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Old 20-06-2016, 10:22   #16
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

I really wish I could help.. 4 years ago we dreamed of a year or 2 cruising the Caribbean or Med. 3 years ago we bought a blue water boat and have spent thousands to refit her and hundreds of (my) hours. We set a departure date, June 2017, before the kids are too old (5 and 7 now). Now 12 mo. to departure and she is showing less and less interest in the dream and becoming apprehensive. I ask her to research healthcare or read homeschooling ahoy and it never gets done..
We used to read blogs and watch a lot of vlogs.. maybe that will help you guys.

search youtube for... SV delos (the best!), La Vagabond, LazyGeko, Sunkissed soeters, monday never, wicked salty

Blogs like.. Windtraveler or wherethecoconutsgrow are good too.

We look for blogs/vlogs in the area we plan to cruise and people with kids, but there are all types of live aboard blogs/vlogs. so find ones that speak to you & your wife.

best of luck!
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:24   #17
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

If you plan on trying to convince her into camping full time, it won't work. I've never met a woman, my wife included, who would ever agree to water being rationed. The same with toting dirty laundry all over town, and don't even think about showing her a composting toilet unless you want to live the dream alone.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:30   #18
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Just don't pressure her. A dream charter in the BVIs will do it for most. Making her part of the process, getting her input on what's important, stuff we all should do every day anyway.

My big mistake was making an ultimatum. I had been waiting for a dozen years and the time was approaching when I could touch my 401K and I said (flippantly, I thought) "well I'm going with you or without you when I'm 59 and a half." Boy oh boy, that was a mistake. It hurt his feelings, made him powerless in the decision. If I could eat those words I would.

What we're asking is for someone else to step wayoutside any box they've known for our dream. That's a huge ask. Keep asking but respect her reluctance. Good luck.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:37   #19
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Get a spacious vessel with plenty of light. ie: Catamaran. Good shower and galley. Beds that are easy to make.... Less work than a house to keep clean. New people with good stories interesting lifestyle compared to static living. My wife loved it after a lot of objections. In Greece.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:40   #20
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

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Originally Posted by Grady Bunch View Post
My wife and I are moving to South Carolina, we rented the house in Washington and hitting the road next month to move. I will be employed at a work from home position and my wife will be looking for the next step in her career. It is a huge step for her to move across the country away from all her family and friends and I am working on being understanding of that, I could move anywhere and be fine. I really want to buy a sailboat and liveaboard for a few years, at least until we have kids. She is really apprehensive about the idea as it is a small living space.
Do you have a spouse that was hard to convince to livaboard? How did you do it?

I am discussing with her the pro’s and cons of it, I understand completely that it is not as comfortable as a house and there are some large drawbacks, any advice you can give me to play up the benefits, community, view, opportunity, and lifestyle please help!
Why Charleston, SC?
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:45   #21
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

I am keeping her included and discussing with her the options, her picking out the boat and living area's would help

I like the ideas here and will incorporate them in our discussions. What I have learned over the last 7 years of marriage is that incremental gains and listening is the way to get things going. I am never going to get her to commit to big things right away, she needs time to get used to the idea and sometimes discuss with friends and family.

We spent a long weekend in the San Juan's last year on our Grady 228G (we sold last month) and it was the highlight of her year. She loves camping but needs creature comforts of a bigger boat if we are to live aboard. I like the idea of community, simplicity, and cost. I don't want to spend all my income on a nice fancy big house and not be able to do anything. I want to be able to live my life cheap and easy.

We looked at AirBNB and she is open to staying on a 31 ft for a week to see if she liked it, however, I am concerned regarding the climate in Charleston compared to Seattle in August and if that will put a bad taste in her mouth, the boat does have AC.
I would be okay spending $100,000 and getting something in the 40' range.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:53   #22
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Why not try a rental boat for a couple of months/a year and see if you BOTH like it, sometimes your dream turns out to be something other that what you thought.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:53   #23
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

My husband has wanted to do just this for years. I however, loved my house and it was too much for me to consider. So we compromised and bought a 31 sailboat. We took sailing classes together as well. I came to love the experience and the boat. Then it came time to decide again for us.
This time I willingly sold our house to buy our dream boat. We also bought a condo which is way smaller than our house. At some point we will most likely sell that too.
So as a woman from my perspective I had to grow into it at my own pace. He was ready I was not. I realized I was tired of caring for a large house and just sitting there.
We walk now everywhere as our boat is close by. We love our neighborhood of people on the dock. I can finally see myself living there.
But is has taken me a few years to get there. My husband did not push it although I knew he sure wanted to. This lifestyle does take adjustment and financial sacrifice which both parties need to be ok with.
If you get the smaller boat and it is something fun for both of you, I think that is the best advice I can give.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:54   #24
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

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Why Charleston, SC?

Great city. I have a cousin who lives there and my new sales territory is the South East US.
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Old 20-06-2016, 10:58   #25
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Two books I can recommend for you to give her:
Changing Course: A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life by Debra Cantrell and

Dragged Aboard by Don Casey

These two books address most of the concerns women have about the cruising life, and many of them are things that they may not even realize themselves, and certainly many are things that you would never think of. It's not all about space. There are many other things that play into women's fears. I have personally never had any of these fears as I have always wanted this life, but that being said there is so much practical advise on how to handle the day to day nuts and bolts of managing life aboard a boat (from a woman's perspective) that there is much to learn even if you are already sold on the lifestyle. These books are both addressed to women who had fears and reservations in the beginning. The bright spot is that almost all discovered that their fears were unfounded and they loved the cruising life far more than they ever thought they would.
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Old 20-06-2016, 11:14   #26
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Go bigger than smaller and make sure the ambiance as natural light. Dance Me is a Deck salon with a view over the water at all time and 43feet in lengt. So plenty of room, 3 cabins with 2 heads on-suite to host family and friends while respecting intimacy of all onboard.
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Old 20-06-2016, 11:40   #27
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

There is some good input above, so I guess I will keep my two-cents pretty short and sweet..... First, include her in the selection of the boat. In fact, even better if you can convince her to select the boat you really want! Second, don't make it a "fixer-upper" - a friend of mine just did that and I think really regrets it. Third - make it an adventure. Try to make a trip somewhere with the boat - maybe it is just moving it from the location where you buy it, or take a week or two and make it a vacation.

We lived on our boat for a year, but never had the intentions of being live-aboards. We use it for weekends, vacations and try to do a longer cruise each year. In fact, we were currently on our way home from Mexico and Cuba (see blog link below).

Good luck!
Neil
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Old 20-06-2016, 11:47   #28
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grady Bunch View Post
Great city. I have a cousin who lives there and my new sales territory is the South East US.
If you want to do some off shore sailing and also have shopping convenient I would not look at Charleston for the latter. I would look at Mt. Pleasant, however I don't know about live aboard. For example Patriot's Point. There is a marina West of the Ashely prior to the bridges, name ? Buzzards Roost on Johns Island may be something to check, convenience to casting off and off shore not that great since you need to go through the cut to get even to the harbor. But may be your best bet. Beaufort might be something to check.
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Old 20-06-2016, 11:51   #29
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

I agree with seaworthy lass. My problem is how do I convince my husband? We have owned a Catalina 30 for 15 years. Just about everything on it has been replaced with top of the line electronics, etc. it's just not quite finished and we haven't sailed in over two years. Last time we took her anywhere was to get her hauled out for her new engine. I even convinced him to go thru a year long course to obtain his MMC and is now a certified member of the engineering department. My dream is to sell our 3000 plus square foot house with huge yard and our current boat and buy something bigger. He says he wants to do it, but takes no action. It's breaking my heart every month as I write that big moorage check.
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Old 20-06-2016, 11:57   #30
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Re: Convincing wife to liveaboard?

First, I would say, aussage any fears she may have (doing so gently is tantamount to any success). Secondly skirt around the issues she may have (size, space and weather etc. etc.). Finally let her get to the point where she thinks it is a good idea. The first time we moved aboard in the Hawaiian island, my wife was, to say the least, very skeptical. When we had to leave (she was 8 months pregnant and we were on the hard and I had an extremely difficult time getting her to leave "home".
Thirty years later, she came out of the blue at me and asked what I thought about doing the Great Loop. As I had no clue what it was, my initial thoughts were skeptical. She had done here homework. We are in process of buying a second bought (decided the first was a bit small in the middle of purchasing it and resold it). At any rate, I would suggest that you'd be better off if she somehow thinks it her idea (in my case, yes it was butt...). Also since we have been full time RVers for the past six years, downsizing is not much of an issue. We will be going from a 38' x 14' RV ( two very large slides - living room and bedroom) to a 37' x 11' 2" boat with a cockpit that provides a more than sufficient enclosed but openable entertainment "patio style" area. Overall. We may possibly gain space.
I am thinking one of the inherent difficulties with your move is whether your wife will fins the space enough to provide her the comfort she wants. If she dreads the extra housework as many women do, that is a strong point to start your presentation. Following up with, as mentioned by others, a permanent vacation mode may very well tip the scales. Good luck but make sure you know your priorities and bounds before you step into it. Best wishes, Bruce
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