Convincing wife to liveaboard?

[Nikki S]

I'm a wife and mother of 2. We've been living aboard our beautiful boat for 6 weeks now. ( sold our house). ... humpbacks, dolphins, a sail under a full moon was magical. I love dreaming about my "dream boat" as I walk around marinas meeting really nice folk. But the best bit has come from a facebook group of women who sail australia. They are the most supportive bunch of women I've ever had the pleasure of communicating with. And when we get to a destination there is usually one or 2 of them also in the area.

[Badsanta]

I took my wife then my girlfriend to a AGLCA American great loop cruiser association weekend seminar. When she met all the other women there and got to tour all the boats, she got really stoked to do this. Go slow and let her meet others, she needs to know she will not be the only gal out there.

[PortClydeMe]

Originally Posted by Grady Bunch

My wife and I are moving to South Carolina, we rented the house in Washington and hitting the road next month to move. I will be employed at a work from home position and my wife will be looking for the next step in her career. It is a huge step for her to move across the country away from all her family and friends and I am working on being understanding of that, I could move anywhere and be fine. I really want to buy a sailboat and liveaboard for a few years, at least until we have kids. She is really apprehensive about the idea as it is a small living space.
Do you have a spouse that was hard to convince to livaboard? How did you do it?

I am discussing with her the pro’s and cons of it, I understand completely that it is not as comfortable as a house and there are some large drawbacks, any advice you can give me to play up the benefits, community, view, opportunity, and lifestyle please help!

You are fighting an uphill battle, and you have already shown that you are aware of the difficulties that lie ahead for you. From my experience, when a woman truly loves her man, she will follow him and work together as a team. Marriage is about compromise, from both sides, yet the important theme is -- and has always been -- "Who is the breadwinner?" You can work from home, which means "Internet", I assume. Thus, you and your wife can enjoy living on a boat (with Internet access). She is "...looking for the next step in her career...".

Bottom line? You've got your work cut out for you. She has already basically implied "No!"

Alternative plan?

1) Divorce court.
2) Buy boat.
3) Sail to SE Asia and S Pacific.
4) Find one of the "thousands upon thousands" of attractive young women who "Would love the chance to live on a yacht and marry an American and TREAT HIM LIKE A KING FOREVER!"

Or, give up your desire and look back sadly when you reach old age.

Good luck!! Life is short.

EDIT: Ps; It's a rare female who looks lovingly on the idea of living on a boat. But, you know that already, I assume.

[ingrid75]

Sailorboy1 is correct. If you have to convince her, it is not going to work. Even if she finally agrees to it. It won't last. I have been a full time live-aboard since the early 1970s and have seen dozens of failures. It has to be HER idea, to which YOU agree.

[ingrid75]

PortClydeMe is also correct. Sail your boat to Ao Chalong near Phuket in Thailand. Anchor and walk along the mainstreet which is lined with small, open air, bars. You will immediately be hailed by a plethora of beautiful, young, scantily clad women. Take your choice. She will, indeed, treat you like a king! But if you want any real 'action' you will have to marry her. She will immediately get pregnant. Then you will find that you have really married her extended, very needy, family. Then she will complain that your boat is too small and that she misses her village and will want you to sell the boat and move ashore in a house big enough for everybody. Which, of course, is no problem because you are a 'rich foreigner' enjoy.

[ozskipper]

Originally Posted by Grady Bunch

My wife and I are moving to South Carolina, we rented the house in Washington and hitting the road next month to move. I will be employed at a work from home position and my wife will be looking for the next step in her career. It is a huge step for her to move across the country away from all her family and friends and I am working on being understanding of that, I could move anywhere and be fine. I really want to buy a sailboat and liveaboard for a few years, at least until we have kids. She is really apprehensive about the idea as it is a small living space.
Do you have a spouse that was hard to convince to livaboard? How did you do it?

I am discussing with her the pro’s and cons of it, I understand completely that it is not as comfortable as a house and there are some large drawbacks, any advice you can give me to play up the benefits, community, view, opportunity, and lifestyle please help!

Perhaps show her some of the videos of other young couples living aboard

These guys have a wonderful series. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZd...DQOv4ww/videos

In other words, you need to make it her dream too.

[JPA Cate]

Ozskipper, he doesn't really need to make it her dream, too, if it is FUN for her, it will come to her on her own, and be the more powerful for that.

Hudson Force has the right of this: that if you have joy in doing what you're doing, all is well. But introduce any form of dishonesty into the mix, and it only leads to dissatisfaction, sadness, sometimes resentment, and sometimes, dissolution.

Ann

[daletournier]

Things change and desires change. We look for perfect solutions that may not exist. Another contributor said "live your dream or live her dream" I think often there is some truth in that, even if it's not convenient. I have my partner back on board at the moment, the problem is she's living my dream not hers, and I should say she's doing a good job at it, but at the end of the day its important to be true to yourself and don't try to live someone elses life. There's no rules, things change and that's ok.

Sent from my vivo Y35 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[PortClydeMe]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Things change and desires change. We look for perfect solutions that may not exist. Another contributor said "live your dream or live her dream" I think often there is some truth in that, even if it's not convenient. I have my partner back on board at the moment, the problem is she's living my dream not hers, and I should say she's doing a good job at it, but at the end of the day its important to be true to yourself and don't try to live someone elses life. There's no rules, things change and that's ok.

Sent from my vivo Y35 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

Yes. Or more simply, cut the ball and chain (the western woman) and enjoy a happy life before you die.

[TrentePieds]

@ #68

Uhm.... Seems to me there are totally unwarranted assumptions being made here!

Best of my knowledge, Billy Atkins turned out a wonderful, wonderful Colin Archer-type HD blue water cruiser called "Ingrid" back in the thirties? 37 feet? Ketch rig? Just the cat's meow as a live aboard. Lots of them were built over the years including the 1970s

Could it not be that, like many here, Ingrid75 uses his/her boat's type and year as a "handle", just as the author of #68 uses his hailing port? And I, being old fashioned use my ships name:

TrentePieds

[TrentePieds]

Perhaps best not to get too explicit about what we "sense". Doing that tends to be altogether too revealing :-)!

TrentePieds

[HighTemp]

I don't know, but it appears that this thread has taken a turn and not necessarily for the better.

I am married to a wonderful woman from Manila, going on 20 years now. Never a mention of buying a house for the extended family to live in, never a mention of financial support. The assumption that all, or even most, women from Asia only marry foreigners for money is nothing more than a stereotype. But as with most stereotypes, there is some truth to them or they would not exist. There are some who marry only for the money.

On the flip side, all women from western cultures are not difficult and demanding. "Balls and chains" as it was put. Most certainly some are, but I would not drop them all into that box. Just another stereotype.

The OP has a dilemma on his hands. I am not sure that I would ask for marital advice on a boating forum, but hey, different strokes, right?

[sailorboy1]

http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...ant-32162.html

[Grady Bunch]

Thanks for all the constructive thoughts, although we did take a negative turn here at the end. Some of you made me laugh. I forwarded this thread to my wife and she got a good laugh too. Anything we do we do together, this was valuable for giving me a few different perspectives on what life a board is like for the spouse who may not initially share your dream. The goal, however, as many people stated is to make it a shared dream. It might take a bit more of a journey but we have already started and she loves boating.

[weavis]

As a CF member I can only apologise for comments from another member that were less than salubrious.

In life we have come to see that some people are not nice in their viewpoint and delivery or thoughts.

It is sad that self regulation is missing. However the CF Team have addressed the situation on all of our behalf.

The Moderators are handpicked members of the entire CF membership. We work as a group and assess each situation collectively. We are not here to restrict anything except rudeness and trouble causing scenarios. We LOVE to read and learn from your experiences.

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