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Old 22-02-2012, 17:36   #31
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Originally Posted by anjou
If you have to provide family and friends with checklists to enlighten them as to how to behave then you either have a crap set of family and friends or you dont have the art of verbal communication sussed.

Just tell them.
Damn that's smart... You said everything I was thinking in a few short words.

Also, it seems these people don't just show up with a duffle bag, they get invited. If the invitation doesn't specify cost sharing it isn't the visitors problem to figure that out. If I invite family to my land home I dont ask them for money. If we grocery shop they will usually chip in but that's it. A lot harder to visit the grocery store from a boat and pull the wallet out to contribute.

Teach 'em the etiquette starting with the invitation.
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Old 22-02-2012, 17:50   #32
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See, Dude works. It adds a token amount of civility and humor to an otherwise rude thought.

Is it really the manners to address the thank you note to your wife? I would have never guessed that. That detail seems rude, to me, it has a sexist subtext that guests are more of a burden on her because she is responsible for all of the house work. I would never single out the wife for a thank you note.

The preference for a written letter... That's interesting. I've been invited to weddings over email. I did not think it was still common for a written letter to be considered more polite.
Dude, part of manners is being sensitive to the target audience and adjusting your behaviour to appear polite and civilized. I call my nephews and nieces Dude and Dedette sometimes. I call anyone over 40 by their name. Thanking people is a lost art that displays intelligence, education and results in people having an opinion of you that gets you invited back.

Thanking the wife is not sexist. Often the invitation appears to come from the skipper, but it is the couple that did the invite. Targetting the spouse for appreciation is very classy just as bringing along some provisions at the start of the cruise.

When Bash invited a bunch of us on his boat he clearly stated, "Don't bring anythng" - he was being polite. I am pretty sure everyone brought something along. I am pretty sure I didn't call him dude. Skipper seemed more appropriate...
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Old 22-02-2012, 18:30   #33
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

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Originally Posted by Bash View Post
This is why you get the 45-minute lecture before we let you pee.
I know a lot of tone and intent gets lost by typing, but you're joking about a 45-minute head lecture, right? I would be off the dock and back in the car after the first 5 minutes!

Oh and msponer, you can call me "Dude" if you ever go out on my boat. Especially if you say "Awesome Dude."



Do any of you around here wear those captain hats with the scrambled eggs and bong yourselves on and off your "yacht"? Because in the spirit of like-minded attracting like-minded, we probably wouldn't be a great match for sailing on each other's boats.
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Old 22-02-2012, 18:44   #34
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I know a lot of tone and intent gets lost by typing, but you're joking about a 45-minute head lecture, right? I would be off the dock and back in the car after the first 5 minutes!

Oh and msponer, you can call me "Dude" if you ever go out on my boat. Especially if you say "Awesome Dude."

Do any of you around here wear those captain hats with the scrambled eggs and bong yourselves on and off your "yacht"? Because in the spirit of like-minded attracting like-minded, we probably wouldn't be a great match for sailing on each other's boats.
I gave away the scrambled egg hat for Christmas. I didn't fit my giant head and ego. I kept the double breasted blazer with anchor buttons...
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Old 22-02-2012, 19:22   #35
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

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I gave away the scrambled egg hat for Christmas. I didn't fit my giant head and ego. I kept the double breasted blazer with anchor buttons...
Nice! Does it come with ribbons for all the regattas you've won?

This could be it's own thread: No-splash pump-out achievement medal, Meritorious Brightwork Ribbon, Gold Macerator Medal (with clusters)...
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Old 22-02-2012, 19:28   #36
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Nice! Does it come with ribbons for all the regattas you've won?

This could be it's own thread: No-splash pump-out achievement medal, Meritorious Brightwork Ribbon, Gold Macerator Medal (with clusters)...
Stopped entering reggatas. Found it cheaper to just buy trophies and ribbons. Besides, first place looks way cooler on a trophy than "participant"...
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Old 22-02-2012, 19:35   #37
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

What we have here is another honest-to-goodness generation gap. I wonder if the 60's and 70's are going to repeat. Far out, man.
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Old 22-02-2012, 19:40   #38
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

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Dude, part of manners is being sensitive to the target audience and adjusting your behaviour to appear polite and civilized. I call my nephews and nieces Dude and Dedette sometimes. I call anyone over 40 by their name. Thanking people is a lost art that displays intelligence, education and results in people having an opinion of you that gets you invited back.
Well, gee, this is awkward, I certainly did not say to call the skipper Dude, not write a thank you note, or show up without a token gift.

I thought five-minute-hates about "kids these days" was just a funny caricature, a role elderly columnists play when they run out of ideas or their sixteen year old granddaughter gets pregnant. Evidently it's an expression of something deeper.

I'll go, but first, since you guys taught me about addressing a thank you letter to the wife, let me share a portion of my Gen X/Y etiquette -- aspire to be as unfailingly polite online as you are in person, never: write something that you would not say to someones face, build straw men with selective interpretations or narrow quotes, apply broad generalizations to individuals, or pile on.
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Old 22-02-2012, 19:59   #39
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Well, gee, this is awkward, I certainly did not say to call the skipper Dude, not write a thank you note, or show up without a token gift.

I thought five-minute-hates about "kids these days" was just a funny caricature, a role elderly columnists play when they run out of ideas or their sixteen year old granddaughter gets pregnant. Evidently it's an expression of something deeper.

I'll go, but first, since you guys taught me about addressing a thank you letter to the wife, let me share a portion of my Gen X/Y etiquette -- aspire to be as unfailingly polite online as you are in person, never: write something that you would not say to someones face, build straw men with selective interpretations or narrow quotes, apply broad generalizations to individuals, or pile on.
- you are right about piling on
- you are right about narrow interpretations
- you are right about generalizing

- not sure I buy that Gen X/Y has cornered the market on netiquette, but OK...

- Off base on "kids these days" - I get along with younger folks way better than most peers or olders - most are gettin' old and cranky way too fast...

You and I would likely get along just great on a boat. Sorry for sounding old and preachy - dude, I hate that old preachy dude...
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Old 22-02-2012, 20:37   #40
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

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Originally Posted by GeoPowers View Post
I know a lot of tone and intent gets lost by typing, but you're joking about a 45-minute head lecture, right?
A bit of hyperbole on my part. And please don't get the idea I'm down on young people; I've been Faculty Adviser to a university sailing team for many years, and they they love sailing on this dude's boat. I have noticed, however, that they tend to call me "Professor" rather than "Dude."

Perhaps that's because they want a chance at the helm?

(And Wonderblond always gets a thank you afterwards. Or at least an email with photos attached.)
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Old 22-02-2012, 22:29   #41
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

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...they they love sailing on this dude's boat.
It's the fridge full of beer...

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Old 23-02-2012, 11:24   #42
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

Interesting coincidence, Dave. Last night I was thinking of putting together a tongue-in-cheek "Welcome Aboard the HMS Bounty!" brochure and thinking about the differences between folks who should know better, and folks who just have no idea and could use a few tips.

You did say "family" so one might assume you know who you are dealing with. Something casual that touches the bases, i.e. "Unless you've bought the unlimited plan and have the beads to prove it, the bar is not open and unlimited" or however your lines need to be drawn, it shouldn't hurt to give them some clues.

About what a sailboat is, and about what you expect from your company. After all, if they knew what to expect, they'd probably be inviting you out on THEIR boats, right?
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Old 23-02-2012, 11:46   #43
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

I second dockhead. I had on my previous boat sometimes guests who stayed a week or so but my boat was big enough and had no financial worries to cater for them.
When I am a guest on someone else's boat I cater for food, outside diners or the boozebill. And release them for the gruesom wathe, the dogwatch, because sleeping is not my hobby. I can do with 3-4 hrs.

Most of my friends could not cook so I did that as well.

My sailingmates are all dead now and it is not that easy to find someone to come so I learned to be a soloist and I am now used to that.
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Old 23-02-2012, 11:57   #44
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

We have a Lavac head so it takes a lot of ingenuity for guests to screw it up, but I do have a plaque at eye level behind the head that reads:

"A manly gent you may well be,
but everybody sits to pee.
No exceptions."
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Old 23-02-2012, 12:27   #45
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re: Rules & Etiquette for Visitors Aboard Your Boat

A pail could be a solution for that one ....
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