I Got My Boat Survey Yesterday . . .

[Bergovoy]

yea, but by then, this old life will be history and my new life will be started and in progress...

my 'funk' is all about the past... (and the back)... not sure if it's an egg or chicken thing.. but, like i said, getting past this PAST thing will be a huge milestone for me...

I have been single and independent for 14+ years... and for all my 'independence', I feel like the most co dependent person on earth...again, not sure how much is related to the back or to the head... but, like all things, this too shall pass..

[zeehag]

have ye tried anti-inflammatory drugs rather than symptom reducers?? removing the problem by removing the inflammation may be a step towards removing the narc stuff from your inventory.

[Bergovoy]

yes, i take anti inflamatory and muscle relaxor, but, per the one month old mri, L5/S1 disc is crushed, the nerves on both sides are moderate to severe 'impinged'? (?? crushed)

It is the third disc, in different area to collapse in ten years... and typical of me, to not do anything about it until it is really bad...

I was told that when you get back problems, and then surgery, it 're distributes' the load so that it is likely to cause problems in other areas...

That plus the 'diagnosis' is degenerative disc desease, which is basically what everyone has, some worst then others.. and kinda like how i described myself in a previous thread, I am 52 with a body of a 62 year old... (or older?)

[zeehag]

ok -- sailboats have a therapy device built into them-- the boom-- hang upside down for 30-60 mins daily to keep back aligned and pressure off the nerves-- must be relaxed in htis upside down hang, so things realign well.
that and exerccise to keep the muscles strong, is good ...

[Bergovoy]

i had one of those JEETER hangups, and it is awesome!!! i jsut sold it a couple months ago at my house clean out sale.. was bummed about that.. it felt excellent, except the blood rushing to the head thing, but that was tolerable...

and can the boom support weight? and if so how much, and no, i dont plan on hangin off her at least not on purpose.. hehehehe

[Bergovoy]

btw: not too many newer ads in CL for boats in florida, BUT, so cal seems to have a ton of boats...

los angeles boats classifieds "sailboat" - craigslist=

los angeles boats classifieds "sail" - craigslist=

san diego boats classifieds "sail" - craigslist=

orange co boats classifieds "sailboat" - craigslist=

orange co boats classifieds "sail" - craigslist=

[Tripod]

Berg,

Hang in there and try to keep a positive attitude. The right deal will find you when you least expect it. I'm on boat number 8 and none have ever been the one I was looking for. Anyway, on your way east, once you get to the gulf coast, get off I-10 and onto US 90 whenever you can and walk as many docks as you can. There are tons of unadvertised boats with for sale signs on them. If you find anything interesting on-line near Tallahassee and you want an advance set of eyes on it, just PM me. Even if you don't find anything listed online, PM me when you get close. I'd be happy to play tour guide to the local marinas, get you out on the water for a day, and/or just hang out and talk about boats for a bit.

Also, for the three books mentioned in post #45.

Bob

[Adax]

Berg, I have been reading this thread with interest as it sort of relates to my dreaming. My partner has a boat, but life has thrown us a curveball and we are separated while I try and sell my house . But I dream and I put myself in your shoes -if one ever can that is .

I personally would look for a boat in California, if you can find a slip that is reasonable and get sailing instruction at reasonable rates. I did read that right that you have no experience yet?

Reason I say this is that I see the Gulf more weather influenced than let´s say a slip in San Diego. Buying up there would give you some time to get used to your boat, learn to fix it and sail it and once you got that under your belt the world is your oyster. In the Gulf you might get more weather sooner than you can handle it ,especially if you are fixing up the boat . Also Mexico is just a few waves down the block from CA with cheaper anchorages and warmer water. If you do get "weather" in CA it will be easier to avoid from the reports I can see ( experienced people tell me if that is wrong !)

Well these are just a newbie´s musings. If I am wrong please tell me.

[chris_gee]

A few observations.
It sounds like you are in a mess. It can appear that whichever way you turn there is no answer. Part of that might be because in a depressed frame of mind you see the negatives in any option. I guess you also hope for some miracle. A small boat is not necessarily the answer. Such an idea can give you hope, which is important but the reality may be less than you hope.
I am surprised that the medics have not come up with some proposal, but note you seem to reject surgery as the results may be less than perfect. This may be the depressive bias. less than perfect may well be better than now.
I don't know the jeeter you refer to. I presume that it is some form of tilting device to stretch the spine by gravity. That can have an effect but I gather research shows a 10 degree incline is sufficient, so you don't have to hang upside down with the blood rush. You may be able to use a natural slope. Forget playing bat on a boom.
Re your daughter. Seems a bit over the top to avoid personal interactions because you have some gap with her. When children grow up part of the process is to distance themselves and establish their own lives. Despite that there likely remains some bond. Two things probably effect your relationship, though there may be others. If you are depressed, you are likely to be depressing company. Two you sit back and say if she cared she would call. How about taking an interest in her things? Two taking the initiative and calling? You are an adult and she may mean to but not get around to it.
You have some ambivalence about your depression. Sure it may be a natural response to a depressing situation. But it also can be a product of how you think. Unfortunately the brain seems to adapt to this circular pattern of spiralling down. The antidepressants may help but will probably take 6 months or more. Cognitive therapy from the counsellor can also be effective, as can good nutrition and exercise. Probably a multiple approach over quite a time is required.
With all due respect your response to Zee's offer also reflects your thinking. No-one asked you to marry her. You just have to do what you are told. (Just kidding.) Maybe you both bite your tongues, scratch each others backs a little, or give each other a bit of a hand. Normal crewing. Doesn't have to last a lifetime.
My two cents. Best wishes.

[Bergovoy]

thank you.. my question would be, (to compare apples to apples)...

would Gulf weather be as much a concern if my boat was slipped down there, as compared to slipped here in S. Cal.??

I wouldnt be taking the boat out inweather until i accomplished and learned everything you suggest i learn in S. Cal...


I am a chicken at heart until i learn... i remember learning to ski... youcould walk down hill backwards faster then i could ski... but after a few lessons and some practicing, I was a terror...

same with everything in my life... I drove a forklift for a bit and same thing. aftera bit, I was hot dogging, or what folks would consider hot doggin in a big ole forkelift... the sentiment that folks make it look easier hten it is, comes to mind...



The only thing i see beneficial about so cal, is the convenience, and maybe a few bucks as boat prices seem to be a little cheaper here...

my concern is my tendancy towards complacency, and the fear that if i do get a boat here, and dont want to sail her east..I will ahve to sell her before i can move and buy another...



I havent ruled out getting a boat here... and am making arrangement now to meet with folks to look at them now...and at least i will get to look and feel some mmore boats before i go...


another 'positive' thing about 'moving'/relocating, is my need to wipe the slate clean.... I have a lot of bad history here, and a history of not meeting real friends...


I have never had an issue before... I grew up in Hawaii, and believe i have a 'local/island' mentality... very open, very giving, very friendly... and the folks in Cali are NOT like that...

it is all about what they can get, have, and or be better then others...

everyone's car is new, shiney, modified and customized,

anyways, before i go on and on, more then i idid, I gotta stop... suffice it to say, i hate california...

Originally Posted by Adax

Berg, I have been reading this thread with interest as it sort of relates to my dreaming. My partner has a boat, but life has thrown us a curveball and we are separated while I try and sell my house . But I dream and I put myself in your shoes -if one ever can that is .

I personally would look for a boat in California, if you can find a slip that is reasonable and get sailing instruction at reasonable rates. I did read that right that you have no experience yet?

Reason I say this is that I see the Gulf more weather influenced than let´s say a slip in San Diego. Buying up there would give you some time to get used to your boat, learn to fix it and sail it and once you got that under your belt the world is your oyster. In the Gulf you might get more weather sooner than you can handle it ,especially if you are fixing up the boat . Also Mexico is just a few waves down the block from CA with cheaper anchorages and warmer water. If you do get "weather" in CA it will be easier to avoid from the reports I can see ( experienced people tell me if that is wrong !)

Well these are just a newbie´s musings. If I am wrong please tell me.

[Adax]

My thinking was that you need time to familiarise yourself with boat, sailing etc . As the Gulf gets these phenomenons - avoiding the H word - every year which get great publicity ("Will she won't she go into...".) I just saw it as more stressful if you are doing stuff that does not let you get out of the way of weather. What I mean is that weather comes to you even at the slip and even if it is just high winds they can get tedious, if you have nowhere else to go and are stuck under deck. If you are slipped in a protected bay of course that is not an issue, but if you have to get somewhere it might be stressful ?

Someone who is down there / has lived down there on a boat might chime up and tell me if I am planting a red herring here or if there is something to my reasoning ?

[Bergovoy]

CRAP.. i replied and hit the wrong button and lost everything i wrote.. damnit...

I will try to recreate it, but it was long for me to write, no less for you to read... damn it

Originally Posted by chris_gee

A few observations.
It sounds like you are in a mess. It can appear that whichever way you turn there is no answer. Part of that might be because in a depressed frame of mind you see the negatives in any option. I guess you also hope for some miracle. A small boat is not necessarily the answer. Such an idea can give you hope, which is important but the reality may be less than you hope.

yes, no guaranttees no matter what i do... I have looked at cabins in the woods, farms, and basica country living, to minimize my impacting with 'society'...

I went to Hawaii back in June/July of last year, and spent 5 weeks looking for a place on the N. Shore of Oahu, and on the big island... Prices were way high... I could find a place off grid, and that means driving for an hour to get drinking water... or i could live in the 'city', but that would not last long on my fixed income...

I am surprised that the medics have not come up with some proposal, but note you seem to reject surgery as the results may be less than perfect. This may be the depressive bias. less than perfect may well be better than now.

The doctors and insurance is what it is... I had a small gap in the process due to a poor doctor anbd his staff, but I new it would come down to a conflict in timing...

I cant have surgery now... I have no place to stay during and after the surgery unless i rent a place here at around $1200-1500 a month.. and that just wont work for me.. And, i dont have any post op support... but, no matter where i go, I wont.. so, i will have to figure it out eventually, but for now, i need to find a place to live first...

I don't know the jeeter you refer to. I presume that it is some form of tilting device to stretch the spine by gravity. That can have an effect but I gather research shows a 10 degree incline is sufficient, so you don't have to hang upside down with the blood rush. You may be able to use a natural slope. Forget playing bat on a boom.

Yes, it is one of those inverting machine you see on info commercials...I rigged mine so it would only swing 95 degrees or so... to minimize the blood rush and nasal blocking...I loved it.. i could lay in it for hours...

Re your daughter. Seems a bit over the top to avoid personal interactions because you have some gap with her. When children grow up part of the process is to distance themselves and establish their own lives. Despite that there likely remains some bond. Two things probably effect your relationship, though there may be others. If you are depressed, you are likely to be depressing company. Two you sit back and say if she cared she would call. How about taking an interest in her things? Two taking the initiative and calling? You are an adult and she may mean to but not get around to it.

I have tried, and i believe she knows it is up to her... She told me to not call and text and facebook and all that... I am too negative and she doesnt want to hear any advice or suggestions or comments, and she is 'reserve' in what she 'shares', so there is no oppertunity to reply.. a lot of one and two words answers and comments,a nd somewhat seems to be a lot like interrogation to get any converstaion... and ultimately she would lie... and she has a big history of lieing to me.. and stealing...

not sure if you read or if i stated, but, my divorce is different... I was the custodial parent, and the ex wife was the feel good parent.. she would se eher daughter 3-5 times per month, so no chores, no homework, no bedtime rules.. etc... I was teh enforcer...and although i never hit or was physical, I was consistant.. and she knew what to expect, but she would use her mom to get out of it...

i would double the punishment time for repeat offense.. so, if she didnt take out the trash, she got one day, if she didnt take it out twice, it was two days, then four, then eight, etc... she would argure that it isnt reasonable to be punished for a week or two for not taking out trash, or whatever it was... and ultimately she would just hide in her room and be anti social and then get out of punishment and repeat her 'mistake' again...and then end up at her mom's where she wasnt grounded...

I could not convince her to just take out the trash, or do the dishes, or clean the cat box...

I would pay her to do things above her regular chores... I paid her to vacuum, or wash my truck, or furniture polish.. and i paid her well.. we ended up writing down the 'schedule' of chores and taskes and if she did all the 'extras' she could make $100 each week...

I dare ask anyone of you all here, how many of you would be wiling to pay $100 a week to your 15-18 year old children to do things like what i described above??? and even with all that money, she wouldnt do anything, until she nneded the money.. so, I would walk around on dusty, cat hair balled floors, walking over dropped clothes, or napkinds, or books, for weeks until she had a date or a concert she wanted to go to. then the day before she is all busy...trying to rack up as much cash in the shortest period of time, doing things half assed to get cash..

You have some ambivalence about your depression. Sure it may be a natural response to a depressing situation. But it also can be a product of how you think. Unfortunately the brain seems to adapt to this circular pattern of spiralling down. The antidepressants may help but will probably take 6 months or more. Cognitive therapy from the counsellor can also be effective, as can good nutrition and exercise. Probably a multiple approach over quite a time is required.

I will be patient, and if it takes time, and if i see progress great, unfortunately, I wont be able to figure out if it was the chemicals, or the change in living circumstance that was the 'cure', but whatever it is it is...

With all due respect your response to Zee's offer also reflects your thinking. No-one asked you to marry her. You just have to do what you are told. (Just kidding.) Maybe you both bite your tongues, scratch each others backs a little, or give each other a bit of a hand. Normal crewing. Doesn't have to last a lifetime.
My two cents. Best wishes.

If this was a roomate situation I would be all over it... I know i can bite my toungue for a lot of reason and for short periods of time, I have no idea if Zee can or not, or if she feels the need to or not...

And, i take meds that need to be refilled monthly, so being away from a doctor and pharmacy for more then a month, assuming i leave the day after i get it refilled is a necessity...

anyways.. now that i reyped everything twice, i hope it makes sense...

[RTB]

Adax has a point. My boat is a Hurricane Ike survivor, but many were not so lucky. Living and boating in the Gulf area, or in Florida, and on up the East Coast adds dealing with hurricanes. It is part of being a boat owner down here where it is warmer. San Diego is safer, but since you don't like your life in California, it's probably worth the risk to move down here. Besides learning to sail, and care for your boat, you will also learn to deal with hurricanes as the rest of us do.

You have some nice people reaching out to you here, but you seem unable to take advantage of their offers. Hopefully, you will find a way. I'll throw this out to you.....

One of the members here (i2f) used to throw a bash every spring and fall for all the CF and other forum members. My wife and I drove from Texas to Green Cove Springs, Florida for the last one. I2f put us up on his 46'cat for the week we were there. This led to me sailing with him from Florida to Cartagena, Colombia this past spring. I've had a good life so far, but this was definitely the "once in a lifetime" experience for me. http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...albums900.html

So what I am saying is, there are some genuinely good people here. People that would be friends for life, if you give them the chance. Honestly, you sound like a pretty messed up dude, but I'm hoping you can pull yourself together.

Ralph

[zeehag]

hurrycames happen in gulf of mexico. they happen in warm water areas. they hurt folks and boats and blow like stink and wet everywhere-- worse even than bad kali storms in el nino /killer winters. is a good idea to learn in sd bay---is an easy waterway except in winter, when it blows like stink is COLD---- to 38F degrees, thankyou,and there is COLD water everywhere. mexico is close and even a boat in need can get there from here so isnt like kali is a prison or anything.... there are docks available for money and there are moorings available-- waiting list length is unknown by me,but for permanent mooring is 4 yrs or so.

[Bergovoy]

i am sorry if you think i am nbot taking advantage of some of the offers, hopefully I am and will.. I unfortunately can not take up Zee's offer, although i wish i could...

I would be glad to meet you, or otehrs along my trip to the east coast... and would be glad to stay around for a few days to minimze any conflicts in schedule, and if possible look at boats... that would be fabulous...

I am not sure where the 90 intersects with the 10, but will look it up.. maybe we can exchange moer contact info via pm/emails...

If i missed an offer , i apologize, and will be glad to meet with anyone... I can even spend time with folks as long as we arent trapped for days or weeks or months... then i would have to re think.. that is my only kinda restriction...really

I have heeded advice and held off on trying to buy a boat by remote, and am looking at boats here in So. Cal... and almost everything else that was suggested, so, again, i apologize if anyone feels like i am NOT listening or wanting advice from you all...

thanks for everything... it is truly appreciated.. and i hope to offer help/support or pay back, pay it forward where and when i can..

as 'anti social' as i declare that i am, Im really not... I would love to participate and do my little part in society.. but after being beat down so many times, i just wish I can do it it 'remotely' or with some more protection... as i am so tired of being on the bottom...