Dating, Relationships livingaboard

[she31sailor]

I'm in my early 30's with passive income and gave every thing up to move on a 31 foot project boat. I still eventually want a companion, is this going to make it harder or easier? I would not care if I was in my early 20's but I don't want to end up 50 and alone on a boat or maybe I do and just don't know it yet.

Could I be hurting my chances finding someone? I know there are liveaboard couples but in my early 20's when I last lived aboard none of the 10 - 20 youngish couples I met are still together that I've kept in touch with.

Not counting older retired couples that have many years living a traditional life and gave it up post retirement.


I really do not have interest in going back to live on land the last single guy I knew met a women sold his boat and moved into her house. Made me sad. Seems I might be reducing my dating pool substantially. I know the house/boat makes it easier initially to meet people just out of the novelty. But are there really very many longer term crusing couples that started younger.?

Looking to hear about experiences, stories and maybe some feedback surrounding my concerns.

[cruisersfarm]

Originally Posted by she31sailor

I'm in my early 30's with passive income and gave every thing up to move on a 31 foot project boat. I still eventually want a companion, is this going to make it harder or easier? I would not care if I was in my early 20's but I don't want to end up 50 and alone on a boat or maybe I do and just don't know it yet.

Could I be hurting my chances finding someone? I know there are liveaboard couples but in my early 20's when I last lived aboard none of the 10 - 20 youngish couples I met are still together that I've kept in touch with.

Not counting older retired couples that have many years living a traditional life and gave it up post retirement.


I really do not have interest in going back to live on land the last single guy I knew met a women sold his boat and moved into her house. Made me sad. Seems I might be reducing my dating pool substantially. I know the house/boat makes it easier initially to meet people just out of the novelty. But are there really very many longer term crusing couples that started younger.?

Looking to hear about experiences, stories and maybe some feedback surrounding my concerns.

As a single guy on a boat in a similar age bracket, let me tell you it 100% hurts your chances.

It's not that landlubbers won't go with you. They will.

It's that you just can't meet people because you're stuck on a damn boat.

Let me put it into local perspective. (I was anchored in Miami Beach all winter so this will be easy. ha ha)

Meeting people initially: There is a great party in Wynwood. Everyone is going. You have to get in the dingy, get an uber and go. It's a hassle compared to friends who live there. You are less likely to go and come back at 2am via dinghy. Less meeting people

Meeting people initially scenario #2: You have a great party to attend on the beach. loads of studs going. lol It's at a hotel. It's a dressy affair. Heels, typical SoBe or LIV type attire. But wait. It's raining. It's blowing hard and choppy AF (again). You can't wear these things on the dinghy ride because you'll be soaked. What do you do with your backpack full of foulies at LIV? Weather *constantly* ruins your life. I know.

You managed to meet someone: You managed to meet the man of your dreams. He likes to see you often. Again, weather, outboard breakdowns, dinghy theft, etc will stop you from being able to see him. He loses interest or strays while you keep standing him up due to stupid boat limitations.

That's just in Miami.

Now if you leave Miami, since it sucks to live on a boat there when it's hot and rainy all summer, you then leave your entire social circle and whoever you are dating at the moment behind every 6 mos. Thayt hurts your chances bad..... really bad.

Then, there is compatibility. Is the person you end up with going to want to do cool sh$t like cruise around on a boat and put life before career? Maybe, maybe not.

All in all, it's next to impossible to form new relationships unless you're at a dock with a car or plenty of uber $$$.

For this reason, I'm considering selling my boat, or at least putting it on the hard ands going rving for a couple years. Ultra is great, but you can't get to Coachella, EDC Vegas, Electric Forest, hiking, snowboarding, etc with a boat.

Let's not forget the hundreds or thousands of hours you need to put into boat work. That one bothers me the most now being single.

IMO, couples and loners do well on boats. Not us.

Edit: Wrote this toward a woman. Just take out dude/he and replace with chick/she. Only saw the "I'm a guy" thing just now. Same thing for us, but worse because the number of women that will go is exceedingly tiny.

[Stumble]

I think there are some real challenges, but I wouldn't say they make it impossible. Obviously a high maintenance partner who needs a lot of space for cloths and stuff is going to be a difficult fit, but someone who loves camping, exploring and living lean may fall in love with living aboard as well.

[Sea Dreaming]

I dont think its a problem. There really is someone for every body. I just finished The Dove, about Robin Graham. He found his wife at 18 or so while on his solo circumnavigation. He had a 24 foot boat. They are still married. The famous line is "men have been going to sea for millenia " but where there are men there are women.

[four winds]

Takes a special kind of woman.

Like the wonderful women who post here. And those married to the guys here though don't post. I believe they are few and far between.

Thankfully, I'm in the loner category.

[Lizzy Belle]

I'm a single liveaboard too - be it a female one, in my early 40's. In my marina (in the Netherlands) there are quite a few single liveaboards; all males tho. Single female liveaboards are very, very rare in the Netherlands.

Most of the males complain about females not wanting to live on a boat cos they want more creature comforts, more space, more luxury etc. Anyway - we all know how the average male sailor talks about "The Admiral"

From my experience, the same is true for male landlubbers. Since living on a boat is a rare thing in my country, most people will assume something bad has happened forcing me to live on a boat. Maybe I became homeless? Ran away from an abusive husband? Hiding from the law?

So whenever I answer the unavoidable 'where do you live?' question, I usually have to follow up explaining that nope, I'm not in any trouble, I choose to live on my boat. Followed by many questions about my sanity

When they step on the boat, they wonder where the shower is (next to the marina office), how to get hot water (use the darn kettle) and where to put their stuff (I told you not to bring too much) -- etc. etc.
When sailing for the first time, a heeling boat makes for unhappy landlubbers, and plenty of guys are afraid the boat will just 'fall over'. Baby steps are required.

When dating, the boat -or rather, my refusing to move back to land and just go to the boat on a sunny Sunday afternoon- usually becomes a deal breaker. And while it might be nice to have a partner at some point, I'm assuming it'll be a landlubber forcing me to live on the hard too. Which may be fine one day, but is definitely not something I'll even consider now.

People often wonder why I don't "hook up" with one of the male solo sailors. As if being a liveaboard is all it takes for two people to match, fall in love and live happily ever after
Funny thing is, we're all happy as we are. We love our lifestyle and our boats. We're free spirits, used to going where and when we feel like on a moments notice.
We mostly date landlubbers that enjoy our 'funny way of life' and day sailing, and move on when they start complaining about public marina showers and lack of creature comforts on sailing boats

If I ever meet a guy who's willing to live on a boat (and yes, I do understand that'll have to be a bigger boat then the one I'm living on now) then great! If not, that's OK too. I've been single for most of my life and while it can get a little lonely sometimes, it's usually not an issue (for me anyway) as I am pretty happy with my life (I'm a bit of a loner, I guess).

Either way -- I have tried to compromise where I didn't really want to. I have tried being who people wanted me to be - trading in my dreams for theirs. It doesn't work.

For me, the great thing about turning 40 was feeling like I was done trying to please others. I now live my life as I want to, and am a lot happier for it.
I'm willing to share my life, but I won't change it to fit into someone else's life ... (so I'll probably die an old, single cat lady on a boat, haha!).

[she31sailor]

Originally Posted by Sea Dreaming

I dont think its a problem. There really is someone for every body. I just finished The Dove, about Robin Graham. He found his wife at 18 or so while on his solo circumnavigation. He had a 24 foot boat. They are still married. The famous line is "men have been going to sea for millenia " but where there are men there are women.

I know Robin and Patti personally (random family connection). He now lives in inland, and he never really cruised actually in adulthood, left sailing almost altogether after his circumnavigation. I think I actually have more years on a boat than him despite is late fame.

[she31sailor]

Originally Posted by Lizzy Belle

I'm a single liveaboard too - be it a female one, in my early 40's. In my marina (in the Netherlands) there are quite a few single liveaboards; all males tho. Single female liveaboards are very, very rare in the Netherlands.

Most of the males complain about females not wanting to live on a boat cos they want more creature comforts, more space, more luxury etc. Anyway - we all know how the average male sailor talks about "The Admiral"

From my experience, the same is true for male landlubbers. Since living on a boat is a rare thing in my country, most people will assume something bad has happened forcing me to live on a boat. Maybe I became homeless? Ran away from an abusive husband? Hiding from the law?

So whenever I answer the unavoidable 'where do you live?' question, I usually have to follow up explaining that nope, I'm not in any trouble, I choose to live on my boat. Followed by many questions about my sanity

When they step on the boat, they wonder where the shower is (next to the marina office), how to get hot water (use the darn kettle) and where to put their stuff (I told you not to bring too much) -- etc. etc.
When sailing for the first time, a heeling boat makes for unhappy landlubbers, and plenty of guys are afraid the boat will just 'fall over'. Baby steps are required.

When dating, the boat -or rather, my refusing to move back to land and just go to the boat on a sunny Sunday afternoon- usually becomes a deal breaker. And while it might be nice to have a partner at some point, I'm assuming it'll be a landlubber forcing me to live on the hard too. Which may be fine one day, but is definitely not something I'll even consider now.

People often wonder why I don't "hook up" with one of the male solo sailors. As if being a liveaboard is all it takes for two people to match, fall in love and live happily ever after
Funny thing is, we're all happy as we are. We love our lifestyle and our boats. We're free spirits, used to going where and when we feel like on a moments notice.
We mostly date landlubbers that enjoy our 'funny way of life' and day sailing, and move on when they start complaining about public marina showers and lack of creature comforts on sailing boats

If I ever meet a guy who's willing to live on a boat (and yes, I do understand that'll have to be a bigger boat then the one I'm living on now) then great! If not, that's OK too. I've been single for most of my life and while it can get a little lonely sometimes, it's usually not an issue (for me anyway) as I am pretty happy with my life (I'm a bit of a loner, I guess).

Either way -- I have tried to compromise where I didn't really want to. I have tried being who people wanted me to be - trading in my dreams for theirs. It doesn't work.

For me, the great thing about turning 40 was feeling like I was done trying to please others. I now live my life as I want to, and am a lot happier for it.
I'm willing to share my life, but I won't change it to fit into someone else's life ... (so I'll probably die an old, single cat lady on a boat, haha!).

Thanks for the post

[SkiprJohn]

If what the individual you want to meet cares more about is creature comforts then they are not worth more than a flirting relationship. If you find the right person you'll be able to work everything out and both be happy. When I was a liveaboard bachelor (so many years ago) I would have wanted to meet a single liveaboard that I was compatible with. Being at a dock helps a great deal but I don't think singles in their 40s or even 50s mind a wet dinghy ride with the right man or woman.

I originally composed this thinking that She31 was a female sailor. Sorry for being confused.

[atoll]

as an English/south african single man living on a boat in france,spain and the Caribbean I never had a problem meeting and having relations with French , Spanish,, american and Canadian girls.

English and south African girls, however, I avoided like the plague as they always seemed to have too much emotional baggage....

so I guess having a yacht and being foreign must have some sort of allure for foreign girls.

[she31sailor]

Originally Posted by atoll

as an English/south african single man living on a boat in france,spain and the Caribbean I never had a problem meeting and having relations with French , Spanish,, american and Canadian girls.

English and south African girls, however, I avoided like the plague as they always seemed to have too much emotional baggage....

so I guess having a yacht and being foreign must have some sort of allure for foreign girls.

How old are you?

[captain58sailin]

It's hard to say, if you are dedicated to living aboard, you will find that there are a lot of people who are in love with the idea, but the reality is a different matter. You have to be willing to make the sacrifice to going to sea, and if you are lucky you will find someone who will share your passion and temperament. I spent a long time alone, before getting with the right one for me.

[atoll]

Originally Posted by she31sailor

How old are you?

ancient now!
but kept to my wicked philandering ways till I was 30 when I met my current partner and sailed around the world twice with her over the last 22years

I still have lots of single female platonic friends that sail,so I guess once a pirate allways a pirate!

[laika]

Well damn, some good replies! Also in my early 30s. Many friends and well wishers who haven't seen the boat think women must swoon left and right to get in on a piece of the glossy yachting lifestyle I lead.

It's not a 100% deterrent, but pretty close. Have met some pretty awesome people along the way tho, including the occasional woman creature. But trying to develop any kind of long term thing.. Just the nature of the business, I guess. Suppose there's no guarantees, one way or another, so ya buy the ticket and take the ride..

I love my boat tho, so hey

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by she31sailor

.....................
........................ But are there really very many longer term crusing couples that started younger.?

Looking to hear about experiences, stories and maybe some feedback surrounding my concerns.

I met a young lady while I was in college and managed to talk her into moving aboard in our early twenties. We managed to scrape together enough within a year after graduation to buy our 30' boat similar to your She31. Now, 45 years later we're still living aboard. Most have not been married aboard as long as we have, but we're not exceptional.

I think a couple works best aboard when everything remains negotiable and fully shared. Nancie has never been a minor partner when it comes to the operation of our vessel.

I think your odds are best if you remain true to your passion for sailing and your life aboard, but your odds increase if you establish a "home port". Choose a place that has sailing and cruising clubs, local races and marina activities. Join in the activities common to sailors in an active sailing community.