Another post about relationships...

[beatlebug]

I know there was a post a little while ago about not being able to date because they found their social life was hindered by being on a boat and they couldn't find people to be okay with that lifestyle. I feel weird about this because I feel like for me it is the opposite. I feel like I am less trusting of guys because once they know I have a boat, I feel like they use me for it. Not necessarily just guys, but sometimes friends, female and male alike. I am 25, so maybe it is just my age group not being used to the awesomeness of having a boat... but how can you tell if people are more into you than into the idea that they have a friend with a boat? Or a partner for that matter... I don't move around that much, I am a 'home-base' kind of live aboard. Maybe as I grow older I am becoming morning cynical of other. Idk. Thoughts?

[beatlebug]

I guess this is also a call out to female live aboards!!

Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[gamayun]

I'm a female liveaboard and the sole owner of a 38-foot sloop. Maybe it's just my age (twice yours), but no one comes on my boat unless invited or makes decisions for me. Also when you get older, you'll find there are many competing interests on your friends' calendars be they family, their partners, job pressures, or other hobbies, that restrict them from dropping everything to go sailing. I love when friends join me for races and fun cruise-outs so when I have time to do these things, that's when I make the call out for whoever can join me. When they can make it, they always come loaded with beer, wine and munchies, and I provide the boat for the weekend. It's a win-win all the way around and everyone goes home happy, me included

[kmacdonald]

Can you cook, clean, bait hooks, and hold down two or three jobs? I'm first in line if you can. A fully paid for boat is a huge plus, if not a requirement.

[Rustic Charm]

Originally Posted by beatlebug

I know there was a post a little while ago about not being able to date because they found their social life was hindered by being on a boat and they couldn't find people to be okay with that lifestyle. I feel weird about this because I feel like for me it is the opposite. I feel like I am less trusting of guys because once they know I have a boat, I feel like they use me for it. Not necessarily just guys, but sometimes friends, female and male alike. I am 25, so maybe it is just my age group not being used to the awesomeness of having a boat... but how can you tell if people are more into you than into the idea that they have a friend with a boat? Or a partner for that matter... I don't move around that much, I am a 'home-base' kind of live aboard. Maybe as I grow older I am becoming morning cynical of other. Idk. Thoughts?

At 25, your probably correct, your boat would be a magnet to suitors. But, there is nothing wrong with that. It's no different than if you owned a house, or caravan, or a Harley MC (my comisserations). The novelty of owning a boat might attract suitors, but they won't stay for it. And certainly don't be suspicious of anyone interested in YOU or your boat. If they are 'only' interested in your boat you will quickly work it out.

[Sandero]

People are not interested in a you for the opportunity to "boat"... especially when they realize the skill and cost and work that comes with it. Do you think they are attracted to you for a fun cruise? or because you are clever and skilled? Both represent sort of shallowness. No?

The appeal of a person should not be in their possessions, but their character.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by Sandero

People are not interested in a you for the opportunity to "boat"... especially when they realize the skill and cost and work that comes with it. Do you think they are attracted to you for a fun cruise? or because you are clever and skilled? Both represent sort of shallowness. No?

The appeal of a person should not be in their possessions, but their character.

er....

Send picture of boat..

[Jsta_Rebel]

Originally Posted by beatlebug

I know there was a post a little while ago about not being able to date because they found their social life was hindered by being on a boat and they couldn't find people to be okay with that lifestyle. I feel weird about this because I feel like for me it is the opposite. I feel like I am less trusting of guys because once they know I have a boat, I feel like they use me for it. Not necessarily just guys, but sometimes friends, female and male alike. I am 25, so maybe it is just my age group not being used to the awesomeness of having a boat... but how can you tell if people are more into you than into the idea that they have a friend with a boat? Or a partner for that matter... I don't move around that much, I am a 'home-base' kind of live aboard. Maybe as I grow older I am becoming morning cynical of other. Idk. Thoughts?

I'd never thought about the boatie relationship issue from a single woman's perspective before. I can see how your situation would really be different than a man's. Nobody wants to be used by another so to speak, and going through a relationship wondering about the question you pose would be horrible I think. Maybe try not looking for seafaring men and look to those whom are adventurous types that have no issues being taught sailing because they are into being with you.. I guess this is what they mean by the saying Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I wish you well young lady.

[Fibonacci]

I understand what you are saying!

I have owned a boat for the past 30 years. For the first 10 years, I had friends and family coming out of the woodwork - wanting to spend time with me (but soon realized it was not my company they wanted - it was the opportunity to enjoy a free weekend cruise on my boat, along with the free hospitality).

That has now changed drastically. I have weeded out who are true friends and which family members are genuine by imposing a pre-requisite for time on MY boat.
Time on MY boat is by invitation ONLY.
Once they get invited, they get an e-mail with detail stipulations/conditions for the invite.
- It is usually for no more than 4 days (3 nights) (after 4 days to newness of their company or mine wears out).
- I limit the number to 2 couples (no pets, no children).
- My guests are asked to bring their own bedding and towels etc. (even though I have a washer/dryer combo. - I was spending a lot of time doing laundry between guests.
- They are asked to bring their own liquor, and whatever else they drink, along with 2 cases of my favourite red wine.
- I do not prepare meals, nor do I clean-up after my guests, nor do I serve/cater to my guests. I found that I would feel cheated (not having relaxing time) having spent the weekend catering to my guests - while they were having a great time.
- Even though they have their own heads with separate shower compartments, I request that they shower on the swim platform (limiting the amount of grey water).
- Most evening meals when underway are at different ports of call. So I suggest instead of contributing to the fuel etc. - that they can pick up the tab for the evening meals at the local restaurants.
- This is just a sampling - of the conditions to coming on board MY boat.
I have found that those friends and family that do accept these conditions - understand and are very appreciated of our time together.

[tinkrman69]

As a single Male sailor, I find the same thing as your post. I like to sail and when people come and want to sail, I say yes. Through that fun outing I learn what they are about. I take each person at face value and let experience show me who they are. If I keep an open mind and exclude "expectations", things work out. Some fade away and some stick around and become good friends. With some partnerships were started and later found out to a mis-match. I'm still friends with a few of those women. I believe Friends and/or Partners are appear through open inter action with those around us. We can't find them like a part in a store. Something I got from Forest Gump, like a box of chocolates you'll never know what you got till you open the box and bite into one of the chocolates. So have fun with those that want to go sailing, keep an open mind to the possibilities and in time you'll find the one that tastes best.

PEACE LUV & HAPPINESS
Lance

[hamburking]

My wife told me to sell my boat last fall. Then she left me. Now I've got no boat and no wife. I think she wanted me to sell the boat to make me less attractive to other women. Or maybe she just didn't want me to have any fun. Who knows. My life is in the toilet now.

Having a boat definitely makes you a more interesting person. It might help find new relationships, but who you are will determine if the relationship will last. Maybe stop thinking so much and have some fun while you are young and have friends who want to be with you.

[SVTwilight]

Congratulations on being 25 and already being able to live aboard on your own boat! There are people on this forum that are three times your age and still trying to figure out how to do that!

You have conquered the hardest part, so relax and enjoy. The rest will come.

:-)

[Telemark43]

Don't know where you are, east coast, west coast all around the town? Single older male living aboard on the eastern shore of the Chesapeake this summer. If you'd like to get away for a sail? Ha ! on someone else's boat send me a PM.

[MDCurrie]

id like to think that in this group, wanting to sail is a desirable trait in a relationship. I have no boat but enjoy the people and the boats that cross my path. I like the chocolate idea. I am always willing to entertain a new offer but i am a man and twice your age.

[exMaggieDrum]

My wife and I own our second off-shore boat. We did go off-shore with the first one and the second voyage is in the planning/preparation stage. We found that there were some friends who wanted to come "visit" us to have a free place to stay in an exotic place. We have had a few friends/family who thought it was OK to tell us they wanted to go out on our boat.

But most of our (non-boating) friends and family don't do that. In fact most of them don't want anything to do with a boat (or may be just us ). We live in a fairly desirable destination town with lots of festivals, cool atmosphere, etc. We have had many requests to come visit (and stay in our house BTW) on festival weekends. We have welcomed a few but some are much more after a free place to stay and eat than they are socializing. We decline those "invites". We had the same problem living in the mountains before. I'm sure this type of thing happens to many - any age, any situation, any where in the world. Just human nature.

Your situation is a sub-set of that phenomenon. You are young, female, and different - you have a boat. That lends you an air of adventure and interest. Some people (guys who would like to hang out with someone like you) are like moths to a flame. Some of them are sincere and some of them are would be users/abusers. It not just the boat per se although you might be drawing the attention of some serious actual or wannabe sailors who don't have a boat.

Most of our personal friends happen to be boaters. Some we met traveling and some we met in marinas, bars, other places. We enjoy being around like minded people who understand what turns us on. We also have non-boating friends we enjoy very much. We occasionally take out any of the two groups on a selective basis. It is always, always, a decision we make - not their decision. We have a basic rule though - landlubbers have to be well-vetted and by and large we don't take landlubbers out. Too much trouble - with the head, in the way, scared of the water/boats/weather. In general just too much brain-damage. We have had to come back in early on several afternoon trips to get some friends back to dry land. They never ask again.

You seem to be an attractive (not just pretty - you may or may not be) female who has a way of attracting members of the opposite (or same sex). Perhaps because of your boat or not. You'll have to make decisions as you go as to the motives of everyone (hopefully not cynically) and whether you want to be around these individuals. You'll have to weed out the users/abusers as you go - just like in any situation. You may find it easier to "trust" guys who also have boats but unfortunately your demographic usually doesn't have the money or interest to do that so much as ours so you won't find as many like that.

Enjoy your liveaboard style and boat and good luck with the inter-personal issues we all deal with. You are only as vulnerable as you let yourself be (consciously or sub-conciously). I wish I had done that at 25! I would have had to beat all the girls off with a stick (may be LOL).