Liveaboard Dating

[Seaworthy Lass]

Originally Posted by anjou

Maybe I just need to meet Mr Right. Unfortunately, I think hes as tangable as Santa, - a real possibility to the young and immature but a distant childish figment of ones imagaination as one matures.

Like the only sober person in a room full of drunks, I have a very clear view of other peoples relationships, and whilst I cannot deny they work for some, the majority are not happy or enriched by them, they meerly hang on in desperation, scared of the alternative, not having the courage to jump clear and stand alone.

Thats no way to live

Santa is tangible, he just doesn't visit those who don't believe in him. He was good to me this year .

But yes, I would FAR prefer to be on my own than in a bad relationship .

[Me-and-Boo]

Originally Posted by twoifbysea

I met my current girlfriend while cruising the ICW from NC to FL. I had an extended stay in savannah, and we had a chance encounter at a local bar. Both of us from out of town. We spent a few days together on my boat, and then parted ways. I wasn't ready for it to be over so I'm moving to NYC to be closer to her. Sadly, in the process, ill be selling my boat, but its well worth it. Plus, after I finish college, I'm going to buy a bigger boat and do some real cruising. Oddly enough, I just found an ad for a houseboat sublet in NYC that I'm trying to get. If you keep your mind and heart open, the possibilities are endless.

Although love will last a lifetime, sailing may not. I often wonder what my old girlfriends are doing. But, not that often. I have a boat, they do not.

[GrowleyMonster]

Originally Posted by Jassen

Greetings, folks. I've been lurking on these forums for a number of months, doing as much reading and research online as I can. There is an amazing amount of knowledge contained within these forums, for which I am very grateful for everybody sharing.

I have spent quite a bit of time on the water because of my 6 years in the US Navy, and miss being at sea. So, I decided that my next adventure in life would be to join liveaboard cruising world. I recently relocated to the Pacific Northwest, and have started looking at boats for sale, and I take my first sailing class this Sunday.

My only question so far about the liveaboard lifestyle that I haven't found an answer to elsewhere is how the single sailors handle the dating scene. I'm 34 and am not quite the shy type. However, I have trepidations about the potential reactions when I say, "Well, you can come over, but I live in a tiny, cramped fiberglass box tied to a pier."

Anybody have any thoughts on this subject?

Thank you much!
-Jassen

I just make sure they are good and drunk before I take them to see my yacht, so they don't notice that it is just "a tiny, cramped fiberglass box tied to a pier."

Seriously, you will find that a lot of women are fascinated initially when you tell them you live on a sailboat. You will find a few that are familiar with the scene, and like it. Some you could almost call "boat groupies". I call them "boat bunnies". Maybe one out of a dozen, at best, would actually be able to adjust permanently to life afloat. A lot of women have strong nest-building instincts, and need lots of accessories and appurtenences to feel comfortable. The spartan lifestyle of a liveaboard just doesn't cut it for them. Find a woman with only two pairs of shoes, and sensible ones at that, who can pack up and move with a backpack and a big purse, and you have found a potential candidate for a mate. Now... how many women do you know like that?

Dating, as in, "just a date", works pretty good with a boat. A day out sailing is a pretty cheap date. All you need is a six pack well iced, and a couple of steaks. Make sure you have sunscreen and dramamine and a spare propane cannister for the Magma kettle. Yes, you must have a Magma Kettle grill. It is a necessity for entertaining afloat, or even for just feeding yourself. Compare the cost of a day sail to a night out on the town, or even lunch at a nice restaurant. And she will probably enjoy it more. New experiences tend to make lasting memories so she will be thinking about you for a while after you take her out.

Bottom line is, for short term relationships or single-mingle stuff, living aboard is not a handicap. If anything, it is an advantage. For long term relationships, you will find that it narrows down your choices and opportunities, but sometimes that is actually a good thing, I think.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by anjou

Maybe I just need to meet Mr Right. Unfortunately, I think hes as tangable as Santa, - a real possibility to the young and immature but a distant childish figment of ones imagaination as one matures.

I think finding a Partner has much in common with finding a boat ......you may start off looking for perfection, but sooner or later you learn that perfect don't exist..........especially when you get to stuff that has a few miles under the keel!

I wouldn't call it "settling", just accepting reality.

Next time I won't be looking for a project , but (for me) a few dents does add character .......will just have to find someone willing to accept a quid pro quo on that .

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

I think finding a Partner has much in common with finding a boat .

Yeah, I agree. I want the boat show one, not the traditional one with bow sprit.

[ArtM]

Originally Posted by anjou

Like the only sober person in a room full of drunks, I have a very clear view of other peoples relationships, and whilst I cannot deny they work for some, the majority are not happy or enriched by them, they meerly hang on in desperation, scared of the alternative, not having the courage to jump clear and stand alone.

Thats no way to live

The Indians take an opposite approach to relationship building - I heard it described once as "a soup that starts cold and grows hotter over time", whereas western relationships are "a soup that starts hot and grows colder over time".

I think your interpretation is slightly skewed, though not entirely off the mark. People hang onto relationships because, after many years, it is no longer possible to know if you are seeing the forest, or just the trees. Oppositely, we couples look at people we know who are single, who talk about how difficult it is to find a relationship and how unpleasant to be alone, and conclude that we are better off in a relationship than out of one, even when certain features of a single lifestyle feel very attractive.

For me, finding "the right one" has always been a matter of luck and a bit of magic. I could never purposefully recreate those scenarios. I think it is that way for others as well. However, I believe that I fall in love more easily than other people.

Although you cannot create a scenario, you can destroy one. A person who is in a bad mood, has an unpleasant demeanor, or seems to be "desparate" will have a hard time attracting another person. Sometimes you have to "force" yourself to be attractive in those respects - for example, that could mean going out with other people even when you feel like going out alone - a person laughing and having fun with others is always more attractive than someone sitting in a corner alone with a pensive look on their face.

Not to say that is you - I'm just responding with some thoughts that were inspired by your post.

[Sandero]

Some excellent wisdom here. I enjoy reading the comments. Clearly it's hard to find a date for many and confining it to those who are OK or like live aboarding and cruising really cuts the possibilities way down.

Then of course you never know what the relationship will be like after a few dates.. or perhaps many dates. You could hit the jackpot but that's more like winning the lottery. The concept of mr or ms right is more of a barrier than a tool to getting on with this aspect of your life.

Being single and being in a relationship each have advantages and disadvantages. And even these depend on the individual people and circumstances. It's therefore hard to generalize. And it's dangerous to latch onto cartoon media created constructs of how we are meant to live. That in itself created much of the problems we each face in real world situations.

I think people need to accept that ultimately you need to be comfortable in your own skin... as a single self sustaining force/life. A partner can make your journey better (hopefully) or worse (at times). It does usually create the *family* and that is a whole other trip.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Yeah, I agree. I want the boat show one, not the traditional one with bow sprit.

In Thailand you can get both of those .

I also beleive a rental option is fairly common.........

[hoppy]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

I think finding a Partner has much in common with finding a boat ......you may start off looking for perfection, but sooner or later you learn that perfect don't exist..........especially when you get to stuff that has a few miles under the keel!

And like with boats, people are after very different things.

Some like old styled, full keeled with plenty of tankage



whilst others prefer more modern and sleek plastic fantastic..

[MarkJ]

Lol

OK plastic fantastic, thank you Hoppy.
David, I didnt mean bowsprit like that... Can i edit my post? Lol

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by anjou

Dont make the most common of mistakes by confusing love with sex

This is a big thought.

My casual observation is that everyone is eventually "hunting" for the sex partner. If people spent more time making "friends" with the opposite sex I think the pool of available partners would grow and who knows, the life partner may appear.

I don't have tons of female friends, probably because there are not tons of female sailors compared to males. However, I am not looking so the female friends I do have are because of common interest, not the desire to bed anyone.

[GaryMayo]

Originally Posted by twoifbysea

I met my current girlfriend while cruising the ICW from NC to FL. I had an extended stay in savannah, and we had a chance encounter at a local bar. Both of us from out of town. We spent a few days together on my boat, and then parted ways. I wasn't ready for it to be over so I'm moving to NYC to be closer to her. Sadly, in the process, ill be selling my boat, but its well worth it. Plus, after I finish college, I'm going to buy a bigger boat and do some real cruising. Oddly enough, I just found an ad for a houseboat sublet in NYC that I'm trying to get. If you keep your mind and heart open, the possibilities are endless.

Selling your sailboat for a girlfriend? Cut It Out! Your sailboat will never make you sleep on the couch or saddle you with 24 years of child support. Rethink that move with your big head!

Remember, you fell in love with your boat in the open light, sober. You met your GF while drinking in a dark place. One is reality the other is fantasy.

The finishing school is a good idea, depending on your major, and finding a bigger better boat is something to look forward to, but be careful with females, they are intoxicating and dangerous.

[hoppy]

Originally Posted by GaryMayo

Selling your sailboat for a girlfriend? Cut It Out! Your sailboat will never make you sleep on the couch or saddle you with 24 years of child support. Rethink that move with your big head!

And your sailboat will not mind if you occasionally have a go on other sailboats

[Wotname]

Originally Posted by hoppy

And your sailboat will not mind if you occasionally have a go on other sailboats

True but it is almost impossible to sail on two sailboats concurrently

[GaryMayo]

Originally Posted by hoppy

And your sailboat will not mind if you occasionally have a go on other sailboats

I own five boats, they all get along, and I pick which one I take out, where we go, when we come back, what we eat, what we do. And when the relationship is over, I sell her to someone else. Try that with a GF. NOT !