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Old 22-09-2012, 19:43   #1
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1st timer - reluctant 1st mate

I am new to this so thank you all in advance for any and all information you provide. Looking to live aboard. My 1st mate,she is not to keen about the idea.
Any advise?
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Old 23-09-2012, 09:29   #2
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Re: 1st timer

Probablt depends on why she's not keen. You've discussed? Why?

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Old 23-09-2012, 09:35   #3
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Re: 1st timer

She has her moments with sea sickness, we have been on numerous boats, none that we owned, day trips, dinner cruises, weekends on house boats on the lake, but she thinks she is going to be sick all the time. She also is concerned about personal possessions. I love her and she means more to me than my dream so It may just be that, a dream.
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Old 23-09-2012, 09:39   #4
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Re: 1st timer

Sea sickness sometimes diminishes with time. Perhaps try a long cruise or charter before proceeding... see if some of the remedies work, or if just getting used to it helps.

Possessions are more difficult; one of my "obstacle"s is The Admiral's grand piano

Depending on budget, you might find a way to compromise -- house and boat, "camp" on the boat from time to time.

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Old 23-09-2012, 09:46   #5
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Re: 1st timer

I will take your advise, we live in Houston and I am going to see about a weekend on a charter boat, see if that will help her and maybe let her see that it could be a live style that she would enjoy.
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Old 23-09-2012, 09:48   #6
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Re: 1st timer

My girl gets seasick as well. If you get a boat, try to get a slip in the inside of your marina. There will be less movement there. What you can try too is look for a boat that you like. Talk to the owner about it and see if he'll let you stay onboard for a few nights. Not to sail her, but to just sleep on board and see if you like it or not. As far as possesions go, plan on loosing 75-90% of your things. When I moved on board, I sold or put into storage probably 90% of my belongings. I pretty much only kept my books, dvds, coffee pot, two pots, two pans, and my plates, bowls, knives, spoons, etc and my clothes with me on my boat. All my other things like pictures, knick knacks, etc are in a storage locker.
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Old 23-09-2012, 10:30   #7
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Re: 1st timer

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Originally Posted by Ilmfj001 View Post
She has her moments with sea sickness......... Not Good! Tony B
She also is concerned about personal possessions. ............If she really was excited about living aboard, which obviously she is not, I would recommend a mini-storage locker for her personal possesions. In time she would want get rid of them. However, in your case - not gonna happen.
If you live in Houston area, don't even think about Galveston Bay. Even on the nicest days, the wind could pick up just a little and give a very small chop which would not be acceptable to someone worried about seasickness.
Buy a boat and keep it on one of the many Lakes. The water will be calm most of the time. She might then enjoy spending a weekend on the boat. With this in mind, you might even consider a trailerable boat. There is a couple on a diferent forum with a small houseboat.
They drive this thing literally all over the US and have seen more different 'exotic' places than most here ever will. Tried talking my wife into downsizing for that very reason. She wouldn't hear of it.

The other thing is to lead 2 lives. One at home and another on the water. It has been done. I have done some solo cruising when my wife couldn't make the trip because of family issues.
Family issues could make a very interesting thread all on it's own. If for example, you delay cruising till you get older, guess what?
Your family is getting older. Your parents will require more help. When they pass on, chances are a brother or sister will take turns getting sick. You may be healthy as a horse, but family obligations will hold you back.

Anyway, back to your situation, get a trailerable boat on a lake or river even if you don't have a trailer. Both of you can use it as a weekend retreat and get some boating in. See what happens from there.
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Old 23-09-2012, 13:37   #8
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Re: 1st timer

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Possessions are more difficult; one of my "obstacle"s is The Admiral's grand piano
That's the best reason I have heard for.........

........buying a bigger boat
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Old 23-09-2012, 14:24   #9
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Re: 1st timer

My wife had trouble with seasickness too. She hated dramamine as she felt pretty whacked out. She tried Bonine and it worked very well for her. As a matter of fact, it changed her whole perspective of being on the water. I also think that over time, our bodies adjust to the movement and many of the symptoms of seasickness diminish. I say diminish, because I often still have this lump in my throat that feels like it could develop into nausea - but it never does. So it is no more bothersome than the constant ringing in my ears!!

Houston has many marinas and boats to choose from. Many helpful members of this forum live in the region so hopefully you can connect on more specific details. Living aboard in a marina is still quite a bit of fun, and the motion of the boat should be very manageable. Just being aboard and staying in the marina will likely help your girlfriend adjust to the motion.
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Old 23-09-2012, 16:01   #10
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Re: 1st timer

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Originally Posted by Ilmfj001 View Post
I will take your advise, we live in Houston and I am going to see about a weekend on a charter boat, see if that will help her and maybe let her see that it could be a live style that she would enjoy.
I spent 16 days on a cruise ship and found that many people get sick for 2-3 days and then get used to the motion and the sickness goes away. Not sure if that is helpful but I agree with the idea of trying to get onboard any boat for about 4-5 days and see if the seasickness improves.

I would also advise against trying to "convince" one's other half that living aboard is the way to go. It will depend on many things and one of them is both parties willingness to effect a lifestyle change.

Don't be disheartened though. Putting forward logical points to your other half for her to consider is the way to go. In time she may find the idea more and more appealing. I hope so for the sake of both of you. Good luck.
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Old 23-09-2012, 16:35   #11
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Re: 1st timer - reluctant 1st mate

Having worked through a similar situation I'll strongly endorse the above comments that boat selection and sailing conditions are critical to your success.

Before making any move I'd suggest having a talk with your first mate. See if you can pin down the key issues that make her reluctant. My breakthrough came when I gave my first mate the choice of resorts or a boat and she chose the boat.

And have a similar talk with yourself. Work out what exactly you want to get out of sailing/cruising/boats. We have many different members and almost every single one of them enjoys having a boat, but for almost as many reasons as there are members.

Don't restrict yourself to considering fibreglass monohulled sailboats either. There is a multitude of different boats out there and someone is enjoying most of them. Particularly consider catamarans and trawlers.

Avoid any sort of rough sailing conditions like the plague. My agreement ended up with seas over 1 metre, winds over 18 knots and wave period less than 8 seconds being a no go.

Rather than chartering a sailboat have you tried a house boat? All the good things of being on a boat and almost none of the scary bits.

Ultimately I'm finding that it's possessions that tie us down. Getting rid a lifetime of being a pack rat has been the biggest challenge of all.
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Old 23-09-2012, 17:34   #12
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Re: 1st timer - reluctant 1st mate

I used to get seasick and one of the people I sail with said to look at the horizon.

Now I can even go down into the galley, look out the window, see the horizon and feel better, since I don't like taking drugs

Hope that helps.
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Old 23-09-2012, 18:37   #13
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Re: 1st timer - reluctant 1st mate

lots of good advice above -- if i could offer some suggestions --
as for sea sickness we found ginger cookies work great - start eating them the day before the sail and munch on them all day of the sail -- many have found it works

second as for the possessions -- we got rid of everything except a few boxes of rememberace such as my ffa jacket and pics ect - stuff my kids will throw away - what we learned is that it is just stuff BUT you will never convince the admiral of that so don't try - a lot of folks store stuff and later find out it is just stuff - had a friend just do that

third - try a charter in protected but good sailing waters such as the bvis - if reluctant take a few friends and get a crewed charter to take the pressure off her and see how it can be done - she does not have to cook, help drop the hook or pick up a ball and she can learn from a real good admiral -- we know of one such charter boat and no we get nothing from it just some friends who will make the experience unforgetable - it will also allow her to be with friends on a charter and calm the anxiety
pm us if you want more info on them -

just my opinion
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in trinidad for hurricane season
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Old 23-09-2012, 21:26   #14
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Re: 1st timer

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilmfj001 View Post
I am new to this so thank you all in advance for any and all information you provide. Looking to live aboard. My 1st mate,she is not to keen about the idea.
Any advise?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilmfj001 View Post
She has her moments with sea sickness, we have been on numerous boats, none that we owned, day trips, dinner cruises, weekends on house boats on the lake, but she thinks she is going to be sick all the time. She also is concerned about personal possessions. I love her and she means more to me than my dream so It may just be that, a dream.
We have a sign on the small shop at our club that says, "Your wife called. She says it is OK to buy the boat."

Living aboard for you is still a dream. Without the admiral on-board with the plans you are headed for rough water. However in strong and healthy relationships compromise is key.

If sailing is something that is truly on your bucket list you owe it to yourself and she owes it to you to try it out.

One path?

- Convince her you are both going to buy a 30 foot boat and see for a while
- Get her involved. Get both of you lessons.
- Get out for daysails
- Do some weekenders and see from there

At worst you end up being a weekend sailor at best she comes around, you sell the starter boat and go for big.

Not trying would be a tragedy...
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Old 23-09-2012, 22:59   #15
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Re: 1st timer - reluctant 1st mate

Have her do her own research. There a ton of wonderful books out there written by women for women about living aboard.

If she wants to check out blogs, have her scroll through the ones I have linked on the right side of my blog: Rebel Heart - Charlotte's Blog

She is also free to join our Facebook group that is only for ladies who sail, want to sail, are interested in sailing, etc. She can ask questions there and not feel judged and get honest answers from other women: Log In | Facebook
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