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Old 20-06-2016, 08:27   #1
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Convincing wife to liveaboard?

My wife and I are moving to South Carolina, we rented the house in Washington and hitting the road next month to move. I will be employed at a work from home position and my wife will be looking for the next step in her career. It is a huge step for her to move across the country away from all her family and friends and I am working on being understanding of that, I could move anywhere and be fine. I really want to buy a sailboat and liveaboard for a few years, at least until we have kids. She is really apprehensive about the idea as it is a small living space.
Do you have a spouse that was hard to convince to livaboard? How did you do it?

I am discussing with her the pro’s and cons of it, I understand completely that it is not as comfortable as a house and there are some large drawbacks, any advice you can give me to play up the benefits, community, view, opportunity, and lifestyle please help!
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Old 20-06-2016, 08:38   #2
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

My wife was originally "OK" with the idea of sailing and cruising (living on a boat. While she said it sounded acceptable I could tell she wasn't really believing you could really "live" on a boat. Then I took her to a boat show and she saw boats and could image herself on one.

So maybe you just need to visit some boats to see what it takes for her to believe it is doable (like a bigger boat).

BTW - if you "convince" her it probably wouldn't work out well. Lots of boats out there for sale about the wife was "convinced" instead of being really aboard with the idea.
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Old 20-06-2016, 08:38   #3
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

So, Grady, After reading your question I leaned over to my wife where we are sitting in the main cabin of our boat and asked her, "What are three things that you found most rewarding when we first moved aboard a sailboat?"

Her first answer came quickly with little thought,- 1 - Simplicity! Ease of cleaning, shopping, cooking.... all those things that come with housekeeping are smaller tasks with "boatkeeping". 2- A sense of freedom. Always being in "vcation mode".
3- Adventure

I noticed that her answer came with the practical things first. So many people think of hardships that might come with living aboard, but in reality there is a geat simplicity.
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Old 20-06-2016, 08:51   #4
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

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Originally Posted by Hudson Force View Post
So, Grady, After reading your question I leaned over to my wife where we are sitting in the main cabin of our boat and asked her, "What are three things that you found most rewarding when we first moved aboard a sailboat?"

Her first answer came quickly with little thought,- 1 - Simplicity! Ease of cleaning, shopping, cooking.... all those things that come with housekeeping are smaller tasks with "boatkeeping". 2- A sense of freedom. Always being in "vcation mode".
3- Adventure

I noticed that her answer came with the practical things first. So many people think of hardships that might come with living aboard, but in reality there is a geat simplicity.
Hudson, I need no persuasion, but your wife's reason's are all valid for me.
"Living in the moment" is perhaps the primary reason I love cruising.

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Old 20-06-2016, 09:11   #5
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

I like the cleaning idea and the vacation mode thing. I think living in small space on a dock (when not cruising) would make us more active. She complains about our sedentary life style and not being active enough I am wondering if it is because we have such a comfortable home and we live so far away from everything now......maybe I am getting off track.
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Old 20-06-2016, 09:22   #6
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

If you think of it as living on the ocean, as opposed to living on a boat, you appreciate the boat and its limited space all the more. If you are comparing living on a boat to the comforts of something else, the boat will not seem as appealing. If your wife likes the idea of living on, and sailing on, the ocean, she'll love the boat.
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Old 20-06-2016, 09:30   #7
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

As you probably know by now, many relationships didn't survive this very scenario.

So, unless you value the lifestyle more than the relationship you have, go slow and don't make it an all-or-nothing proposition. Look for a way to get a taste of the lifestyle before committing to it. Visit some nice boats up for sale. Go to a boat show. Do a charter in BVI. Befriend someone with a nice boat, go sailing with them.

If nothing else works, you can always buy a smaller boat and make it your man cave rather than family home In fact, unless you already have boat ownership skills and experience, it'd be wise to do exactly that (own a trailerable pocket cruiser) for a couple of years, anyway. Inevitable newbie mistakes are a hell of a lot cheaper that way.
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Old 20-06-2016, 09:50   #8
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

I wouldnt push it right now. Let her get used to moving across country first. Let her get on her feet.
If she is feeling stressed now adding more stress wont help. I could be wrong about that. Some people do best with all changes happening at once. But some need a little more time. Since you are asking how to convince her my guess is she is resisting. Maybe its best to let her tell you what she is comfortable doing.
In a few months charter a boat, have a fabulous time, then broach live aboard again. Nothing like the positive glow of a good time to open the heart.
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Old 20-06-2016, 09:57   #9
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Hopefully she is at home on the water to begin with and does not easily get seasick. My dear wife feels I am a lunatic in the depths of a mid - end of life crisis and refuses to go. We have been living in Maine and I HATE the cold 8 month long winters. Looks like splitsville or maybe 6 month in the North during the "summer" and 6 months in Tortola in the winter. I guess everyone has to be flexible. I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:02   #10
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Moving to SC will be a big enough shock. Buy a small inexpensive day sailor and see if you both actually like sailing. You can move up from there. Dreams and reality are often in conflict.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:05   #11
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Looking for a real good deal on a used boat? I only know the Atlantic side of things, so my advice is limited to that side of the continents. Go to places like the Virgin Islands, the Rio Dulce in Guatemala. These are where guys who had to "convince" their wives to live aboard and go cruising end their voyages. The wife HATES IT and gives them the choice of HER OR THE BOAT!

My response would be, "Gee, I'm really going to miss ya."

In all my years of being a professional captain and then on my own dime, I only met THREE WOMEN who were going it alone. But there are a lot of boats for sale where the wife won't go an inch farther.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:06   #12
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

My wife & I live aboard 6 months a year since 2011. We love it for the very same reasons mentioned by Hudson Force earlier. I must say however that it must be a SHARED decision. And to achieve this no better way than taking a two weeks vacation on a sailboat by yourselves. Simplicity, freedom and adventure is not for everyone and too often do we meet leave aboards where the wife is at various stage of not being a "happy camper". In all cases it was the husband idea!!! So my advice is try it out together and make it a totally shared decision. The boat you will choose as also to be a shared choice. For instance choosing a racing machine with a wife you wishes to have comfort is not a good idea? We which you as much plaisure and satisfaction as we get out of our life aboard Dance Me.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:14   #13
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

For just Living Aboard, this shouldn't be a crazy discussion if your wife likes the ocean. My wife loves the ocean. We can't afford a house or condo right on the water, so...

Now the 'cruising' part, which you have NOT really asked about, better read 'Get Her OnBoard'.

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Old 20-06-2016, 10:18   #14
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grady Bunch View Post
My wife and I are moving to South Carolina, we rented the house in Washington and hitting the road next month to move. I will be employed at a work from home position and my wife will be looking for the next step in her career. It is a huge step for her to move across the country away from all her family and friends and I am working on being understanding of that, I could move anywhere and be fine. I really want to buy a sailboat and liveaboard for a few years, at least until we have kids. She is really apprehensive about the idea as it is a small living space.
Do you have a spouse that was hard to convince to livaboard? How did you do it?

I am discussing with her the pro’s and cons of it, I understand completely that it is not as comfortable as a house and there are some large drawbacks, any advice you can give me to play up the benefits, community, view, opportunity, and lifestyle please help!
My wife at the time was against sailing the Great Lakes period until we moved to Australia and cruised the tropics. Then her attitude changed completely; on return from down under we purchased a larger vessel and she loved it eventually getting her captains license. Cold and wet don't suit many females. South Carolina and further south should be acceptable.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:21   #15
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chalifour View Post
My wife & I live aboard 6 months a year since 2011. We love it for the very same reasons mentioned by Hudson Force earlier. I must say however that it must be a SHARED decision. And to achieve this no better way than taking a two weeks vacation on a sailboat by yourselves. Simplicity, freedom and adventure is not for everyone and too often do we meet leave aboards where the wife is at various stage of not being a "happy camper". In all cases it was the husband idea!!! So my advice is try it out together and make it a totally shared decision. The boat you will choose as also to be a shared choice. For instance choosing a racing machine with a wife you wishes to have comfort is not a good idea? We which you as much plaisure and satisfaction as we get out of our life aboard Dance Me.
Have the wife select the vessel. I did and finished up with a larger much more comfortable boat, and a happier wife.
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