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Old 19-10-2012, 05:42   #46
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Re: Are you happy?

If you have a big lagoon and sail in the carribean, you will have lots of visits from you kids and their families. Trust me on this. A free place to stay in the carribean? Christ they'll be there so often, you'll be happy when they leave
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Old 19-10-2012, 05:51   #47
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Re: Are you happy?

most people's solutions seems to be a different wife at some stage if they love it and she doesn't. Most all couples we met in South Pacific were second marriages
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Old 19-10-2012, 07:02   #48
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Re: Are you happy?

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Originally Posted by Fearnow View Post
Wow! I never expected this many responses. I have the green light to get the boat, but have to keep a house somewhere too. Looked at houses and boats in Florida and decided, I don't want to live there. After that, we spent a few weeks in Grenada, looking at boats and houses. I made an offer on a 44' Lagoon, but the seller was looking for more then the boat was worth. I didn't buy a house there either, but we both loved the island and the people. The friendliest we have met in the Caribbean. Hope to find a small cottage near St. Georges, and will keep looking for a Lagoon.
Looking forward to the day, where I step on the boat, knowing there will be nothing on the schedule but fun and exploration.
Why do you have to buy a house? You say you don't want to live in florida- which says that you aren't planning to live on the boat. I would get the boat, put whatever you think you need the house for into storage and get on with it. No taxes to pay and maintenance. Later if you need a house for somenreason just rent something.
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Old 19-10-2012, 07:19   #49
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Re: Are you happy?

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Why do you have to buy a house? You say you don't want to live in florida- which says that you aren't planning to live on the boat. I would get the boat, put whatever you think you need the house for into storage and get on with it. No taxes to pay and maintenance. Later if you need a house for somenreason just rent something.

I agree with this. Houses need to be maintained. Who can you *really* trust to take care of your house? Don't know where you would live, but if there's a hurricane -- or tornado -- or earthquake no one (no one) would put your house before their property or properties.

Pack up what you would need for a small month to month apartment while you chose a more permanent solution. Take a gamble and live your lives. You just never know when that refrigerator might fall on you.

Personally I would advise that you both consider the art of compromise. If she's ready to bag it and go back to land after two years, maybe she'd be willing to go three for you? If she's desperate to get off, maybe you could compromise at 2 1/2 instead of three?
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Old 19-10-2012, 09:46   #50
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Re: Are you happy?

I understand your situation, and if I were in your shoes I would concider a condo, instead of a house.
The great thing about a condo is they are easy to rent. and mantainace is mostly covered by the condo assosiation.
When you leave and lock the door, you don't have to worry about it.
Condo's, at least in FL, are cheap and nice.
I am glad to hear that things are moving along, and we weren't advising someone without a clue.
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Old 19-10-2012, 09:53   #51
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Re: Are you happy?

why even have a land base called a house/condo--just makes it harder to go where you wish as long as you wish-- some folks buy rocnas when they want anchors, or bruces, but i cannot see any kind of land house for me...
i am not a normal cross section of society ...LOL-- i leave and take my door with me.
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Old 19-10-2012, 10:15   #52
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Re: Are you happy?

Fearnow, is your wife happy at the moment?

If you are not basically generally happy, it takes more than a change in lifestyle to make you so.
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Old 19-10-2012, 16:47   #53
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Re: Are you happy?

She is content. I'm not happy! We live a comfortable life and are lucky enough to have that. We are not rich. I am bored and want more adventure, and she could be happy staying here, until we die, doing what we have been doing for the past 20 years.
I want to shake things up and change course. i would prefer to just buy a boat, but she wants a land base, somewhere.
We are still very much in love and have spent many long vacations together, with no one else. We have never needed a lot of people to keep us entertained. The biggest fear for her is being caught in a storm during a passage, and being robed.
We had two guys try to rob us on our boat a few years ago. Lucky, I had a flayer gun to point at them.
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Old 19-10-2012, 16:50   #54
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Re: Are you happy?

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Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass View Post
Fearnow, is your wife happy at the moment?

If you are not basically generally happy, it takes more than a change in lifestyle to make you so.
Happiness is not happenstance! It requires pursuit and a wise plan.
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Old 19-10-2012, 17:25   #55
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Re: Are you happy?

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Happiness is not happenstance! It requires pursuit and a wise plan.
I totally agree! Especially the "wise plan".
The bottom line: I want this new life bad, but not without my wife. She is willing to try a year and see where it goes.

There was an earlier post, to bust aaass and make things easy and fun for the wife. I'm more than happy to do that. She would never sit back and do nothing, to help out, but will take advantage of it, knowing what my goal is.
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Old 19-10-2012, 21:47   #56
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Re: Are you happy?

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Pack up what you would need for a small month to month apartment while you chose a more permanent solution. Take a gamble and live your lives. You just never know when that refrigerator might fall on you.
We left Australia in February to hunt down a boat to call home for as long as we're having fun. Instead of buying something sensible, we bought a fibreglass and teak behemoth from a couple who were living on it. Their marriage was on shaky ground and after buying the boat we soon found out why!

We sailed and motored from the Cayman Islands where we bought her, up to Chesapeake Bay where we are working our butts off to fix the damn thing up. When we sail out of here in a month she will be a very different boat to when we arrived.

Sandy is working miracles with the interior and it already feels like home. I'm knocking over a long list of major upgrades with a buddy up here... everything from totally remaking the bow rollers and the whole ground tackle set up, to installing solar panels, repairing fuel tanks and upgrading the whole fuel management system, to redesigning the davits.
The big one is ripping off the main and mizzen and installing behind mast roller furling so the two of us can handle her.
What was the question about boredom again?????
We're frustrated, worried, stressed, hemorrhaging money like drunken sailors, aching in every muscle... are we happy?
YOU BET!
This will be the best damned little ship to sail the seven seas..... by us

But more to the point and why I highlighted the quote from Rakuflames above.
Before we left, a good buddy of mine asked me over to his place for a few steaks and beers. Half way through his wife turned up and had a huge list of questions about what we're doing and the cruising life.
It turns out they had just inherited money and he was keen to buy a sailboat, but she was so scared of the idea. I was dragged in as proof that normal people do sail boats.

In the weeks that followed he was in touch every week as we hunted for the right boat, his wife becoming quite enthusiastic about at least trying it.
A month of nothing went by.
I emailed him and said "What's up? You too rich for the likes of a poor sailor buddy now?"

He emailed back. "All plans for the future are on hold for the moment..."
He is on chemo and radiotherapy for an extremely aggressive brain tumour. It's unlikely he will be there when we sail into Australian waters next year, unless he is one of the 15% who make it to 2 years.

He is my age, give or take a few months and fit and healthy in every other way.

The last line of his email was "Carpe Diem, Vic. Seize the day".

Are we happy? You bet... and grateful
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Old 19-10-2012, 22:37   #57
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Re: Are you happy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fearnow View Post
She is content. I'm not happy! We live a comfortable life and are lucky enough to have that. We are not rich. I am bored and want more adventure, and she could be happy staying here, until we die, doing what we have been doing for the past 20 years.
I want to shake things up and change course. i would prefer to just buy a boat, but she wants a land base, somewhere.
We are still very much in love and have spent many long vacations together, with no one else. We have never needed a lot of people to keep us entertained. The biggest fear for her is being caught in a storm during a passage, and being robed.
We had two guys try to rob us on our boat a few years ago. Lucky, I had a flayer gun to point at them.
I know a bit about how you feel. My wife is content, and I have not been happy.

I met my wife just before finishing my Ph.D., and I was a broke college student. Seriously, Ramen noodles @15/$1.00 was more than I could afford!

We talked a lot about my dream to live aboard a boat and sail around the world. She was all for it too!

We got married, I finished my degree, and then we found out that we were going to be parents. I thought that raising a family on a boat would be a fantastic way to expose a kid to the world...Little did I know, my wife had other ideas!

I bought some plans, and started to build my dream boat. I had bought a house for us with a big yard to build the boat in, and had the frames and keel together when she told me to stop. She said that she was never going to go sailing, and that I was just wasting my time and our money.

I reminded her of our plans, and she just laughed and told me that she grew up, and thought I would too!

Skip forward 23 more years...We just celebrated our 25th anniversary. The kids are both adults now, and after buying a boat (against her wishes), having it stolen, and getting it back, she is agreeing to try the sailing dream again.

We never had a honeymoon, and have only taken one family vacation in 1991, so we need it! We've never had much money, and have struggled to get anything we have had.

We're keeping the house, and are planning a trip (soon) from Shreveport, LA, down the Red River to the Mississippi, and through the Gulf ICW to FL. We'll take our time the whole way, mess around the Keys during the winter, then work our way up the Atlantic ICW to Maine for the hotter months. Then back again. The whole trip will be more than a year.

The plan is to take it slow so that she will get over her fear of the unknown. She will have the comfort of knowing that the house is still there when she gets back.

After that, we can decide if we want to do the liveaboard life permanently, or just take sailing vacations.

Sorry to ramble on your thread, but that's how we're planning to handle our similar situation.

Best wishes with finding your solution.
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Old 19-10-2012, 23:15   #58
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Re: Are you happy?

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The plan is to take it slow so that she will get over her fear of the unknown. She will have the comfort of knowing that the house is still there when she gets back.
Good post dsmastern…. Your post shows admirable perseverance and illustrates where Love can be a double edged sword.

My first reply to Fearnow was fairly cryptic as I hadn’t posted on CF for a while.
My “Love of the Sea” was my first love, so I never compromised on trading that in for a partner who did not feel the same way.
In the end, I built a successful career around my love of the Sea and watersports, but there were times where I had to make very hard choices on relationships.

Fearnow has his long time soulmate and the Sea is secondary, so to me a land base home and cruising plan is the right path of evolution, where they will find the balance to proceed with conviction as a proven team.

We sailors, take the dynamics of life at sea as a natural thing.
For others, it must become an acquired taste.
The irony and opportunity is that Fearnow’s family are in their most dynamic phase of leaving the nest and seeing old age approaching.
It is the best time to test your dynamic resilience but of course with a wise plan…
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Old 19-10-2012, 23:19   #59
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Re: Are you happy?

david old jersey -

please steal that line and pass it on. i stole it last week at a flea market in central florida.

i was thinking the other day that if somebody grabbed my ear to give me a list of all their troubles and misfortunes, i would write that down on a little slip of paper. then i would hand it to them folded up and tell them to put it in their wallet unopened. the next time they felt down and out, they should take that out of their wallet and read it....

it's not too late to live happily ever after.
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Old 20-10-2012, 03:59   #60
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Re: Are you happy?

RE Are you happpuy
I retired end of july, I had bought a yacht in Qld, dfrove across Australia, moved aboard and settled in.
Now I have been on the move for 16 days, moving south to NSW, and YES I am happy, ok its only me and the cat but I am living the dream.
Cheers Emmo
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