Gay life: cruising and aboard a ship

[Varlan]

First I would like to thank everyone who has responded to the topic, and I mean everyone.

I have decided to give this topic about 24 hours before I would comment on anyone’s post, just to see the mood of the thread; it was not at all a surprising. I was expecting exactly this type of banter, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Although, I have not read a lot of the bad, which is somewhat disappointing; we learn more from our own mistakes.

Allow me to clarify the point of this topic. The purpose was, as it was mentioned by chris95040, to discover the perspective, of gay cruisers, regarding their experiences while cruising. It would be quite obvious that there are many similarities of all people cruise the globe. This thread is not about those similarities. It should be also quite obvious that majority of cruisers are unable to relate to the gay life, simply because they don’t live it. As a little parable, you could have two people watching the same event and experience two different things and come out with two different realizations.

Further, this thread is not about the personal recognition of a particular “life style” (I don’t like political correctness, too confusing), it is neither meant to be thrown into anyone’s face nor is it asked of anyone to treat other differently. (On a personal note, perhaps someone would be kind enough to explained to me the leap in logic derived from my OP, because I just don’t get it)

More to the point, I started this thread for those who would like to learn about the challenges that await gay people while cruising. And yes, this thread is focused on gay people, with information provided by the cruising community, as they are the ones who would be leaning from it. That, in itself, does not exclude straight people who wish to learn or have something meaningful to say. I do realize that the community is comprised by many different groups, but if I wanted to talk about cooking, I would not be asking my brother (that is a thread of its own and it does not belong on this forum).

It is most gratifying to read that most cruisers are welcoming of all people, as long as their sensibilities are not affronted. I mean that genuinely, because I do not appreciate my sensibilities affronted, however when they are it gives me the opportunity to reflect upon them. Please do not misconstrue my statement in this paragraph as passive aggressive for it is not, it is late and I don’t know how else to formulate the first sentence to reflect respect.

Lastly, I would truly appreciate if we would not insult one another; we are mostly adults, are we not?

Respectfully yours

Varlan

P.S.
It would seem that the MOD is already deleting post from this thread; I wish they would not, because now the future readers will not understand why we are talking about stoning (that’s frowning stones at) our kid; however I submit to their wisdom on their actions. And as for rbyham, get a manual and post your question on the “engineering and systems” thread, unless you are having some mental breakdown and need support from us to deal with it, and if so, wrong thread.

[Rustic Charm]

Originally Posted by rbyham

C'mon people this is a sailing forum. If you have a topic that will help me be a better or more knowledgeable sailer bring it on. There are other forums where these lifestyle discussions can and should go. In this case I would guess there are all kinds of gay forums where people would respond to a discussion like this. And the OP would be sure he was speaking to an audience that could help him with his questions. Starting such a thread here makes me suspicious about the real agenda.

OK can someone help me with a stuck marelon y-valve on the Bombay Pilothouse I am refitting? It sticks about 2/3rds of the way from overboard to holding tank. I am afraid to break off the handle. Any secrets for getting it unstuck?

Firstly welcome to the OP.

Unfortunately posts like this will show you that whether your a sailor on land or a sailor on the sea, bigotry will always be around. CF is a forum for all including I'd suggest to raise a very valid question.

The post accusing you of rubbing it in (readers of CF faces) reminds me of an elderly professional couple from the US who I once shared a church with. I overheard them saying at a bbq once, "we never had a problem with the blacks, as long as they didn't commit crimes we treated them equal. But when they started all that protesting and marching, well that's when we got sick of them rubbing their colour in our faces. You don't see us rubbing our white skin in their faces" .

I live in the last bastion of anti gay States of Australia. It was only in the mid 90's that homosexuality as a crime was revoked. But since then, Tasmania has progressed significantly, and you will find great lengths have been accomplished to atone for our barbaric history. As a cruisier you will be welcomed. But, be aware that too much 'overt' behaviour, such as kissing in public might attract the bogans and we have lots of them. Police and services will be on your side as will most if not all cruisers, clubs and other supports. All hotels are open and welcoming, in fact it's illegal to discriminate here.

So, welcome, thanks for the question and wherever your sailing, ask of other sailors.

[El Pinguino]

In my experience a boat with a 'gay' crew will attract far less attention than one where the skipper is sailing with a woman who is not his wife.....
Me oh my oh... doesn't that get the chattering classes fired up.....

[Rustic Charm]

Originally Posted by Doug4bass

Anyone notice that the OP is no where to be found. Obviously a post to inflame. I have a few gay friends who sail with me...but NONE who try to impose their lifestyle on my own straight self. Because they would not be invited on my boat. Sorry, Barack!


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Obviously NOT! And the post was not inflammatory in the least. It was a post about sailing, which CF is about, why should it not be asked.

And the idea of someone imposing their 'lifestyle' which you clearly mean sexual orientation, reveals clearly your understanding. You can't impose orientation, it's not possible.

Give the OP a chance, perhaps he's sleeping, sailing or maybe just reading posts before responding.

[Varlan]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

In my experience a boat with a 'gay' crew will attract far less attention than one where the skipper is sailing with a woman who is not his wife.....
Me oh my oh... doesn't that get the chattering classes fired up.....

I would hate to see the tongs flapping when it's a gay couple with their child/ren

[Sailingcouple13]

Welcome to the OP....I must confess the wife and I have a rainbow flag on board. We only fly it when we want to have a quiet anchorage. There is no discrimination on the water right! Good luck to the op you are welcom near us any time.

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[clownfishsydney]

I find some of the responses to this post amazing. All he is asking is for views about how gays might be treated when sailing, both by other sailors and in the countries he might want to visit. This is a very obvious (to me) thing to want to know. I similarly could see a Jew asking about how he might be treated if sailing in a Muslim country or a Muslim in a strong Christian country. Reasonable questions if you ask me.

While the sailing community is probably reflective of the general population of places like Australia, USA and UK, there will certainly be some who shun gays. However, of more concern is that knowing what different countries will be like. While this could be found out via other means, it may also be that sailors are treated a bit differently than those passing through a major airport. The attitudes of the officials in small ports may be a bit different to the large tourist entry points.

Countries that might be visited will range from "who cares" to "jail" to "no problem" for how they treat gays.

I can also imagine a non-married straight couple asking similar questions. In some countries a male and female who are not married would be in big trouble if they were found to be sleeping together.

If you do not like the thought of gays sailing, refrain from posting anything in this thread.

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by Rustic Charm

I live in the last bastion of anti gay States of Australia. It was only in the mid 90's that homosexuality as a crime was revoked. But since then, Tasmania has progressed significantly, and you will find great lengths have been accomplished to atone for our barbaric history.

Ah, Tasmania...in the 70's there was still a law saying that men couldn't dress as women 'after dark'..... in 'the day' was ok...

[Dulcesuenos]

I was going to make some kind of joke about mazda miatas and dinghy davits weight capacity but Ill save it till after coffee,
Here you'll usually get crap from certain people about things you did, boat name, sailing mistakes, owning a hunter, calling something by a wrong name, using a wrong lubricant (how'd that slip in there) , using the wrong bottom paint (uh nm), thinking catamarans are better than monos and so on, but usually not for sexual orientation. So welcome aboard!

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[Varlan]

Originally Posted by Sailingcouple13

Welcome to the OP....I must confess the wife and I have a rainbow flag on board. We only fly it when we want to have a quiet anchorage. There is no discrimination on the water right! Good luck to the op you are welcom near us any time.

Sent from my SM-G900P using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

Actually that is a very good idea, something to consider. But then you might encounter some people that you might not want to be next to you blasting ABBA during sunrise. I'm not being sarcastic, I actually seen this happen, onetime weekend sailors.

[Varlan]

Originally Posted by Dulcesuenos

I was going to make some kind of joke about mazda miatas and dinghy davits weight capacity but Ill save it till after coffee,
Here you'll usually get crap from certain people about things you did, boat name, sailing mistakes, owning a hunter, calling something by a wrong name, using a wrong lubricant (how'd that slip in there) , using the wrong bottom paint (uh nm), thinking catamarans are better than monos and so on, but usually not for sexual orientation. So welcome aboard!

Sent from my LG-LS980 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

Can I put a Mazda miatas engine as my outboard?

It's ok, I good sense of humor is always appreciated, God know I have a f-ked up one.

[gaysailorbill]

Originally Posted by Stu Jackson

Congratulations on your new boat.

Oh, you wouldn't be the first. Have you Googled the concept? I believe there are a few of them already.

Stu,

I havent been able to find any web sites addressing gay life as a sailor or cruiser. I would love to be able to put together a group of links to help gay yachtsmen learn about each other and ask these very types of questions. Could you direct me toward some? I just googled but didnt see any.

[gaysailorbill]

Originally Posted by Sailingcouple13

Welcome to the OP....I must confess the wife and I have a rainbow flag on board. We only fly it when we want to have a quiet anchorage. There is no discrimination on the water right! Good luck to the op you are welcom near us any time.

Sent from my SM-G900P using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

That is the saddest comment I've heard yet. One of the most honest I fear however. And it is exactly why I have always hesitated to buy a boat and get out there.

Hopefully strong souls like Valeran and what are I am certain many many others will come out of our cruising closets and join our place in the cruising community.

[Canibul]

Originally Posted by atoll

, they had a little herb garden on the aft deck of their 50ft yacht, that they would prune in their G-strings......:

Don't most Europeans do that?

[gaysailorbill]

Originally Posted by monte

I dunno, seems like a LoT of google hits....
Attachment 99608
Btw sailed nearby sephina of Beaumaris a lot in our travels. Always notice the name as it's the only other with sephina in the name besides ours.
In defence of the bloke that asked why you need to specify sexual preference or lifestyle or genetic orientation or whatever the politically correct terminology is, when meeting others, I think he's simply saying if it doesn't really matter to him and others then why make a big deal out of it. A bit like asking for crew: must be Asian and able to do soapy massage. I don't particularly like exclusive groups, whether they be male only, female sailors only, rich or poor gay or straight, it seems people that describe themselves in any of those ways are excluding others not in the same club

First thanks for the list of links. As another poster noted the vast majority of information online isn't about actual sailing or cruising. It's about vacation cruises captained and crewed by others. Lovely information but not what we're talking about.

However, there are a couple of useful links in the file you sent, so THANK YOU. That's just the kind of helpful info I was asking about. But compared to other types of web based information on sailing there remains a paltry sum.

Regarding my profile name, I'm sure if we went through profile names on here we could all find many we didn't care for innumerable reasons. That one would decide to single out mine as exclusionary or off putting because it threw my sexuality in their face, well, I would suggest demonstrates their incredible fear of the unknown. And if they think my profile name throws it in their face they should meet ME. LOL

Regarding exclusionary groups, I couldn't agree more. I hate groups that exclude anyone based on anything, and though I disagree strongly with many comments made here I would fight to ensure the person making them and their thoughts were included. Our freedom of speech and expression and affiliation form the basis for some of the core tenants of liberty, freedom and equality the world over.

However, a gay sailing group is no different than a sewing group for cruisers or a boat cooking for cruisers or a DIY group for cruiser (of which there are many). It's a group of people with shared interests... Think of it like soccer moms. There are plenty of dads out who join groups traditionaly thought of as women's interests. And I would put to you that if straight people were interested in the same kinds of information being shared among gay cruisers in such a forum they would be incredibly welcome to join in.

In fact a gay-straight alliance might be just the ticket so that we gay cruisers knew among whom we could feel safe to be ourselves and among whom we needed to be careful lest accused of throwing it in someone's face.

And on that topic.... I'll start a new post

Regarding