100 for storage in order to keep some stuff for when I returned from cruising. In the end I decided that nothing that I couldn't fit on the boat was important to me and got rid of it all.

I know that there are women who would enjoy the lifestyle, but have given up finding a "real" man who wants the same; as you said. I think the issue is gender independent. So far I don't have any idea where to meet female cruisers or wannabes.

Ron.
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