The lighter side of sailing

A bit early for you isn't it K? Not noon yet!

[CaptainK]

No Kai.

At work, I have access to a computer!!

On weekends. It'sssssss ANYTIME!!!

[Jerry]

traveling salesman broke down on the bad side of town one evening after a long day of door-to-door sales. After calling AAA from a payphone, he decided to wait in for the tow truck in a nearby bar.

He sat down on a bar stool in the corner of the bar to quietly nurse his beer. Trying to mind his own business, he was shocked to look across the bar to find a very large, muscular sailor doing shots. While the sailor's chest and arms were huge, the salesman was shocked to notice that his head was about as big as a grapefruit. Needless to say, he couldn't help but stare.

Soon the sailor stood up from his stool and swaggered over to the salesman, who was shaking in his loafers. When he reached him, the sailor said, "I see you staring at my head over here."

"N-no," the salesman responds, "I wasn't, really, I --"

"That's okay," the sailor said and sits down next to him. "I want to tell you my story. I was out at sea last year and there was a terrible storm. My ship was sunk, and everyone drowned but me. I struggled to stay afloat and managed to swim to the shore of a deserted island. I stayed there all alone for six months, eating coconuts and crabs. One morning I was woken up by screams coming from the lagoon. Running down there, I discovered a woman struggling in the thick seaweed. I ran down to the water, ripped the seaweed from her naked body, and pulled her up to the beach. She was a mermaid! I stood gawking at her for a while, and then she thanked me, offering to grant me three wishes. My first wish was to be back home before the end of the day. She said, 'Okay.' My second wish was to have a billion dollars so I would never have to go to sea again. She said, 'Okay.' Then I scratched my head and tried to think of something else. I said, 'Well, since I don't really need anything else, how about we have some sex?' She smiled and wagged her fish tail at me. 'Silly,' she said, 'look at me. I can't have sex with you.' I laughed and said, 'Oh okay, then how about a little head?'"

[Jerry]

A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a bit and sees that there is dark red grass, dark red birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn dark red too.

"Oh no!!" he says, "I think I've been marooned!!"

[Jerry]

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

"How am I doing?" he asks.

"Three knots," she replies.

"Three knots? What's that mean?"

"You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

[sluissa]

I know most of you probably have heard this one before, but I might as well bring it up since I havn't seen it here yet.

A US Aircraft Carrier recieved a radio call one day, "Divert your course 45 degrees to the north to prevent collision."

The carrier replied, "Negative, you divert your course."

To which they recieved, "Negative, that is not possible."

The carrier getting annoyed at this point started boasting, "We are a United States Aircraft Carrier, we are one of the largest ships in the fleet, we repeat, divert your course now."

After a moment of silence, they recieve a reply, "We are a lighthouse, your call."

That is one of my favorite anecdotes
Another one takes place in restricted waters along the east coast. I apologize if I have some of the information wrong, specifically the boat name, but this is what I can remember.
A vessel was spotted on Navy radar approaching a restricted area of water along the eastern seaboard. The navy hailed the vessel, and advised them to alter course. They responded as the sailing vessel Play Station, and stated that they were unable to alter course to avoid the area due to wind direction. They Navy replied that they were clearly not a sailing vessel, as they had them on radar at 18kts, and warned that action would be taken if they did not immediately alter course. The vessel replied that yes, they were a sailing vessel, and yes they were doing 18kts, and described the vessel. My understanding is that the Navy told them to have a nice day

[Alan Wheeler]

If it's the "Playstation " I know, it is a very large racing Multihull and a very fast one. 18knts no problem.
http://www.morrellimelvin.com/playstation