Convincing wife to liveaboard?

[TrentePieds]

Thanx, Weavis :-)!

TrentePieds

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by weavis

As a CF member I can only apologise for comments from another member that were less than salubrious.

In life we have come to see that some people are not nice in their viewpoint and delivery or thoughts.

It is sad that self regulation is missing. However the CF Team have addressed the situation on all of our behalf.

The Moderators are handpicked members of the entire CF membership. We work as a group and assess each situation collectively. We are not here to restrict anything except rudeness and trouble causing scenarios. We LOVE to read and learn from your experiences.

Do not be afraid to hit the button to report a post that seems to you to be out of balance. We promise to look at every complaint even if we also have to balance some of them against our own knowledge and background understanding. But we WILL look after CF first and primarily against obvious posts of a demeaning nature..

Thanks! I think the one here was way out in left field, re Asia women.

If is isn't constructive don't say it.

[scgilligan]

Originally Posted by Cadence

The marinas on the Ashely down town have no shopping close by. Charleston down town is strictly tourist orientated. It's the cash cow. I am not sure about Folly Beach. There were a couple on the Folly River, I had a boat at Marinas Cay which is on James Island. The Folly was tricky as was Stono inlet. Had one at the Stono Marina, I believe part of Buzzards Roost today, Johns Island. The Charleston City Marina and Tolers Cove in Mt. Pleasant. I just don't see a live aboard environment here? I may well be wrong.

I can't say as I am not a liveaboard...plus I am in upstate SC. When I have been on the docks in City Marina and the Harborage @ Ashley lately, there have been liveaboards there. A broker I was talking to at the Harborage @ Ashley said there are quite a few there...I did not speak to any directly so I cannot say what they do for supplies. I did see quite a few bicycles on boats, so I assume they use those for short jaunts about town.
I have been trying to do some online research about the area because I am wanting (dreaming) of living there in the future. The downtown area would be best for me, because my company has an office on the peninsula and I'd rather have a walking/cycling commute than worry about parking. Our Charleston office is pretty much half way between Ashley and Cooper rivers...so, either side would work.

[angelfish2]

Originally Posted by Grady Bunch

My wife and I are moving to South Carolina, we rented the house in Washington and hitting the road next month to move. I will be employed at a work from home position and my wife will be looking for the next step in her career. It is a huge step for her to move across the country away from all her family and friends and I am working on being understanding of that, I could move anywhere and be fine. I really want to buy a sailboat and liveaboard for a few years, at least until we have kids. She is really apprehensive about the idea as it is a small living space.
Do you have a spouse that was hard to convince to livaboard? How did you do it?

I am discussing with her the pro’s and cons of it, I understand completely that it is not as comfortable as a house and there are some large drawbacks, any advice you can give me to play up the benefits, community, view, opportunity, and lifestyle please help!

Grady, I would take it one step at a time. Moving from WA to SC is a huge change, especially in climate. Also, you guys are moving away from family and friends. As one who has been dragged from pillar to post, that is very hard. Just the change alone is unsettling. You have such good advice here I really don't have much to add. However, I think I would find a nice comfy place to live first of all and perhaps (after you guys are settled) take some sailing lessons. Then if you both enjoy sailing, purchase a smaller boat (we loved our Santana 21), and have fun day sailing. Just put one foot in front of the other and see what happens.

Living aboard full time is a different way of life and one y'all might just slide into. Give yourselves some time to find out what suits you.

[SURV69]

I think BadSanta came up with the best answer for you ...

Realistically ... one can go to any number of marinas and see men, without their wives, going to their boats ... EVERYTHING I've seen indicates a lack of interest in sailing by women ...

In all seriousness look at this from a woman's perspective ... especially a woman who may want to raise a family in the most stable environment possible.

Living on a sailboat is not what most people consider a stable environment.

But, it's very doable in the right mindset.

Posters here and posters of sailing videos on YouTube are not "unapproachable) ... seek them out and begin a dialogue that includes your wife discussing the lifestyle with other women who are actually doing it.

If she is convinced(by others ... not you), that liveaboard might be something she would like ... and she does like it ... you'd better treat her like the rare prize that she is ... get a really nice boat that will prove a nice alternative to a home.

[JPA Cate]

SURV69,

Beaut post, your #80. Well done!

Grady Bunch,

There is a sailing women's part of Facebook, if your wife likes that medium; also, there is, here on CF, a welcoming group of women sailors and skippers, and maybe your good lady would be interested in one of those.

Very good luck to both of you.

Ann

[Lepke]

Good luck... bigger boat helps.

[leftbrainstuff]

My wife is the sailor of the family and she wanted to liveaboard all her life. I was a car guy (global motorsport and automotive development). We were on a cruise ship when I commented to my wife, looking at the sailboats anchored nearby, "I could do this permanently." The idea was born.

As to convincing your wife there are two issues even we took time to get comfortable with.

First was breaking the lifetime habit of endless consumption. Secondly was to create a nomadic lifestyle that didn't involve losing the creature comforts.

We travelled almost non stop for two years. Dropbox and Evernote were invaluable to saving time. We were also building a startup at the time. Spending time together 24/7 was natural for us.

Then there was family. We have six grandkids so keeping in touch is vital. My mother scanned every single photo we had. Having these in dropbox and rotated across the screens of our laptops set us free.

I would suggest cruises and RV trips. Both allow you to travel without the drudgery of packing and unpacking non stop. They also teach you to live in tiny spaces.

We've been living aboard for 3 years. We aren't going back anytime soon.

Sent from my SM-N900T using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[knockabout]

marina or anchorage in a river or bay / each marina has it's own small community / in a river or bay you may be more secluded and need to be self reliant / anchoring skills, navigation skills, boat maintenance and handling skills / dinghy skills / all good fun and mother nature throws in a wild card every now and then / the overall view is important to live on the water you are part of the aquatic eco-system / I didn't know how to sail but my husband did / we have been living aboard for 18 years / if she considers a boat as alternative accommodation while settling in to a new location she will probably view liveaboard differently / it might not pay to show her a 75ft riviera and then move onto a 19ft day sailer with boom tent.

[Sea Dreaming]

I just thought of a couple more resources your wife might enjoy

Womenandcruising.com
Theboatgalley.com

What I really appreciate about both of these sites is that the topics are broad, from engines, to recipes and pets as well as giving a good feeling for "being out there". But even if you dont intend to cruise there are lots of tips for living comfortably on a boat. Certainly they offer some good topics to uncover and discuss.

[sailorcherry]

Hi, haven't read any of the responses, sorry, so forgive me if I repeat anothers.
I'm a Spouse who is a liveaboard w/short cruises (6wks or less, taking the big leap here soon) for about 5 years or so now. Do know though, I was already racing and had already looked for a boat of my own (to sail locally and liveaboard) when I met my guy. So I really hope she already likes some kind of watersports.

Buy a catamaran!
If you are most likely not going to go cruising in the next 3-5 yrs, buy a powerboat.
Doesn't have to be a new 42 Lagoon, but something probably 33'+. Oh and budget for boat toys (paddle boards, sailing dinghies, kayaks, that is a wonderful side dish to living/cruising aboard a boat).

I have to say, to me, you might be asking a little much of her in one shot - moving her away from her everything, into a new environment (from culture to weather).

You have to get her hooked on:
A) The lifestyle
B) The cost savings
C) Ability to live that life before kids *
* you still can once you do, have friends with a family of 4 on a 38', they are happy. But may be a terribly difficult sell at first.

Consider this though. She would have to be the one commuting to work while you get to relax on the boat and work from home. She is going to have to be the one to walk a 1/4 mile from the boat to the car everyday, x2. Then double that maybe on errand/grocery days. Don't even think about getting a boat without a shower (get two heads or sep shower).
If you convince her you make sure and get the best slip you can find with great views. She has to have something every day to come home to, besides you , to make it up to her (remember, you have uprooted her AND you're making her live in 200sqft - or so she could think).
Make it so she comes home every evening being pampered at sunset with views, freshly made cocktails and apps (or smoothies, whatever), foot or back massage contraption - whatever you can think of.

Do this and I think you have a good shot.
Tell her there are picky women out there like me who are happy living aboard. Also, she may fill that void of being away from her tribe, pretty quickly in the sailing community. That's where your sunset cocktails and gourmet apps make a great two-for-one.

Btw, let her know that she can PM me to chat about it.

Originally Posted by Grady Bunch

My wife and I are moving to South Carolina, we rented the house in Washington and hitting the road next month to move. I will be employed at a work from home position and my wife will be looking for the next step in her career. It is a huge step for her to move across the country away from all her family and friends and I am working on being understanding of that, I could move anywhere and be fine. I really want to buy a sailboat and liveaboard for a few years, at least until we have kids. She is really apprehensive about the idea as it is a small living space.
Do you have a spouse that was hard to convince to livaboard? How did you do it?

I am discussing with her the pro’s and cons of it, I understand completely that it is not as comfortable as a house and there are some large drawbacks, any advice you can give me to play up the benefits, community, view, opportunity, and lifestyle please help!

[daletournier]

I have had a couple of women onboard that just love the simple vagabond lifestyle, there is no need to convince them. I think it is just much easier when both people are on the same page, its actually exciting for me that way. When someone's doing it for you, or for me anyway, I feel guilty they aren't living their life their way even though it's their choice to be on the boat. This is just my perception.

Sent from my vivo Y35 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[Pelagic]

Whatever you do....it is all about real time assessment of the FUN FACTOR

If Career issues keep your wife tied to a Marina,
....how much fun is that?

If Financial issues keep you both tied to a Marina in a boat too small to be comfortable
...how much fun is that.

Ann and Jim Cate, plus many others have fun because they manage and maintain their freedom chips , allowing them to cruise away from Marinas

Timing is everything.... If your present financial situation or career commitments, keeps you tied to the dock....it's no fun or a realistic tradeoff from a more spacious shore life.

5 years ago, we moved off of Stargazer as I was caught up in a number of interesting overseas projects and it wasn't fair to my partner to be stuck in a Marina.

Now finished and free to go cruising again....house is for sale and we are BOTH eager to become cruising liveaboards again.

As Ann counseled so wisely...... Start with FUN and the rest will follow

[CharlesV]

Originally Posted by TrentePieds

Yep. Sailors of old were quite convinced that ships have souls. Some are benign, some are even loving, but there are a few that will try to kill you.

TrentePids

Boats? I think you described the various felines ive had.

[CharlesV]

My two cents.

Im not a liveaboard but I have known several over the years. From my standpoint they have adapted to a pretty miserable life and appear to have forced themselves to adapt because their heads were in the right place to do that.

The average woman, as a nester, wants to be planted on something solid. It doesnt have to be big but solid and with a white picket fence and flower garden too. I cant think of any boat than can do that.

Its not only the special mindset that needed but also the general interest in the sea and sailing and boats. How many women have there been that love a walk in a marina but you notice they never look at or comment about a boat? Such a woman, you are going to convince her of WHAT?

But there are also women who will follow their man anywhere, even right off a cliff and THAT one may not like it at first but will adapt, and very well too. Pretty soon it will be HER boat, just like its HER house when she is raising children.

Sometimes living aboard happens by itself. You lost your house in foreclosure but you had a boat and thats where you are going. For that, the extreme important thing is to increase comfort and dont create a camper's life which will be miserable. The poster who listed amenities and comforts, yes so important to the sanity and acceptance for both of you.

Living aboard also happens by itself for another reason. One family I knew, they took weekend trips only, but they liked sailing each trip was a little further until finally they sailed around the world four times in seven years as a nonstop adventure. They never planned to live aboard which makes me think living aboard, the successful ones, happened by other situations and circumstances and then they look back and say, hey look at that, we've been actually living aboard....

Those are the people I have known. We'lll see what happens when its my turn and how, if any, I might have to convince my own wife. Its at least possible that no convincing will be required.