Liveaboards .. Men V Women

[Nostrodamus]

Let’s be honest here for a moment or two.
It is easy to extoll the virtues of the cruising life and almost every article you read will say just how wonderful it is and how there is no better existence.
To be fair, as a man I would agree and it is difficult to find a downside.
We men have our friends but are quiet happy to leave them behind and text them once a year to say “Happy Christmas” if we can actually remember or work out which month we are in.
My wife on the other hand misses her friends, her family and the stability of bricks and mortar. She has found it far harder to adapt in our first year of cruising and felt the need to go home for a few weeks. I must admit she has come back in a far more positive frame of mind and is looking forward to next year but I still know she is to a certain extent helping me live my dream.
I am trying to write an article on the differences between the cruising life for men and women and would appreciate any input, particularly from other women who cruise.
Did you really want to give up everything and go or were you helping your partner live his dream. What are the downsides for you and over time has your feelings changed or do you look forward to the time you get back in a “proper house”. I am looking for some honest answers, good and bad.
If you would rather e mail our website below has our contact details on.
Thank you.

[Coops]

Please do not email. I/we want to read them. My partner realises that i have this dream, she is not so sure, so we have the dilemma of perhaps doing it for a year then decide, keeping the house in case. Sell the house, buy another if it is not the dream for us both, etc. I have cruised before, but my lady is new to it all, loves it but does not feel that she can give up the base. I understand and appreciate this so it would be good for both of us to read the discussion and opinions.

Coops.

[webejammin]

At 62 years old I've found if a woman has kids and possiably grand kids they want to be with family on holidays, birthdays, ect. and men just want to go and ocassionally look back.

If you want a traveling gal find one that has never had children and you have a chance to get to travel or find a gal that has enough security to afford the house with a 50 ft dock in the back yard for your 50 ft boat.

I'm not being senical just observant

[Katiusha]

Originally Posted by Nostrodamus

...
Did you really want to give up everything and go or were you helping your partner live his dream. What are the downsides for you and over time has your feelings changed or do you look forward to the time you get back in a “proper house”...

I think it's the way you phrase it: "give up everything and go" vs "we'll sail for a while and see".

For us, it's been the latter for the last 4 years. Nevertheless, I did "give up everything" to go cruising, i.e. The Perfect Job, The Perfect Place to Live, The Best Friends since childhood, The Perfect Lifestyle.

For me it was slightly different: my other half and I met not too long before our trip, we felt drawn to each other, but didn't know whether we would work out in the long run. So I decided to join him on my first sail ever to Bahamas from Toronto going the long way around. The way we thought about it: "if we were still together in Bahamas, then we're good for each other". The trip is still ongoing

I found that I adapted very easily to the life onboard - prior to sailing I would go on 2-3 week wilderness trips, so comparing to that living onboard was a luxury. However, after 3 years some little things started getting to me, like having to open half the cusions to get ready to cook a nice meal and shower being an event that I have to prepare for (either by going to a marina showers, or by preparing everything on the transom, or by being super careful not to get any moisure outside the boat shower).

That said, would I go back to living in a house? No. The house doesn't move to a variety of gorgeous places, [unless I spend A LOT] I cannot go for a nice snorkel before breakfast, and I don't meet as interesting people on land as I do while sailing. Then there is the Zen state that I easily get into while on passages - how much would I have to pay to a Meditation teacher to achieve the same on land?

I also love that while cruising you cannot fall into a routine. Every day is different in terms of environment, but also in terms of boat maintenance and handling. And the amount of new things I've learnt in these 4 years! And still so much more to learn.

I hadn't known it at the time, but instead of "giving up everything", I've gained much more.

[atoll]

my wife has simmilar issues,after 20 years of cruising
,now wants to stay in one place and give our 2 teenage kids a stable base for them till they start/finish university.

since i'm off doing yacht deliveries half the year with home breaks inbetween,this works quite well.

[bh adventures]

Well, Ummmm, sailoress? to be or not to be??? First things first, I have had a fear of the ocean for as long as I can remember, snorkelling out from Green Island, Cairns, in 1976 made me hyperventillate, the deeper I went the worse it got. going any deeper than above my knees is not an option, unless I had to rescue one of my kids, maybe?
Quite a few mths. ago my male friend asked me would I ever be keen to sail on a catamaran, HIS LONG TIME AMBITION was to sail to the Kimberlies, my reply, after having a few late life hiccups, keen to cram in anything & everything, including, and not least, supporting him as well as enjoying doing the journey together.
It almost seemed the next week to me, but mths later the Cat. was bought, in Fiji, yippee,holidaying in beautiful Fiji, Muscat Cove, dreamtime. 3 weeks there, mostly anchored in the gentle sea breeze, suntanned, mmm, came the time for me to make the decision to sail home ACROSS the vast ocean for days and days with NO certainty of what sort of weather we would have, or take the CHICKEN run, & fly the coop back to Aust. The chicken run won. I could not bring myself to be in that situation, yep, fear won, also, feeling that I'd let the Captain down physically & emotionally.
three weeks passed and the Captain along with the Cat arrived safely in Bunderberg. I decided I needed to give all this another go, for all obvious reasons. flew up & joined the Captain much to his delight. my fear hadn't lessened, I just HAD to give it another go, YEP, more for his dream, not to beat my fear, if I'm honest with myself now, I really should have given it more thought & been honest with myself in the very first instance as well as not giving the Captain false hope.
three days of sea sickness, dry reaching, no eating unable to move and NO help/support to the Captain, AGAIN!!! adding to that it was stressing him out as well.
I felt it was rough seas?? waves from 2/3 mts_7 mts.
Anchored at Broughton Island waiting for a storm to pass, washed onto rocks after unexpected s/e winds blew up the cove. holes in the hulls, rescued, so to speak, as we were never in any danger as the Cat was half on the beach, taken by the volunteer rescue into Port Stephens, that was an even worse sea journey for me, the waves were enormous.
Being away from family isn't an issue for me as I've done a little travel over the last few years and we'd already agreed for me to fly home if I needed too.
Bricks & mortar, nuh, there's to much to see in little time to do it.
Maybe my experience is out of the box, as the Cat's journey was to get her home here, not the NORMAL sailing adventures up & down the coast, even so, the sea sickness did settle a little but not altogether, I don't handle being emobilised & that's the only way I can keep it under control.
In saying that, I would happily anchor in a place like Muscat Cove for 6 months, no waves & the ability to be on land in 5 minutes.
I have made the extremely hard decision not to be a sailoress
I u want any other info, please ask.
all the best with your project.
Cheers heather

[anjou]

I thought this was another thread to bash women for being different.
You guys realy must get over that and realise that men and women ARE different, and we should all value the difference too.

Now that ive read the posts above, I get the drift and wont go off on a tangent. In fact I would agree with the idea that most women do want to keep their feet on land, stay in touch with family etc.

I dont have kids or much family, certainly no close family. Im already living and loving living in a confined space (doing well for a claustraphobe) and wish I could travel.
Im unconventional and not tied to tradition, not tied to one place/routine and would love the cruising life.
The only thing stopping me is finding the right person to do it with.

So, isnt it typical, heres one woman who would love to cut loose and sail away but cant.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by anjou

I thought this was another thread to bash women for being different.
You guys realy must get over that and realise that men and women ARE different, and we should all value the difference too.

Now that ive read the posts above, I get the drift and wont go off on a tangent. In fact I would agree with the idea that most women do want to keep their feet on land, stay in touch with family etc.

I dont have kids or much family, certainly no close family. Im already living and loving living in a confined space (doing well for a claustraphobe) and wish I could travel.
Im unconventional and not tied to tradition, not tied to one place/routine and would love the cruising life.
The only thing stopping me is finding the right person to do it with.

So, isnt it typical, heres one woman who would love to cut loose and sail away but cant.

Of course you can Anjou... you've just got want to do that badly enough...
The man on the arm should just be a fashion accessory...
an unessential extra for the boat... like a chartplotter....

[sailorboy1]

From past related threads; I don't really believe men and women have different issues far as cruising other than people expect them to!

[SaucySailoress]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Of course you can Anjou... you've just got want to do that badly enough...
The man on the arm should just be a fashion accessory...
an unessential extra for the boat... like a chartplotter....

I didn't hear Amy say anything about a man... perhaps she has better taste than that!!

And whilst it's all very good to say we don't need a partner to sail with, sometimes some folks prefer to be in the company of a special other... and solo sailing in the middle of an ocean ain't gonna bring us many fish to choose from. Well, maybe that wasn't a great metaphor...

Unless we're OceanGirl and RainDog!!!

[Mr B]

Originally Posted by anjou

I thought this was another thread to bash women for being different.
You guys realy must get over that and realise that men and women ARE different, and we should all value the difference too.

Now that ive read the posts above, I get the drift and wont go off on a tangent. In fact I would agree with the idea that most women do want to keep their feet on land, stay in touch with family etc.

I dont have kids or much family, certainly no close family. Im already living and loving living in a confined space (doing well for a claustraphobe) and wish I could travel.
Im unconventional and not tied to tradition, not tied to one place/routine and would love the cruising life.
The only thing stopping me is finding the right person to do it with.

So, isnt it typical, heres one woman who would love to cut loose and sail away but cant.

There is a world of difference between sitting on a canal or river and sailing on the open ocean, Anjou,

And No, I am not having a go at you,

My lady friend found that out to her distress, Chronic seasickness. Continously,
She wont get back on my boat,
But I was doing a delivery run, so she copped the worst of the weather and waves,

Cheers,
Brian,

[anjou]

Originally Posted by SaucySailoress

I didn't hear Amy say anything about a man... perhaps she has better taste than that!!

And whilst it's all very good to say we don't need a partner to sail with, sometimes some folks prefer to be in the company of a special other... and solo sailing in the middle of an ocean ain't gonna bring us many fish to choose from. Well, maybe that wasn't a great metaphor...

Unless we're OceanGirl and RainDog!!!

Im not fussed either way Hunni, being happy is paramount, who ever its with.
Bodies are just a bag of skin we keep our bones in, its the soul which is important, and if we find a soul mate, thats where the interest should be.

But, that doesnt mean I would chose any port in a storm.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by SaucySailoress

I didn't hear Amy say anything about a man... perhaps she has better taste than that!!

And whilst it's all very good to say we don't need a partner to sail with, sometimes some folks prefer to be in the company of a special other... and solo sailing in the middle of an ocean ain't gonna bring us many fish to choose from. Well, maybe that wasn't a great metaphor...

Unless we're OceanGirl and RainDog!!!

Sorry Saucy/Anjou... was trying to be PC as I've been told... often...
Any other suggestions might have got me my BAN...
In the distant past folk used to ask the Dog Guru why he just sat under the tree.. accumulating dog friends when there was so much more to the world...
He reply'd that in a vision he'd seen his Alma Gemio meet him at this spot.. so was waiting..
Years later a comely youth stopped to talk and the Guru recognised his Gemio... but could not rise as his muscles had shrunk and locked in the lotus through lack of use...
His Gemio walked away....
Motto; not everything comes to those who sit and wait..

[anjou]

Fire away Phil, it gives the mods something to do.

[mjwarner]

Well, let's see.... I am a woman, with a house, four grown children and four grandchildren. I prefer the boat, on the hook somewhere, than home or holidays and birthdays chasing family around to be part of that. It was my dream to go cruising, one I talked my husband easily into. I guess I don't fit your average, as my husband is the one who calls all his friends back home, not me. I have problems relating to other women who have fears, doubts about cutting all ties and just taking off forever. What's not to love about that? I spent years raising my children, and now I am free to go. Why would I ever feel I had to stay so I don't "miss out" or get passed over by someone (the other grandma maybe) who stays? That's just not me (the doting grandma). We invite them to the boat now and again in the summers, but if they don't come, I don't sweat it. Maybe I'm the weird one here, but I just don't "get" that need to be hovering over grown children and grandchildren at ever life event. I'd rather be out there living life before it takes me.