Dream took a turn: if you were me

[weavis]

Originally Posted by SV THIRD DAY

Hey Amigo....you did earn this for yourself and there is nothing wrong with that so, first I would get any thoughts of selfishness behind you ASAP. She knew what you were planning but then decided the cruising lifestyle wasn't for her...it's something that happens all the time as Dream moves towards reality. I'm not going to get into the What Boat game...because honestly the boat almost has absolutely nothing to do with your enjoyment...and more often than not the "Right Boat" is just an excuse to never actually GO. So don't get hung up on all the "right boat" search. Get something you can afford and GO. I see "Go Now" boats for sale everywhere, so find one...post a link to it here and let the folks pick it apart so you don't get "Boat Blinded" and miss something major.

Nice post Rich.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by T.Mark

:confused

I have been in a relationship with the most beautiful and intelligent women I've ever known for about Five years. She was down with the plan to cruise full time, so we were looking at boats and checking on ASA schools together. So I sold my car wash and was setting the plan in motion. Now that the Plan/Dream is becoming a reality it just went sideways......

The girl decided she doesn't want to cruise and said she only wants me gone one month of the year. So I just walked from an amazing women and I'm going forward solo.

This has happened to a lot of us.

You cannot trust this woman no matter how nice she is to be part of your dream. WHATEVER the reason for the change of mind, it was a breach of your relationship contract, for want of a better term.

Its heartbreaking but she would always be in charge if you accepted the new deal....You would not be happy.

Better to move on.

[zeehag]

if you wait to find someone with whom to sail, you will be in port many years and never go out sailing.
it is best to go it solo and use pick up crew as you go.
UNLESS you are less about the boat than the company.
OR, as pick up crew can be dicey, solo. you will learn so much more alone than with the wrong individual aboard.

[daletournier]

Come to Thailand and buy my boat. Spend two years here getting familiar with it while enjoying Thai food and sail it to the carribean. Or sell after two years of having a different chapter.

In all seriousness well done for having the courage to follow your dream, I can imagine it was painful but the alternative may have been more painful, to many of us live other people's dreams.

Sent from my vivo Y35 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[Kenomac]

Here's a Dear Abby dose of reality that most everyone on this forum will disagree.

If you expect a woman to join you for this full time adventure.... You need a bigger boat and budget, most women hate camping. People need some personal space which cannot be found on a thirty something foot old boat.

Or, go it alone on the smaller boat... Nothing wrong with that plan.

[SV.Maverick]

The most important question is your priorities and only you can answer that. Many guys even if they find themselves solo aren't usually solo long. This is not a bad thing as watching sunsets together beats solo for most. I say that to say this when you pick a boat don't go some small thinking you will be solo long term unless your sure that's what you want. Get one that you and at least 1 crew person would be comfortable in. Now given your price range that's only going to get something on the smaller side anyway. Most all my boats have been 36-50 and I single hand a lot but I like larger boats and when I have crew everyone is comfortable.
I say that to say this people don't change and if you are a "relationship guy" on land you will be one cruising so don't do like many have done and buy during a break up period thinking you will always be single only to find a mate and then have to try to convince her to climb aboard something too small.

[barnakiel]

I think you are making the right decision. What is right about it is making it.

You have the dream, now you are going to match the dream with reality.

There is nothing to it, just get a strong boat and ... YES at this point it gets somewhat complicated.

You want some sailing skills and some navigation skills. Nothing fancy, just very strong basics before you set off. There is stuff you can learn as you go, but you do gain heaps by getting strong basics BEFORE you go on the big cruise in the 'big' ship.

IMHO the best way to learn sailing is by sailing. And so I would simply buy a s/h Hat or Laser and sail it till I feel 100% competent in all but survival conditions. Normally most become somewhat competent after the early 1000 hours on the water.

IMHO navigation is best learned at a course or from a book. Then polished up by hours of practice. You will want some supervision for this if you start from scratch.

IMHO: The boat. Get something simple, reliable, low maintenance. Going solo I would buy a boat similar to a Contessa 32 / Pacific Seacraft 34 / (names generic) - simple, secure, easy to resell.

There is nothing to your dream. It is all in execution. Doing SOMETHING will get your head out of the (over-) thinking zone and into the acting zone. This normally helps sort out all whys and shouldIs. At least it does for me.

So: get strong sailing competence, learn basic navigation, get a a good boat, go sailing.

Good luck!

Cheers,
b.

[daletournier]

Often its assumed having a partner to cruise with is better, I say not always. Ive done both and in fact enjoy the single handling easily as much as when having a partner onboard. I always find it interesting that people express sympathy for me during those times when im alone, it happened this morning...lol. Being able to do what you want, when you want, how you want to do it and only spending half the money isnt that bad.
Theres always an up side if you want to see it, and there's no shortage of friends or crew if that's what you want.

Sent from my vivo Y35 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[T.Mark]

Thanks to everyone for the many responses and support, there are some great ideas thoughts and suggestions here. I have read them all several times and it has given me some new ideas as I'm trying to firm up a new plan to embark on this adventure solo. This site and the willingness of its members to share their advise and knowledge is invaluable to new would be sailors like myself. I have spent many hours reading and learning from previous post.
I have decided based on comments to down size my boat search from the 35 to 38 foot range to a 30 to 35 foot boat that my workout better as a solo cruiser. And to not get as hung up on that perfect boat as a first boat, thanks to some post here. I think I was getting hung up a bit on that piece. Also I will now consider a fresh water boat that might be in better shape since I'm currently in MI, for some reason I was focusing more on future cruising grounds of FL. and the Caribbean. I think for the most part being new I was not sure of the coast associated with getting the boat to my cruising grounds so I was skipping over that as viable option and not considering the value of a boat that live its life in fresh water,
And as far as sailing solo, I have always felt expirences are a little more fun and sights and adventures seem a little more beautiful when shared with someone else! But, in my case the alternative is to not try or to sail on a very limited basis. And knowing myself that would be a decision I would always regret. I know it will be more difficult/challenging going solo on many levels, but as some post pointed out I will learn more going solo and it could be more rewarding in other ways.
The last minute change as the dream becomes a reality and changing it to solo experience has taken a minute to wrap my head around it. However, the dream is not tarnished and I remain excited about the possibilities of learning new skills, and the new experiences. I can't wait for the adventure to begin solo or not.

[TTranscendence]

Go, and as soon as you can!
We are selling our beautiful Cascade 36, in the Virgin islands, as my partner got a stroke a few months ago.
We got 6 great winters cruising in the Caribbean and are thankful for every moment of it.
You might like to have a look at her on link below.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...V8BVIMYKvQ/pub

Best of luck

Michael

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Live to enjoy the day, not the future.

This is the single best advice you could get and it applies to everything, not just sailing.

[kimden5]

I've had a few boats over the years (both power and sail) and have always tried to do all the mx. myself, both for the costs involved and the personal satisfaction of knowing every square inch of the vessel, so when something goes wrong (and it will), you're not in a panic situation. While all the bells and whistles are nice, it's just more things to go wrong and have to fix. If nothing else in all my years ( I'm 71), I've learned that the KISS (keep it simple, sailor) method is always the best way to go.

[Adelie]

The ideas of sailing now to build skill and to not buying your dream boat now so you can have a better educated idea of what suits you strike me as very good advice.

Here's an idea for the next 2yr.

Buy a smallish older boat:
Cal27
Cal28
Cal29
Ranger29
Cascade29
Triton28

Unless you are over 6' you should be able to stand up in these. They are all well built and probably available for around $7k.

Set the boat up for single-handing even if you normally have crew.

Go up and down the Sound
Go to the San Juans
Go to PortAngeles
Go to Neah bay
Go to the Gulf Islands
Go to Desolation Sound
Circumnavigate Vancouver Island
Sail down to the Columbia and back.

Take crew when available.

You should be able to do this in 2 yr and the progressing difficulty will push you without pushing too fast hopefully.

By the end you should have learned enough to know what you want in the next boat for cruising and the skills to use that boat.


A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground you would never try to refloat it.

[jkindredpdx]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Here's what I'd do...buy a boat you can handle solo (30-35' is probably good), live on it wherever you are, fix it up the way it requires to cruise the world, day sail it as often as possible so you understand your needs versus wants, challenge yourself to improve as a sailor, bring friends on board to share those evenings back at the dock when it doesn't seem possible there could ever be a more perfect moment...and yet every time out is another perfect moment.

Live to enjoy the day, not the future. But if you don't feel it, it was probably not meant to be and maybe you can still make amends with the ex

Good luck.

Totally AGREE with gamayun. I've been living on my boat for 5 -6 years. My GF initially thought part time live-aboard followed by coastal cruising together was a great idea... Now we are planning that she'll fly, train, or drive to meet me for a few weeks at a time and leave me to do my solo thing for much of the time...

I assume your GF knew about your dream early on... mine did, and she knows that I'm not going to give it up, nor would she want me to.

Of course the boat choice depends on your location, cruising grounds, type of sailing, and lifestyle. I bought a 35 footer. At first it seemed like a lot of boat to solo, but after practice I single hand it quite well.

I recommend imagining yourself "living" on the boat... where and how will you stow clothes, toilet items, food, beverages, pots and pans, washing dishes, cooking, watching tv/computer. Where will you stow your bike, working on projects and repairs... entertaining in the cockpit and saloon, launching dinghy and bringing it back on deck, raise and reef sails, go to the head, get a drink, or snack while under way, where and how will you sleep?, how will you get up in the middle of the night to use the head...

Also agree with... Do It, Have Fun, and Good Luck.

[Mycroft]

I am sorry for your loss. (The girlfriend) but I do think you made the right decision.

I am glad she disclosed her true feelings about cruising, though it would have been nice for you to learn it sooner.

There are a lot of single handers and talking with them is the best resource. Listening to their experiences will help you know what you want.

Our experience has been that all sailors are anxious to tell their stories and we always learn the most over coffee or a beer.